After my night shift, I'm not in a good shape. I'm sleepy. I'm tired. I'm worn out. My colleagues go home, to their loved ones. They eat something or go to bed or do whatever they like in a free and peaceful world. But I can't go to bed. I'm the one who keeps our world free and peaceful, and peace is hard work. Peace is top sport, and today is the day I'm going to be a top athlete, one of the five members of the Belarusian Pillow Fight team.
How top athletes prepare for an important game, I don't know, but taking a nap does not fit in my planning. I take a shower and a shave, I take a coffee and a croissant, and I take the time for my make-up. How can I look like Gregor? With special putty, I change the shape of my face and nose. Matching the lighter colour of Gregor's skin isn't difficult either. It's the hair that causes problems. I have only one wig in about the same colour as Gregor's hair. It's a female wig. The hair is much too long. How do I transform healthy, shiny hair into dead, entangled straw? How does he give his hair that electric-chair-look? I try gel, shampoo, soap to wash the dishes, but nothing gives the desired result. Finally, I find something that works: Canard Du Toilettes, the stuff they use to clean the heavy stains in French public bathrooms. I practise imitating Gregor's voice and hope it sounds convincing. And finally, I put on Gregor's clothes and my own trainers, with a special filling in the heels that makes me look five centimetres taller. When I look in the mirror, I still have my doubts, but… this is my best shot and it will have to do.
By bus, I go to the part of town where the rest of the team is staying. Gregor explained to me the boulangerie, where they will have breakfast between 09:00 and 09:30. On my way there, I review last night's notes, my 'homework' about my teammates.
The other boy on the team is Stas. Stas looks okay. He's sturdy, about 1,70 tall. His profile on social media tells the world he likes all kinds of sports and outdoor activities. It made me smile to read the meaning of his name: 'becoming famous'. Today might be the day for that.
The girls are Margo, Edith and Agnes. The rules say that the total ages of the five players can't be over 100; with Gregor being 22 and Stas of 21, the girls need to be teenagers: Margo and Edith are 19 years old and little Agnes is only 16. Little Agnes, yes. She's 1 metre 51 and weighs 45 kilos. Why did anyone select such a featherweight for a competition where height and strength are so important?
Margo and Edith aren't gifted either with Pillow Fighter physical aspects: Edith is almost my size with rebellious blond hair and the body of a ballet dancer, while Margo is a little taller but as skinny as the metal frame of her spectacles. Quite an impressive army we have here. Not without reason are they below the bottom line of the list of favourites; the bookmakers of Bet To Win give Belarus a 1:100 chance to win the tournament, the highest quote of all the players of the entire European Games.
When I get out of the bus, I see them sitting on the terrace outside the boulangerie. Agnes sees me first. She plants her elbow in Margo's ribs, points at me with her other hand and shouts: "Hé, Gregor. Where were you yesterday? Why are you so late?"
She shouts that in Belarusian. My spiPhone picks it up and translates it into my camouflaged earplug (that hopefully will not be noticed). One thing is imitating Gregor's voice, but doing that in fluid Belarusian is a completely different story. I speak Russian, and Belarusian is from the same family, but…
"You're not Gregor. You look like him, you wear his clothes, but you're not Gregor.", mutters Agnes when I come closer. No need to cheat. I promised Rosie not to cheat anyway…
I nod and reply in English: "You're right. I'm not Gregor. Gregor couldn't come. Gregor is in deep trouble. Drugs-related trouble. He's working on a solution and he's getting help with it, but… he didn't want to abandon his team, his friends. He begged me to take his place. I promised him I would help, but only if you'd all agree. What do you want? You can go home, or you can accept me to take Gregor's place. It has to remain a secret between the five of us, and Gregor, of course. If anyone finds out, the Belarusian Pillow Fight team will be dishonourably disqualified, and the negative publicity will not help Gregor win his fight against his addiction."
The silence is mortal. Nobody expected this. The merry mood sinks into the stinking sewers that fabricate the fancy fragrances that dominate in this poor part of town.
"I do have some qualities, you know. To begin with, I'm inviting you to this breakfast, and I would also like to invite you to another round of coffee. Lunch and dinner are on my expenses too."
Margo finds her voice back: "Our government pays for our food."
"Fair enough. But the fact remains that, without me, they will disqualify you. I might not be as good a pillow fighter as Gregor, but I'll do my best to make this day one to remember. Can you trust a stranger to be part of your team?"
"Are you trying to bribe us with a grand café au lait or a chocolat chaud?", Edith asks suspiciously.
"No, I try to bribe you with a grand café au lait AND a chocolat chaud AND another croissant with chocolate AND a bowl of that delicious fruit salad they serve here.", I answer.
"Okay. That's a fair price. I don't really care if you're not a good pillow fighter. We're going to lose the first match, anyway. We're here to have fun and to enjoy the French food. It's our first time abroad, you know. I'm Edith, by the way."
We shake hands: "I know. And you're Margo, you are Agnes and you are Stas. Please, keep calling me Gregor. We don't want anyone to find out."
The waiter makes notes and starts to fill the little table with a second breakfast. Only hobbits have such a good life, eating six meals per day. If your first trip to France only lasts three days, you should live every moment twice as intense.
Stas wants to know his new teammate a little better (the only moment he's allowed to say something is when the girls have their mouths full): "Do you know the rules of Pillow Fight?"
"Five against five. Two boys and three girls per team. Each player has a pillow and a 'shield', which is like the cover of a wicker laundry basket. Blows on the head score five points, hits on the chest give two points, scores on the back are one point, all registered by the electronics inside the helmet and the protection plates. And there is, of course, The Bed: each team has to defend their Bed; you gain extra points for every second you spend on your opponent's Bed. To win the game, a team has to score 50 points in total or score 25 points on one opponent. When the maximum play-time of 5 minutes has been reached, the team with the most points wins. At a draw, they fight on until the winning point. These Games are like singing songs: if you want it to be popular, you have to make it easy to remember."
"Do you like singing?", Edith asks with sparkling eyes. On her Facebook page, she chants that singing and dancing are her favourite pastimes.
"I can't sing and I can't dance, but I like music and I like to see other people dance. That's what I like about you. You really know how to dance."
Edith glows with pride. Margo doesn't. She's still suspicious: "How did you know Edith enjoys dancing? Are you a spy or something?"
"It's on her Facebook profile. We put those things there so other people can like them. I like her passion for dancing. What I like about you, Margo, is that you are a true romantic. You really know how to kiss. Your boyfriend will be proud to see you on TV tonight."
Margo tries to keep up her severe school teacher act, saying: "I don't have a boyfriend and I'm certainly not going to kiss you, if that's what you're after.", but she blushes and likes my little compliment.
With this unexpected success, I go on with my little charm attack to the rest of the team. I turn to Stas and say: "What I like about you: you hold on tight. You never give up and you defend your friends with everything you have. It must be great to have you as a friend, Stas. I'm sure your teammates like you for being their friend."
Agnes is the last in the line of fire. She's so small that it's easy to miss her, but also so full of life that she'll be the first to be missed when she's not around. Her black ponytail jumps from left to right as she tries hard not to miss anything around her. I say: "What I like about you, Agnes: you jump with joy like nobody I've ever met. Life will never be boring when you're around."
Margo is fed up with all my sweet talk. Her sarcasm tells me I tried too hard to become a popular part of her team: "Keep whispering in my ear and tell me all the things that I like to hear."
Agnes doesn't agree with her: "But it's true. I do like Stas for being a friend. You can always rely on him. And I wish I could dance like Edith, and he's right about you being a hopeless romantic too, Margo. You would do anything for a kiss from Abraham Mateo."
Margo protests immediately: "Not anything. But you have to admit: Abraham Mateo is cute, and he's a superb dancer too."
The girls start to quarrel about boys, which won't help the process of team building. Perhaps I should show off a little, show them what I'm capable of. I raise my voice and say to my spiPhone: "Lovely Sweet Dear. Record Message. To. #2, The Nerd. Start Message. Request four tickets for upcoming concert of Abraham Mateo in Belarus. VIP-area with meet and greet. Urgent. Stop Message. Send Message."
Silence, unbelief, and confusion.
Stas is the first to speak: "What did you just do?"
"Sorry. I thought you liked Abraham Mateo too. The girls need someone they can rely on, to take them there and back home again. You're the one with the car and the driver's licence. I've seen Abraham Mateo's show in Barcelona in April and I thought you'd like it."
Three BEEPs interrupt our little chat: «Tickets arranged. Meet and greet confirmed. Location: Concert Hall Minsk on Saturday 11th of November 2017. Doors open at 20:00. Dinner with Abraham Mateo and crew for Meet and Greet starts at 17:00 in restaurant Rudky Kut. Where do I send the tickets to?»
Silence, unbelief, and confusion.
"Tell my phone your address, please, Stas."
Stas says his home address and I send the message. Then I ask Margo: "Is this sufficient to convince a true romantic woman like you of my honest and honourable intentions? I'm not trying to buy your friendship. I know I can't and I know I don't have to. That's what I like about all of you: you are nice people to be with. You're honest and loyal to each other. I'm honest and loyal too. If we're going to do this, there's only one way: we'll have to do this together, like a team. We have to trust each other. I know I can trust you. All I want to know is: do you trust me?"
Agnes asks: "Can you make us win the tournament?"
"No, I can not."
"Can you make us win the first match?"
"No, I cannot do that either."
"So why do you care?"
"Why are you here?", I ask.
Agnes gives another proof of her honesty: "To have fun."
I smile: "Will it be fun to lose 50 – 0 in less than a minute? Is it fun to be smashed on the head by much stronger opponents from Iceland or France, or perhaps even the favourites from Germany? Is it fun when 100 million spectators are making fun of us?"
The silence is the answer I was hoping for. I explain: "I've never played a game of Pillow Fight before. I have to rely on you when it comes to Pillow Fighting. But this is not about fighting. This is not about winning the tournament. This whole tournament and these whole European Games have nothing to do with winning. This is about entertainment, about having fun. I'm an expert at having fun. I'm having fun with everything I do, with studying, working, sports and relaxing. You are fun to be with. If we team up, I'm sure we'll have so much fun together that at the end of this day nobody in Europe will be interested in the winner of the Pillow Fight Tournament; all they'll remember is us from Belarus, and the fun we had. That's our goal."
"That's stupid. The people back home who sent us here, they were serious. They told us to work hard and do our best to win.", Stas objects.
"Who are those people, to ask such an impossible achievement from you? What did they ever do for you?"
"They pay for our plane, our lodging and our meals…"
"Belarusian tax money pays for your trip, your hotel and your food. You're not on holiday here; you're on a mission. They don't even pay you a fee for all the work they order you to do. That's slavery. You owe those people nothing. And there's something else: they have absolutely no idea how to prepare a team for a tournament like this. They think that shouting and giving orders will give the desired effect. They think only serious people win medals. But they are wrong. Let's finish this breakfast and I'll show you…"
First, we go to the park. In France, parks are the places to be. French people of all ages like to be outside. Every city has beautiful parks, well maintained, where their citizens meet each other. Men are playing petanque, mothers and grandmothers are watching little children in the playground, and there is always a little field with two goals where the boys can play football.
We sit on the bench beside the field and watch the game for a while. I explain: "This is how we prepare for the most important tournament of our life: we watch how children have fun, and we learn from them. They don't care if nobody's watching, and they wouldn't care if the entire world would watch either. There's no need for a referee. They don't need a big cup to motivate them. They don't even care who wins. But every day after school, they come here to play and have fun together. This is what the European Games should be about. If we can learn it from these boys, and if we can teach it tonight to every spectator, we'll win more than a gold medal."
Agnes has too much energy to sit and watch. She jumps into the field, joins the team of the small boys (the team that's losing) and shouts: "What do we learn by sitting and watching? We have to practise. Look how I do this…"
The body achieves what the mind believes. Agnes is a great teacher of fun.
Later, when we have lunch in a bar, I ask the waiter if I can use the TV. I connect my spiPhone and show the images of Usain Bolt, preparing for his world record, his Olympic gold-medal race, and after that, his entry at the World Championship where he'll run the last race of his career.
"Do you see what's happening? Usain is having fun. He fools around. He's clowning. And here comes the best part, the part where someone else wins the race. The winner comes to Usain to pay his respect. The audience didn't care who won the race; they want to see Usain Bolt. He's entertainment, show, fun, and a fantastic human being who inspires people to be like him. Usain Bolt inspires us, here, right now. We can't win a Pillow Fight from Italy or Serbia, but we can enter that playground like Usain Bolt…"
The rest of the team feels the Jamaican inspiration too. Margo says: "Have you seen the film «Cool Runnings»? We don't have to be like the Swiss and the Germans. All we have to be is us, Belarus."
I agree with her: "We're going to give it all we've got, and if that's not enough, so be it. But this is not about winning or losing. This is about living this moment, about being here and having fun, about doing this together. Sports, games and playing have nothing to do with winning, but everything with entertainment. When we walk onto that pitch, we will sing «Let Me Entertain You»."
"The Queen version or the song by Robbie Williams?"
"Both."
"You told us you can't sing…"
"I'll playback. You sing for two. And we'll dance too. Does anyone here know how to dance? A Belarusian Moonwalk, perhaps?"
Other people come in and claim the TV. They want to see their favourite program: the Best Teacher-event (Finland wins the gold, Belgium gets the silver medal, and the bronze goes to Slovenia), followed by the final of the Best Nurse Race (the bronze goes to Kosovo and, after studying the photo finish, it's Armenia winning the silver and Lithuania getting the gold).
Doc is on his own during these events. His friend Tong Au is hiding from the mafia who wants to shoot him. His other friend, me, is having fun, playing games. When the doctor takes care of the patient (Gregor) and the patient can hardly take care of himself… Who takes care of the doctor?