I look around. I try to convince myself that Poland is a beautiful country, that these green mountains make a spectacular view. All I have to do is relax and enjoy, but if I'm honest, I'm not enjoying this at all.
I look ahead. I try to convince myself that there are only five metres of rope between me and being safe, but if I'm honest, it's closer to ten.
I look back. I try to convince myself that I already covered twenty-five metres, so there's only the last twenty percent left, but if I'm honest, those first twenty-five metres were going down, and this last part is going up, and the rope is slippery under my sweating hands: for every hand I try to advance, I slip back two.
I look down. I try to convince myself that it's not really as high as I think, but if I'm honest, I can't see if that animal, walking along the brook at the bottom of the ravine, is a mouse, a rat, a cat or a rabbit. I have to hold on. If I let go, I will fall… I will die… I don't want to die…
"I really could use some help here, Scarlett. I can't make it to the other side.", I shout.
Scarlett, on the far edge of the cliff, looks terrified: "You HAVE to go on, Red. How can I help you? I'm a woman. I'm not strong enough to hold you and climb back here. What do you suggest I do to help you? You have to do it by yourself, and you'll have to do it quickly too, because the world is in danger and you're the one who has the key in his pocket to disarm the nuclear device in the cabin on the other side of that ravine. You can't die now, Red, or the explosion will kill me too, and everybody in Krakow and its surroundings. You HAVE to go on, Red."
For the first time in my life, I start to worry, a bit, but still. Save the world or die trying, I always say, but that's easy as long as you're not as close to «die trying» as I am now. I do my best to focus on the end of the rope. Don't look down.
"Even now, when I hang above the Valley of the Shadow of Death, I fear no evil, for you are with me, Scarlett, but you have to do something, please, because I can't go further, I can't go back and I definitely can't hold on much longer. Help me, please. I'm afraid. If you don't help me, I will die…"
"Fear is a useless emotion in this situation, Red. You need to focus. All you need is time, energy, creativity and knowledge, in the right combination. That way you can solve ANY problem.", Scarlett shouts from the other side.
Save the world, or die trying. This is my final mission. We found the message in the pocket of the dead man in the shed, we broke into the high-security bunker and stole the codes, we swam through the lake that was cramped with mortal piranhas, angry as hell for the pain caused by their dental problems, we fought the seven ninjas who protected the old monastery on the top of the mountain, where we found the key, after solving three difficult riddles, so all we needed to do was to cross this ravine via the rope that connects the two sides, enter that cabin over there, and use the key to turn off the nuclear bomb we expect to find inside.
I try to get a better grip on the rope, but my fingers are cramped and I only make things worse. I have to be honest with myself: there is no way out of this situation. The only way I will get away from here is down, a 200-metre fall, and then up, to the angels that have always protected me until this last stupid mission, this hopeless mission.
"This is hopeless, Scarlett. I'm not going to make it. I can't hold on much longer. I'm sorry…"
"No, Red. You HAVE to hold on. If you die, I will die too. The bomb…"
"This mission is a joke, Scarlett. Sometimes we want to do things that are beyond our reach. The terrorists have won. I just want to say you were the best partner I've ever had, the best partner any spy could ever wish for. Thanks. And don't lose the faith, ever. This mission is a joke. The best we can do is laugh about it. You'll see that, in the end, that stupid nuclear bomb has a construction error and it will not go off. Or its battery goes dead before the clock hits zero, ha, ha, ha! Don't lose the faith, Scarlett…"
I lose the rope.
I fall.
They say that at the moment when you look Death in the eyes, your whole life passes before your eyes like a film. I can assure you: that's a lie. The only film that passes before my eyes is «The Life of Brian» by Monty Python. Life's a piece of shit, when you look at it. Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true. I have one decision left, the decision about how I want to say goodbye. I can do that with a cry of fear, or I can do that laughing and singing. No time to think it over. I pick the singing.
"Always look at the bright side of life…"
The whistle-part doesn't come out well. The whistle of the sound of the wind in my ears disturbs the acoustics of the echoes of the Valley of the Shadow of Death. The ground comes close, fast. This is it…
I always believed that there is something else, that death is not the end. Now I'm sure. Death, a 200-metre fall to the hard-rock bottom of a Polish abyss, is soft. The drop doesn't come to an abrupt end. The Higher Powers, who decide if our lifetime activities will lead to eternal burning flames or not, show mercy and soften my suffering. Wings of angels grab me under my back and lift me. I start my trip to a nice and sunny place high above me. I always hoped it existed, but now I can see it with my own eyes. Or not. There seems to be a problem with the take-off. I fall again, go up, fall back, and bump a little more, until I realise that this is not heaven but just an invisible net that someone placed here (and I suspect Scarlett knows more about it than the Higher Powers).
"SCARLETT! I'M ALIVE!"
I hear Scarlett shouting back, but I don't see her: "OF COURSE, YOU'RE ALIVE. WOULD I TAKE THE RISK TO LET MY CLIENTS DROP DEAD BEFORE THEY PAY MY BILL FOR THIS FANTASTIC ADVENTURE? MOVE OVER. HERE I COME."
Come on, baby. Don't fear the reaper.
She has no fear.
She runs to me.
Then she starts to fly.
"GERONIMOOOO!"
Quickly, I roll over to the end of the net. Scarlett makes the dive, like Eddie the Eagle, wings spread wide, her face illuminated with her broadest smile. She even finishes a somersault and lands with dignity next to me: "Well? What do you think? Was this the best adventure you ever had, or what? Will people pay for an experience like this? Or is it a first-class failure?"
I can't hide my opinion: the enthusiasm and excitement beam out of my eyes and the adrenalin spouts out of my ears.
We climb out of the safety net, each on our own side. Scarlett explains: "Of course, the fall was part of the plan: I made the last five metres of the rope slippery with green soap."
"You should double the price. Everybody will love this. What do people want when they look for entertainment? Information and emotions. Books, cinema and theatre produce it in predictable quantities: no matter how scared you get, there will always be a happy end. Sports generates joy and pain in less predictable forms, because you'll never know if you're going to win or lose. But this idea, combining physical activities with challenges for your intelligence and the necessity to work together as a team, to solve the problems you'll find on your way, with the urgency of a ticking clock and a world-saving mission, and letting it end like this, making everybody realise what's most important… You will never feel more alive than at the moment you look Death in the eye and walk away with it. You should double the price, Scarlett. This is amazing. Are you sure this is how you want to spend the rest of your life, inviting executives and managers and letting them drop dead?"
Scarlett's laugh echoes through the ravine: "Death is not the end, Red. After death, there is something else, like… a picnic, here, at the bottom of the abyss. I've filled a basket with fresh bread, fruit juice and Polish beer, cheese, Goosebumps sausages, and a salad with fruits and nuts that will surprise you. The recipe comes from a friend, who got it from a friend, who got it from a friend."
She disappears behind a bush and returns with a red-and-white blanket and a wicker basket with cups, plates and delicious smells. We sit down on the bank of the creek, watched by a rabbit (so it wasn't a cat or a mouse after all).
"Why did you laugh when you fell? Was that because you found the solution to the problem?", Scarlett asks.
"To be honest: no. When an impossible situation becomes worse, there's only one escape: laugh about it. Humour is the best medicine against everything. I had the chance to go as I pleased, and I preferred to go laughing. I thought about a film, «The Life of Brian», the funniest film ever made. Humour and laughter was the only thing strong enough to beat my fear when I lost my grip on that rope."
"Time, Energy, Creativity and Knowledge, Red. How often should I repeat it to you? Time was up, you were without energy, no creativity left either, so knowledge was your only option. You could have known you can always trust me, your friend. Don't you remember the first time we met? You told me to trust you, a chap in a UPS uniform that I'd never met in my life. Couldn't you put on Superman pyjamas or a Spiderman T-shirt? That would have made things easier… Sometimes, you need to rely on your partner, Red. You know I would never let you fall. You only had to trust me. Fear was a useless emotion in that situation."
The fear has gone and forgotten. The Shadow of Death in the valley melts away in the warm afternoon sun, while a fragrance of green pine trees and opus number seven of singing sparrows lift the taste of the salad and the beer to a higher level.
"Did you already cook up a name for your little entertainment company?", I ask.
Scarlett nods: "«Scarlet and Red — Action and Adventure», to remind me forever of the great adventure that started it all. But don't get me wrong: this is not entertainment. I will sell it to companies as active training for employees. It will teach them how to reach their goals: they'll have to work as a team and rely on the skills of their partner. All those things you taught me will form an important part of the class. And there's something else: this adventure-training is also important for people who live in poor neighbourhoods like Jungleland, or kids who live in an orphanage, or patients who follow programs to solve the problems they had with drugs or alcohol, but I had no idea how they could pay for it. You just solved that problem: I can double the price. The normal price is for tourists, for groups of friends who want to live an amazing adventure. The companies have to pay double, but I'll explain they also pay for the next day, when I'll invite a group of patients, homeless, unemployed or children, for free. That way, I can give free training to people who need the help, the knowledge and the skills more than those hotshots who can pay for it. That way, I will get shiploads of free publicity, and at the same time, I do something important for people who need a little help from a friend. Like you gave me a hand at the moment I most needed one. I hope you like my way to say «thank you». I pay it forward to give it back."
Sometimes we are so busy climbing our social ladder that we forget to check if that ladder stands against the right wall. The secret of life is to find out what you really like; discover your dream, and work to make it come true.
I lift my bottle of beer for a toast and say: "«Scarlet and Red — Action and Adventure». Let's drink to that."