He takes my hand and lets it travel through his chest, his six-packs, downwards, and then back up again. My breathing hitches and before long, I let my hands travel along each ridge of his muscles, memorizing each path—even without his guidance.
"Do you love me?" he asks, his hands leaning on either side of me as my hands caress his sweaty body. "Do you want me, Lyrica?"
Sensing that this is one moment I cannot lie, I say, "I like you."
"You like me enough to marry me?" he asks. "To be tied up with me forever?"
"Yes," I answer, and I know it's the truth. In this world, there really is only him I like. I love him as a character in the novel, and now, other than Eliana, he is the only one who treats me fairly.
Calais leans down and kisses me. When his tongue pries my mouth open, for the first time, I realize how it is to be kissed by someone I like. My hands stop caressing his body and wrap around his neck instead, to pull him towards me so we can deepen the kiss.
As I thought, even to someone like Lyrica, he is still so gentle. No rough kisses—only the sweet caressing type of kiss that focuses on his partner's pleasure instead. He's so giving, which is exactly what I needed after Marcus. And I know if this treatment continues, I will soon find myself falling in love with him.
Indeed, love does not come easy for me. But desire and liking someone is a start, and he's already that to me. So, if I get tied down to Lyrica's body, it will be easier if I get tied down with him—as long as he loves me, too.
I push at his chest and stare at his face. He is as flushed as I am, but something is missing. He is only asking about what I feel for him, not the other way around.
"Are you… You're not forcing yourself to kiss me?" I ask.
"What do you mean?" he asks, his hands going down my waist and down to my legs.
I breathe, too conscious of where his hands are exploring. "You asked if I love you, but do you love me?"
His hands stop and his reaction alone tells me that he does not. Eliana is still the only one in his heart. He is just attracted to me physically, but he will never fall for me.
I clench my jaws when he can't answer and pull away from him. What happened anyway? Did Eliana reject him so he comes rushing to me because I… What can I give him in his temporary lapse of judgment? The pleasure of sex? I have Lyrica's memories, and I know that she's a selfish lover. She just wants to receive pleasure and not give it out. I don't think that's what he needs now.
"Not even a simple 'like'?" I ask again. When there's still no response, I close my eyes and say, "You don't, huh?" I massage my temple and whisper, "Just leave me."
I push him away from me and cover my body with a blanket. Seriously, this is just what, our third day of meeting and I am already open to his exploitation? This is pathetic. This world is making me pathetic.
"Lyrica, I'm—"
"Please," I stop him. I don't have the courage to look at him, so instead, I tighten the blankets around my body.
Someone knocks at the door. It must be Aiko. Calais sighs and stands up. "Lyrica, I am sorry. I don't know what came over me," he says.
I know, though. He is heartbroken. I am alone. And we are both looking for someone who can make us forget about our sadness, even just for a little while.
"You got rejected by Eliana?" I ask.
"I've been doing nothing but apologize to you, huh?" he replies instead.
So, I am right. I turn my attention to him again as I remember something. This is exactly the same time when he will hurt himself because of heartbreak! A long, deep wound on his chest that will leave a scar on him!
"Aiko is here, so I will leave now," he adds.
I look at him anxiously. He smiles at me and reaches for my cheeks. "I will visit you soon."
But he won't! He will be in trouble tonight or after today! When he turns to leave, I stop thinking and just reach for his arm. I am afraid that my favorite character is about to swindle his life for Eliana!
"Where are you going after this?" I ask, not the motel or the red-light district, I hope?
"I'm not sure. Home, perhaps?"
He's lying! "Don't—I mean, don't hurt yourself," I whisper, hoping that he won't find me strange.
"I won't," he answers. "Did you change your mind? Do you want me to stay with you tonight?"
I flush and shake my head. "Your home. If you're going home, then bring me with you. I've been your fiancee for years, but I haven't visited yet."
"This late in the day? You know I can't do that. I need to ask for permission from Duke Dunnett."
"Then ask him tomorrow! And stay here for the night. The guest room is still open. Then I…"
How can I prevent him from hurting himself? After this, he will be involved in a brawl in a tavern. Something about getting the attention of women who want to be chosen by him.
Oh shit, he needs a woman tonight. It doesn't matter who it is, as long as she's willing to share his bed, with payment or none, just so he can forget about Eliana. The women lined up for him then, and the men were jealous. He's become very insulting to the men and then a fight ensues.
The news reached the King, and he punished him by joining a monster-hunting mission. And that's where he got that scar. The monster is a shape-shifter, and it almost killed him.
That means he needs to be out of that mission. It was supposed to be a simple mission, but the state of his mind endangered his and the lives of his soldiers.
"Calais, how much do you need a woman tonight?" I ask, boldly this time.
His eyes widen and ask, "Where did you get that idea?"
"You are making out with me, even if you don't like me. You might have a dire need for it."
"Are you gonna offer some other woman to me?" he asks, raising his brows.
"Of course not!"
"Then you changed your mind and are offering yourself instead?"
I glare at him. Why is he being like this? Is his heartbreak that bad? Can't I divert his attention to something else instead? Probably some physical activity like sword training with Jonathan? Unfortunately, I don't have that much strength to practice with him.
"How about magic? We can practice magic!" I suggest.
"Be honest, Lyrica. Do you want to level the entire dukedom? You are aware of how much magic you have, aren't you? I am your commanding general when you stole the glory of winning the war from my men, including your younger brother. If I remember correctly, you decimated an entire army, even injuring some of my men."
"I'm sorry." I blush and let his arm go. That's the other Lyrica, though, not me. "I didn't know what I was doing then. I just… I just want my father's approval."
"And you don't want it now?"
"I still do, but I also know that he won't love me no matter what I do." At least, that's what Lyrica thought of after that war.
Calais sighs and sits back at the side of my bed. He takes my hands and says, "You should rest now. The poison is potent. You should worry about yourself rather than me."
"Ah! I know! We have practice areas. It's far from here, but we can go there!" I suggest, ignoring his proposition.
"Lyrica! Stop!" he scolds, and I flinch when he grips my hands tightly.
Realizing what he'd done, he let go of my hands. He groans and stands up from the bed. He takes his shirt on the floor and wears it. "You may try to help, but you cannot do that!"
Except for sex, huh? I feel the tears come into my eyes. I am trying my best here—really trying my best to help him. But unlike in my world, people want nothing from me here.
After this, he'll squander his life. And if he did, what then? It will take months before I see him again. It will take months before I feel the only kindness I get here.
No, it might be more than that. If he forces us to break our engagement, I will have no respite as long as I am in this world. What should I do now in between all these hatreds around me?
Should I befriend Eliana? He mentioned that she was worried about me. No, I can't do that to her. Eliana is a filial child. She will not be my companion as long as her mother wants her to be with Calais.
I sniff. Why am I looking for people I can latch on to? I am supposed to be stronger than this. Are Lyrica's emotions getting to me?
Being alone and surrounded by hatred, I thought I could handle that, but it turns out that I can't. I need someone to comfort me, and Calais' presence does that for me. And if he leaves and gets injured for a few months, what then? Should I leave and escape being a Duke's daughter instead? That's the only path for me now, right? Unfortunately, I need time and preparation for that.
I look back at Calais, he's about to leave my room.
"Calais…" I call. "If a woman is what you need, I'd do it."
"What—"
I stand up and let my dress fall on the bed. He pauses and his eyes rake over my naked body. But he is looking back at me with an expression of anger. Tears fall again. Instead of love, he dislikes me like all the others. But his personality prevents him from being cruel to me.
And yet, there it is. His desire for a woman is as clear as day—his longing to have a woman in bed with him tonight.
"You can think of me as Eliana," I say.
At this point, I don't care anymore. As long as he will stay with me, that is, until I can escape from being a Duke's daughter.