The Swiss Suitcase
(Book 1 of the LSD series)
It's not a disaster movie. It's worse.
By: Ronaldo Siète
When you owe the bank 100 euros, you have a problem. When you owe the bank 100 million euros, the bank has a problem.
Polderdam, 1st of January 2023
ISBN: 978-94-92389-25-1
Publisher: Editorial Perdido - at www.editorialperdido.eu
Author-right: @ 2022 by Ronaldo Siète - as @Ronaldo7Siete at wattpad.com
Author-right cover design @ 2022 by Katie Sharp - as @katieishere at wattpad.com
Thanks to John, Maureen, Jet and the Wattpad community.
Index
0. Title Page The Swiss Suitcase
1. Start Me Up!
2. Gunface
3. Paint It Black
4. Harlem Shuffle
5. Jumping Jack Flash
6. I Wanna Be Your Man
7. Emotional Rescue
8. One More Shot
9. Streets Of Love
10. Stoned
11. You Got Me Rocking
12. Get Off Of My Cloud
13. Sister Morphine
14. You Can't Always Get What You Want
15. Sympathy For The Devil
Extra: Satisfaction
Extra: It's Only Rock 'n' Roll
Cover text
Lux loves being The Runner of the LSD (Luxembourg Spy Department) until he meets Rostov, a banker who wants this story to end on page one. Rostov is in so much trouble that shooting himself seems the only wise thing to do, but even suicide doesn't work out as planned. Lux offers to help: "You better drown yourself in the bathtub and save me the work of cleaning up blood and brain tissue."
Lux and Rostov join forces. Lux has grit, wit and it, and Rostov needs only one hit to release a shipload of shit. Together they cause a roller coaster of disasters in and around the five-star Prestigio International Hotel in Geneva, on a mission to solve two questions: what happened to the President of the First Bank of Moscow, and what's inside the suitcase that Rostov lost?
About the author
Ronaldo considers himself «the funniest writer in Dutch literary history». The rest of the country laughs about that, which automatically confirms the statement. After a long traumatic experience in his childhood (the six years of the 1st grade of primary school, when he had to learn the alphabet), he escaped reality and plunged into the world of fiction. He studied laughing stock in Orcsford (England), dark humour in the Black Forest (Germany) and dirty jokes at Club Oh, La, Lá (Place Picardillas 69, Paris, France). He graduated in Tonterías and won a licence in Cachondeo from the University of Málaga (Spain).
His novels and poems are full of his philosophy: smile every day, because no one gives literary prizes to writers who make their readers cry (otherwise he would have written this book on onion skins). He lives everywhere and doesn't work anywhere, because making up jokes while floating in the pool, with a drink in one hand and a snack in the other, "That ain't workin', that's the way you do it".
The LSD-series:
1. The Swiss Suitcase
2. The Polish Program
3. The French Formula
4. The Spanish Spotlight
5. The Austrian Aroma
6. The Maltese Manuscript
7. The Swedish Sex Bomb
8. (you'll have to read the others first)
9. (and we're not giving away this title either)
For more info, news and free downloads: www.editorialperdido.eu
Disclaimer
This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents and dialogues are drawn from the author's imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. At least, that's what my lawyer says, that I should tell you these lies so you don't believe all the other lies in the rest of this book. The truth is that the situations in this book, no matter how much you like them to be true, are fiction. The people in this story, no matter how likely you want them to exist, are fiction. Truth is stranger than fiction. That's why we write fiction: so you can learn to find a better truth.
The grammatical and spelling errors in this work are on purpose.
The first reason for this is commercial. Studies show that readers feel superior when they find errors in other people's writing. That's why we instructed our editor, Miss Take, to make sure our readers feel special when they enjoy our books. Only Editorial Perdido gives this glorious feeling of happiness to their clients.
The second reason is political. Every error is a protest against the Grammar Nazis, who complicated the language so the average educated person cannot put hor thoughts on paper without errors. Even the magic spell checker doesn't understand it anymore. Language is communication. It belongs to everyone, not only to the diehards who dedicated half their lives to studying it.