Words: 527k+
Link: https://m.fanfiction.net/s/11645507/1/
( He KNEW this was some sort of karmic joke. He shouldn't have laughed at other's seemingly 'silly' problem, even if said other was a fictional character. Now, he was forced to accept that, yes, ending everything with one punch could get frustrating, especially for a Gamer. Then again, when trapped inside a game where Death is very much real, that can only be a good thing...right? )
Okay, so, hello again to those who know me, and hi to those who don't! Since I kinda lost most of my motivation for my other fic thanks to a combination of a MASSIVE writer block and real life problems and I have had it abandoned for almost a year, I decided that I needed to put SOMETHING here to try and see if I regain that 'spark'. Fair warning: If you're looking for a complex and serious story, then you should already get out of here and look for something else, but if you're in for some laughs, silliness, absurdly easy 'fights' most of the time, harem-antics and craziness then welcome aboard! Let's enjoy this =D!
EDIT: SO, after several complaints from a couple of friends and readers, I was urged to add this bit: What was previously said it's not totally accurate because this is, in fact, an epic, awesome and over-the-top story! There, happy now :P?
Disclaimer: Neither SAO nor One Punch-Man belong to me. I just use the plot of one and the idea of the other for my amusement.
Prologue: Who asked for the 'Very Easy' Mode…?
Fate is a flickering thing…and it also has a very twisted humor sense.
The slightest, minuscule change in a determined chain of events can make it so that things become completely and utterly different than how they should be. This phenomenon is what creates what some call 'The Multiverse': All possibilities are possible.
And yet, sometimes, SOMETHING ELSE also helps to push things in unexpected ways…
November 1st, 2022. Kirigaya Household, 17:30…
Kirigaya Kazuto sighed contently as he got back home.
Just 5 more days and he would be able to go back to that world that he had enjoyed for a short time, as one of the 1000 Beta Testers. Aincrad.
Sword Art Online.
Already, his own copy of the game was on his hand, one of the very first to have been sold, an advantage of his status as a Beta Tester. He was about to eagerly run up to his room and install it on his Nerve Gear when an unexpected sound caught his attention.
The living room's television was on.
Curious, the boy walked towards the other room, only to find an unusual sight: His 'little sister', Kirigaya Suguha, was sleeping on the couch, wearing her favorite red jacket and blue shorts.
Ignoring that small and bitter part of his mind reminding him that the girl WASN'T really his little sister and that 'their' parents weren't HIS parents, the boy walked closer to her with curiosity, glancing at the TV for a moment, which showed the credits of some old anime about samurais. It was WEIRD, not only because he knew Sugu wasn't really one to see much TV, but also that she had NEVER fallen asleep while watching it.
"Maybe she was tired from kendo practice…?" he vaguely wondered even as he let his copy of SAO on a nearby table and sat at the girl's side, softly trying to wake her up. "Hey, Sugu…you can't sleep on the couch, c'mon…"
"Munya…Onii-chan…?" slowly, the girl's sleepy eyes opened, staring at him in dumb confusion for a couple of seconds before they opened wide, she immediately shooting away from him towards the opposite end of the couch…which wasn't really much distance, to be honest. "Onii-chan?! Whe-when did you get home?!"
At seeing her uneasy reaction, a part of the boy felt tempted to just tell her that it didn't matter and go up to his room instantly…but the other, minuscule one, that one which someone could call his 'conscience' reminded him that he had been a really shitty brother to her for the last 4 years since he discovered 'The Truth', and that some minutes of friendly talk wouldn't really hurt him.
"Just a moment ago…did you fell asleep while watching anime?"
"Eh…?" confused, the girl blinked towards the TV, seeing how the announcements between shows were already ending and a new one was about to begin. "Tha-that's weird, I could swear I turned it off before closing my eyes for a moment…" Suguha frowned while looking down. "Was I more tired than I thought…?"
"Uhm, well, as I was saying, you should try to not sleep in weird places like this. It will be bad for your back or something…" awkwardly commented the boy while glancing at the TV, where another anime (Apparently it was a channel that aired a lot of those from the last decade) had just begun, a beautifully animated and meaningless city and its inhabitants being displayed on the screen. "Are you going to see more or should I turn it off?"
"Ah, no, don't bother…" muttered the girl while standing up, walking towards it. "I will turn it off myse…"
And that was when both pre-teens froze upon seeing a random explosion happening on the screen, which quickly led to city-wide panic. That alone wouldn't have been much, if it wasn't for the fact that, barely 30 seconds after it, the source of the explosion was shown on the screen: a blue-skinned humanoid creature…that seemed like a blue rip-off a VERY known and much older character from a legendary anime.
"…is that Picco…?"
"No, it isn't." muttered Kazuto as a matter of fact, even as both teens watched the creature randomly blowing up the city and causing random destruction, with powers that seemed very much taken from the same anime that the being clearly seemed to be inspired on. "What the hell is this anime…?"
Slowly, Suguha sat back on the couch, both siblings now barely aware of each other even as they kept watching the strange events develop: Some kind of weird organization that seemed to be based on strange and weird-named 'Heroes' tried to react to the attack, or at least that was what the guy on the screen was saying…but the news reporter reporting that, as well as his team, seemed to get caught in one of the many explosions, most likely dying.
Even so, both boy and girl could feel SOMETHING on their attention shift when the back of what seemed like a bald guy watching the events on his own TV was shown.
'Guess I will go.' simply declared the man before moving.
And as his back, now clad in a VERY weird costume with a CAPE, started to be shown as he walked through a dark tunnel, Kazuto and Suguha let their eyes start to widen…
25 minutes later…
Once the credits started to roll through the screen, replacing the title proclaiming 'The Strongest Man', the living room of the Kirigaya household exploded in a very unusual fit of childish laughter.
Something that had already happened several times in the last half hour.
Both Kazuto and Suguha seemed to be trying their best to control their laughter while they leaned on one another for support, the younger Kirigaya even holding back some tears from the extreme laughter that the bizarre show they had just seen had caused her.
"AHAHAH…God…'I have become too strong'?" managed to say Suguha between their laughing-fit. "Who, hahah, wh-who complains about THAT?!"
"I know, right? Hahah…but man, did you see THAT animation in the 'fight'? And that Opening?!" both siblings shared another chuckle at remembering that, despite the mostly humor-based theme that the series seemed to have (The only 'epic fight' in the chapter had been nothing but a dream of the MC), the anime had an impressive animation and an over-the-top liking for epic scenes, despite the main character's rather 'peculiar' problem.
"Heh, yeah, it was really…" Suguha trailed off, blinking in apparent surprise, and, after a second of confusion, Kazuto realized the cause.
How long had it been, since they had just laughed like this, after enjoying something together?
The suddenly awkward silence between the siblings, however, was interrupted when the strangely calm (For such a series) Ending song finished, sound and color showing on the screen that there was MORE. Both their heads snapped back towards the TV in time to see the disturbing sight of several dead and dry-looking cows…and of a weird blonde man with black, metallic limbs and black instead of white on his eyes, standing in the middle of them.
The Kirigaya siblings watched how he looked to the side and, slowly, started to walk towards the city…
'The Lone Cyborg' was announced as the next chapter's title. Both siblings blinked before looking at each other.
Finally, Suguha seemed to react and, offering one last smile to the boy, she stood up, starting to walk away.
"We-well, that was fun, uh? Se-see you later, Onii-chan, I have some homework to do…"
"Ye-yeah, I also have…" Kazuto's eyes fell over his copy of SAO, still on the table. "Stuff to do…"
At that moment, the boy 'should' have just grabbed his game, walked upstairs and spent the rest of the almost-week before the official launch looking up more info about SAO, and watching any and all kinds of news and articles about the game and its creator.
But…after having watched that weird but funny show and remembering the way in which Sugu had been laughing…how much both of them had enjoyed it…
Once again, that minuscule part of him that may have been his conscience spoke up, making him take a decision.
One that, unknowingly, would totally change the destiny of his world…and twist it in a VERY strange way.
"Hey, Sugu!" the young girl froze, surprised that he was actually calling out to her and wondering if she had forgotten something in the living room. His next words, however, surprised her even MORE. "Want to see the next episode?" her brother pointed upstairs, towards his room. "I'm sure we can find it online."
The shock of he not only WANTING to spent some time with her but also openly inviting her to HIS ROOM shook Suguha's brain to the core, which made her answer almost automatically and without thinking.
"Ye-yeah, why not? I want to see if he also beats that cyborg-guy in one punch!"
And with that declaration, both siblings went up to Kazuto's room, any thoughts of homework or videogames forgotten for the moment, even as they prepared to keep doing the first thing they had enjoyed together in years.
Watch 'One Punch-Man'.
It was strange, to say the least, how quickly things changed.
In the 5 following days, Kazuto and Suguha found themselves spending more time together than they had in the last 4 years. Not only did they no longer ignore each other most of the time, but they even sought the other in any free moment they had, always to keep talking and watching the strange, epic and hilarious series that had caught their attention.
Even Midori, their mother, noticed how closer and more cheerful both of them acted when they ate together 3 days after the first 'event', looking in surprise how the siblings happily talked about someone called 'Saitama', a cyborg called 'Genos' and many more things.
In just four days, Kazuto and Suguha watched the entire series, sharing many moments of laughs, emotion and even a couple of tears. Watching the adventures of the man that was so strong that nothing was a challenge to him anymore was, without a doubt, the most fun they had ever had together.
They spent most of September 5th reading the manga on Kazuto's room, laughing and being even more amazed by the 'adventures' of Saitama, his cyborg disciple and the group of 'friends' that he made along the way.
They also marveled at seeing how, hidden between the hilarious 'plot' of the series, several deep and important things about life could be learned, more often than not being said and/or shown by, ironically, the aloof person that was Saitama.
That night, even as he went to sleep and idly thought about how SAO was finally going to start tomorrow, Kazuto couldn't help but smile at the memory of Suguha's happy face.
Yeah…maybe she wasn't his sister by blood, but, did that really matter? Even after years of delving into playing games and learning about computers, he didn't remember ever having as much fun as he had had those last few days with her.
With a nod, the boy decided that tomorrow, after Sugu returned from her kendo practice and he had spent some time enjoying the virtual world again, he would ask his adoptive sister if she wanted to go out to eat some ice cream or something.
It wouldn't make up for years of semi-cold and kinda-indifferent treatment towards her, but it was a start.
His decision taken, the black-haired boy smiled and closed his eyes, already imagining how great things would be tomorrow…
But not before saying a simple, meaningless statement aloud.
"But seriously…that Saitama guy…I mean, I GET what was the point of the series and what you were supposed to learn about it, but HOW can anyone complain about being literally the MOST POWERFUL being in existence?" with an amused smile, the boy started to drift into dreamland. "If I…was that strong…I wouldn't ever…get tired of it…"
Have you ever heard of the saying 'Be careful with what you wish for'? Well, Kirigaya Kazuto, apparently, hadn't.
His seemingly meaningless statement echoed in his empty room.
Then, somehow, it echoed through the Universe.
Thus, for some reason, it echoed into the Multiverse.
And in a final and improbable chain of events and causalities, his words echoed into the confines of the very Omniverse.
Sitting on its throne above Everything, FATE smiled.
IT looked 'down' towards Kirigaya Kazuto and, with less than a thought, warped the future of the boy even further than it already had…
November 6th, 2022. Kirigaya household, 12:58…
"Well, I'm going, Onii-chan!" cheerfully shouted Suguha while finishing putting on her shoes, sitting on the house's entrance.
"Good luck in practice, Sugu!" smiled Kazuto from the base of the stairs, waving at her as the girl slung her covered shinai on her back, returning his smile. "By the way, want to go for some ice-cream after you come back? My treat!"
The girl's smile, if possible, widened even more.
"Really?!"
"Yep, really. I will be playing SAO most of the evening, but as soon as you come home you bet we will go get some! Will you be back around 6 or…?"
Whatever reaction the boy was expecting, it certainly didn't involve the girl running at him and hugging the life out of his scrawny self. Kazuto was vaguely reminded that, despite being a year older than her, Suguha practiced a serious sport regularly while he barely made any exercise at all, and spent most of his free time in front of a computer.
He had to contain himself from laughing when the idea of start doing push-ups, sit-ups, squats and running 10 km. every day popped into his head.
"Heheh, it's a promise then, Onii-chan!" finally releasing him, Suguha ran out of the house, the biggest smile she had had in years painted on her face. "See you in the evening!"
"Yeah…see you, Sugu."
Of course, even as he calmly walked upstairs, surprised but content that he didn't really mind much being 5 minutes late for the start of the official servers of Sword Art Online, the boy couldn't know that he not only would be unable to maintain his promise, but that his life was about to take a dramatic change…and a VERY weird and bizarre one at that.
Neither could Suguha know that, when she returned home that evening, she would no longer be happy or smiling…
But none of that had happened yet, and as such, it was with a soft grin that Kazuto put on his Nerve Gear and spoke aloud the words that would return him to the world ruled by swords and monsters that he had enjoyed some time ago.
"LINK START!"
Also, even as he was unable to notice the strange glow that covered his headgear for an instant, the boy was unaware that he wouldn't be able to use a sword anymore either…
The first sign that Kazuto, or, as he was called in game, Kirito, got that something 'weird' had happened was after the 'Welcome to Sword Art Online'-message vanished from his view.
For an instant, he had felt a strange sensation of vertigo and disorientation that he had never felt before when he Logged In during the Beta, and he could also swear that he had heard someone LAUGHING at him on the background, but the instant had been over before he could be sure it wasn't his imagination, and now he was standing on the Starting City, his appearance being the only thing that had carried over from the Beta Test.
He was about to start moving and head towards the grinding spots outside the city when something that was clearly WRONG caught his eye.
First, he didn't have the simple beginner's sword that his avatar was supposed to carry anywhere on his person. And he wasn't wearing the initial equipment of the game, neither his old equipment from the Beta, which would have been understandable in case of a Bug or error.
He was wearing…a very silly-looking black jumpsuit, with white boots, white gloves, and an equally white belt.
Slowly, disbelief giving way to a strange feeling of dread, the boy looked at his back.
Yep, he was also wearing a white cape.
Immediately, his hands shot up to his head, and the gamer released a MASSIVE sigh of relief at confirming that his virtual hair was still there. Still, that didn't solve the most important question.
How the hell did he end up wearing a black-white version of Saitama's 'Hero Costume'?! Was this the GMs idea of a joke for the Beta Testers?! Then again, that they had been planning something like THIS when he had just watched THAT series with his sister the last days seemed like too much of a coincidence…
He was about to use the command to call for a GM and ask about it when an unknown voice called out from behind him.
"Hey, you!"
Turning around, Kirito found himself face to face with a red-haired man.
"Ehm, yeah?"
"You are a Beta Tester, right? I mean, look at that special equipment you're wearing, how could you be anything else?" the boy in black was about to retort that the equipment didn't really have anything to do with that when the older man grabbed his hand. "Name is Klein, and I'm kind of new in all of this…can you show me the basics of the game?"
Blinking in surprise, and after a bit more of begging, Kirito sighed and decided to accept, leading the guy named Klein towards the fields outside the city.
At least it would give him something to do while he tried to see WHAT was wrong with his avatar…
It had been several hours since he had been 'teaching' Klein how to play the game and Kirito was starting to get REALLY worried, even though Klein and his extreme ineptitude to defeat even a Level 1 Boar (He needed 3 HOURS to learn how to use a Sword Skill to do so) had nothing to do with that.
At this point, he was PRETTY SURE that whatever had happened to his avatar was a Bug and a serious one at that.
For starters, when he tried entering his equipment window to take off the silly-looking clothes, he had found that not only they were 'locked' in their respective slots, but also that the ones used for weapons and/or shields were grayed out, never mind that the item names and descriptions of his costume's pieces were countless '?'-symbols. Even more worrying, though, was that the same phenomenon seemed to have affected his level, stats, and even experience bar: Instead of the numbers they were supposed to show, only several interrogation signs were there to greet him.
Even the slots for using 'Skills' were grayed out for him.
He had forced himself to not do anything and simply stay out of the range of the Boars while watching the newbie learn, not wanting to try fighting without a weapon and with a bugged avatar.
He had only helped Klein out by throwing a 'rock' from the ground to one of the Boars when he got too bored, in hopes to see if gaining exp. would allow him to fix the bug on his avatar.
The disappointment at seeing that his exp. bar didn't change at all after killing the Mob prevented him from noticing that not only the 'Throwing Skill' hadn't activated, but also that the rock he threw flew out of sight at bullet-like speeds after effortlessly killing the boar. Klein was also too busy panting on the ground to notice it.
Even worse, he had been trying to call a GM to help him for the last hour and had gotten no answer. With a final sigh, Kirito accepted that he probably would have to Log Out that day without fixing the problem, given that the time for going out for ice cream with Sugu was approaching. Finally, after saying goodbye to Klein, he prepared himself to Log Out.
When he saw the button grayed out, he could only swear aloud, cursing the damn Bug affecting his avatar.
But when Klein reported that the same thing was happening to him, a cold and sinister feeling of dread started to spread from his stomach…
That was when both were engulfed by a sudden surge of light, forcefully teleported away.
In the utter silence that covered the Central Plaza of the Starting City, after Kayaba Akihiko's 'Tutorial' had finished, Kirito, now 'wearing' his real face like everyone else, could feel how his early dread became outright terror, even as the hollow avatar that the creator of that world, now essentially the kidnapper of the almost 10000 remaining players, vanished from view.
He barely paid attention to how the people around him lost it and started to scream, too lost in the implications of the horrible revelation that had just taken place.
People had died, people would die for real if they died in the game, they couldn't get out unless they cleared all 100 Floors of Aincrad…
Even as the horrible realization that Sugu and his mother probably already knew of his current and sinister situation added to the rest of the madness on his mind, it didn't change the main horror that he was facing.
He was DEAD for sure.
With…whatever the hell the Bug that had affected his avatar was, essentially blocking him from changing equipment or leveling up, he was stuck in what probably was a level 1 character with equipment that probably didn't even protect him in the slightest.
There was NO WAY for him to even get out of a Safe Zone without risking certain death, much less try clearing the game. He would be forced to spend the rest of the game, as much time as that was, sitting inside the city, praying that someone could get them out.
It was THAT realization, summed with the one that he was essentially powerless to try to get back to his parents or Sugu, that was the last straw for his mind.
Terrified and barely paying attention to what was going on around him, the boy ran away, eyes closed.
It was because of THAT that he didn't realize how suddenly several people in the area screamed in confusion when a BLUR of movement sped past them and threw several ones to the ground. The mysterious event was also accompanied by Klein realizing that, from one second to the next, his newest friend had suddenly vanished.
A couple of seconds later, Kirito blinked, looking around with extreme confusion and wondering HOW he had gotten to the fields outside the Starting City when he could have sworn that he had just been running by less than 5 seconds. Maybe he was SO out of it that he hadn't realized how long he had been really running…?
Sadly, the boy's musings were interrupted by the sudden growl of a Wolf mob, which spawned not far from him, the virtual beast starting to run towards the suddenly paralyzed and silly-looking gamer.
All his short life seemed to shot through Kirito's eyes in that instant. From all of that, the moments that stood out the most were the happy last days he had shared with Suguha, even as both watched that absurd yet great series about a guy so powerful everything was boring for him. Same one whose outfit, though in other colors, he was wearing right now.
With a scream that was at the same time rage, despair, and frustration, Kirito decided that, if he was going to die, he would do it giving his all. And so, the boy reared back his fist…
And PUNCHED.
In that moment, on the real world, Kirigaya Suguha cried on her mother's arms even as the paramedics carried her brother into an ambulance.
In another place, Kayaba Akihiko nodded softly to himself after looking at the current data of the SAO servers, preparing to Dive once again into the game, this time as just another player more.
In the core of the Cardinal System, the main program that ran and supervised every aspect of Sword Art Online, a sudden warning about a detected anomaly popped up for a second, before the Artificial Intelligence dismissed it, having detected nothing out of the ordinary in its latest scan of the players' data. Even so, a currently unable to act sub-program known as MHCP-001, codename 'YUI', looked at the warning and tilted 'her' head, something akin to curiosity running through her main data streams.
Back on the fields outside the Starting City…Kirito was STARING.
Up.
The Wolf mob was already halfway to the 'ceiling' that separated the first Floor from the second one before the system realized that it was already dead, and thus made it explode in a shower of polygons.
Ever so slowly, the black-clad boy looked back down, towards his still extended fist. Several seconds of utter silence passed.
Finally, Kirito was able to let out a single, all-encompassing declaration.
"…you have to be fucking kidding me…"
SaintInfernalNeos presents…
A One Punch-Man x Sword Art Online Crossover…
When all it takes is just one punch…WHERE is the real problem?
Who knows…but he's certainly going to have to learn it…the HARD way.
One Punch-Gamer
So, yeah, I just wrote that. The beginning may have been a bit more 'dramatic' than intended, but as anyone who knows OP-man can tell after that last bit, I'm pretty sure you can guess that that's not going to last much more. Anyway, what did you think of this craziness? Again, I'm not sure where I'm going to go with this, how far I'm planning on taking it or how usually I'm going to update, but if you liked it or at least got a little smile on your faces reading it, then you can bet I will do my best to get back.
Next chapter! Kirito faces the dilemma of being an 'anomaly' in Kayaba's master plan, encounters and unexpected development ensue, and things start to get…very silly. Don't miss it!