Words: 168k+
Link: https://forum.questionablequesting.com/threads/11767
Worm 1
A/N: As a note to new readers just finding this story - this story began during the very, very early days of the Waifu Catalog. Before stable versions even existed. Thus, the version used in the first arc no longer exists - I wouldn't try comparing any of the purchases and so on to the Catalog, most of the options chosen have undergone severe fundamental changes.
(EDIT: Swift was kind enough to dig up the archived version of the Catalog that existed at the time this fic was created, which can be found here if you're curious. A lot has changed!)
If you do have any questions about things, even from older chapters, you can feel free to either ask here in the thread or ping me on the Waifu Catalog Discord.
Thank you, and enjoy.
Just As Planned
Or: My Angel Waifu Can't Be Like This?
I 'awoke' staring at the blue sky. It was… oddly soothing, in a way. Maybe because it looked the same as I remembered? It gave my something to idly focus on as I sorted through my circumstances. The concrete of the roof I found myself on wasn't exactly comfortable… but moving was too much effort, so I remained where I was.
I'd wondered, idly, what it would be like to experience a data-dump. It had been such a common trope in stories for so long - what would it be like, I wondered, to download a skill through the Matrix? To copy a martial art with the Sharingan? To learn a magical system by cheating, ignoring all the effort that was meant to go into it?
It turned out, at least in my case, that it was… comfortable. A simple, itemized list of my 'purchases' and how to use them simply appeared at the forefront of my mind the moment I woke up. It left me feeling oddly like a video game character, staring at the 'menu' in my own head… but I was avoiding the subject at hand.
Because I had no memories of 'buying' any of these things. And the list, while very helpful, was missing some important information. It explained all of my own purchased abilities very well, including instinctual instructions for their usage and a convenient 'mental compass' of sorts that pointed me in the direction of the nearest portal to my new home dimension.
What distressed me most were two simple things. The setting I (or whoever had the purchasing power) had evidently chosen, labeled helpfully as 'Earth Bet (Parahumans, Worm).' Somewhat worrying - but not entirely unusual. It was a setting I was fond of, filled with interesting conflict and potential for entertaining divergence… but I didn't appear to have been provided with anything I needed to survive in this world, let alone thrive.
It seemed, instead, that I (for now, I would assume it was myself until proven otherwise) had spent almost my entire budget on… this.
[One (1) Tier 10 Waifu: 1000C
Yoink Surcharge: +1C
Total: 1001C]
One thousand (and one, my mind insisted) credits out of my original budget of 1200. Over eighty percent of my budget spent on a single item. A single person, technically. Who on Earth Bet (or Aleph, or Gimel, or any other Earth) would persuade me to do that?
I pondered that for a while. I knew myself, I thought, and I must have had a reason… but it was hard to imagine what would lead me to -
the sound of something scuffing against concrete nearby roused me, and I blinked up at the sky. With a sigh, I lifted my head slightly, careful not to scuff my skull against the concrete, and looked behind me.
I blinked. Once, and again.
The false angel stared down at my face impassively, empty silver eyes betraying no emotion whatsoever. Her wings were… prettier than I'd expected. The way they'd been described as hiding parts of her body had always sounded silly to me, but seeing it in action was… oddly satisfying. The way they flexed in just the right way to 'hide' her body…
The second set of memories I'd been provided - the poor wretch from Madison - screamed that she'd returned to finish the job. I found myself taking a deep breath, my heart pounding, but something bothered me. Destiny Defense should make me immune to this kind of instant Bad End. So, why -
- slowly, one wing lowered, almost enough to expose the pubic mound. And, there, sitting obviously on too-pale skin in dark red ink, was a spiraling design of infinite complexity. The longer I looked at it, the more I tried to puzzle out the insane lines that made it up, the more I felt a sense of vertigo.
With a blink, I tore my eyes away and back up to her face in time to catch the tiniest and most insignificant hint of a smirk before she was expressionless again.
"Ah," I said to myself. "This is what I spent everything on."
I stared at the Simurgh, and she (it? no, definitely she) stared at me. I blinked - she didn't.
Slowly, I let my head rest against the roof again, staring up into the blue sky. "I see. Hmm. That makes things more interesting." I licked my lips nervously, then glanced up again. She was still there, unmoved, watching. With a nod, I pushed myself up and dusted off my jeans. "Well. In that case, it's time to plan."
She nodded, and reached out for me. I almost hesitated… but if the binding of the Stamp hadn't worked, and she intended me harm… what the hell was I going to do about it?
She wrapped her arms around me - her skin is softer than I expected - and then we were gone into that blue sky.
I sat comfortably in the Simurgh's lap, hovering high above the world below me. The view was… breathtaking, both figuratively and literally. I hadn't realized how nervous heights made me until this moment. Yet, the wind was merely a gentle breeze, it was nowhere near as cold as I'd expected, and… all of those things were most likely due to the incredibly powerful telekinetic whose arms were wrapped gently around my torso. Hmm.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, refusing to look down any longer and instead fishing a sleek black device from my pocket. Placed in the bottom middle of the phone was an app I'd never seen before, simply titled 'Catalog'… and of course the mysterious Company knew where I placed my most-used apps. That, or the past me that did my budgeting had done the setup phase as well.
Either way, as I navigated the list, I thought I was beginning to understand the kind of plan that past-me had intended. Indeed, the more I turned things over in my head the more reasonable it seemed… as reasonable as any plan that involved making the Third Endbringer into a waifu could be, at any rate. The arms around me squeezed gently, and I found myself wondering if she could read my mind, or if it was similar to the Path to Victory - did she know why she squeezed me, or only that it was the right time to?
Existential crises aside, I slipped my Company phone back into my pocket. The question would become a moot point soon regardless, if things went to plan. "Well. The first thing we need is relatively simple, I think." I tilted my head back, looking up into her expressionless face. "How would you feel about helping me subvert a member of the Slaughterhouse Nine?"
She watched me expressionlessly through my entire explanation of the plan.
I sighed to myself, stretching my stiff leg as I leaned up against the window. Abandoned buildings weren't always filled with comfortable seating - especially when I needed to watch out the window. I probably could have let her do the work for me, but… it didn't seem right, in a way. If I intended to go through with my plans, I should be willing to follow through on my own… and I shouldn't rely on the Simurgh to do everything. That way lies unimaginable sloth.
On the other hand, I am trusting her to keep me safe from the band of murderous, homeless villains currently attacking this town. Trusting her to do so both via precognition and physical intervention, if it becomes necessary. I simply don't have the tools to fight the Nine.
Not yet, at least.
So, to distract myself from my distressing mortality and the sheer ease with which my plans would fall apart without the support of the Simurgh, who still is simply watching me impassively as she hovers in the center of this abandoned living room, I've been reading PHO. It… really is just as shitty as all the fanfictions I've read made it out to be. Like a combination of 4chan and Reddit, but in a world with actual superheroes and supervillains to make memes of. I scrolled past - huh, lewd art of Ziz. That's… I glanced up at her, and she… did one of her eyebrows raise? No, I'm imagining it. Still… I think she's bigger in real life.
The tip of a wing nudged me and it takes me a moment to realize what that means. I fumbled slightly with my phone, managing to open the Camera as several figures rounded the corner. Ordinarily, watching a chunk of the Slaughterhouse Nine arrive on-scene would have been cause for a fair amount of terror… But I have a trump card. All I see before me… is an objective. I waited for just long enough for Mannequin to move out of the way… and then, with a single tap of a button, I have a relatively low-resolution, digitally-zoomed picture of a young blonde.
Hello, Bonesaw… hmm. She's older than I expected. I can't quite place how old, but… she's not the psycho little sister image that I'd had in my head. Nothing else has been strange, none of the dates on PHO seemed out of line… has she been turned into a teenager purely for potential entertainment? She's still short - shorter than I was even before I received my upgraded body - and she isn't exactly shapely… but she isn't a child, by any means. If nothing else, it makes taking a stalker candid picture of her feel a bit less creepy.
My musings were interrupted as a hero crashed through the building opposite my window. A moment later, and a black-and-white striped naked woman stepped through the wall. Literally stepped through the wall, leaving a cartoonishly human-shaped hole in the bricks behind her. She was naked.
She was also one of the least attractive things I'd ever seen. I wasn't certain if it was the headache-inducing effect of her stripes as she moved, or just the bizarre skin color itself, but -
- the tip of a wing nudged me again. Hmm. Well, if she's here. I snapped a picture of the Siberian just before she dashed out of sight. It wasn't a particularly good picture. But… it would serve for my purposes. I stepped away from the window, trusting in the Simurgh's prescience to ensure we're safe here. Well, I'm safe here. I'm relatively certain she's not in danger, period. Sting - no, Flechette, after all, should still be in New York right about now.
As I leaned back against her and felt her arms wrap comfortably around my torso again, I pulled up the gallery of my phone. Sure enough, there was a button on the picture of Bonesaw that I didn't instantly recognize. I tapped it and blinked at the three-dimensional wiremesh that appeared on screen. It even included the ringlet shape of her hair, which was… not a simple thing to model on the fly.
As expected of the Company, I suppose.
I selected a spot, just over her sternum, and allowed the digital Stamp to be placed. A timer appeared immediately.
[Time to complete Binding: 71:59:59]
I smiled, and swiped over to the Siberian's page.
Today… had been a surprisingly good day.
Stage one: Complete. Now then… to wait until the dominoes fall.
Contrary to my hopes, I wasn't paid upon applying the Stamp. Rather, I assumed, I would be given the option to either sell the capture to the Company or keep them once the Binding completed its work, and be paid appropriately at that point.
What this meant in practical terms is that I had three days to lay low before I could begin my real adventure in Earth Bet. Fortunately it seemed past-me had thought ahead and already purchased access to a pocket dimension. What confused me was that the mental compass leading to the nearest portal… pointed almost straight up.
Yet, the Simurgh carried us unerringly in the direction of that mental arrow. And, sure enough, hovering in the middle of nowhere in low orbit over the United States… sat a disc-shaped hole in space, through which a number of trees were visible. As we approached, I noticed that whenever the angle we viewed the portal at changed, what we were seeing shifted as well - like the portal was always pointed towards us with zero margin for error.
Once again, the Company's technology was terrifying… but as I was benefiting greatly from it, I chose not to complain.
I'd missed the point, though. It was… weirdly arbitrary. I pored over my mental checklist, determined to solve this mystery (and not think about how far the ground was from me).
… Ah. Portals were 'procedurally generated' in areas of high importance or convenience to either me… or any Bound waifu. I suppose this would be the Simurgh's portal, then.
Her torso shifted against my back, up and down in three rhythmic cycles. It took me a moment to place the movement, since there was no sound associated with it - did Ziz just laugh at me?
… Well. That's the most reaction I've gotten from her thus far. I suppose I'll take it.
When we passed through the portal, I was… suitably impressed. The sea around the island stretched infinitely into the horizon - I wondered if the area provided in the pocket dimension would loop in on itself if we flew past the border of the world, or if it had invisible walls, or…
… while I was distracted, she delivered us to the doorstep of the house. Modern, built largely from glass - no, more likely a glass-lookalike. Actual glass would be awfully pedestrian for the Company. Regardless, I let us in and began to explore, with my terrifyingly overpowered wife hovering along behind me.
The house was… nice enough. The layout made sense to me, the bedroom allotted to me had sinfully soft sheets in it… and no windows. Praise be the Company and their understanding of the evils of sunlight in the morning.
Now, as we entered what seemed to be a study, I turned to face the Simurgh as I collapsed into a chair.
… There was a tiny twitch of her face as I sat down. I couldn't quite identify what it was… hmm.
She hovered there, feet barely brushing the floor, staring down at me.
I cleared my throat. "You… don't really talk, do you?"
She stared. Slowly, she moved her head to the left, then the right, then continued to stare.
I frowned. "And I'm no Tattletale. I can't just read your microexpressions…" She hovered up and back slightly and my brow furrowed. "Wait." She paused.
I stared at her. She stared back. "You… correct me if I'm wrong, please. But were you about to go get Tattletale and bring her here?"
Slowly, painstakingly, she nodded once. I sighed, dropping my face into my palm. "All right. So, for the next three days - until I've earned enough to buy something to let us communicate more effectively - we're going to be laying low. Here. Inside this dimension." She watched me as I spoke, and it was equal parts flattering and terrifying watching an Endbringer pay me rapt attention. "Until we go to collect Bonesaw, nobody else will be brought here. Unwillingly or otherwise. All right?"
She nodded… but there was a tiny frown on her face, and I… felt a bit bad, actually. "… Three days. After that, we'll have a more in depth conversation about these things. And my plans. And we'll make our plans together. All right?" Her face had smoothed out as I spoke, and this time when she nodded I didn't have that feeling.
I smiled at her. "So. For now, given what I just said… is there anything -" you want, I didn't finish. Because before I'd even finished the question, she'd held her arms out towards me in a smooth motion, wings spreading out and then curling in as if grasping for me.
… The Simurgh, viewed in a certain light, was making grabby hands wings at me. The gap moe was too much, and I felt an almost physical pain in my chest at the cute dichotomy between her expression and her actions.
So, naturally, I nodded and went to stand… and she telekinetically tugged me into her arms, tucking my head comfortably to her bosom and carrying me to the bedroom. I felt a spike of anxiety, wondering if I'd misread her desires - attractive the Simurgh may be, but I wasn't sure I was ready for that particular step yet.
My anxiety grew as a hand slipped under my shirt, pulling it up only for her power to finish the job of tugging it over my head.
I took a deep breath, frantically grasping for a reason to turn her down… but she simply laid us on the bed, my shoes untying themselves and gently falling to the floor as she wrapped her wings around me like a cocoon and pressed me tightly against her.
I found myself… blinking, enshrouded in darkness, with the swell of her breasts pressing against my shoulders and her chin resting atop my head. Every exposed part of my body was in contact with her.
The Simurgh, it seemed, was a cuddler.
Sure. Why not.
… She's actually really comfy.
A/N: So. I've allowed myself to be suckered into writing a CYOA story, and I decided to use the opportunity to dip my toes into the NSFW side of writing.
Obviously, nothing untoward happened this chapter - the handholding will be coming later. Simmie has to work up her courage first.
Some simple warnings: If you're looking for a primarily smut story, this is probably not the place to be. I plan to write it for practice (meaning I make no promises of quality), but it's a passenger in the vehicle of the story.
Speaking of story, I'm flying by the seat of my pants here. I have some plans, but mostly we're just going to see where I get carried along by the characters! I don't expect to spend too long in Earth Bet, or any other setting particularly… but as we hop settings, if you see inconsistencies with canon or anything that leaps out as odd, let me know. It's entirely possible I've forgotten something.
If you're interested in my writing style, and you aren't afraid of a long read, I'd encourage you to check out my (SFW) Quest, Devourer of Worlds. It's the story of an eldritch magical god-parasite that accidentally befriends a Faunus in the world of RWBY.
Spoiler: Initial Build
World: Worm (Intensity 8, Budget 1200)
Binding: Stamp (Free)
Spoiler: Stamp
This permanent magical tattoo instills only the mental effects common to all bindings.
To capture waifus, you may apply this tattoo using a thumb-sized ink stamp that only you and your purchased and captured waifus can perceive. The most popular stamping sites are typically to the pubic region, lower back, or back of the neck. The inked part, on one end, contains the tattoo's core, a circular design that serves as your emblem. Newly-applied tattoos require 72 hours to ramp up to their full effect. During that time, additional ink will fill itself in around your emblem to form a much more elaborate design, about the size of the waifu's palm, that represents her history and personality. Captured waifus and people they know will not notice a tattoo-in-progress until it completes itself, at which point they'll rationalize away its sudden appearance. Completed tattoos are always perceptible. If a tattoo's location is ever damaged or severed, its effects will continue and it will reappear when the skin is regenerated or the body part replaced.
The stamp never runs out of ink and cannot be used accidentally or on you. If one of your waifus marks a new girl with it, the new girl will feel its effects as if you had used it on her yourself. The anti-loss, -theft, and -destruction measures on the Company's smart device also apply to this stamp.
A digital stamp app for your smart device is also available. Just take a photo of the target waifu, rotate, zoom, and pan around a generated 3D model of her until you've found the right place for your tattoo, and apply the tattoo remotely. This is a Company app and benefits from all such protections.
T10 Waifu: Simurgh (1000/1200)
Perk: Extra (1001/1200)
Spoiler: Extra
You replace a non-canon "normie" character from your starting world, the equivalent of a tier 1 waifu. All relevant local records and memories are retconned to include you, and all knowledge and memories that an alternate you who grew up in your starting world, in the place of the character you're replacing, would have had are downloaded into your head alongside your original memories. You can distinguish between the two sets of memories without difficulty.
Perk: Yoink (Simurgh) (1002/1200)
Spoiler: Yoink
Your purchased waifu is actually a local capture. She is teleported to your starting location and Bound (or not) the same as all the other waifus you purchased. You may purchase this perk once for each purchased waifu who happens to be from your starting world. If you purchase this together with Extra, Substitute, or Possess, the relevant waifus will all have been brought to your starting location by fate or coincidence, not teleportation.
Perk: Body Talent (1007/1200)
Spoiler: Body Talent
You lift. Your body is now in perfect fitness and health, with significant muscle growth, within healthy human standards. If your natural height was less, you are now at least 190 cm tall. (Your clothes are all resized to fit.) All skin blemishes and unwanted body hair are erased. You are immune to minor illnesses, but not disease or injury. You also have immortality and eternal youth. If you are older than 25 years, your body is reset to that point, otherwise you'll continue to mature to that point but not experience any aging afterwards. The "Fog of Ages" will never affect you. The individual benefits of this Talent may also apply, at your discretion, to any/all of your purchased and captured waifus.
Perk: Social Talent (1012/1200)
Spoiler: Social Talent
You understand. You can read a room, spot deceit or employ your own, know when to speak and when to hold your tongue, and find the right words to say for good or ill. You will neither be That Guy whom women warn their friends about, nor the otaku nerd whose obsessions drive others away. This does not lend any additional power to your words - that's what Siren's Song is for - nor will it make you enjoy social interactions for their own sake. It only guarantees knowledge and competence. You are also immediately fluent in any spoken language you encounter and will speak it like any native in only a few days, with mastery of the written form taking a week on average; this part always applies to your waifus as well.
Perk: Body Defense (1027/1200)
Spoiler: Body Defense
You are the master of your form. All detrimental genetic irregularities are erased. You are immune to all diseases; toxins; radiation; parasites; changes in atmospheric composition, temperature, and pressure (including hard vacuum); and non-consensual physical transformations, and find it easy to fully reverse any transformation effects that you allow. This also applies to your waifus, both purchased and captured - your consent, not theirs. Contagious transformations that you allow will not spread from you or your waifus to third parties.
Perk: Mind Defense (1042/1200)
Spoiler: Mind Defense
You are the master of your mind. You can act calmly under pressure and are immune to all degenerative mental effects. You and all waifus, both purchased and captured, are immune to all outside mind control effects. Friendly psychics may still contact you or your waifus through telepathy, and you may still, for example, brainwash your waifus into reverse moles if necessary.
Perk: Destiny Defense (1057/1200)
Spoiler: Destiny Defense
You are the master of your fate. You and all waifus, both purchased and captured, are immune to all hostile and neutral remote viewing attempts: precognition, postcognition, scrying, dream visitation, etc. Supernatural observers will only see a world where you and your waifus don't exist. This does not apply to direct naked-eye observation or other mundane (technological) surveillance. You and your waifus are also immune to active fate and luck manipulation, such as Sidereal Astrology or Death Note use. As with the other Defense perks, you may still experience beneficial effects, but will not be dragged down by curses or other maluses. You and your waifus are also immune to retroactive erasure and all other temporal attacks.
Perk: Sweet Home I (1107/1200)
Spoiler: Sweet Home
A 2,000 sq km pocket universe, centered on a 1,000 sq m mansion with every living area and workshop you and your waifus might need. The default landscape is a tropical island paradise with a standard equatorial day/night cycle and perfect weather every day, while the default mansion has a postmodern style similar to the Razor House. Your starting position will be within 30 minutes' walk of the mansion, with a clear view of and path toward your destination so you don't get lost.
A control room deep in the mansion will allow you to customize both the landscape and mansion however you like, though specialized workshops and exotic resources will only be available if you have someone who knows how to use them and all personnel and important items will be ejected from areas undergoing rearrangement. However you set the landscape, it will populate itself with biome-appropriate wildlife from a recognizable Earth, without any issues from invasive species, implanted transmitters, pollutants, unwanted predators, etc. If you also purchase Heavenbuilt, your starship will be able to enter and land in your pocket universe even without a multiversal drive; especially large dreadnoughts may require some geographic rearrangement first.
A dedicated portal room allows pedestrian or vehicle access to your starting world and anywhere else you travel to. Portal sites are procedurally generated in each world, generally appearing near locations that are important or useful to you or your purchased and captured waifus. Portals will activate automatically when approached by a valid user: you, your waifus, and friendlies you invite, and deactivate automatically when not used. You and your waifus can sense the nearest portal's location even without a map, and more precisely the closer you are to it; this is no replacement for a true map. Neutral, hostile, and uninvited eyes will not notice a portal's presence, activation, or use, and cannot pass through. Some independent multiverse travelers may enter your universe directly, but only if they're non-hostile and have a beacon to follow.
Your first portal will only lead to your starting world. The more things you do there, whether that's capturing local waifus, defeating baddies, or otherwise accomplishing story goals, the more quickly you'll unlock new worlds to visit. You may also unlock new worlds by either traveling there yourself or capturing a waifu who's been there personally. All purchased waifus, without the Yoink perk, have only been to one other world: the factory where they were made. Don't bother trying to go there - it's employees-only.
This perk may be purchased up to 19 times, with each repurchase approximately doubling the world's surface area. The final repurchase will expand the world into, ultimately, a round planet the size of Earth. Warning: the mansion's control room can only manage the weather and climate of the core region. Weather patterns in the outer areas will emerge naturally.
Lure: Sticky Fingers (1112/1200)
Spoiler: Sticky Fingers
You know all the points that make a waifu melt. You can play her like a piano. Your very touch is electrifying. You are also a sexual savant. Keep a waifu on the edge long enough, and she'll promise anything to make it stop. With your skills, she'll be sure to keep that promise.
(Remaining Credits: 88)
Spoiler: Obligatory Patreon Plug
If you like my content and want to support it, consider pledging to my Patreon. While my stories will always remain free to access, I do dream of supporting myself by writing, and this is my first step on that road. For now, the patron benefits are primarily access to behind-the-scenes content regarding my writing process, the way I think about and write chapters, and so on. However, I'm always developing the reward tiers and open to suggestions for things people would like to see!
A special thank you to all of my patrons:
Spoiler: Patrons
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