Chapter 21: Distant Memories
"...That's the situation. It seems that Verine thinks that way."
"Is that so? Everyone has their own thoughts, it seems."
After returning home and settling down, I explained the situation to Grace, who nodded in admiration.
Well, it's enough for Verine to think about such things.
The story Verine brought up is something I need to consider. It's something I need to see as a separate proposal. If I decide to proceed, I'll give it my all. If not, I'll firmly decline.
However, before discussing the matter from here on, I think I need to let Grace know about it.
"Therefore, based on that premise, there's something I need to ask you, Grace."
"Y-Yes."
Looking at Grace with a serious expression, she straightened herself up.
The reason Grace is here by my side... is primarily because I owe a debt of gratitude to her mother.
That should not be misunderstood.
I have been relying on Grace's care all this time and haven't been able to give her anything in return.
So, when I left the house, I left the decision of what she wants to do up to her.
If I create a place for myself in Termwills, it will also become her place.
But to solidify Grace's position, it's still not enough. Her position is quite unstable due to being a half-breed with vampires.
So, what should I do?
The answer is simple. If I establish a firm position, and if she agrees to it, then...
Asking her about it... I'm scared of being rejected, but even so...
If there's someone she thinks is suitable to entrust the talisman to after I'm gone, it should be someone she chooses herself. ...Or perhaps, her family... or descendants. In that case...
If she agrees, then I also have a place by her side.
"Grace, you said you would serve me. But I don't want to rely on the debt to my mother. If the reason you're here is out of gratitude or work, that's fine too. But Grace's own life, it should be clearly separated from that."
Pausing for a moment, I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. Then I opened my eyes, looked straight at her, and spoke.
"But if Grace says that it's fine for me to be the one who walks by your side, I want you to stay by my side forever."
"...That, well..."
Grace had a surprised expression. Just to make sure there's no misunderstanding, I'll say it clearly.
"I want you to marry me. It might be a distant future, though."
It's still a distant future... If I don't establish myself more firmly, it will become a meaningless proposition for Grace's future.
"...I understand your proposal."
Grace responds with her eyes closed.
With a prayer-like feeling, I wait for her answer.
No matter what others might think... Being rejected by Grace...
"Before I give you my answer, there's something I really want to tell Lord Theodore."
She, too, looks somewhat nervous and takes a deep breath.
"I'm not here just because of my debt to Lisa-sama."
Grace says it out loud.
About the day when Mom and Grace... the day we first met.
"I... lost both my parents and wandered without any purpose. Being a mixed-blood child, I had nowhere to go. If I tried to mingle with the human world, I would be chased away with stones and stakes. No one extended a hand to me. Well, I guess it can't be helped. I can easily kill people with my hands."
That's a story from before I had the cursed tools, huh?
"I was always hungry. But I didn't want to see people as food. So I lived hiding in the forest until I was picked up by Lisa-sama. I had the urge to drink blood, but because I'm half human, I can survive on normal food. It was... very difficult."
"Yeah..."
I was taught about that.
Even if I satisfy my appetite, it's only "half" of what I need. Now, with the cursed tools, I can suppress it completely, so it's not an issue anymore.
"The day I first met Lisa-sama... I don't think Lord Theodore remembers, but he noticed me before Lisa-sama did. When little Theodore, held by Lisa-sama, made eye contact with me in the bushes... he smiled at me. It was the first time something like that happened to me, apart from my mother. I was so happy... and sad. Before I knew it, my heart was overflowing, and I was crying."
"Well..."
Because I'm a dampir, I couldn't be accepted by people. I understand that.
But I, as a baby or a child, smiled when we made eye contact.
Isn't that just a coincidence?
Understanding what I want to say, Grace smiles and shakes her head slightly.
"Because of that, Lisa-sama also noticed me... and gave me this ring. She gave me a place to belong. That's why my hands can soothe a child without hurting them. Theodore-sama has never been afraid of me, no matter what form I show him. He has never despised me... or done anything like that. Do you understand how much I have been saved because of that?"
Grace placed her hand on her chest and spoke.
"Because Theodore-sama conveyed to me that he wanted me by his side... I will also say it. I have been and still am, always... a wretched being. As you know, when the recoil of the blood-sucking impulse manifests due to hunger, I told you. But now, even if the recoil of the blood-sucking impulse is present, I don't feel hungry. Where do you think the difference lies? Do you understand what the impulse stems from?"
What it stems from.
...Ah, I see. That's what it means. One of the purposes for a vampire to engage in blood-sucking is to feed. They seek prey when they're hungry. It's a simple story.
However, there is another meaning there. In other words... increasing their companions.
If Grace is by my side, and the impulse is appeased and calmed, then it's obvious what the impulse stems from and what it transforms into as a recoil.
...No, it would be better to have the revelation. Even if I had come up with it on my own, considering it a self-conceited self-satisfaction, I would have laughed it off.
"A restless feeling... is just an excuse, isn't it? Since Theodore-sama told me that I don't have to help him with dressing or bathing, I've been thinking about it all along, so I've been gradually understanding what it is."
...Grace isn't the same as when she was a child. With her growth, there must have been changes in her emotions toward me and an increase in knowledge.
What is the right way to express my own emotions? When she embraces me, my recoil is resolved. She must have gradually understood the reason and the correct words to express it.
"If I can relieve Theodore-sama's anxiety like I did when I was a child... Isn't that fine? I was the one who relied on kindness. I was afraid that if I conveyed it properly, Theodore-sama would distance himself from me... I was scared."
Grace closed her eyes, looking pained.
Even though the curse prevents harm from reaching the master.
The fact that there is still a feeling of sensing that remains unchanged, right?
"That's why I'm asking you now, after telling you all of this. Is it okay for someone as wretched as me?"
Grace asked hesitantly, her face filled with fear. But my answer was already determined.
"As I told you earlier. I don't think there's any problem with that."
"Theodore...-sama."
"If it's an urge to drink blood that stems from such feelings, then of course, I'd be happy to have it directed at me, wouldn't I?"
As I said that, I could feel my face getting hot. It's so embarrassing, really.
It's impossible to stop oneself from falling in love with someone else.
The fear of expressing one's feelings and being rejected is exactly what I felt before I brought up the topic with Grace. I'm sure Grace feels it even more strongly.
"It's alright, right? Like this. With someone like me. I'll definitely be a bother, for sure."
She asked with a bewildered expression.
"It's fine, Grace. Even I will probably cause you trouble and worry."
"Th-That's... Oh, I see. Is it about Lady Verinay from earlier?"
"Well... yeah, that's part of it."
Grace smiled and shook her head.
"Although it's a bit troubling to think that just anyone... I can accept it and even be a little happy if it's Ashley-sama. I also want to support him."
"...Is that so?"
"Yes. Ashley-sama probably wants to tell that to Theodore-sama..."
Grace paused and shook her head slightly.
"...I'll stop there. I think it's Ashley-sama who should convey that to Theodore-sama, not me."
...What's going on? It's bothering me a bit. When I looked at Grace, she just squinted her eyes mischievously.
The two of them had talked about various things in the Shirun mansion... Maybe there was some kind of exchange that I didn't know about. Maybe that's the reason their relationship is strangely good.
"Theodore-sama?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I... call you by your name like before? At least for now."
"...Sure."
If that's what Grace wants, it's fine anytime.
I smiled at her, and Grace also smiled happily and said,
"Thank you, Theo."