What do you call people like me? A doomer? A madman? Welp. Goodbye good for nothing world. A piece of shit one at that.
I ran towards the edge of the roof trying to kill myself when suddenly a woman with long hair, and in a black widower gown held my arm buds pulling me back towards the safety railings in the roof.
"What the hell!" I told the woman while pushing her back.
"You piece of shit! What do you think your family is going to feel when you do this type of shit! You really think they won't care about you huh!" The woman in the black widower outfit said.
"Who the fuck are you? And why do you give a shit?" I asked.
"No one. I just wanted to help you because when I walked up here just to get fresh air when you tried to jump off!" The woman said while showing a look of pity, and sadness in her face while shouting at me.
"Leave me alone! I just wanna die. (Sobs while reminded of the past) I can't even pay for shit nowadays because people.... wouldn't even hire a man who lost his hands in a terro.....r attack. My goddamn family..... died already..... My wife, kids, even some..... parts of myself....
died already so..... why not let myself join them in whatever afterlife they are in!" I said crying.
"Damnit you people with your sick twisted mindsets! Stop it get some goddamn therapy!" The woman said while scorning me.
"I can't even pay for meds, or even therapy because this fucked up world! Do you think that just because something's wrong with me you think that I can pay for therapy?! I said no one would even want to hire me for money! The government social policies are useless in this time of inflation heck I can't even buy bread because it's expensive as hell. Now I live in this runned down apartment for what? Peddling drugs just to survive? Even the goddamn government doesn't even give me enough money to lift myself out of the hole that the war on terror, and missed up politics made! People don't give a shit. Heck no one would even pity me! They would just watch as I try to open a door! I'd be lucky when a good person comes bye, and help me!" I said while mad at the piece of shit that didn't even let me die.
"So what! You should've worked harder, and find other employers that would employ you!" She said.
I had enough. I had fucking enough.
I punched the woman, and ran towards the edge. She caught up with me, and grabbed my flimsy arm nubs. She then pulled me with her strength up towards the rooftop. Ugh!
I punched her again, and saw someone else.
"What the fuck man! I just saved your life homie!" My drug supplier said then looked at me pissed off.
"Oh. I thought you were someone else." I said.
"Don't worry homie. I got you. You're my best friend after all, and you're also the best drug dealer around. People loved you because you're good to talk to, and would understand them. The only problem is you're depressed. The bombing still bothering you huh? It's been 5 months now. You're a good man homie but you've got some problems." He said smiling.
"Oh I forgot I need to give this to you." He said pulling out 8 grand.
"What's this for?" I asked.
"For some meds, for a new phone because the last one was tapped, and pay the bills. Get some help." He said looking at me with pity.
"Also who are you arguing with? A few minutes ago I heard you were talking to someone else but there's no one here." He said looking at me with concern.
"Yeah someone tried to stop me from jumping off the roof but I jumped anyways." I said while eyeing my dude with concern.
"I saw no one when you jumped."
When he said that I looked at him with concern. Am I tripping balls?
"Are you alright man?" He asked me looking at me with concern.
"No. Maybe I do need help." I told him asking myself if I just had a psychological breakdown.
We went back to my apartment, and I contemplated. Am I going insane. I should ask my guy if he had any oxycontin.
He helped me with opening my door.
"Thanks."
"No problem homie." He smiled at me trying to cheer me up.
"Do you have oxy?" I told my supplier.
"Yes. But this is on the house. I know you need it to sleep considering you say to me you'd had problems with sleeping because of the incident." He said.
"Thanks for having my back my dude."
"Not to mention it. Also can you cook for me?"
"Sure thing."
He then cooked some mac and cheese for me. I smiled. This guy is a true friend. He doesn't even ask much. How should I thank him. He's the only one helping me. Without him I would've been sleeping in the streets with the rats.
After 15 minutes the Mac, and cheese was done.
"Thanks!"
I then hugged him, and cried on his back.
"Thanks for sticking with me even if I am sometimes an asshole."
"No problem man. I'm glad to help, and work with someone who can understand us unlike the government. People mistreat some of us as kids and we end up like this. Drug junkies, and outlaws. Were treated like shit just because we buy illegal stuff just to escape this depressing place, and not join the work force that pays the government their blackmail money."
"Here's $40 my dude. Don't worry. Just keep it."
I gave $40 to him. He tried to give it back but I rejected it.
"Thanks homie."
"No problem bro."
He left, and I was left alone in my apartment. I watched TV until it was bedtime. I ate the Mac and cheese, and turned off the tv.
I then took some oxy to dumb down the pain of those memories while I was asleep. I took 6 tablets, and went to sleep.
The next morning....
I woke up, and it was already 8 am. I sighed. I turned off the alarm using my stubs. I scrolled through the messages, and my guy left a message worrying about me 2 hours ago.
I then washed myself up, and changed clothes. I then picked up my phone using my arm stubs, and listened to some Russian music because it felt comforting. My mom used to sing this to us when I was a kid coming from the Soviet union. I'm a kid that migrated here with his family but they all died already. Mom, and dad died in a car accident by some drunk driver, my brother died fighting in Iraq for his citizenship, and my wife, and kids died by an ISIS terror attack.
Katyusha
by: The red army choir
Расцветали яблони и груши
Поплыли туманы над рекой
Выходила на берег Катюша
На высокий берег на крутой
Выходила на берег Катюша
На высокий берег на крутой
Выходила, песню заводила
Про степного сизого орла
Про того, которого любила
Про того, чьи письма берегла
Про того, которого любила
Про того, чьи письма берегла
Ой, ты, песня, песенка девичья
Ты лети за ясным солнцем вслед
И бойцу на дальнем пограничье
От Катюши передай привет
И бойцу на дальнем пограничье
От Катюши передай привет
Пусть он вспомнит девушку простую
Пусть услышит, как она поет
Пусть он землю бережет родную
А любовь Катюша сбережет
Пусть он землю бережет родную
А любовь Катюша сбережет
Расцветали яблони и груши
Поплыли туманы над рекой
Выходила на берег Катюша
На высокий берег на крутой
Выходила на берег Катюша
На высокий берег на крутой
(English lyrics)
Apple trees and
pear trees were a flower
River mist
was rising all around.
Young Katyusha went
strolling by the hour
On the steep banks,
O'er the rocky ground.
Young Katyusha went
strolling by the hour
On the steep banks,
O'er the rocky ground.
By the river's bank
she sang a love song
Of her hero
in a distant land.
Of the one she'd
dearly loved for so long,
Holding tight
his letters in her hand.
Of the one she'd
dearly loved for so long,
Holding tight
his letters in her hand.
Oh, my song,
song of a maiden's true love,
To my dear one
travel with the sun.
To the one
who Katyusha loves so,
Bring my greetings
to him, one by one.
To the one who
Katyusha loves so,
Bring my greetings
to him, one by one.
Let him know
that I am true and faithful,
Let him hear
the love song that I send.
Tell him as he defends
our home that grateful,
True Katyusha
our love will defend.
Tell him as he defends
our home that grateful,
True Katyusha
our love will defend
Apple trees and
pear trees were a flower,
River mist
was rising all around.
Young Katyusha went
strolling by the hour
On the steep banks,
O'er the rocky ground.
Young Katyusha went
strolling by the hour
On the steep banks,
O'er the rocky ground.
I walked away from the apartment, and went under a large bridge as per agreed meeting place.
When I got to there my dealer wasn't there yet. All I saw was a woman sitting fishing under the bridge.
"Huh. I haven't seen you around here. Are you perhaps a new person here?" I asked her.
She looked at me, and continued fishing.
"Hey do you hear me?" I asked.
"Yeah I hear you." Said the woman fishing under the bridge.
"Why do you ignore me?" I asked.
"Because I know you are just here waiting for someone else. I know that you are not here for me so i ignored you."
I sighed. Might as well talk to this stranger since i have no one to talk to or to ask why the hell does she know that I have to meet someone else here.
"So why are you here?" I asked.
"To enjoy my life." She told me still watching her bait.
"You?"
"I'm waiting for someone that will give me some money."
"So you're broke too huh?" She asks me with a curious tone Wonder about why I was even here just to get some money when there's banks for that kind of transactions.
She then looks at me, and I saw her face.
it was beautiful. It was like staring at someone who reminded me of my old wife. Also her eyes look beautiful. It was brown but with life inside her eyes. Unlike most people I see their eyes as black, and looked like they were tired but her's.
It was different story. I feel like I was looking at someone who has never experienced pain or sadness. It was like she had life still in her unlike most people.
"So what do you do in your life?" She asked.
"Well. I worked as a pharmacist."
She then looked at me disappointed.
Then my drug supplier arrived, and looked at me like I had gone insane.
"Homie. Who are you talking to?" He asked with concern.
"Huh? You don't see her?" I asked.
"See what?" He looked at me with concern.
"Her!" I pointed at the girl fishing in front of me who was still there.
"I see no one. Are you okay?" He asked.
"Maybe you should go back home, and eat some thing. You might be hungry. Also have this." He then tossed anti depressants, and schizophrenia pills.
"I think you need to drink this." He told me.
He then escorted me back to my apartment.
To be continued....