I was too shocked to move, too shocked to form a reply. I couldn't even properly breathe. After a few moments, I forced myself to bow, and I walked away. I heard 1's voice call me out but I didn't look back. Instead, I dragged my feet to one of the ballroom's many balconies to have a semblance of privacy. I needed to be alone. And as soon as I had closed the door I collapsed on the floor, reeling from what I just discovered.
"20, talk to me," Alessandro said anxiously. He desperately wanted to follow her, to catch every nuisance in her expression, to let her see the sincerity in his eyes, but he knew it would make the situation worse. So using every ounce of self-control, he forced himself to stay where he was.
'Why?' I asked, so softly I wasn't sure if he could hear me properly. 'Why didn't you tell me?'
"I only found out about it recently,' Alessandro replied.
'When?' I asked again, leaning heavily against the wall.
He winced at that. He should have known she would catch on to even the tiniest detail, and she won't easily dismiss it. For a moment he was halfway tempted to make up a plausible story, a reasonable excuse to wheedle his way out of this predicament, but he discarded it. She was one of the few people he could actually talk to, someone he really trusted, and he felt the most like himself when he was with her. He didn't want to lie. Right now, her trust in him hung by a thin thread, and he knew that it could completely unravel depending on what he said. He took a deep breath. "About a week ago."
'When exactly?' I insisted. I hated vague details, especially when it pertained to something as important as this.
"When you mentioned Monsieur Di Almarati and Madame Leone's names," Alessandro answered. "That's when I realized that you may have been in the palace too."
He was right. I did mention Monsieur Di Almarati and Madame Leone about a week ago. I remembered that conversation. 'So when did you confirm that I'm also here?' I knew I probably sounded like a Spanish inquisitor, but I was simply too upset to care by then.
"The next day," Alessandro said. "I called Vincenzo for it."
'The next day,' I repeated, tears starting to prick my eyes as they flowed down my cheeks. 'Were you already aware of my position when I talked to you about washing the dishes?'
"Yes," Alessandro confirmed, closing his eyes. He could hear her start to cry, and it hurt him to know that he was the cause of it.
I felt humiliated – and betrayed. I couldn't believe I had blurted out all those mundane things to 1, not knowing that he was the emperor. And to make matters worse, he knew who I was by then. 'You must have thought all my worries were absolute nonsense.' Which would logical, I guessed. If I was an empress in a far-off empire, no one could pay me to even be near the dishes, let alone listen to a servant complain about them.
"I never thought of it that way," Alessandro countered quietly. It was important to her, so it was important to him as well. It was that simple for Alessandro.
'I'm sorry,' I sighed tiredly, realizing the confrontation left me drained. 'I have no right to say that… Your Majesty.'
"That's why I was so hesitant to tell you," Alessandro let the vulnerability show in his voice. "Because I was afraid you'd treat me like this."
'Like what?' I asked, curious in spite of myself.
"Like a stranger." He sounded so sad, but after what I just learned, I couldn't simply disregard it and go back to how everything was. I'd have to have amnesia for me to forget his identity – and mine.
"20, don't do this," Alessandro continued, his voice pleading. And then he said the one word he had never uttered before in his life. "Please."
'I need time,' I decided. I needed time to reconcile myself with this fact.
"How long?" Alessandro asked eagerly, sitting up straight in his chair. She wasn't cutting off their ties – at least not yet – but she wasn't exactly running to his arms, either. He wasn't sure what to make of that.
'I don't know!' I retorted in irritation. 'I've never met an emperor before.' And then I cleared my throat, and I attempted to inject some manners into the tail end of my sentence '...Your Majesty.'
"1," Alessandro urged her. "Just call me 1, like you always do."
'You wouldn't say that if I was an empress and you were a stable boy," I countered grumpily, and he laughed. 'I meant what I said,' I continued. 'I really need time.'
"I understand," Alessandro sighed. "But I hope you won't take too long."
'Why?' I asked, wary of his motive.
"Because the thought of not talking to you makes me miss you already."
I shoved the handkerchief back in my pocket and stood up, smoothing out my dress. I probably had tear streaks on my face but it can't be helped. I only hoped they wouldn't be too noticeable, because I had to get back inside. I had just opened the door when I saw Caio intently approaching me. "20, where were you?"
'I just needed some air,' I answered him.
Suddenly, he cupped my cheeks with both hands and tilted my face upward so he could see better. "Have you been crying?" he asked.
'No,' I denied, stepping back from him a little so I could wipe my cheeks again.
"What happened?" he insisted. His voice was still gentle, but his expression darkened and he tried to keep his temper in check. Something – or someone – had clearly upset her. He wasn't about to let it go.
'I told you,' I replied, trying to calm him down. 'I just felt like stepping outside for a minute.' He didn't show it, but I could see that he was angry. And there was no way I would tell him about my whole fiasco with the emperor. 'It's nothing a good dessert couldn't remedy,' I continued to coax him, and he gave in with a sigh.
At the far end of the hall, Alessandro watched the scene like a hawk. He wasn't aware that she was well acquainted with Caio. But more than that, he didn't know that she was so comfortable around him. So at ease, in fact, that he was almost affronted by their interaction. 'She could barely even look at me, but she's fine with Caio touching her like that?' Alessandro thought to himself, aghast.
He felt it unfair, like he was given the shorter end of the stick. After she made such a big deal when she found out his position, she turned around and acted like Caio's rank didn't bother her at all. 'He's not exactly a commoner,' Alessandro added, irritated beyond measure.
Across the room, Lucrezia was observing Alessandro. He hadn't gotten up from his seat since he had arrived, showing no interest to even dance. But now he seemed to be intent on watching the archduke interact affectionately with a servant. Many things were not adding up, and it made Lucrezia furrow her eyebrows. "What is going on?"