The fights continue in the shelter, and I chase after vet Hao on the hill. In my uncontrollable anger, I even begin to attack the dead guy who had just been dragged into the pit by vet Hao. "What to believe? Ashes and smoke! Where is the soul? The soul is shattered! You ask him, ask him what's left! What's left has been wiped out by the rain! You call him up, tell him to get up and show me! I will then accept your foolish words!"
Vet Hao has to look at Feng Yi's childish face and sigh: "Don't bully the child. He is younger than you, maybe he's even ten years younger."
"Die from innocent! I'm not naive anymore, but I don't want to learn from you either. I don't want to die foolishly!" I really won't even let go of a dead man.
"Can you stop yelling at me? I don't have a deaf ear, I just do not understand. Even I don't understand, I can still talk about my thoughts. I said I don't understand. Even if you shout at me, I don't understand."
"Don't get in my way if you don't understand!" I roar loudly.
"You don't understand either. Those who are fighting like chickens and dogs below don't understand either." The old man shakes his head.
I shout at the top of my voice, and I don't know why I am so angry: "I don't want to understand, I just want my leg! I just need to know that many people are worse than me!"
"… Only twenty-four years old, you have begun to compare who is worse with others."
"Am I going to compare who is more incompetence with you?"
"The worse ones you're talking about, they're worse because they compare who is worse with others. I'm useless, but I still understand this."
I regulate my breathing because I know it's useless to continue like this. If you're angry for a long time, you'll know that anger doesn't solve the problem.
Okay, I have another way. "I am the deputy team leader, the deputy leader of the foraging team. At first, you guys were originally pushing me to be the team leader, but I pushed Yi to be the team leader to suffer for me."
Vet Hao looks at me with a bitter smile and says: "You don't have so much scheming. Don't say you're so bad. That's childish."
"I can make your eight wounded soldiers who are waiting for foods have nothing to eat. We have been tightening our own belts all the time, and taking an extra bite is easy." I say.
I am satisfied to see a frozen expression on vet Hao's face, and I know that as long as I hold on, I will win.
"…You won't do it." The old man hesitates for a moment and says.
"I will do it. Remember last week when a deserter killed a family of three in Chanda? He didn't live like a man and chose a way of death that lacked virtues. To avoid that, I can do anything. I'm not childish." I look at the old man quietly, and he shudders.
"This is not childish anymore." The old man sighs and goes on to bury the kid named Feng Yi. I think he makes him feel safer.
He says: "You're really comparing who is worse with others."
I don't want to hear anything about worse or not, I just want to know the final result, "Will you listen to me?"
"I listen to you." The old man buries dead in the pit without looking at me.
I look at the hill, look at the tombstones, look at the pits, look at the thin shoulder blades of vet Hao in the pit, I look at the dead, I look at the living.
I finally get the opportunity I want, relying on despicability, not on the passion and sincerity of fools.