"...but the hovercycle?" I asked, turning to face the hovering cycle, frowning as I walked slowly around it, then poked it with my finger. It bobbed ever so slightly in the air before settling back in place. I grinned and looked up at the trees overhead, wondering if I'd see, like, two suns or something to really emphasize how strange my world was.
But what I saw was way, way weirder.
The sky...
Was like the ground.
The ground stretched upwards, curving into the air like a massive hill, defying gravity as it continued upward and arched overhead. I spotted a sparkling lake and the roof of an incredibly large mansion on the other side, almost directly above me. The sun wasn't a regular sun; it was a huge ball of glittering light that shone in all directions. And beyond the curve? Just pitch-black darkness. And to the left, there was a planet. A large, blue-white planet.
"Okay..." I whispered slowly. "I shouldn't have read such intense sci-fi like the manual for Treasure Planet: Battle at Procyon."
The mansion seemed like the obvious first destination. But before I headed there, I needed to learn more about myself.
Wait.
This was a dream.
I mean, I would wake up before the exciting part anyway. So why waste precious dream time doing things that didn't matter? It was all just my sleeping brain's creation, right? But a small part of me wondered: What if it's not? What if? What if?
But if I allowed that tiny part of my brain to hold on to even the slightest shred of hope, then when I woke up, I would jump out of my apartment window headfirst. Right? ...right.
I searched through my pockets and discovered that my cool vampire dude had a pocket watch. When I opened it, I saw a portrait or painting of two very serious-looking adults and a grumpy-looking child. They were as pale as me, with red eyes. The father had black hair, while the mother had blond hair. And that grumpy child must have been me, but as a twelve-year-old. The watch itself was the strangest thing I had ever seen. It had three faces that intertwined and connected. The first was a twelve-hour clock, the second had thirteen hours, and the third only had two hands, one pointing to AM and the other to PM. So, it indicated that it was both 10:14 AM and 13:20 AM?
I closed the pocket watch and flipped it over. There was a name.
BELONGS TO
ALBERT FITZLAND-LANCSTER III
EARL OF ARUNDEL (IN ABSENTIA)
DUKE OF CAROUSEL, BURGUNDY II, AND PHECDA-C
I grinned. "Well, uh..." I put the pocket watch back in my pocket. "Cool. I'm rich. In my dream. Which I'll wake up from any moment now."
I paused and tried to trick myself into thinking it was a dream. "BOO!" I shouted at the forest, throwing my hands up.
I was still in the dream.
"Right?" I asked, then paused, quickly picking up the golden orb and putting it in my pocket. Then I frowned.
I had a choice. I could walk to the mansion. If my estimate was correct, it was... well, it was a really long walk.
Alternatively, I could ride the hovercycle.
I swung my leg over the side of the cycle. My feet fit into stirrups that made me feel more like I was riding a horse than a motorcycle. I grabbed the handles and adjusted them gently, hearing the whirring and sputtering sound. "Okay..." I said. "If I were a 'go fast' button, where would I be?" I examined the whole thing. There was an intricately designed horn-like object. I picked it up and saw a thick cable connecting it to the rest of the machine. I held it up and looked into it. It had a speaking grille. "Hello?" I asked.
There was a crackling, hissing, popping voice that came through.
"Master?" a concerned feminine voice asked, barely audible through the crackling. "Is everything alright? Are you injured?"
"No, uh... no, I'm fine. We're all... fine here. How are you?" I grinned slightly, unable to stop myself.
"Ah. Well. May I inquire why you're using the emergency broadcaster, then?" the voice asked. "If I may be so bold."
"Uh..." I blushed. "Sorry, wrong... button." I put the cone back in its place. Damn, if that was the emergency broadcaster, it had the worst reception I'd ever heard. I was surprised I hadn't heard an old man asking me if he could vulcanize my tires or something Mr. Burns would say. I frowned. "Okay, seriously, go faster..." I leaned back, sighed, and my ankles pushed inward, touching the stirrups on the sides of the hovercycle where my feet rested.
It shot forward like it had been launched from a cannon.
A tree came flying towards me. I yanked hard on the handles, and the hovercycle whizzed past the tree with a whirring sound. Another tree approached, and I quickly swerved in the opposite direction. The bike was still speeding along, and as I adjusted my stance, my ankles pushed harder, propelling the vehicle even faster. A branch almost smacked my face, but I ducked low and burst into laughter. It was a wild, exhilarating laughter. Ha! Ah! AHHHH! AHHHHHHHH! I screamed. "AHHHHHHHHHHH! FAST!" Ducking even lower, I focused solely on weaving and dodging through the trees. Then, I burst out of the forest and entered a vast field of shimmering grass.
"AHHHHAHAHAH!" I laughed, sitting up straight, the wind blasting against my face. This sudden movement caused the handles to jerk upward, and the entire hovercycle started ascending into the air. I screamed and pushed forward, descending again and gaining even more speed. I pulled up once more to avoid colliding with another line of trees, then leveled out, skimming along the treetops. I flew over two more small groves before reaching the vicinity of the manor house. There was a long, narrow lake, followed by an incline leading up to the house itself. But as I approached, I noticed some peculiarities.
Though at this point, how could I even describe what was freaking weird anymore?
First off, there was a small enclosure at the back, surrounded by a hedge with only two entrances. From my hovercycle, I could see a grid of nine by nine large glass cylinders inside. My mind immediately jumped to ideas like a cloning bank or a vault for naked girls. But I also observed a large enclosed building connected to the left wing of the manor. It had multiple cables running in and out and emitted a constant, low-level hum that I could hear even from a distance. By pulling my ankles away from the hovercycle and applying the brakes, I managed to slow down my speed and gently land, almost crashing into the hedge.
Once the cycle came to a stop, I dismounted, laughing to myself. "Hah. Wow. Okay..." I grinned and stumbled towards the hedge, walking with an unsteady, almost intoxicated gait. My head was still spinning from the thrill, and my heart pounded in my chest. I moved around to the entrance of the enclosure, my fingers crossed. Come on, naked girls. Give me a River Tam and five Melfinas, please. My queer self could use some... of that...
I furrowed my brow.
"How disappointingly practical," I muttered, gazing at the tanks filled with bubbling blue-white liquid. Inside each tank, something unusual was growing. It might sound bizarre, but considering the absurdity of this dream, it fit right in. They were pieces of meat—specific cuts of meat, to be precise. A cluster of ribeye steaks grew in a tangled web of veins and tendons that held them together. About fifty chicken breasts floated freely, glistening faintly as their veins connected them. I spotted lamb, turkey, duck, and other cuts I couldn't identify, all floating and... alive. I could see the meat twitching, with blood flowing from unfamiliar tiny organs.
"Grown meat," I whispered softly. "What an idea."
A humming noise caught my attention, and I hid behind some cow thighs, peering around the tubes, my heart pounding.
And that's when the seductive robot swayed into the meat farm, wielding a butcher's knife.