At that time, a voice that was about to die called me.
"Hey! Does it hurt a lot?"
I blow my nose and turn around and see where a girl at my age with no hair left was standing. Her cheeks were sunken in and she was pale as if she'd been covered in flour, but as far as I could tell, she was a beautiful child.
"Ugh, ah, no. . . . ."
I shook my head. The child came to my side, looking worried and passing the sap rack around.
"Then why are you crying so much?"
"Sorry if it was noisy. . . . ."
"No. I cry often, too. Is it because you're afraid to die, too?"
At that moment, I felt depressed for some reason.
"I'd better die!"
"I'd better have died!"
"What ? Why. . . . .?"
The child asked as if she was surprised.
"My mother and father think I'm nothing but a nuisance when I'm sick, my brother and I had a same bone marrow, but he told me to die. Hmmm. . . . .i'd rather be dead now."
I don't know why they even told that words to a kid who didn't even know. And I don't know why they said such a rash thing in the leukemia room, where the shadow of death is always hanging. The child was wriggling her fingers silently beside me for a long time and then said in a very small voice.
"Why. . . . .Why do you say you're going to die when you can live?"
It was a really small voice, but I held my breath.
"As long as you live. . . . .You can change the future. Of course, you may not be happy, but. . . . .Anyway, you have a chance."
"Ah. . . . ."
"I. . . . .don't even have that chance. The day I leave this hospital room is. . . . .It's the day I die. If I die, I can't repay my hard-working mother and father, I can't see my friends anymore, and I can't even be 20 years old. . . . ."
Her pretty eyes were watery.
"I really envy you a lot. . . . .Don't say that If you can live, you have to live somehow. Don't end up like this. . . . ."
The child, who was about to say something more, smiled again after wiping her eyes with the sleeves of her patient's clothes.
"If you're alive, so try to change something in the future. You'll definitely get a better situation. Cheer up."
"I'm sorry. . . . ."
I couldn't help but say sorry to the child who looked much worse than I was. A few days later, I got a bone marrow transplant. I was waiting in the recovery room after getting my brother's bone marrow transplanted, and the nurse came and said.
"Fortunately, I just got a room for 5 people? I'm arranging your bed now, so please wait here a little longer."
I almost went to a double room because there was no hospitalization room. My parents patted their chests, saying how lucky they were. I didn't think much of it either until then. However, the hospital room I returned to was the same one I'd been in for days. Only my seat had been replaced by "the child" seat.
"Hey, hey! The kid who was here is. . . . ."
When I wondered where the child was, my mother frowned and patted me on the side of my head.
"I'm not asking that kind of thing here!"
Only then did I realize. That the child went out after a long hospital life.
~"The day I leave this hospital room is. . . . .I mean, the day I die, "
The voice came to my mind, and my body trembled.
***
How envious she must have been of me as she took her last breath, and i went for bone marrow transplant. How sad she was that she would never get another chance. Since then, I haven't uttered the word suicide again. Even when I was flooded with thoughts of dying, I couldn't help but think of her.
'I, already thinking about wanting to die, is that bad? right?'
I clenched my teeth, remembering the face of the child whose name I didn't even know. Tears formed in the corners of my eyes, but I hurriedly wiped them with my sleeve.
'I have to cheer up. I haven't done my best yet. I still have a chance.'
I made up my mind to live a little cheerfully life.
***
When I changed my mind, my life became relaxed. Probation is a punishment in words, but for me, a housebreaker, it was just a peaceful rest. But It would have been so if Killian hadn't popped up.
"By all means...why did you have to come at this hour?"
"Because I don't have time."
He happened to come at mealtime, so I had to sit across from him.
"Hah. . . . . Sure, well, you're a busy person. So, what brings you here today?"
He ate his bread and stew without answering my question. The way he was eating was also very picturesque, but I bent my head and openly started a fight.
"Killian?"
Even though I called him, he slowly chewed his mouth and only answered after drinking his wine.
"It's not polite to talk when you have food in your mouth, is it?"
"That's right."
Then, I continued to eat without saying a word. In the end, I had no choice but to eat. and it was a wise choice.
"Mmm!"
The stew was so delicious that I forgot everything. I had been upset with Killian until now, so I couldn't help but snort. The Duke's chef was really good. It's enough to make me want to bury a bone with the Ludwig family. In Count Rigelhoff's family, it seemed that they only fed me as much like birdseed to maintain my figure. Well, perhaps because this world was a romantic world, even after i came to the Ludwig family and eating as much as i could, my bodies did not change at all. This is a real fantasy.
". . . . .You eat well."
"Umm. It's really delicious."
I answered without even looking at Killian. Now, this beef stew was more important than his gracious face. The beef without any fishy smell was chewed softly, and the juice with the aroma of milk exploded in the mouth. I don't know what it's made, but it's sweet and sour and addictive. Taste of (OuX) goes fantastically well with the boring meal bread. When the stew, which was gradually disappearing, i was a little disappointed, then Killian indifferently pushed the small covered bowl in front of me.
'What is it?'
Without thinking, I lifted the cover of the bowl and found more stew in it.
"Huh? Why is this here separately?"
"I put a lid on top on it, just in case we run out of soup."
"Ah, so can i eat it?"
"Ha. . . . .Yes."
"Do you want to share it?"
"I'm done."
Then you should stop sighing. Don't make people notice it.
"Then. . . . .Thank you for the meal."
I also emptied the stew in the extra dish as well. Killian watched me eat and muttered to himself.
"That goes well down into her throat, too."
No wonder it was quiet. Is the Devil's snout finally starting?
"Why not? i'm innocent. There's no reason not to. Why do i have to worry about that when I didn't do anything."
"I hope you're right. we are currently investigating all other possible routes that the documents could have taken. Just like you said. . . . .Lizzy is also under an investigation list. Just because it's was Lizzy, it doesn't mean that we're not going to investigate her."
"Oh, that's unexpected."
"We are investigating it fairly, so don't worry about being biased."
"I see."
I didn't bother to talk to him because I didn't want to fight him. He sat there with a serious face, as if he had something more to say, and eventually got up without saying a word.
"I'm going back now,"
"Go ahead."
Come to think of it, it was my first time sitting so close with him and eating. Thanks to this, the rice seems to have been more delicious, and i feel sad to hear that he is going back now.
'Ugh. You idiot. Anyway, with a handsome guy next to me, I went out of my mind. . . . .'
It seems that he is treating me like a person more than last time, so I have an expectation without realizing it. Killian and I parted with an awkward goodbye. After that, all that was left was time. Of course, it was a very happy thing to roll around the bed, but i got a little bored after the third day passed.
'Shall i enjoy my hobbies at this time?'
Yeah, this is the right time. In my previous life, I liked to make tinkering and decorate things, but I always didn't have enough money and time, so I couldn't start properly. But things are different now!
'What shall i start first? embroidery? knitting?'
I was thinking about it, but then I called Anna. Because Anna was the only person I could call and have a conversation with.
"Anna, Anna! Do you know what hobbies other young noble enjoy these days?"
"Usually embroidery, painting, and for active people enjoy horseback riding."
"Is there anything unusual?"
Anna pondered about my endless question and carefully opened her mouth.
"It's not a hobby of noble ladies. . . . .These days, the commoner girls from we-to-do families play with prince and princess dolls that they made. . . . ."
"You mean they make their own dolls?"
"No. They make clothes with the leftover cloth on the wooden doll. Well-off kids sometimes dress them up in pretty fancy clothes. It is a hobby that parents generously allow to improve their sewing skills."
Does it feel like dressing up a Marlon doll? That sounds like fun.
"I want to try that too. Where should I buy a wooden doll?"
"Normal commoner kids usually ask their father to make it. . . . .but if you want to try it, I'll place an order directly to the craftsman."
Wow. . . . .A wooden doll that their father made for them, how precious it must be. I'm jealous.