My name is Yuuichi Sato. Yes, you heard me right. I'm Yuuichi. Right now, you may be wondering why I sound like an asshole. I'll tell you. It's because I have more "rizz" than you do; I am better than you in every way. Let me tell you how it happened.
My highschool was a small one, in the countryside of Japan, a few tens of kilometers outside of Sapporo. I will not bore you with the details, but I was a bullied student, a lonely student with no life outside of books and being hit, but those hits were small compared to the one that would come, and it was two minutes ago, November 23rd, that I was just rereading my highschool transcript. If you want to know, my GPA was 4.5, surely higher than yours. Though, as a consequence, my "rizz" was low, after all, "high GPA" and "rizz" do not fit in the same sentence... wait a minute...
For whatever reason, as stupid as it may seem, I was reading my transcript in the middle of the fucking road. I guess I thought it was safe because it wasn't busy. Immersed in my reading, I did not hear "it". "It" was a truck, I think, I never actually saw it since it came from behind. Thump. One minute I was reading and the next I was in pain worse than I had ever felt before, the sensation of metal meeting skin was nothing compared to the forces that attacked my body and wreaked havoc upon it: I was going to die, I thought correctly. And bleeding on the pavement my vision was black, and I reflected on what my life had been so far. "Fuck man, I wish I was at least "rizzy" or something, it sucks to die with no "rizz" attached to my identity"
My conscience faded and the world came to be black. Goodbye mom. Goodbye dad.
"Initializing "rizz" transformation"
"Huh????!??!?"
"Inserting "rizz" into Yuuichi Sato"
"What the fuck is that voice..."
"Rizzification complete, reincarnating"
"HUUUUHHHH??!!??!??!?!??!"
It was at that moment I realized what was happening, as the voice of some god, demon, or mental condition filled the void I bathed in. This is what happened in those isekai novels that I used to read as a child. A loser student gets reincarnated and gains immense powers, starts a harem, and its blitheringly blind to all forms of female emotion, protagonists like dispossessed children in search of paradise. I was one such child. I was going to be given the "rizz" I desired, the one thing I had always wanted. At least now I had not died in vain, I had died to serve a greater purpose: myself. What powers would I be given? What new world would await me? I did not know, and could not think over the mega "rizz" induced joy I felt.
And that brings me to now. Now is now, the current. "Status plate, GO!"
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Status:
Name: Yuuichi Sato
Age: 17
Occupation: Grand-Rizzmaster
Strength: 10
Defense: 5
Agility: 23
Dexterity: 11
Intelligence: 45
Perception: 2
Luck: 56
Rizz: ∞
Skills: (name, level)
Maximum-Rizz: SSS
Beginner-Magic: D
Beginner-Swordsmanship: F
???: SSS+
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I'm not entirely sure whether I am weak or strong, average or unique, but what I am sure of is my newfound "rizz". Right now, by biggest question is what the [???] skill is, but I guess that can wait.
"Fuck, where am I right now?"
Around me are seemingly endless plains of grass, densely dotted with large rocks, a handful of short conifers dotted around. Everything looks somewhat normal, but this is another world. Are there seasons? Do plants rely on sunlight? For all I know my "rizzy" abilities are for null, and this is an alien planet populated by speaking crabs. Do I even know the language?
"I guess I've got to look around"
The rocks are a pale brown, they blend into the grass. They are massive. A few kilometers away from where I initially reincarnated I've found a huge ravine with a slow moving river of mud at the bottom, and what looks to be a bridge across it, maybe a few hundred meters up from where I stand. There is a road, it must lead to a town. I will go to the town.
As I walk down a packed dirt road, I take a closer look at my status plate.
"Occupation Grand-Rizzmaster huh... I wonder what that's all about?"
When I click on it, an information window opens. Incredibly useful.
"Grand-Rizzmaster is a title granted to those who have reached the peak of "rizz", the select few who have "rizz" sufficient to use it with great power"
The explanation is useless, fucking useless. It tells me nothing other than what I can guess through mere intuition. Did I mention that my IQ is over 132? Yeah, I've never gotten it officially tested, but if I average the scores from online tests, I can get what is probably a semi-accurate result. BTW for folks confused, "IQ" means "Intelligence Quotient". I speak street.
"Beginner Magic, Rank D? Hmmmm..."
"Beginner Magic is the skill given to those who carry an affinity towards magic. It is undeveloped as of yet, but once it reaches rank C, it will level up. Magic itself is complex and must be preformed through the manipulation of physical materials."
Once again, somewhat useless. Though, it seems the magic here is not determined by ones skills but instead a representation of ones tangible abilities. Huh.
It's been three hours now and I can see tips of buildings over the horizon, and hear the noises of civilization. It is now that my story as a "rizzard" begins. Haha, do you like my pun?
Guarding the gated entrance to the town are two guards. They are not armed, they are not embossed in armor, they are simply standing there with wide-brimmed pointy hats and deep brown cloaks. As I enter the town, they only look at me, and say nothing. Later, it seems, I would find out why.
Inside the stone walls are countless buildings, wooden mostly, with cobbled foundations. They are black in color, probably treated with tar to keep out water. The roofs are pointy but rounded, and go down to the ground. And at the very center of the town, is a massive castle of dark grey rock.
I've never liked cities. They scare me. The endless crowds of people make me nervous, the constant stimulation makes it hard to concentrate. Here is no different. Whats more, is I cannot understand the language, and the crowds are dense. It smells bad, like piss and rotting meat. And it is now that I realize the situation at hand.
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK. What good is my "rizz" if I cannot speak? What good is another life if I am nothing? What good is reincarnation if I've been placed in a world worse than my first? The fantasies I had as a kid about wielding magic, about being the popular hero in a world where I stand superior, a harem of loyal catgirls at my side, all gone.
I fall to my knees and nobody looks longer than a quick glance as they walk past. Everyone has their own lives to worry about, each as complex as my own or your own. They all have their own worries. I am alone now, truly alone, more alone than I ever could be in my own world for nobody here even speaks the same language as I.
"Help me" whispers a voice in my language.
It's a faint voice, to my left. I cannot see the source through the crowd.
"Help me"
I walk through the people towards the voice, it sounds feminine. But more importantly, I can understand.
"Help me"
The voice is coming from a girl. She is wearing tattered cloth, dirty and ripped. Bound by arms and legs with chains, sitting on the ground next to a shop with a name I cannot read.
"I can sense your immense "rizz" sir, please buy me!"
I get it now, she is a slave. She, like me, has nothing to live for in this world. She, like me, is truly alone, at the very bottom of the hierarchies that suppress some and give the others power; a slave, an object, meant not be be treated as human but as a tool or toy. Did I mention that she is also an elf? Her skin is dark brown and her ears are pointy, black hair down past her shoulders.
"Please buy me!" she says again.
"I can't..." I reply. "I have no money and I cannot talk. Sorry."
"Use your "rizz"! you are not powerless, you are the Rizzmaster!"
There is a light in her eyes, obscured but bright.
"RIZZ POWERS, ACTIVATE!!!"
Everything goes white, a blinding white. A shopkeeper walks out of the store. He bows to me. He unties the girl, gives me a sheet of paper, and walks away.
"Thank you" says the slave.
"Please treat me well" I say, as her master.
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Two years later...
I look out to a sunset obscured by massive rocks, the grass glows under the gold light and my eyes relish in the beauty of a world of potential while I reflect on my time thus far.
I've learned the language, Seidhr it's called, based on the language originally spoken by the followers of Comus, now adopted by the Mud Wizards. The girl I "purchased" is named Parran, I own her in name but in practice she owns me: I am an apprentice of sorts now.
My newfound "rizz" has not treated me well so far because I have had little chance to use it, but hopefully my new "rizz" filled life in another world will soon pick up! See you next time!
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Thank you for reading this! It's my first time actually publishing any of my writing, so I am very grateful.
The plot here is mostly shitpost but the world itself is based heavily on a non-parody work I was working on before my HDD died on me. I have no motivation to rewrite that, so I'm gonna work on this isekai parody for now. I'm not sure how I will integrate the protagonist's "rizz" into the existing systems at play, though I expect he will become an anomaly of sorts. Parran is already a very well developed character, so I have no worries about her.
I'll try to get out a second chapter this week, and maybe even a third if I can find the energy!
Please contact me as "kuzunohonkai" on Discord if you have any questions or suggestions!