I wanted to ask him the next day, but I was so tired and I felt content to watch a movie cuddled up on the couch until I fell asleep. The day after that went pretty much the same. It's just that our time is so limited that I don't want to ruin the mood by asking a silly question. We're dating, there's no question about it. One day, I messaged Valin after work to see where he was.
"I'm at the park, waiting for you. I'll come pick you up." The park wasn't a long walk so I replied,
"No I'll meet you there, It's not far." He replied with a smiley face so I packed up my things and immediately headed over. Maybe I should invite him to my place to help me with my research paper for biology... but I have to wake up at 5 AM tomorrow to meet my agent before class, so maybe that's a mistake. It's late, if I invite him over... naturally, things may escalate. I'm getting flustered just thinking of it. At the park, it was de ja vu, being happy to see Valin but then disappointed to see the same girl from the library, accompanying him on the bench,
"Wow, I didn't know dandelions had so many uses. I feel bad for killing so many of them now." I heard as I approached. She was giggling, swinging her feet, and throwing pheromones in his face, while clutching a dandelion in her hand which probably spurred this boring conversation. By this point, a spirit took over my body and I slapped her so hard it stung my hand. Knocking her off the bench into the dirt, blood was dripping from her mouth when she looked up at me, playing the victim. When she's the one repeatedly approaching someone who's taken.
"Stop getting so close to my man you fake b**ch!" I screamed and raised my hand to hit her again when Valin stopped me,
"Dite what are you doing?" I was seeing red so his words weren't getting to me.
"Why the hell is she here?" I then glanced at her who was sitting and reeling by how hard she got hit. "Get up and fight me!"
"You can't talk to me like that and you're acting crazy." Valin accused.
"Me?! What is she doing here?! Have you spent the whole day with her?!" He groaned,
"No, the library is across the street she saw me sitting here when she got off work. She's only been sitting with me for about 10 minutes ago and we were only talking about flowers."
"I don't want to hear it! I know how that educational sh*t gets you off, you might as well say she was sucking your c***," His expression turned cold then he released me and turned to help her up, he apologized on my behalf and asked if she was okay. Then he gave her money for a cold compress and offered to take her to the convenience store. That's when tears filled my eyes and I hugged him from behind, pulling him away from her. "Don't go... I'm sorry... but she can walk... so don't leave me... I came all this way to see you." I felt him sigh heavily,
"Sorry again Jess..." Jess didn't respond but she was sniffling and tottered away, she must be the unconfrontational type. Once she was out of earshot he said, "What's wrong with you?"
"I... saw you with another girl and... I just lost it." I tried to think of a good excuse but couldn't find one so I hugged him tighter and continued crying, "I'm sorry, please don't be mad at me." I even made sure to soften my voice, so the cuteness could quench his anger.
"Let go of me." I've never heard him sound so angry, it sent shivers down my spine. After I released him he rolled his shoulders and said, "Jess, isn't the type to make a move on me." Does that mean there's something wrong with a girl who would? "I'm going to need you to calm down and tell me exactly what's going on in that head of yours because I don't understand you right now." The tears wouldn't stop overflowing so I wiped my eyes,
"I just... I was thinking about how we're dating now and I was so happy about that... and I have never liked anyone so much. I just felt territorial because she likes you, it's so damn obvious, and... to be honest... it makes me want to rip her eyes out..." He poked my forehead and said,
"I don't like violence. So don't think you're being cute... that's the first issue so, calm down." His saying Calm Down was annoying, so I pouted and looked away from him while struggling to stop crying. "Secondly... we're not a couple..." His final statement stabbed me,
"You weren't saying that last night when you were f***ing me!" He held his head and the other people in the park started glancing in our direction. "What the hell are you all looking at?! Mind your business!" I shouted, making some look away but obviously continuing to eavesdrop since all the conversations around us were silenced.
"I... thought you initiated that while understanding my position about it... do you really even like me?" I grabbed his collar and kissed him so hard that I cut my lip on my teeth.
"I like you!" He rolled his eyes as he pushed me away.
"If us having sex is the problem, we can just stop." That wasn't the plan! My ex became obsessed over me after I slept with him just once, jealous, and possessive. It's why we broke up but... when I imagined Valin acting that way, it doesn't feel annoying at all. He's not supposed to be so... damn indifferent.
"That's not it! I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up... I just... really want to be your girlfriend." I admitted awkwardly,
"So... if Zai said he wanted to date you right now, you wouldn't even consider it? You'd turn him down with no hesitation?" I wasn't ready for this question so I thought hard about what the right answer must be. I took longer than I should have. *This was my final mistake*. Valin gave me a pained look and said, "Right." Before heading to the parking lot. I chased him and yelled,
"Wait! I would! I only hesitated because you were not an option... If I turn down Zai does that mean I get to be with you, or am I just going to get abandoned in the end? Valin... stop walking away and talk to me." He paused in his steps, then turned to me. I'm 6 foot tall and he being 5'10 had to lift his eyes slightly to meet mine.
"You... must think I'm gullible... So you'd only reject him if you knew for sure you'd have me to fall back on? How am I supposed to feel secure in a relationship with someone who thinks like that? I need to be alone... so go home on your own,"
"I won't hit anyone anymore, I promise." I pleaded in a panic, and I reached out for his hand but he yanked it away,
"You also said you wouldn't lie to me anymore." A lie... lie...? If he can see through me anyway I should tell the truth.
"Fine! I would hesitate... I might think about it but in the end, I'd still choose you." He didn't reply but unlocked his car. "Valin..."
"That's the problem... I can't be with someone who hesitates to pick me... or a b**ch who can't make up her mind and keeps lying to me. I was actually thinking of letting it go, like an idiot... that you liked my brother first because... I liked you." He likes me?! ♥ "But that's over now." I felt my world crumbling.
"Wh-when I said I was super serious about him, I wasn't being honest. It was just a fleeting crush. You're the one I want." He clicked his tongue and said,
"Yeah for now... it's too bad I'm tired of you."
"So, if I just sat quietly you would have... became my boyfriend? Is that what you're saying?"
"I'm saying... that if I sincerely felt like you'd choose me first, yeah. You have been yelling at me about your feelings but... you haven't even thought about the effect you have on me. Have you ever wondered how I feel? Do you care or is making one-sided assumptions your thing?" I am in trouble...
"How do you feel?" I asked timidly.
"I feel like... I never want to see you again. I already made so many exceptions for you but... you just solidified my original stance. We can't date, I lose brain cells just by breathing the same air as you, it's exhausting." My tears returned, which only made him grumble then promptly get in his car to drive away. Oh no... crying was supposed to make him stay and hug me... why is he leaving? Just yesterday he couldn't keep his hands off of me, there's no way he's lost interest so quickly. Once I calmed down enough to talk I called him, but I'm not sure if he blocked me or if he somehow changed his number already because there was a robotic voice telling me the number was no longer in service. Sh*t.
I looked for him constantly at the studio but he was nowhere to be seen. Several days passed, which turned into weeks. I even visited the library to ask about him but Jess said he hadn't been there for weeks, which lined up with the last time we spoke... but she could be bitter because of me going off on her and lying to cover him. She's never happy to see me. It had been a whole month since I saw Zaikel heading to his office. I rushed to join him on the elevator, he was startled by my abrupt entry, and I waited till the doors were shut to say,
"Have you seen Valin?!" It feels so weird asking him this... "It's my birthday this weekend, I'm throwing a party, and I... wanted to invite him."
"Oh.... hmm... he's not here. He went overseas on vacation, I'm not sure when he'll be back."
"He left the country?!" My response amused Valin's older brother who smirked and said,
"Yeah, he even changed his number." Why is this funny to him? Does he get off on the pain of others? I know that he and Valin seem to tell each other everything, so maybe he knows the ins and outs of our "relationship" and he thinks of it as some kind of joke. I never found out where he lived or where he went for work when he wasn't with me. Sadly, it seems like ... I lost my chance to talk to him. Maybe my last real mistake is letting him go just because he said not to touch him... I should have held on until he forgave me. "It's kind of funny that you're asking me about Valin now, and the last time we talked you were begging to be my girlfriend... I mean that sincerely, it's funny." The elevator stopped on his floor and he stepped off, I watched his back for a while, and then when the doors closed again I hunched over in the corner and wept.
I had to ignore my desire to find him, in whatever random country he rushed off to because I had work to do. My fame had risen so much that I barely had time for socializing. At some point the paparazzi approached me. Someone had taken pictures of me and Zai on the elevator and there was a rumor we were an item. When interviewed for clarity it's possible I should have refuted it outright but... since Valin isn't around anyway I said,
"That's a secret." The internet took off with that, as if it was an outright confirmation. Zai's fame soared as a result, perhaps he should be thanking me.
I tried dating, but no one felt adequate, they were either not nearly as good looking, or considerate, they didn't smell as nice ( I never figured out what cologne he wore), and they were definitely not as proficient in bed as Valin. They were all nothing except a pile of disappointments.
Two years had passed and the moment I thought about contacting Zai I saw he had updated his profile, a rare anomaly, with pictures of him with a gorgeous girl, as well as sharing music with her. She had big dark blue eyes, and curly black hair that framed her face so perfectly it looked unnatural. I have never thought anyone was as pretty as me but this girl... might be... good for him, I guess. She has a nice voice too... He probably forgot about giving me a chance by now, so it's not even worth considering. A lot of my fans are bashing her but it's not like anyone will stop listening to me just because there's a new upstart artist, so I'm not worried. Angela, one of the staff from the songwriting agency I'm connected with, followed me on SceneIt. When I half-heartedly followed her back, I saw a glimpse of Valin... It was in Angela's comments. One of the girls she worked with named Lisa said "Oh wow you look so pretty!" under Angela's newest photo, pointless lip service, but there he was in her Profile pic, kissing her cheek.
Valin... never liked taking photos even if I said I'd keep them private and he doesn't even have social media but he's hugged up with some girl... and what's worse, it's a girl I know. I worked with her... and now I want to destroy her. He has to know that I'd see this, is he doing it to mess with me?! How presumptuous to assume I'm not over him yet. Her page was private so I couldn't see anything other than that revolting profile picture... he cut his hair since I've seen him last... I suppose I'll send a follower request. I should commission a new song as well.