Over the next 11 years, Cera fought with Zai frequently. It was typically because Cera would beg him for more attention or quality time and Zai would indifferently brush him off. I haven't met Zai but it seems like the only thing he was interested in was cooking or my brother. I had gotten used to hearing him complain about how Zai treated him regularly. I was mostly just glad we were talking.
"Zai came home again and he didn't even say hi to me, he just hugged Jey and they went out for drinks... they didn't even think to invite me... and since Valin left... the house is empty a lot. Which is all Jey's fault. I might need to track Valin down and talk to him." Cera vented, holding his wineglass of Elixir with both hands.
"Oh... well you can always come here when you're bored... or lonely. I don't know Valin... but if you want someone to come with you to find him, I will." His cheeks reddened then he chugged down his drink and sighed afterwards,
"I shouldn't be lonely anymore! I left Afaria to be with him... and he doesn't even care... I'm just an annoyance... I wouldn't have to do so much alone if Zai would just... give me a chance..." I refilled his cup and said,
"That's not true... I also don't know him but I'm sure he doesn't think of you like that." It's impossible. He scoffed at my reply,
"You don't know Zai at all. He's all smiles and acts nice but... I could be on fire right in front of him and he wouldn't even blink." Hearing him say that hurt me...
"Then... why do you like someone like that so much?"
"Even though he can be nonchalant he does look out for all of the other Chosen, even the ones he doesn't like. His potential for speed is amazing, when I see him I feel like one day... he could succeed to the throne. He's really handsome too... especially when he smiles. Sometimes I forget how to breathe when I see him. Also, when he cooks he considers everyone's preference... he's so damned considerate, each of our plates tastes different. He saved me, even though I know I'm not important to him he stuck his neck out for me... he's just so wonderful, I can't help but admire him." I didn't expect him to have a paragraph-long reason for liking this guy... I chugged down my drink at that point and leaned back until the dizziness it caused passed.
"Oh yeah... he seems great... nothing like me. I would never stand up to the King... I can't even disagree with him without having a panic attack." He nudged me,
"You're not that bad... at least you listen to me. I'm kind of a loser among the others... I never managed to tame my element. Power is very important when earning respect among us Chosen. That's why Zai is so popular. Insinz would spend more time in remedial training but I've seen him and Zai fight so I know he's strong and the others look up to him... he must have his reasons for acting weak. It would be better if he really was weak so I wouldn't feel so pathetic. I need to get myself together. Regardless, thank you... I like having someone I can be open with... like this." We sighed in unison, and then I lit up an inspiration cigarette and passed it to him,
"I wish I could help but the techniques for water are opposite on a fundamental level from fire..." He laughed and took a puff of the cigarette before passing it to me and smiling,
"No it's on me to figure this out, I should work harder... maybe after I do, Zai will respect me." Every time I feel like I'm having a good time, that name ruins it. Is this jealousy? What right does someone like me have to be jealous?
"Hey... this is off subject but, we're friends right?" His eyes widened and then he grinned and said,
"What else would we be?" His answer made me so happy I lost composure and kissed his cheek, Cera sat stunned and then touched where I kissed him, I panicked for a moment but then he pecked my cheek lightly in return and said,
"Friends... huh." He brushed his hair behind his ear and I put the cigarette to my lips keeping my eyes trained on him, "No one has ever kissed my cheek before... it... feels kind of nice. Like getting a compliment." ... does this mean I have permission to do it again? Or maybe do even more? I kept smoking without replying, my thoughts swirling around at 1 million miles a minute.
Later that day we said our goodbyes. We stayed in touch over the phone like normal, he eventually found Valin and convinced him to come home. It was a month later and at the same time as their return he messaged me saying that Zai had gotten with someone, at first this new info pleased me but it soon became annoying when all his messages were about Zai or the woman he was with. Not too long after that Cera was kicked out for starting a fight with Zai's woman and losing, badly. Comically bad. He came to my house right away injured and sobbing,
"He hates me!" He wailed, as he entered my house and rushed into my arms for comfort.
"What happened?" I asked but he shook his head, not willing to talk about it. "You seven have a special bond... he'll forgive you..." He sniffled, "Look up at me." I asked, he obeyed and this time I took the chance to kiss his lips. Cera jolted and backed away slamming into the door behind him,
"Why... what... you... you... kissed me." He muttered in confusion,
"Yeah... to help get your mind off all that other stuff... you seemed so upset. I just wanted to help." I reasoned as I stepped closer and put my fingers under his chin. He looked up at me flustered and replied,
"Well it worked..." I placed my other hand on the door beside his head and leaned in,
"Should I kiss you again?" He swallowed loudly, making it clear he wasn't immune to me. I've never been rejected but I'd always assumed he didn't see me as anything more than a platonic friend since he always ranted to me about Zai but now...
"That... you don't have to... I'm fine now." I backed away and saw him sigh with relief,
"Now explain to me, exactly what happened." After that Cera gave me the full story, not sugarcoating anything and making it clear he was the one at fault even though he still had bitter feelings towards the girl who he only referred to as "that bitch" in his retelling.
"Looks like your Zai moves fast when he loves somebody," I noted... unlike me... I've known how I felt about Cera for a few years now and haven't said anything, I don't have the guts to do that. Putting myself out there like that still scares me, even now. Rejection... is something I've never experienced with potential love interests but I felt it daily with my family and I'm not eager to experience it again. "It's hard to believe he was indifferent towards everyone before and now he's married... maybe they're soul mates." He hit my chest.
"Shut up." I scoffed,
"No. Since when do I have to do what you say?" He pouted and looked away from me,
"Let's drink... are your friends coming over later?" Cera muttered to change the subject. I sighed and turned from him,
"I'll text them and tell them not to come, you've had a long day." We sat and drank together and maybe due to the intoxication, I ended up kissing him again, this time he kissed me back. His body had completely recovered by this point so I no longer feared touching him. I know I'm taking advantage of the situation but... I'm already trash, so there's no point in trying to be good now. I kept escalating things since he didn't push me away or complain and maybe it's because he's the Chosen of Water that being with him went so smoothly and felt so incredible. When we woke up together the next morning he started talking to me casually, complaining about Zai again as if nothing happened between us. I realized then that he still hadn't grasped that I had feelings for him, or they don't matter to him, it's crazy we could have sex and he still thinks I only see him as a friend. He actually believes I won't be annoyed when he talks about other people, but maybe it's my normal promiscuous nature that's to blame...
Still, whenever he invited me to his apartment, after that, I would listen to him, responding appropriately and then moving on to intimacy if he ever gave me an opening. I wasn't sure if it was affecting him, but I became content with knowing I'd never be the one he wanted.
Unfortunately, me sleeping with him opened the doorway for him to try having sex with other people... but that bothered me a lot less than him talking about Zai.
I asked him to live with me because I wanted to, at least, see him more often but when he couldn't answer I dropped the question. I should be happy that I got to kiss him or touch him however I wanted. What threw me off was, that night after my suggestion, he maintained eyesight with me for the first time and even moaned my name. It scared me, of course, I want him to like me, but that's impossible. There's no way he likes me and he has no reason to like me, he's even seen me do some despicable things that I know he does not approve of. This should be what I want but it feels too much like a trap... I couldn't stomach sticking around for him to tell me how it was a mistake or the greater pain I'd feel if he brought up Zai even after that so I left before he woke up. I even kept our texts short, 2 months passed and I was starting to calm down and feel normal again, that's when Tana showed up, asking where Raijian was. Proving that the only reason people visit me is to find him. She looked beautiful now and thinking of how much my father valued her made her seem even more tempting but I was rejected and she even took away the human I had been holding. More than just her face changed. I didn't realize she was strong because she never fought back when my father would grab her and drag her into a closet or even have his way with her out in the open. This is my first real rejection, it's almost laughable, even though I got beat up in the process the outcome was good for me. I would have never said anything if I knew she'd kick my ass this hard. I called Cera, because he's the only person I can talk to about this. I wanted to tell him how different Tana has become, everything that happened at my house, and also to apologize for giving his number out but then he yelled in the middle of my story,
"You... you're pissing me off!"
"Ow... that was my ear." I groaned, pulling the phone away from my face and putting him on speaker.
"You left without saying goodbye and now all you talk about is some woman you want to screw?!"
"What's your problem?" I asked, feeling confused but hopeful at the same time. I've slept with plenty of people, not right in front of Cera but in the same house so I'm sure he knew what was going on... but he never reacted.
"You! You're my problem! I don't care who you want to have sex with or who you actually f**k just leave me out of it from now on!" After screaming that he hung up. I tried to call him back but I was either blocked or he turned his phone off. I may be in denial but I'm dumb, he's jealous. I wasn't imagining things, he wants me... me?! I felt a warmness fill my chest so... I rushed to his apartment and knocked on the door, yelling until he came out. Once he did I said,
"Are you a woman or something?!" my question made him pout.
"Why the heck are y-" He began but I cut him off by saying,
"Then why can't you be upfront with me!? You never said you liked me! You never even said you liked having me around. You never said I looked good or that you missed me! And how am I supposed to know something is wrong if you don't speak up?!" He stared at me stunned, then became visibly flustered,
"I... thought... you wouldn't care." Cera muttered and I groaned,
"Thinking isn't your specialty, you're dumb so ask questions, and that way you'll learn something!" I hugged him tight. I had missed him much more than I realized. Even the cologne he always wears is driving my senses crazy, right now.
"You're right... I've been thinking too much... and I... like having you around, Markis so... let's move in together... please." Cera forced the words out stubbornly, it was so cute to me that I couldn't help muttering,
"Idiot." before kissing him, only afterward asking "Why would you like me? What's wrong with you?..."
"Plenty of people like you..." He remarked,
"Maybe humans who don't know any better, but you know me," I replied with a scoff, I felt his arms squeezing me, making joy rise in me again.
"I guess... it's because you were here..." His answer made me laugh, but it made sense. There's no other logical reason to fall for someone like me. I wanted to be honest with him but the thought of him watching me was too much so I let him go and faced the door.
"I like a lot of things about you... if I thought you liked me back I ... would have treated you better." I would have stopped doing the things that made him uncomfortable, I would have visited him more or invited him over more, and I wouldn't have restrained myself for so long. I guess it's not too late to start now. Cera clung onto the back of my shirt and said,
"You have always treated me well..." I wanted to hear those words so much, wanted to be comforted by someone for so long that I almost cried so I turned around and kissed him to bury that feeling.
"No... I need to become someone you can be proud of." I whispered after that I stroked his cheek and added, "And I'll keep being here for you... I won't ever abandon you. Promise..." I'm not sure if he heard me but... I stopped feeding on humans since I knew it made Cera anxious about the authorities attacking me. I started cleaning my house a little at a time with his help and I stopped sleeping with other people and focused on him.