I'm worthless... and I've known it for a long time. My mother never paid any attention to me, she was so focused on winning my father's affection and Vetro... my dad. I wish he paid even less attention to me. I thought doing well in school would impress him, or mom and maybe they'd praise me. I finally got disillusioned the day my Father cussed me out for rushing to his room and announcing an achievement I was proud of. My father told me that things, such as school achievements, are meaningless in the long run and that if I weren't the top student in school he'd have had me killed, there's no way he'd let such a disgrace as a son go on. My existence itself is nothing but a disappointment already. So, after that, even without the motivation of pleasing him, I had no choice but to continue to do my best to outshine the others, because I knew he was serious and I was one mistake away from dying. I invented new techniques for fire and studied hard but I think it was the anxiety from fear of failure and lack of affection that pushed me to find solace in drugs or bane; anything to numb the constant dread and sadness that plagued me.
One day my mother was pregnant again, I was 19 around this time, finished with school and only visiting to check on her welfare, when she saw me though she frowned and said,
"Oh, it's you... I was hoping Vetro had come to visit." I sat next to her on the couch and sighed,
"Hey mom... how are you? Do you have everything you need for the baby? I saved up some mo-"
"I have everything I need. I only gave birth to you hoping that it would cause Vetro to love me more but... that was stupid of me. I don't need you or anything from you anymore." Her words hurt so I clenched my fist, digging my nails into the skin and drawing blood. I also bit my tongue to hold in the rage that I was feeling, "But this child is different... I can feel it, he's so powerful, Markis. So I know when he's born, Vetro will finally love me." She went on about the King, my father, how he visits her a bit more since the pregnancy, and her excitement but then she scornfully mentioned Tana, "Can you believe he visits that ugly bitch more than me? What's wrong with him?!... Well, regardless he'll soon realize how valuable I am." She mumbled while rubbing her round belly. She continued talking even after I left the room, it didn't really matter if I was there. I gave the nursemaid the money I had intended to give my Mom for the baby and instructed her to spend it on whatever she needed.
Even though the visit went so horribly she's still my mom so I intended to visit her again after my brother was born but... she was dead, some of the servants claimed the King did it and others said the baby was so powerful she died in childbirth. Regardless the clear cause had to be the baby. I'm not sure why Vetro would have killed my mother otherwise.
Mom was right though, my father was happy with the birth of my brother, specifically when he turned 4, and revealed his power by incinerating a servant who was being too rough with him. My little brother was freaked out by the incident and cried whenever someone brought it up. He was so soft. My father praised him and acted ecstatic, even complimenting my mother when the Chosen of Fire tattoo formed on Raijian's arm. None of this praise made him happy though and... I hated my brother because he got exactly what I wanted but wasn't grateful.
By this time, I was living outside the castle and only invited to the palace for family dinners, annually. Because of this, my brother is the only Chosen I ever interacted with. He never spoke to me and had nothing but disrespect when he addressed our father,
"I don't want to eat with you! You make me sick!" Raijian yelled after one of their trademark disagreements. I struggled to enjoy my food without getting involved,
"You think I'm pleased with you? Your only redeeming feature is your power. If you were born normal I would have gotten rid of you years ago." My brother was only 6 at this time and slammed his fist on the table, breaking it and causing a whirlwind of fire that scorched the ceiling. Then he rushed out of the room with tears in his eyes. "Whatever," Dad muttered, leaving his half-eaten food and not bothering to say bye to me, so I finished my meal alone and then went outside to smoke.
It was a year after this that my brother was banished for f**king one of Dad's concubines. Father took that opportunity to get rid of both of us sentencing me to be his guardian unsure of when I'll be allowed to return home. He's always making trouble for me. I'm trash, no one cares about me and it doesn't matter what I do, so there's no point in trying to do right or be good. No matter what I do I'll just be a disappointment anyway. If I treat my brother too well I'm sure it would piss my dad off, but it's not like I can abandon him either. This situation has me feeling trapped. I sent him to school and stuck to mainly minding my own business and staying intoxicated to stop myself from thinking or feeling too much and feeding on the humans who were lured in by my looks.
Even if an Infaniyan catches on to what I'm doing and attacks me, it'll be fine, it's not like I want to live anyway.
I screwed up. Raijian brought a human home and because of their closeness I assumed he had feelings for her, so I thought it would be fun to steal her affection away from him. It wasn't hard, seducing a young human girl was child's play, only took a few sweet words and a smile. He attacked me and I didn't even try to fight back, there's no point when he is so obviously stronger than me. The girl told him to leave and that seemed to be enough to persuade him. I thought making him miserable would make me feel better but it didn't, and what's worse I got her addicted to being fed on to the point that her family no longer recognized her. I had no choice but to keep her around but... having a human pet is proving difficult, they need food so often and defecate just as much, I'm not cut out for this, I can barely care for myself.
A year after Raijian ran from home there was a knock at the door, the energy I felt was familiar so I thought it was Rai returning for the human. Instead of my brother was a thin teal haired woman, she was beautiful with eyes matching her hair. The only disappointing thing about her was she was as flat as a board.
"Is Jey home?" As soon as he spoke I realized this wasn't a girl.
"He... I don't think he's coming back here." I replied. The boy brushed past me and came into my house, plopping down on the couch. "I said he's not here," I repeated and he laughed,
"That's fine... I was really looking for Zai but if Jey isn't here, Zai won't be either. Looks like you have inspiration can I smoke with you before heading out?" I was dumbfounded but closed the door and sat beside him. I haven't had anyone so pretty in my house, for some reason it made me self-conscious of the mess. I handed him an inspiration cigarette and he lit it up. He couldn't be much older than my brother though so... it's odd he smokes.
"Are you a Chosen... like my brother?" I asked. In response, he rolled up his sleeve revealing a tattoo going up his right arm, which looked like a series of bubbles.
"Yeah the Chosen of Water, I'm glad you can tell. I'm Cera by the way." He stated, taking a long drag on the cigarette and then passing it to me.
"I'm Markis," I replied,
"I know that." He replied bluntly, "You look just like Jey, of course, you're his big brother, and I was told he lived at your house."
"Oh..."
"He would bring you up in training sometimes. He even bragged about how you broke a few records in competitions and academics. You were his fire user goal for a long time. Jey was so proud that you were his brother." He was?... This guy has no reason to lie but it's hard to believe. "I should go now," He said, starting to get up but I panicked, grabbing his wrist. It wasn't much but he's the only person who has said something nice to me without an ulterior motive...
"Let's exchange numbers, I can help you contact him..." He tilted his head,
"Numbers?" I forgot that in Afaria most people use telepathic codes, instead of phones to communicate. It's a symbol drawn on the palm that allows you to contact someone's mind and have a secret or long-distance discussion. Usually, only close relatives or lovers use them. That evening I helped him get a cellphone and explained how to use it. Even now I cover the bill so we can stay in contact. He left that day but began texting me like a pro every day, updating me on his location, and taking pictures of anything he thought was interesting. A few weeks later he found Rajian and Zai after that his texts would frequently mention Zai... It stirred up a strange new emotion inside of me.
I was with a woman whose name I was too high to recall. We were kissing on my couch when I heard Cera's unique ringtone and pulled away instantly checking my phone,
"Hey! I hope you actually slept last night. Tired of you going days without rest. By the way, I saw this rabbit outside our house. Rabbits are cute, I wish we had them back home." There was a picture of a rabbit attached followed by a selfie of him smiling and waving at me, "We should hang out again soon, when are you free?" I started to reply when the woman snatched my phone away,
"Who the f*ck are you talking to at a time like this?!" She investigated, then looked at my phone's screen, saw the picture of Cera, and immediately became jealous. "You're talking to some other b*tch when I'm right here?!"
"You are the only b*tch I'm talking to," I replied, pulling my phone out of her hands,
"What are we Markis? I've been coming over here every day, I have to put up with you caretaking some elderly lady, your disgusting house and now you're cheating on me on top of that?"
"I'm not cheating on you," I replied honestly, how can I cheat on someone I'm not even with? "We're not dating," I added to make it clear to her. Her face turned red with rage so I also said, "You're just someone I f*ck when I'm bored, I don't care if I never see you again." That's when she swung at me but only ended up hurting her fist and running out of my house in tears. It was 5 seconds after she left when I replied to Cera saying, "You can come over whenever you feel like it, or I can come to see you. I'm not doing anything important."