Insinz was the last to join. His birth name was Hyzi but he changed it upon discovering he was the Smoke. His arrival was odd because he was the only one who came alone and revealed his powers by himself. I rarely saw him interact with the others and he seemed to need more hands-on mentoring than them because he always came to me for advice. To describe him, His hair was pink with fluffy curls, like a cloud, the color faded into purple at the tips, no matter how his hair was cut, the ends always darkened. I was sitting with him after class one day, going over the ins and outs of his element the best I could.
"Your strength lies in poison. We call it smoke and the gas you create is very similar to it but you can change the compounds to paralyze, damage, and even put your foes to sleep. Smoke is a specialized extension of Earth. I need you to make a Smoke Orb for me, we've been talking for a while do you think you can do it?" He grinned up at me, and his silver-blue eyes sparkled in the light,
"Nope, I don't get it." I groaned,
"This is my third time explaining it to you," I complained,
"Can you make one for me?" He asked,
"Of course, I can't make it!" I shouted, I was ashamed to have lost my temper with him but he laughed it off and said,
"You're funny," Then held out his palm effortlessly making the gas cloud circle his palm, "Like this?" He asked, maintaining his grin. My heart pounded, it wasn't fear this time.
"You could make it this whole time." I accused. He hummed then got up from his chair,
"See you tomorrow, Tana." Was he pretending to be slow just to spend time with me? A perfectly contained poisonous orb is advanced, there's no way he'd be able to go straight into making a concentrated sphere if he was confused. I've dealt with multiple Smoke users in the past and there was one in the past who hid his abilities to extend his time with me. After thinking all night, I dismissed the idea because there was no reason for him, or anyone other than my crazy brother, to want to be alone with me. But for a moment my heart felt warm. During the Ritual of Right Rejection, I lost myself and when I came to, I saw that the only ones who hadn't rejected a right and formed a vow were Netalai and Insinz. I told the others they could go, and then I reiterated that the window to make the vow was only 24 hours a year, but the vow was important so it's still good that they're putting so much thought into what they choose. An hour later Netalai chose his, and I was alone with Insinz once again.
"Isn't there something... That you feel like you could live without?... Like Cera gave up feeling physical pain, that may be useful."
"Yeah, I won't notice I'm dying until it's too late." He replied mockingly. He's grown a lot since he has been here, finally in his adolescent phase but his attitude seemed the same.
"... Well Raijian gave up lying." He scoffed at that too...
"No thanks that sounds inconvenient. I rarely lie but... one day I might need to. I want to... lose my sense of taste." Taste is one of the great pleasures of life... "They never season the food here and the poison I need to drink is also so bitter, I'm better off without it."
"There has to be something you love to eat... there are still 5 hours left, maybe I could get a treat for you before you make this choice... Taste is one of the 5 major senses and the power you gain will be immense but... your brothers have only given up bits and pieces, that won't impact their life so greatly, I just think-" Insinz kissed my cheek and smiled,
"I've made up my mind... but thank you." I touched where he kissed me, again feeling my blood pumping rapidly. "... Do I have to leave, now?" He asked, stroking my cheek, even touching my scars without reservations
"You should go," I blurted out, pulling away.
"Wow... are you blushing?... At your age?" I covered my face.
"Do not mock me!" He chuckled lightly so I peeked out at him,
"Fine, I'll go." I saw the faint glow which symbolized his vow's completion and then he rose to his feet and left. He's flirting with me?! What's wrong with his eyes? Is he insane?! That night I stared at myself in the mirror. With my unruly appearance and stitches, I couldn't understand Insinz's motives at all. He probably just wants to use me... whatever he wants can't be good. He's too young for me to feel a genuine attraction to him anyway. I decided to limit our time together after that, even if he claimed he didn't understand something I refused to believe it and sent him away, choosing instead to focus on Zai. Sometimes the spirit of Lightning would take over while I was with him, I'd see it interact with him using my body as if I were watching a movie. It was better that way because usually I would be too reserved to touch him and I need him to believe I'm on his side, and thinking I am in love with him is a good way to be sure trusts me.
Despite his ambition, Zaikel only consented to doing the first step of the Power Ceremony with me, and Raijian, on the other hand, insisted on doing all 3. I was the one who invited him, but Raijian... hurt me, it reminded me of my first few months with his father and I finally saw the resemblance between them. He even asked to continue but gave up after I told him there was nothing after the third step so there would be no point. He frightens me and now instead of visions of his mother and guilt, I feel weak and fearful in front of him. Soon after the ceremony, Raijian was found to be intimate with Vetro's current favorite concubine, straight from Infaniya, he hadn't touched her yet, but it was something he had been looking forward to so finding out her virginity was stolen by his son infuriated him. They fought and the battle got so intense I feared he'd actually murder Raijian so I stepped in to convince V to Banish Raijian instead of killing him.
Things got worse when it was revealed that she was still very attached to Raijian, unable to let him go in her heart. I could tell V was seething but he did try to hide it around me. A week later there was an attempt on Vetro's life by our head cook. My brother managed to purify the poison before it took his life and had the cook beheaded. In all the chaos he forgot to punish Aluma and just left her in the underground dungeon to rot, it was up to me to bring her meals, I did so quietly and was careful not to remind him of her presence.
Since the princes' powers had become more specialized, they mastered all the general knowledge I had, so I had begun giving them one-on-one lessons, so by default, spending time alone with Insinz again. Most of them have moved on to experts in their elements but Insinz insisted that he still needed me. I thought nothing of it because the door to his room was always left open and ... at least he was always sweet to me. Not like Zai who pretends to be kind or the others who, not so, secretly hate me.
"So, you understand?" I asked after talking for some time and drawing the symbols he had to imagine on paper.
"I have a gift for you." He said instead, jumping up from his desk excitedly and running to pull something from under his bed.
"... You have been practicing right? Not slacking off?" That's when he pulled out a beautiful flower and presented it to me. It was Black, with flecks of purple. How did he even get this?
"For... for me?! Why?" I asked, while gently taking the plant from him.
"I wanted to give you something." Even though I struggled to hold them back tears spilled out,
"Oh... thank you... it's pretty... but how did you even get this?" I asked while wiping my face. Insinz held up one finger to his mouth and said,
"It's a secret... I would have gotten you a whole bouquet but a single flower was easier to sneak in... I'm glad you like it." I held it to my chest... My new most treasured possession. "Tana... why haven't you asked me?" He asked suddenly,
"Asked you, what?" I replied curiously while sniffing his gift.
"To perform the ritual with you?" My heart woke up again and I saw him pout.
"I was waiting because ... um I wasn't sure if you'd...uh... want to," I lied... the truth is that the way I feel towards him is different than the others. It's not because a spirit is taking over me or because I believe he can help me get revenge on my brother. It's simply because he's himself.
"I want to" He sounded so certain that I got flustered. This is just a ritual, no feelings involved! I reminded myself, "When do we start?" After asking this Insinz pulled my hand to his lips, kissing my palm and maintaining eye contact with me so I jumped up from my seat and said,
"I'll tell you later!" While clutching his gift close to my chest and running out of the room. I missed the doorway at first and hit the frame. He laughed, which gave me more reason to rush away and be embarrassed. I stored my newest prized possession in a book... I don't think I can remain impartial with him... I may have feelings for him, so we shouldn't do the ritual together. I brushed it off whenever he brought it up again in our later lessons and reminded him to focus. He would grumble and cross his arms, and eventually, he stopped responding to me verbally, just displaying the skills he learned at my request. Not hearing his voice... was lonely.
A few months later, during one of my Blackouts, I tried to kill V. I had a knife in my hand that I didn't recognize, which was covered in a thick black poison. I was on top of him, bare and he was unclothed under me yelling,
"Zai? You're doing this for him?!" ... Zai?... I'm not sure what he's talking about. I don't even know how I got here. V yanked the knife from his chest, the poison was harmlessly pushed out from his wound and the skin weaved itself back together. Then he rolled over and held me down. "You promised me that this wouldn't happen..." He muttered, wiping up some of the poison onto his thumb and forcing it into my mouth.
"Ahh... V ... I'm sorry! Please..." I pleaded, but he just strangled me as the poison took over and I lost consciousness. It was painful and I was sure I had died. I've been alive so long but death still scared me and it would happen just when I got a glimmer of hope in my life. An unknown amount of time passed when I finally woke up, in my bed. I knew something was off immediately because the soreness in my face was gone, so I looked in the mirror to see the reflection I hadn't seen in about 10,000 years.
"Are you happy? We finally found a successful way to treat you!" V said as he burst into my room. I scuttled away and hid under my comforter.
"That boy... the Smoke one, he removed the curse on your face... so many years searching for a cure and he figured out how to treat you, with no issues. It's amazing."
"Why am I alive?" I asked in bafflement. V laughed and responded by saying,
"Oh... asking the important questions, are we?... I couldn't stand to kill you, even if you betrayed me. I regretted what happened between us right away so I called in everyone who could help."
"I didn't! I don't even remember how we got to that point!" I blurted out and he sat beside me on the bed and hugged me tightly,
"Oh yes... it was during one of your episodes... I was quite alarmed but, I know you wouldn't do anything to hurt me, not the real you. That's why I called for a healer right away," Vetro stated soothingly. I hated having him touch me more than ever and when he pulled the covers off of me I wanted to disassociate and forget like usual. I prayed within myself that he wasn't lusting after me, in that moment. My prayer went unanswered and sadly, I remembered every moment with him and it made me sick. A small part of me still thought that he truly cared for me, but now I realize that he noticed when I wasn't in my right mind and took advantage of me anyway. He never had qualms about forcing me when he wanted to, and he has never cared about my happiness, I'm just an obsession to him, an idol... a doll. Once he ran out of energy and left me by myself I laid and cried, damning myself and my life. It was then that I had another unexpected guest. Insinz had come to see me. I felt exposed and ashamed more so because it was him, he's fully grown now so the mild feelings I had for him before were raging at full blast, so I wrapped myself up in the covers like they were a shield.
"I heard you finally woke up." I bit my lip and tried to stop crying. "Tana... what's wrong?" He sat down next to me, but my heart started racing harder, I yearned to pull him close but I said,
"I'm fine, you should go." Instead of leaving, he stroked my back through the covers. I jolted but didn't pull away.
"I was worried about you... when I heard you almost died... all I could do was regret... never being open with you." I pulled the covers back just enough to look out at him,
"What do you mean?" Insinz pecked my lips, I was too shocked to back away then he smiled and kissed me again, longer this time.
"You're beautiful... you've always been beautiful... and you wouldn't believe how long I've waited to kiss you." I felt my cheeks redden... A kiss has never affected me this way.
"Why would you say that? Why would you want to kiss me? I'm ugly, dirty... a witch, the king's whore! In fact, he was just here! And he-" He placed his hand on my cheek and turned my face towards his so our eyes would meet, this action made me go silent.
"You're not ugly... You never were... I could always see you, the real you. Selfless... sweet... delicate... naive..."
"I don't know if I can agree... I've done so many bad things... enabled so much... I'm not sure if this is even the real me. You wouldn't believe all the things I've done, people died because of me! I'm not sure what your game is and if you want something from me, I have nothing to give! I'm so powerless! So, if this is the real me!... I wish I didn't exist," Insinz hugged me and said,
"Don't say that... It's not too late for you, Tana. You're still alive so you can make up for the things you've done, bit by bit. And... personally I would be sad if you didn't exist." His voice was soothing, and I felt the same heart palpitations again, the ones that came whenever he was close to me. This time I didn't run away and instead cried into his arms until I passed out from exhaustion.