Cristiana tossed the pills into her mouth and swallowed them with a gulp of beer.
She had skipped work for the second day in a row. There wasn't enough time to waste her life away on bartending six nights out of the week. Maybe she would go back tomorrow…maybe not. It was her decision either way.
Besides, the pay was horrible, and she was only allowed one free drink per night. Not that she always followed those rules….
Cristiana looked in the mirror. Her hair was matted, and there were dark bags under her eyes, which had recently taken on a yellowish color instead of the normal white. She put a hand on her face, fingers tracing her skin. Since when did I get so many wrinkles? I look old….
She missed being young and healthy. Why did life only ever go downhill?
In that moment, she felt adrift in a sea of uncertainty, unsure of where she was headed or if there was even a destination worth reaching for.
Finishing her beer, Cristiana stumbled out of the bathroom.
The sun had set a long time ago, she realized. Liam isn't back yet? Damn fucking idiot. He was probably out cheating on her again. Though she had no evidence that he was, she had accused him multiple times of being unfaithful. He had yet to provide her with concrete evidence that he wasn't. I wouldn't even be surprised if he doesn't come back tonight. Today's fight scared him off like the little bitch that he is.
And he wanted kids? Did he really think that he was fit to be a father? Did he really think they, after all their endless fighting, would be suitable to raise a child?
"Motherfucker," she mumbled, squinting through the darkness. Her hand brushed the wall until she found the switch. "Why are the damn lights never on? I can't fucking see where I'm going. Cheap-ass fucker."
She made her way to the kitchen, finally deciding it was time for dinner. One meal a day was about all she could handle recently.
Throwing open the refrigerator, she reached for another beer. Just a few more and maybe her leg would stop hurting. Damn bloated veins. The doctors still wouldn't tell her the real reason she was in so much pain, only advising her to stop drinking. Fucking idiots.
Cristiana crushed a beer can in her fist and tossed it into the overflowing garbage can. She sighed with frustration and glanced over at the sink, where piles of dishes sat untouched. Why do I have to be the one to do everything in this damn house?
She was finding the messiness impossible to keep up with. Every day, it seemed like there was something else to clean.
As she moved toward the sink, an abrupt shakiness took over. The room around her was beginning to spin like a whirlpool. Her body felt as though it were being dragged down into the furthest depths of the ocean.
Maybe just another drink and I'll do those dishes, Cristiana thought.
She turned back to the refrigerator and immediately lost balance, slamming her head on the edge of the counter.
When she awoke, she was in a strange room. Everything around her was fuzzy, even things that were close up. All her life she'd had perfect vision. Why couldn't she see now?
Her body felt restricted and tight, like she was being bound by…bandages?
"Cris…," A familiar voice said, laying a hand on the side of her face.
She searched for his face like a sailor searched for the lighthouse during a storm.
"It's me," Liam replied softly, his voice thick with emotion. "Are you uncomfortable? How do you feel?"
She paused for a moment. "Like I'm dying."
Liam's breath caught in his throat. "You…you are."
"Why? What've I done?"
"The doctor said it's cirrhosis. I told you Cris," Liam said, holding back tears. His voice was tinged with frustration and anguish. "I told you to stop drinking."
"That…that has nothing to do with this," she snapped, though that was more out of habit than anything. There was no denying the truth of her situation anymore.
Liam was holding back tears. "God, you've always been stubborn."
The door opened, and a nurse entered. He began checking her vitals, and Cristiana became aware of the monotone beeping of a heart monitor.
She turned back to Liam. "I…I'm not ready. I'm not ready to go. The end. It crept up on me too quickly." She squeezed his hand with a sudden panic, realizing it was the only thing keeping her connected to reality. The warmth of his skin, the pulse in his hand, the kindness in his eyes. It was her last anchor, keeping her from being swept away by the storm.
"I'm sorry, Cris."
"No. I'm…No. I don't want it to end. Please. I just need one more chance. I'll make everything better, I swear. I can't die."
Liam spoke again, but this time, he only mouthed the words. A darkness began to creep around her vision.
"I'm not ready to face it," Cristiana found herself saying. "I'm scared. I'm scared of being alone. Don't let me go alone. Just…forgive me. We can fix this. Let's do something relaxing. A vacation. A cruise. We could set sail together. Out to the horizon. We don't ever have to stop."
She clung to the words, even as she disappeared. Maybe she could finally find happiness.
A cruise.
Into the eternal unknown.