The goblin takes the card on the table, along with the bucket hat man's hand. He shuffles it swiftly into a new deck, smiling at me.
I take another puff from my pipe. Before I speak, Rick throws a question at me.
"So, elf. What brings you to Muri?"
I smile, taking the pipe out of my mouth. "I doubt you'll like to hear what I have to say."
I am just stalling for time. I need a second to think about what answer to give to these strangers. I needed a clear view of what these guys would be able to do, depending on my answer.
"Oh, you can tell us. Don't we live in a weird fairytale every day, Joe?" Rick asks the bucket hat guy. Joe grins, pulling out his pipe.
"Every day, Rick. Every day."
'A fairytale, huh?' I smile. "Well, what I came here to do would sound like something right out of a fairytale."
Joe and Rick raise their heads with snaky grins.
"We'd love to hear that, then," Rick replies, splitting the deck of cards into three equal sections.
I've come up with the perfect story to give them. And it's not entirely a lie even.
"I've come from a wood in the Northern parts of this land. I could've married any elven girl living there," I take a puff from my pipe, lowering my eyes with a sigh.
"But… when I was a child, my mother spoke of a prophecy. Now, even though I am not a son of a king or a queen, I must fulfill that prophecy. So, here I've arrived in search of a princess that may as well be my destiny."
"HAHAHA!" Rick let out a loud cackle, slamming the table hard. "Joe, are you listening to this guy?"
Joe shows all of his yellow teeth, one or two golden ones in there, grinning wildly. "Oh, I hear it," he chuckles. "From the looks, I didn't think you were such a person, elf."
'Trust me, you will never be able to read me,' I think, gazing at Joe with a smirk.
"Looks can be deceiving," I tell him.
Joe smirks again. "Well, brief him on the card rules, Rick."
"Sure thing, Joe."
Joe briefs me on the basic rules of the card game we're playing. It's a game called "Cheat" and the rules are simple.
You shuffle the deck of cards and deal an equal hand for all the players present. The first player must play an Ace to begin. If you have an ace, you can play one king card, which is one less than the ace, or one 2 of hearts or 2 of spades. After the first player, the next one must place a 2 card and one card from the number one less or higher than the 2 card.
In that arithmetic order, the game circulates clockwise with the players.
As we are ready to deal with the cards, a fairy waitress in the bar approaches our table and asks what we need.
All three of us ask for the same thing: "One mug of beer, please."
"You go first, elf." Joe invites me.
I have an ace. Only one.
"One ace, one two, one king." I place them face down, smirking at the goblin and the man.
The bucket hat guy deals 3 cards of two, one ace, and one three. He announces it and places them face down in the pile of cards in the middle.
The trick here is, cheating.
If we say "Cheat" to the guy who dealt the cards, we can check whether the cards he dealt are exactly the ones he claimed it to be. If not, he takes the whole pile of the cards into his hand. However, if we guessed that he cheated wrongly, we take the entire pile of cards into our hands.
"So, Joe. You say you live in a fairytale in Muri. Since you guys are citizens who have been here for a long time, why won't you tell me what the princess is like in this castle." I ask Joe.
"Princess? Wasn't sure you were serious about that, but – she's fine as hell, I can assure you that. After that, it's just rumours that have been spreading around the city about her. You know, ever-changing rumors." Joe replies, turning to Rick and squinting his eyes.
Rick deals a whopping number of cards, then lies about it. I let it be, for now.
"Rumors are good. They carry part of the truth at least." I tell Joe, gazing down at the cards I have. It's my turn again.
"One card of three, one of five, three of fours." I place them face down on the pile and glance at Rick. His eyes are flinching, his eyebrow angling towards Rick.
Both of them are communicating with each other. But, sadly, Rick only has three fingers. So, he mouths it to Joe.
Gladly, I didn't lie. They know that all those cards were in my hand. So, they know it too.
I lower my eyes. This is a game called 'cheat.' Cheating is the rule here.
"There are rumors of the princess's personal life, elf. If you want to marry her, I think they might be of help to you," Rick adds with a grin.
"It'll indeed be a great help for me, Rick," I reply to him.
He deals four fives, one six. Too suspicious, but still. I let it pass. The game's still only begun.
"The princess is still unmarried, even though she's 20 years old now. She is a human princess, of course. A handsome orc prince and an elf prince had proposed to her in a royal marriage, but the princess rejected both of these proposals. The royal family was baffled by this. However, the king is very fond of this princess, so she – one six, one seven, one five – so she has her freedom."
The goblin lies, all the while telling me the story. But – he still has a very full hand. I dismiss this too.
"Now, the maids of the castle are spreading rumors through the town saying the only princess is delusional. She tells them stories of men from fairytales, like a prince with overwhelming power coming to sweep her off her feat at the window of the castle. Or a demigod falling in love with her. I hear she's very arrogant too, with a funny attitude. Hmm, since you're right out of a fairy tale, who knows? She might even fall in love with you."
The goblin laughs, and Joe joins in.
"I agree," I grin at them. "Four of sevens."
The waitress brings the mugs of beer to our table. I pay one silver coin for it, for all three of us.
My hand is gradually decreasing. Next move, I know what to do. Joe has the lowest hand at the moment. His eyes slowly shift to the goblin, and he winks at him.
"Three of eights, one of nine. One of seven." He deals the cards.
He ain't lying. That wink. It's obvious. He is trying to trick me.
I don't fall for it. I don't scream out, "Cheat."
Now, Joe only has seven cards left in his hand, or is he perfectly aligning those cards on top of one another? I ponder, but no need for hesitation. Survive the first round. The next round is when the real game begins.
"So, guys, where does the princess live in the castle? You know where her chambers are?" I ask Joe.
His grin widens. "You gonna kidnap the love of your life?"
"No. No such thing. I have this lovely love letter written for the love of my life, Joe. I need to place it on her window sill. Make her read it. Make her fall for me." I confess.
"Bwahaha~ god damn, man. I don't usually give out lethal information for no coins, but you paid for the drinks. And the coins in that table… I guess that's a fair deal," he chuckles. "She lives in the tallest tour of the castle. But she lives in one of the rooms in the middle, not the highest place. It's swarming with guards, you won't be able to touch it."
"Haha, anything for love," I smirk.
Just like that, the first round passes by. The goblin had betrayed Joe in the last turn, his entire hand is filled with cards now. His nerves are popping and the goblin is laughing.
The goblin must play a two now. Next in line for me, is a 3. Gladly, I have a 3 in hand, a two of fours, and one two. If I don't play it right, I will lose.
I carefully place the 2 of hearts on top of one of the 4 of hearts cards and apply a touch of frost magic to it from my fingertips. The cards glue together.
"One of three, one of two, one of four." I place their head up on the table and sit back on my chair with a grin. "I win."
The goblin instantly stands up and leers at the three cards, its ugly eyeballs popping out of the hood. "No – it can't be – no!" He slams away the mug of beer and Joe begins to laugh hysterically. I chuckle, seeing the reaction of the goblin.
In a game of cheat, there is no fairness. You cheat and cheat until you win.