The nightmare begins with the death of my father.
I had believed the doctors without question that his condition was stable, but my father had taken his own life.
Disheartened by the sudden separation and unsure of what to do, I was met by my uncle and his family.
My uncle Gael, his wife Romina and my cousin Sonia.
They were there for me, encouraging me and offering kind words.
I believed them, not realising that this was the work of the devil.
This seems to have been a visitation of misfortune.
My father's funeral went off without a hitch, with my uncle acting as pallbearer.
Afterwards, he was worried about my depression and left me in charge of the dukes' affairs.
To make his job easier, he gave me a pocket watch with the Duke of Mendoza's family crest on it, a sign that he was the head of the family.
From there, my life and Florensi's took a nosedive.
My uncle told me to move to the remote house where the servants were sleeping so that I could have a quiet life as the house was crowded with many people.
Florensi and I, who were depressed and unable to accept my father's death, mistakenly thought that this was his kindness and moved residence.
At first the maids took care of their food and clothing, and three meals were prepared for them, but gradually they were treated differently.
The maid disappeared, the meals were reduced to one meal, and finally not a single meal was delivered.
Although she wondered why, when she visited the main residence, she was given a meal to share.
She was able to cook and wash clothes for charity, and had learned to make pastries from the sisters.
Florensi and I lived a quiet life together, doing housework we were not used to.
But there were days when I wondered, just a little, "Why?" There were days when I wondered why.
But my uncle, too, had a lot of unaccustomed work to do and probably didn't have time to pay attention to us.
We believed that.
The first day I thought it was strange was the day the maid refused to give us our meals.
The maid clearly said, "The head of the household told me that there is no food for you".
What the hell was going on? I went to talk to my uncle, and the story took an unexpected turn.
He told me that I was now the head of the Ducal House of Mendoza.
The official heir is Florensi. Why is my uncle the head of the family?
It would not be hard to understand if he was a deputy.
When I asked him if he might be the head of the family until Florensi comes of age, he shook his head.
He told me that the position of head of the family belongs to him.
It is here that I finally realise.
My uncle had come to us, weakened by the death of my father, and pretended to be kind in order to take over the Dukedom of Mendoza.
It seems that my uncle had also obtained an "endorsement" from His Majesty the King, and showed off his appointment as Duke of Mendoza.
He probably got around well.
But that was not all.
We were faced with two choices: leave or continue to live away from here. We had only known life in the mansion and there was no way we could live outside.
We had no choice but to continue living away from home.
My uncle demanded a high rent for us to live away from home.
When I was wondering whether I should go somewhere to be a governess or become a companion to a noble lady, my aunt made me an extraordinary proposal.
She suggested that I should become my cousin Sonia's personal maid of honour.
To work in another house, I would need a letter of introduction. I was sure my uncle would not want to write one, so I became Sonia's maid of honour.
Since then, I have had terrible days.
Sonia, who used to love me like a sister, was nowhere to be found, and she behaved like a queen and did as she pleased.
She told me that the tea was bad, that she didn't like the sweets I had gone to the trouble of queuing up to buy, that I had no taste in choosing a dress.
It seemed as if not a day went by when Sonia did not shout at her.
Her fiancé Antony, who was her only ally, was so taken by Sonia that he called off the engagement.
To his surprise, he had been involved with other women besides Sonia and even had an illegitimate child.
I feel like a fool for having trusted Antony, who has not a shred of integrity, and for having relied on him for my emotional support.
As if to drive me to despair, a terrible incident occurred.
The dress I had ordered in response to Sonia's request arrived without any lace, ribbons or other decorations.
Why did it arrive without any lace or ribbons? I went to the sewing shop to inquire, but tomorrow is the day of the evening party. The employees would not take the matter up.
Sonia is furious and tells her to die and apologise.
I couldn't die leaving Florenci behind, so I used my back hand.
It is "Spiderwork Terralanya", used by the spider fairy Gachan, who I have been friends with since childhood.
Spider craft uses my magic power as a medium, and Gachan creates magic threads. The magic is that my imagination and the threads work together to weave lace.
When I re-tailored Sonia's dress using spider-work, her mood was restored.
It seems that the dress made of lace was highly praised at the evening party, and Sonia felt good about being pampered.
The relief was short-lived.
Letters flooded the Duchess of Mendoza asking which workshop she had ordered the lace from.
When her uncle and aunt found out, they came up with the idea of turning the lace into a product.
They ordered me to knit lace, as they did not want me to pay rent.
From then on, I retreated to a remote house and continued to make lace.
My hair became dry, my skin rough and my lips chapped from overuse of magic.
My cheeks became skinny and my arms and legs thinned out like branches.
More than once, her uncle and his family said she looked like an old woman, even though she was still young.
Every day I knitted lace until I was exhausted and slept like mud.
I spent my time that way, but Florensi was happy that he could spend more time with me.
I appealed to my uncle to at least give florensi an education , but he told me that he had no money to spend on education.
Then I had to teach him to learn as much as possible, so I got up early and made up teaching materials.
I also had to get him outside to play and build up his physical strength.
Just when I was relieved to hear that he had become friends with the servants' children, he came home one day crying.
He said that they had been getting on well with him, but suddenly they were bullying him.
Perhaps it was an order from his uncle. I can only say that it is terrible to deal with children.
Since then, Florensi has been very close to me.
I was only happy to spend time with Florensi, as we had not spent much time together. But it's also a problem when I'm the only one you can rely on.
Should I let him do charity work and get to know the outside world? Just as I was thinking about this, I discovered that Florensi was ill.
He had the same symptoms as his father. The doctors said he was young and would soon recover completely, but his condition kept getting worse and worse.
His uncle told him that expensive drugs would have an immediate effect, so he traded them for a large amount of lace.
Even though his body complained of its limitations, he was able to hang on for Florensi's sake.
One day, after four years of this kind of life, my magical powers ran out and I was no longer able to make thread with spidersmithing.
For a while, I hand-stitched lace, but I overworked my eyes so much that I lost most of my sight.
Without eyesight, you can't weave exquisite lace.
My uncle, who had completely lost all use of me, choked me down and said, "Useless!!!!" and ordered me to go and sell the goods to the "Frut proibito" shop.
The shop, which means "fruit of the forbidden tree", really traded in everything.
From human flesh and blood to forbidden books and slaves, there was not a single item that was not for sale.
Almost every day I carried jewellery such as necklaces and bangles that my uncle had ordered me to sell at the anything and everything shop.
One day, in the fifth year, it was discovered that they contained the personal belongings of the queen of the neighbouring sea kingdom of Binemeer.
All of the items had been stolen.
I was unaware of this and had been working hard to transport them.
King Vinemeer was apparently furious at the interstate theft racket.
As a result, I, not my uncle, was caught as the main culprit in the case.
When I heard that not only I, but also Florensi, had been taken away, I even clawed my throat out of despair.
Afterwards, they said that my execution was quickly decided, perhaps because they wanted to appease King Binemeer's anger as soon as possible.
Florensi and I stood on the decapitation table - and were cruelly killed.
◇ ◇◇
These are the nightmares I had.
However, I do not intend to dismiss this as a dream.
The horror and sadness of witnessing Florenci's death and the horrific memory of being used by my uncle and his family are vividly etched in my mind.
My father, who seems to be in a stable condition, could suddenly deteriorate, and my uncles, who are after the Dukes of Mendoza, could be breathing their last by now.
I wipe away my tears and stand up.
I have no time for fretting.
I will not make the same mistake again. To do so, I had a lot of work to do before my father died.