He wanted to cry out frustration.
He wanted to cry due to his lost talent.
He wanted to cry because she was not there.
He admitted defeat. He could no longer play the piano if it wasn't together with her. Which was silly as they had never played together. He was clinging to an obsession, to a hallucination, something that could never become true. To an impossible!
He couldn't play the piano anymore. Not without feeling that emptiness. An emptiness that could only be filled by her.
What have you done to me, Rei? He thought.
Judd expected the people to gasp or begin their murmurs due to his sudden halt. The silence was a bit oppressive. He didn't dare to open his eyes. He didn't want to see the disappointment in their eyes. He didn't need it from them, the one from his parents was more than enough, thank you.
What came was not the whispers or murmurs, or the jeers, the voices asking him to get down. His teacher didn't approach him to ask him what was wrong, his friends didn't get on stage to apologize on his behalf, coming up with any excuse for his behavior. Nothing of that came.
What came was the grave sound of a chord played on a cello. He felt it vibrate in his soul, igniting it, elevating it. All the pieces gathered, completing the puzzle of his wrong opus. Correcting it. The chords came one by one, filling his body with something he couldn't quite explain.
His fingers began to press the keys once more and, oh may the Heavens be damned, because he felt so good! This was what he was looking for! This sensation, this feelings, this combination. It was pure perfection!
It was human, holy, raw, visceral, ephemeral, deep, piercing, innocent, pure, seductive, forward, insane, methodical, pulsing, twisted, clawing, hard, soft, stretching, untouchable, delicious, shuddering.
Perfect!
It was a million times better than his dream!
Once again he felt the ascension, all the mundane matters leaving his body as his naked soul tried to reach the unknown. He could feel it, this time he would reach it.
He could reach it.
His soul was palpitating with each chord. Thundering and rumbling. It was like a war of tug, it was splitting the world quite beautifully between the sound of the piano and the sound of the cello. The two instruments were warring, battling for dominance. Battling to consume each other.
It was a battle between perversion and purity. Evil and goodness. Life and death. The Apocalypse itself in a simple opus! An ancient battle that knows no end, knows not how to be tired, knows nothing about mercy, squeezing every ounce of self from the players. From the mediums.
They were not in the middle of it all. No, not in the middle, they were pulling and being pulled. Chasing and being chased. Giving and receiving. Touching and separating. It felt romantic and sexual at the same time.
He didn't want it to end. He wouldn't allow it to end.
He was already taken by this sound and would not belong to anything – anyone – else.
The battle had to continue because there was no evil without goodness, no death without life, not purity without perversion. Everything was balanced now.
Everything was right.
Perfect.
When it was over, he was panting. He smiled and then laughed. Finally. She was finally there with him. He opened his eyes, when the melody was gone from his system. He felt like a new person. He didn't know more or less, he was just different.
Reborn.
His eyes immediately looked for her. Because he knew it was her. There was no other person in the world that could have made him feel like that. She was the only one who had captivated him, body and soul, with her music, with her whole being. They had come to an agreement. There was no other one.
They were perfect for each other.
He wanted to see that black hair, those white clothes, that face like a doll and those blue eyes with their respective luster. He wanted to see the Rei Lee he had yearned for so long. His eyes found another person. A blonde-haired, green-eyed, sharp-featured woman with grey clothes and a red cello in front of her.
His breath hitched, his stomach sank and for a few seconds he got dizzy.
It was the same red cello from his dreams, the one that fell with a sickening thud, as if it was a body falling from a great height and splattering blood all over, not a cello. But no, that was not possible. It had to be her. No one else. No one else could make him feel what she made him feel.
When she stood up, a sob almost broke out from his throat. Even her height was different... Though, the high-heels might be blamed for that. He was sure that if she took them off, she would be the same height as her. It had to be her!
She began to put her cello away, not paying attention to him or any other person in the public who was silent, still in some sort of stupor due to the opus. And when she started walking away, he followed her. It wasn't until they were out of the Hall that he finally reached for her. Because he didn't want to think that it wasn't her.
It had to be her. No one else. It had to be her!
"Rei." He called out, grabbing her arm. It wasn't the same. Nothing was the same. But he wanted to believe. "Rei." Did his voice change? Why did it feel as if he was wronged? As if he wanted the woman in front of her to assume her sins and tell the truth. Because it had to be her. No one else. "Rei." Now it sounded desperate.
He was scared.
It had to be-
She gently pulled her arm from his grip and he willingly let her go. It wasn't her. It was someone else.
"Rei Lee is dead."
A sickening thud.