"Regardless, the system did work! I manage to turn the curse towards your sisters and avoid being completely stripped in the fight! Only lost everything below my waist! Progress!"
"Haha yeah. Although, you just beat two snobby nobles, who knows if it will work with a bandit or a kn-"
A tall elf with short red hair kicked open the door to the hall. She was wearing a greenish hood and had a scowl permanently glued to her face. A couple of guards came running after her.
"Sorry my liege, we tried to stop her but-"
"Prince Laurentius. I´m Roana, captain of the guard for the Lady of the Ring, and I have come to apprehend a fugitive that fled her most wise punishment."
"Does no one follow protocol anymore?" The prince sighed, pulling up a piece of parchment to hand to his steward. "There, that´s the royal calendar. You can talk to my steward to arrange a meeting to discuss cooperation between our kingdoms regarding the search-"
"No need, she is right there!" the knight pointed at Peonie.
"Me? But I have never even been to-oh right, the doppelganger."
"You have the gall to try to kidnap one of the kingdom´s nobles with just an empty allegation as a justification? Guards, throw her away. Let´s see if a bit of jail time can teach our elven friend here to follow the proper procedure next time." Laurentious waved his hand. Two knights unsheathed their swords and stepped forward.
"I´m not following protocol? Do I need to remind you of our treaty? You can´t stop us from arresting our fugitives in your lands. If your guards get in my way, the Queen will hear of it."
"Be that as it may, I can´t let-"
"Err, I have an idea. I´m not technically a member of the kingdom´s military. So, if the guards can´t do anything, what about me? Let me handle this, your liegeness!" Min said.
Laurentius stared at her jester, smiled, and reclined on his chair. He served himself up a glass of wine. "This will be interesting. Go ahead."
"Pfft, like a naked buffoon can stop me." Roana charged forward. Min looked into her trusty hidden sleeve to see if the real jester left her something she could use.
"Yeah, I can make this work," Min tossed a small vial of transparent liquid on the floor. Roana didn´t pay her any attention. She was making a beeline for Peony. Or she was, until her feet became glued to the ground.
"What trickery is this?" Roana yelled, trying to lift her feet from the ground. "Did you-ack!" The knight received a pie to the face. Min had taken the dessert from the noble´s plates, but they didn´t seem to mind.
While the knight was cleaning the cream from her eyes, Min jumped in front of her. She grimaced as her feet touched the ground. "… I just jumped on my glue, didn´t I?"
"You are as intelligent as your profession implies, fool." the elf retorted.
"Well, whatever. At least I don´t have my pants around my ankles."
"You don´t have pants."
"I know, but that´s better than wearing them around my ankles like an idiot." Min pointed down. Roana´s pants had been brought down her athletic legs, they were bunched up near her feet. Only a loincloth protected her modesty, and even so, it left little to the imagination of the elf´s firm behind.
"What in the goddess´s name?" The elf quickly tried to pull her pants back up, but they were stuck in the glue as well.
"What´s next, oh mighty elf?" Glaring, Roana pulled and drew an arrow from her quiver and aimed her bow. "Woah, there, watch where you aim that thing."
Roana muttered a few words, and the arrowhead glowed red. She pointed her bow at the ground. "Let´s see if your glue can handle a little fire."
"W-w-wait, fire?-ah!"
The elf released her bow. A small tornado of fire emerged from the spot where the arrowhead struck the floor. The glue melted, and Min jumped away as soon as she was able. "Hot, hot, hot!"
"Min, are you ok?!"
"Yeah, surprisingly. It wasn´t that hot. Kind of like walking on the sand on a hot summer day. Although, something still smells like…"
"You are on fire!"
"Huh? Eeck!" A small flame burned on Min´s back, quickly spreading across the fabric. She dropped to the floor and began rolling around.
"Heh, fool." Roana scoffed. "That´s what you get fo-"
"Your pants are on fire too, idiot!"
"Huh? Ack!" The flames had caught on to Roana´s pants as well. The elf quickly stepped out of her burning shoes and kicked the fire away before it could spread to her loincloth. Min copied her idea and threw out the top of her onesie as well. Both garments landed on Min´s cozy jester nest, which lit up like a bonfire.
"Huh, I guess my sisters now don´t have anything to wear now…" Peonie mused, watching all the clothes they had packed burn to a crisp. She smiled. "Heh. Can´t wait for the ride back home."
"Oh, man. I was going to pull some pants out of there too!" Min pouted, crossing her arms across her naked chest, a thumb nervously rubbing her nipple as if to check if everything was truly gone. "Naked again. At least I have my cape and my hat. Ack!"
Roana picked up her bow and fired at Min, the arrow flew right in front of her nose.
"You´ll pay for destroying my pants!" The arrow ricocheted off a cloche in the banquet table and flew back straight at the elf, hitting her bow away from her hands. "Ack, what´s with my luck today?"
While she was distracted, Min rolled over, grabbed her Marotte, and-"Spanko! That was for my costume!"
"Oww!"
"And this is for fun!" Min angled the Marotte´s so that its mouth took a bite out of the loincloth, ripping the underwear from the elf´s body. Roana quickly yelped, covering the fiery bush between her legs with one hand.
"Huh, I guess the curtains match the drapes." For the first time, the courtiers laughed at Min´s pun. "Well, as long as they are laughing with me, and not at me…" She mumbled, fighting the urge to try and cover her sprightly chest from the attention.
The court´s laughter echoed like war drums in Roana´s ears, making her heart beat almost as loud. She recoiled, taking a couple of steps back. "Why you?! That´s it, no more pulling punches, I´ll-" The elf crouched to pick up her bow, but it was not on the ground. "Where is-?"
"Oh, I always wanted to try archery!" Min had picked the bow and was struggling to draw the bowstring, her fingers trying to fit four arrows into one shot. "Arhg, Touly is right, this is heavy!" Min accidentally released the bow. The arrows flew right at her target but thankfully missed her by an inch. They lodged themselves in the wall, pinning parts of Roana´s hood to it.
"Ha! You missed!" Roana said, taking a confident step forward. Her cloak and shirt, however, stayed pinned to the wall and ripped apart from Roana´s skin as she moved forward. The incredulous elf looked down at her salmon-colored nipples bobbing freely in the air. The royal court was full-on cackling by now. Even the usually stoic prince joined in their mockery.
Roana´s knees bent on their own, cold sweat pouring down her forehead. She was supposed to be an elite elven knight! Why was she on the receiving end of a barrage of ridicule? From a human jester, no less! "What?! How does that happen?!"
"The jester´s curse is a bitch, huh?" Min replied, grabbing another pie from the table and throwing it at Roana´s face. And then another, and another. Also, an apple, a tomato, a piece of jelly, and anything Min could get ahold of.
"Ack!" The knight picked up a tray and used it as a makeshift shield to try and parry the creamy onslaught. She managed to protect her face, but her steely thighs were covered in cream, a strawberry had lodged inside her cleavage, and the bush between her legs was covered in crumbs like the world's most lewd salad.
Roana kept backing up from the barrage, failing to notice the window behind her. The back of her knee hit the windowsill, her torso bobbled backward, and a last pie sealed her fate. To the applause of the whole court, Roana tumbled and fell out of the castle towards the moat.
Min poked her head out, smiling as the knight´s body hit the murky water below. "On the bright side, at least you get a free bath!" she yelled.
"Steward, did you fill the moat with crocodiles as my father wanted?" the prince asked.
"No, my liege. But it is filled with-"
"Eeep! What´s biting me? Are these little tadpoles? Stop chomping on my nipples, you animals!"
"Nibbling tadpoles? That´s not exactly a stalwart defense, isn´t it? They can´t even break the skin."
"No, my liege, those are just parasites that feed off the skin of our actual defense."
"Kyaaa!" Roana was lifted over the windows. Four tentacles were coiled around her ankles and wrists, keeping her limbs apart and sparing her no dignity. The rest of the beast´s tentacles were busy exploring the sides of her torso, beneath her arms, and even the soles of her feet. The elf couldn´t help but chuckle at the ticklish sensation they provided.
"A kraken?! Isn´t that too dangerous?"
"No, sir, it´s a Tickling Squid. Practically harmless. Our elven envoy will be released when he gets bored… probably in a couple of hours."
"Great, I guess no one will be able to get an afternoon nap with the elf´s laughter echoing across the halls."
"At least the peasantry will enjoy the spectacle, sire."
"Haha. See, Peonie? The system works! I defeated a knight!" Min went back to her friend.
"I guess it does, but you got naked too. So much for the curse sparing you."
"It has its kinks, but I´ll work them out. The important thing is that I can work with this. I´m in a way better shape than your sisters or Miss High-and-mighty Elf over there."
"But she will be back…" The prince approached Peonie. "..and after such a humiliating beating, I think our elven friend there will be more than furious. I don´t like the elves butting into our affairs, but if she returns with a proper contingent of elven knights or worse, a diplomatic note, I don´t know if I can keep them away from you, Miss Peonie."
"I understand, my liege." Peonie bowed her head. "Thanks for the help, I´ll try to sort this out myself without involving the Crown."
"No, as heir to the throne, it is my duty to resolve our vassals' diplomatic crisis. Not to mention, if you do get captured, I don´t think your father will take kindly to that offense. Marshall Curse or not, I´d rather avoid a war on my doorstep if I can help it."
The prince handed Peonie a parchment with his seal on it. "Here, this letter will grant you a haven to the one place the Queen of the Rings would not dare to invade, the Realm of Nisab. I recommend you venture there and lay low while I organize a delegation and head to the elven kingdom to sort this mess out."
"T-thanks, my liege! I am in your debt."
"It´s the least the Crown can do for his vassals. I suggest you leave posthaste, we don´t know how long we have until more elves come looking for you."
"Hehehe! S-stop, you overgrown squid! And you, peasants, stop gawking around and help me!"
"I say we still have some time to go before this particular elf can resume the chase, at least."
"And you, my jester. I know that you aren´t what you say are. I know that my father sent you on a mission to keep tabs on me."
"W-w-w-what? Nooooooo."
"But, I hope that as you work for my father, you will also work for me. You have shown you can handle yourself. Please accompany Miss Peonie on her travel and make sure she reaches the Realm of Nisab safely. Consider this another royal quest."
"A royal quest? Well, how can I say no to that? Of course I´m in, your liegeness!"
"Good, now go this instant! Time is of the essence. Guard, show them the secret passageway out of the castle."
"Err, can´t I go back to my room and pick up a new uniform?" Min asked, hovering her hands over her privates. "It´s a bit embarrassing to run around with only a cape and a jester hat."
"Y-yeah, and I´m not exactly keen on walking everywhere in a jester onesie either."
"Hehehehe, Toshi, I see you in the crowd! Come up here and help your commanding offihihihe…" Roana yelled from outside.
"Yeah… fighting a giant octopus is a bit above my paygrade. I´ll wait for you at the inn, captain!"
"Sir, I spot another elf among the crowd," a knight called out.
"Sadly, more elves are already here. You can´t wait any longer. Go, now!"
"Ok, ok. We are going! Come on Min. It seems our adventure is only just beginning."
"… is it too much to ask that I can start an adventure with at least one pair of pants?!"