Upon being asked this question, Mo Ran's face was one of
bewilderment.
Do I miss him?
In spite of the deep, unforgettable resentment Mo Ran harbored from
his previous life, the Chu Wanning of this life had yet to wrong him. In fact,
Mo Ran's shizun had shielded him from danger over and over, and he'd
furthermore been the one to get himself covered in injuries from head to toe
and bruised black and blue, also for Mo Ran.
After a long time, Mo Ran finally responded, "Mn… All those times
that he's been injured, it was because of me…"
When Chu Wanning heard this sentiment, he felt a twinge of warmth in
his heart. However, before he could say something to Mo Ran in return, Mo
Ran continued.
"He's done too much for me, and I can only hope to help him recover a
little bit faster. I don't want to owe him anything."
The flicker of warmth in Chu Wanning's heart seemed to die, perfectly
unmoving, frozen over. He stood still for a little while, feeling profoundly
risible.
Mo Ran had already told him that their only tie was that of a master
and his disciple. It was nobody's fault but his own that the slightest scrap of
hope had sent him dizzy with excitement, flying like a moth into a blazing
fire. If he was scorched to ashes, that was entirely on him.
Chu Wanning smiled; it was probably an ugly, dejected smile. "You're
overthinking it. You are his disciple, so 'owing debts' doesn't apply.
Everything he does, he does willingly."
Mo Ran's eyes turned to him. "Oh you. You're so young, but you
always look so serious and talk like a grown up." He laughed brightly and
patted Chu Wanning's head.
At first, having his head patted like that made Chu Wanning laugh
along, but after a while, his eyes slowly filled with tears, and he looked up to
the dazzlingly brilliant face in front of him. "Mo Ran," he said softly, "I don't
want to play with you anymore. Let go."
Mo Ran's skull was several inches too thick. He didn't notice the
change in his shidi's expression. Besides that, he had grown so used to
horsing around and being rowdy with "Xia Sini" that he didn't hesitate to
pinch the child's soft, baby-smooth cheeks, squishing them and tugging his
lips up into a funny face. "Pfft, Xiao-shidi, what's got you mad?"
Chu Wanning stared at the child reflected in Mo Ran's eyes. The smile
into which that face had been pulled was terribly ugly, making it look like an
absurd, pathetic monster. "Let go."
Mo Ran obliviously continued to tease him as before. "Okay, okay,
don't be mad. I won't say that you're pretending to be an adult, hm? Come
here, let's make up. Call me 'Shige'?"
"Let go of me…"
"Be good, call me 'Shige,' and in a bit, I'll buy you osmanthus cake
for a snack."
Chu Wanning closed his eyes, eyelashes trembling slightly, and finally
spoke, his voice hoarse: "Mo Ran, I'm not kidding around. I really don't
want to play with you anymore. Can you let go of me? Let go, okay?" His
slender eyebrows knitted together, and his tears didn't trickle from his eyes
only because they were tightly shut. However, his voice was choked with
sobs. "Mo Ran, it hurts…"
It hurt too much, holding someone in his heart like this, hidden
carefully in the very depths of his thoughts. It was fine if that person didn't
like him, as long as he could think about that person quietly and protect them
silently. It was fine if he couldn't have that person. All of it was fine.
But that person's warmth and tenderness were bestowed upon others
while the only things offered to him were barbs and thorns. So although Chu
Wanning held him in his heart, whenever that person moved, his heart would
start to bleed. Day after day, new wounds appeared before the old ones had a
chance to heal.
It was then that Chu Wanning knew that even if he wasn't vying to
capture this person's affections, every single moment that he continued to
hold him in his heart would hurt him to his core. He didn't know how much
longer he'd be able to bear this pain. Didn't know when it would break him
completely.
Mo Ran finally noticed that something was off and frantically let go.
He touched the boy's red-tinged cheeks. He had no idea what to do.
It suddenly occurred to Chu Wanning that perhaps being in the body of
a child wasn't such a bad thing. At least this way he could say "it hurts"
without reserve—could show a little bit of vulnerability. At least this way he
could get Mo Ran to look at him with genuine concern.
This was something that he had never even dared to think before.
In the blink of an eye, it was New Year's Eve. This was the liveliest
time of year on Sisheng Peak. The disciples were busy putting up red paper
talismans and sweeping snowdrifts. The head chef at Mengpo Hall was busy
from dawn till dusk, preparing delicacies for the end-of-year feast. On top of
that, the elders devised spells and charms in their areas of expertise to add to
the festivities that would welcome the New Year.
For example, the Tanlang Elder transformed a pool of fresh spring
water into fragrant wine, and the Xuanji Elder released three thousand
firelight mice that he'd been raising, allowing them to scatter throughout the
sect and to keep watch wherever they went, bringing everyone a touch of
warmth and respite from the cold. Meanwhile, the Lucun Elder enchanted the
snowmen everyone had made to run around the peak and yell "Happy New
Year" at anyone they ran into.
No one expected the Yuheng Elder to do anything; as a matter of fact,
he was still in seclusion. He'd been gone for a long time and hadn't once
been seen in public.
Xue Meng stood by the window, his face tilted upward, gazing at the
petals of haitang blossoms fluttering down from the skies. "We'll be gone
tomorrow," he said pensively. "It seems we won't be able to see him before
we leave after all… I wonder what Shizun's doing right now?"
"He's definitely cultivating," Mo Ran said around a mouthful of apple.
"Speaking of which, all the elders are supposed to put on a performance
tonight. It sucks that Shizun isn't here—if he was, he'd have to perform too. I
wonder what he could even do." Mo Ran laughed. "Maybe he'd put on a
demonstration of 'How to Get Angry,' eh?"
Xue Meng glared at him. "How about a performance of 'Whipping Mo
Weiyu to Death'?"
It was the New Year, so Mo Ran didn't feel like getting worked up
over Xue Meng's harsh joke. Then he thought of something and asked, "Oh
yeah, have you seen our little shidi today?"
"You mean Xia Sini?" Xue Meng asked. "I haven't seen him, but in any
case, he's the Xuanji Elder's disciple. Xuanji is already being gracious
enough to let him hang out with us all the time. If he stuck with us even during
the New Year's festivities, his shizun might finally get upset."
Mo Ran laughed. "I guess."
The rays of the setting sun turned to evening above the Red Lotus
Pavilion. Chu Wanning carefully looked over the pill he held in his hand. Xue
Zhengyong was sitting across from him and pouring himself a cup of tea,
since Chu Wanning hadn't invited him to have some. He also ate a crispy
pastry from the plate, etiquette be damned.
Chu Wanning glared at him, but Xue Zhengyong kept chewing
obliviously. "Yuheng, aren't you done looking at it yet? Tanlang can be pretty
harsh with his words, but his intentions aren't remotely bad. It's not like he'd
truly harm you."
"What are you saying, Sect Leader?" Chu Wanning replied lightly. "I
was just thinking that since the Tanlang Elder went through the trouble to
concoct a pill that will allow me to regain my adult form for a single day,
why didn't he create a couple more of them? That way, I could just take one
when the need arose."
"Aiya, if only it were that easy," Xue Zhengyong said. "The raw
materials that go into making this medicine are rare beyond measure, and
after creating three of them, Tanlang's already out of ingredients. It's not a
long-term solution."
"I see," Chu Wanning said, deep in thought. "So that's how it is. Please
give him my thanks."
"Ha ha." Xue Zhengyong waved his hand. "You two are actually pretty
similar, you know: curt with your words, but not bad at heart."
Chu Wanning shot him a glare but didn't say anything. He poured
himself a cup of tea and swallowed this medicine that would allow him to
assume his original form.
Xue Zhengyong was about to eat another pastry when Chu Wanning
stopped his hand.
"Huh?" the sect leader said unhappily.
"Mine," said Chu Wanning.
Xue Zhengyong blinked, at a loss.
When night fell on Sisheng Peak, the disciples filtered into Mengpo
Hall, one after another. Each elder brought their disciples and sat down with
them to knead dough and make dumplings. Both the snowmen and the firelight
mice threaded through the throngs of people, passing them jars of salt, red
pepper powder, saucers of chopped scallions, and other miscellaneous
ingredients.
Every table bustled with excitement and chattering laughter. The
Yuheng Elder's table was the only exception—the disciples were all there,
but their master was absent.
Xue Meng looked around for a bit and sighed. "I miss Shizun."
"Didn't Shizun send us a letter a few days ago, telling us to enjoy the
festivities and to work hard on our cultivation at Peach Blossom Springs?"
Shi Mei replied warmly. "He said that he'll come see us as soon as he comes
out of seclusion."
"He did say that, but just when will that be?" Xue Meng sighed
sorrowfully, his eyes wandering listlessly past the gates. Then he suddenly
sat up straight, eyes opened wide like a cat as he stared. His face paled, then
colored, flushing a dizzying shade of red, and his eyes shone brightly. He was
so excited that he couldn't even speak properly. "That… That's… That's…"
Mo Ran's first thought was that one of the rare spirit beasts that the
Xuanji Elder raised had escaped to liven things up a bit, so he assumed Xue
Meng was surprised because he was inexperienced and thus overreacting.
"That's what?" he laughed. "Look at you, it's like you just saw an immortal
or something. What's there to be so sur—"
Mo Ran turned around, still grinning gleefully, and casually looked up.
And couldn't finish the rest of his sentence.
Standing in the snowy dusk outside the door was Chu Wanning,
dressed in white robes with a vividly red cloak. He turned elegantly to the
side to put away his umbrella and shake off the dusting of snow. Then his
eyelashes flicked up to reveal a pair of bright, slender phoenix eyes beneath
them, and a mild glance swept over them.
By the time Mo Ran came back to his senses, this one glance had his
heart beating fast and his palms covered in sweat. Even his breathing had
involuntarily slowed.
The chatter in Mengpo Hall gradually quieted. Usually, whenever Chu
Wanning appeared in the hall, the disciples didn't dare cause a ruckus—even
more so now that he'd suddenly appeared on New Year's Eve after having
been in seclusion for such a long time. The snowflakes on Chu Wanning's
face seemed to make it even fairer and more beautiful, just as they made his
eyebrows seem darker and more defined.
Mo Ran stood up, murmuring, "Shizun…"
Xue Meng bounded up and sprinted toward Chu Wanning like an
excited kitten, yelling, "Shizun!" as he threw himself into Chu Wanning's
arms.
Chu Wanning's clothes were thoroughly chilled from the bitter cold
outside, but Xue Meng wore an expression like he was holding peach
blossoms from early spring, or a coal fire from late summer—endlessly
warm. He began to shout raucously, not stopping to take a breath: "Shizun,
you've finally emerged! I thought that we wouldn't be able to see you before
leaving, but you do love us after all! Shizun, Shizun…."
Shi Mei also came forward and bowed respectfully, his face beaming
with delight. "Welcome back from your seclusion, Shizun."
Chu Wanning patted Xue Meng's head and nodded in Shi Mei's
direction. "This master has arrived slightly late, but let's go greet the New
Year together." He sat down at the feast with Xue Meng at his side and Mo
Ran across from him.
With Chu Wanning's arrival—and after the initial hubbub and
excitement died down—the three disciples fell into their usual habits, sitting
upright and still like their shizun. Their table was weirdly silent.
Flour, ground meat, eggs, and many other types of ingredients lay on
the table, along with a brand-new copper coin. Mo Ran was the one with the
best cooking skills in their group, so everyone decided that he'd be the one to
give instructions.
"Well, I guess I'll take charge, then," Mo Ran said, laughing. "Do you
guys know how to roll dough?"
No one uttered a word.
"Okay, I'll roll out the wrappers, then. Shi Mei, you make the best
wontons, and dumpling filling isn't all that different, so why don't you make
the filling?"
Shi Mei hesitated for a moment before saying, "Well… There is some
difference, you know. I'm afraid that I might not be able to do it properly."
"It's fine as long as it's edible, don't worry so much," Chu Wanning
replied lightly.
Shi Mei smiled. "Okay, then."
"Xue Meng, you can pass the water or help roll our sleeves up or
something. Just don't get in the way."
Xue Meng was speechless.
"As for Shizun." Mo Ran grinned. "Would Shizun like to sit by the side
and have a nice cup of tea?"
"I'll wrap the dumplings," Chu Wanning replied coldly.
"Ah?" Mo Ran exclaimed, startled. He wondered if he'd gone
violently deaf in both ears. "What did you say you want to do?"
"I said, I'll wrap the dumplings."
Mo Ran couldn't respond. He began to think that he would much rather
have gone violently deaf in both ears after all.