Hey, I think it's today. I've been feeling very unwell lately and try masking it by writing I'm happy and grateful, the truth is, I'm tired. I know I'm not a good person, I try, it's hard when I can't open up to people, the only person I've opened up to showed me why I should not. I don't know what to do. I think I will stab my heart. Cuts aren't effective and leave horrible scars, I will wait for everybody to leave, then I will find the black knife and go to the restroom, the tub will be the place. I'm so sorry I just can't. I want to leave I don't want to be alive, I wish everything I wrote before would come true, but I know it won't. Hopefully everything will be better once I'm gone. Im a horrible person, I deserve to die in pain, however I can't help

But ask to please have mercy and let it end quickly. That is all, I'm crying even though I deserve what happened, why do I always try to victimize myself? I don't know, I just want to be at peace.