Just as I thought: Nick's kiss leaves me unable to breath or think properly. I could barely stand properly as I felt dizzy while my heart raced as if It were about to explode.
"Nick?"
"I fucked up." He apologetically said. "Sammy I hurt you and I-"
"What the fuck is this Nick?!" I yell feeling pissed now. NICK CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. HE CAN'T CONTINUE CONFUSING ME AND MAKING ME THINK HE REALLY LIKES ME THEN LEAVES ME HIGH AND DRY!
"I'm not your toy! I'm not your stupid play thing you can throw around and pick up whenever you feel like!"
"I don't think of you as a play thing Sammy…I…I'm just scared. "
"Nick I'm the one in a foreign country with you!"
"Sammy I know…how we met is messed up. Why I married you is even more messed up but…I really love you and I'm scared that I feel this way so I pushed you away."
I look at him dumbfounded.
"I love you Sammy. You. Are the woman I want to spend the rest of my life with." The sincerity in his eyes told me there was some truth to his words but all this was crazy.
NICK…He avoided me and made me feel so alone.
"I know I hurt you. I know I made you feel alone and like you meant nothing to me but I was just conflicted…I didn't know how to handle this feelings and…how I acted made things worse."
I don't know what to tell him because he really hurt me. I am not sure I can give him a proper response as I'm still so pissed.
"I'm going home." I say softly barely above a whisper. "I'll go back to New York."
Nick's eyes widen. "Sammy. Please think things through."
"I have. I want to spend my birthday with my family back home."
"Is that what you really want?"
"Yes."
Nick tenses unhappy with my decision. I just feel really overwhelmed about everything that happened not only between us but with every thing in general. My life has been one huge mess for so long I don't even remember the last time I didn't feel anxious and worried sick that my secrets and lies would be exposed.
"Are you sure Sammy?"
No. I'm leaving because I need to. In order for me not to lose my damn mind. If I stay here I'll fall deeper for you and have to face Jaehyun then I'll have to tell you the type of person I really am.
"Yes." I repeated avoiding eye contact. There's no need for him to see my inner turmoil over this situation.
Nick comes closer resting his forehead against mine. "Do whatever you have to do…just please forgive me."
I nod taking in the scent I've missed for so long. Nick really snuck into my heart somehow and now I'm obsessed even before realizing it. These feelings scare me so much because I want to be honest with him. I want him to know the darkest parts of me. I want him to know that I'm willing to do anything for those I love.
After packing for awhile I decided to inform Miss Sakura and Meisa that I was going away. I didn't know for how long I'd be gone so I won't promise them anything.
Entering the kitchen I felt a tug at my heart seeing Miss Sakura teaching Mitsuki's youngest daughter Mei to make dumplings. Mei was so adorable as she struggled to make hers look like Miss Sakura.
"Oh Mrs. Sammy!"
I wave walking over to them. Mei who I met awhile ago smiles at me widely showing two gaps were her front teeth should be. I smile back patting her on the head.
"Good day Miss Sakura and Mei."
"Hello!"
"What are you doing Mei?"
"We making dumplings!" She picks one up showing me looking super proud.
"That's amazing Mei! You are such a professional!"
"Thank you!" She giggles.
"Mei. Clean up and go do your homework. I'll teach you more tomorrow."
She pouts cutely yet Miss Sakura does not budge. "Go on Mei."
Mei nods rushing to the sink where another helper helps to clean her up. Miss Sakura gives me five of hers that she had already done.
"Enjoy these one's I know you will love them." She kindly said.
"Thank you so much. I'm really going to Miss you."
"Miss!"
She looks upset as she takes my Hands into hers. "You can't break off your marriage with young master. I know you two are having a hard time but I believe everything will work-"
"Sorry to interrupt you Miss Sakura but we aren't divorcing…I'm just going home for my birthday…I just miss my family so much. "
She sighs relieved. "Miss you should be specific. I got scared."
I hug her feeling grateful she was so kind to me. She is probably the person aside from Nick I'd miss the most.
"I apologize for the misunderstanding but I will be back soon. I promise."
The understanding look on her face made me feel more guilty. I had been lying to this kind lady from the moment we met.
"Well I hope you have safe travels Miss Sammy."
"Thank you."
I leave the kitchen avoiding looking at her further as a huge part of me wanted to come clean.
"You're not leaving." A angry Jaehyun grabbed me by the wrist dragging me to the art studio that belongs to his wife.
"Yes I am."
"No!"
"Jaehyun. I am not a prisoner here nor do I need permission to see my family from you!"
He scoffs. "We both know the real reason is because you're trying to run away!"
"Why would I want to do that?!"
"Because I know your secrets!"
I sigh feeling annoyed already. Jaehyun has come up with his own conclusions. Whether he is right or wrong doesn't seem to matter to him either.
"I am not running away. I just need to go see my family."
"I won't let you go."
"What will you do if I leave? Will you tell everyone the truth?!"
I yank my wrist away faustrated with our situation.
"This isn't right! You're a married man now I even abandoned you…just forget about me and move on please!"
"I can't."
"Why not?!" "Why won't you just leave me alone?"
"I love you. Even if you stabbed me in the heart. I'll love you."
Looking at him flashes of the both of us making love in our tiny Seoul apartment came back. I wondered why memories that were pushed at the very back of my mind decided that now would be the perfect time to resurface.
Sighing heavily I turned away from him. This wasn't good. Jaehyun was completely determined to make me stay.
"We are both married. There's no point-"
"I'll leave her."
There is no way he can be so naïve. He can't possibly believe there is any chance we can truly get back together. Especially after everything that happened between the two of us.
"What? You don't think I will?"
"I don't care if you do. Just know I'm not leaving my husband!" My words are final. If he wants to do anything to stop me from leaving then so be it.
I turn on my heel to leave ignoring him calling out to me. The more I think about everything the more I realize leaving is for the best. It may not be a final solution for everything but it will help me clear my mind.