◇Houghtow City—Fli-o'-Rys General Store◇
Flio was in the store one day, looking over the budget report for Dark
Mountain Pudding Pudding Park Uliminas had handed him. "It looks like
everything's going well on their end," he said, nodding, satisfied.
"The purromotional event was well received," Uliminas said. "Customer
satisfaction's been high ever since too. Sleip's demon horses and my
shadow demons have been doing a furst-class job handling the guests by
meowll accounts. Things are going well."
"So it seems," said Flio. "Well, the hard part's yet to come. Everyone
has a lot to do to make this work."
Uliminas nodded, her tail swishing happily back and forth.
"If that's all," Flio said, "then I'll head home and check on how things
are going in the workshop. We're headed to the park tonight, after all."
"Understood! Mew can leave things here to us!" Uliminas thumped her
chest proudly.
Flio held out his arm and conjured a magic circle, from which a door
emerged. He opened it and stepped through to the workshop behind his
house, avoiding the short walk it would take him to get from the Fli-o'-Rys
General Store through the Houghtow City gates and back to the house.
Uliminas waved as Flio stepped through the door. He closed it behind him,
and both the door and magic circle vanished.
"Casting Telepurrtation with no incantation..." Uliminas marveled. "It
impurresses me every time."
◇That Night—Dark Mountain Pudding Pudding Park◇
It was past the hours of operation for Dark Mountain Pudding Pudding
Park. However, tonight was the preopening for a brand-new bar and
restaurant on the premises, Club Outlook. A number of invited guests had
gathered here.
Club Outlook was Peguilla's idea. It occupied the second-story and roof
of the Dark Mountain Pudding Pudding Park food hall, facing the sheer cliff
on the outskirts of the park. Its location gave it a breathtaking view of the
scenery from Dark Mountain. Guests could see far into the distance with no
obstruction, all the way to the Dark Citadel itself.
"We should come to these sorts of places more often, my lord husband,"
Rys remarked, hanging off her husband's arm, a look of delight on her face.
She was not wearing her usual outfit, but an elegant backless dress she had
picked for the occasion. As the manager of the Fli-o'-Rys General Store,
official business partners of Dark Mountain Pudding Pudding Park, Flio and
his wife were two of the first people to receive an invitation to the
preopening.
"They really didn't need to go through all the trouble for us, though..."
said Flio.
The succubus, Phufun, stepped up to Flio and Rys and pushed her
glasses up the bridge of her nose before speaking. "Lord Flio, you and the
Fli-o'-Rys General Store have been a tremendous help to us since the days
when Lord Calsi'im was Dark Regent," she said. "I believe this is the least
we can do."
Phufun turned to look out the window, at the Dark Citadel far off in the
distance. It had been decorated with beautiful lights that made it shine like a
fairy-tale castle. It was lit up specially for tonight so the guests in Club
Outlook could see it all the better, to the mild-mannered Flio's slight
chagrin.
"Your store paid the whole expense of lighting up the castle," Phufun
went on, adjusting her glasses again. "And you've been more than generous
with your monthly donations. We may be the Dark Army, but I see no
reason we cannot work with you."
Flio gave Phufun one of his usual easygoing smiles. "Well, thank you
very much," he said, bowing politely. "Please don't hesitate to let me know
if anything comes up. I'll be sure to lend you whatever aid I can."
"I thank you." Phufun bowed back. "I am very happy to hear it."
At this point, a number of other customers garnered Flio's attention, and
he and Rys went to the other end of the rooftop club. Phufun watched him
go, and then headed for the bar. Usually, Phufun wore a highly suggestive
and lascivious outfit—little more than bondage gear—but tonight she was
dressed in an elegant and chic black dress. She accepted a glass from one of
the shadow demons working at the club and went to stand with her back to
the wall, gazing listlessly out of one of the windows.
After some time, she heard a large man's voice. "Yo! Hope I didn't keep
you waiting," he said, jogging up to her from across the room. "Lemme tell
you, I had an awful trip... The skull dragon working the night gondola said I
was too heavy! Can you believe it?! He was flapping uselessly all over the
place..."
Phufun held up a single finger to the man's mouth, silencing him. "The
Dark One should not speak ill of the people around him so freely, Master. It
will make them think less of you."
The man, who was in fact the Dark One Dawkson, scratched the back of
his head. "R-Right," he said, lowering his head bashfully. "I forgot. Sorry."
Phufun let out an amused chuckle at the sight. "Today is the preopening
for Club Outlook at Dark Mountain Pudding Pudding Park. We were
invited, if you recall." She gathered up the end of the shawl she wore
draped over her shoulders and hips and gave an elegant bow. "Shall we,
then? I trust you've finished your work at the Dark Citadel."
"Yeah," Dawkson answered. "It was no big deal. I got the paperwork all
taken care of."
"And tomorrow's?"
"Uh-huh. Things should be fine without us at the Dark Citadel for
tonight." Dawkson tried to take a step towards the large buffet table set in
the center of the room, only to find that Phufun had wrapped her arm
around his. "Something wrong, Phufun?"
"It shames me to say..." Phufun began, looking up at Dawkson with a
pitiable expression on her face. "I had a number of drinks before you
arrived here, Master. Could I pretty please use your arm for support?"
Dawkson sighed. "Sure, doesn't bother me," he said. "But first, let's get
somethin' to eat. I'm starving—I haven't had anything since lunch."
"The mood's just not right..." Phufun lamented quietly to herself,
sighing under her breath. "But Master Dawkson doesn't put on airs for
anyone, does he? It's one of the things I like about him..."
"Huh? You say something?"
"N-No, nothing! Let's go get some food, shall we?"
"Don't need to tell me twice!"
The Dark One Dawkson made his way towards the food, Phufun
clinging to his arm. He ate plate after plate that night, keeping the shadow
demons in the kitchen very busy indeed.
◇The Following Morning—Dark Citadel Throne Room◇
The Dark One Dawkson sat in his usual position in front of the throne,
with Phufun standing to his side. Ever since he had inherited the position of
Dark One from his predecessor Calsi'im, Dawkson had refused to sit on the
throne itself, saying it would be presumptuous for a half-baked Dark One
like him to do what Calsi'im himself would not.
"Hey, Phufun," Dawkson said. "We got some kinda meeting with a
messenger from the western demons' chief today, don't we?"
"Indeed, Master. That is correct." Phufun bowed politely, adjusting her
glasses with her index finger as she did.
Dawkson folded his arms and gave a deep "hmm" of thought as he got
matters straight in his head. "And we don't have any sort of cooperative
relationship with the western demons, but there's been rumors lately saying
most of 'em have taken a friendly outlook towards us these days?"
"It is as you say," said Phufun, bowing once more. "I believe the
messenger today is here to discuss precisely that subject." Dawkson nodded
his head. "Please do bear in mind, Master," she continued as respectfully as
she could, "you must give your response only after listening carefully and
giving the matter its due consideration."
"Yeah, I know," Dawkson said. "Sorry. I'm counting on you to butt in if
I mess up, all right?"
In times past, if Phufun had spoken to Dawkson in such a manner, he
would have yelled something like, "Shuddap! No one tells ME what to do!"
and punched her straight through one of the citadel walls. Now, however, he
listened to what she said and took her opinion into consideration.
Lord Dawkson truly has become a splendid Dark One... Phufun nodded,
a proud smile on her face. He's changed so much. He listens to the people
underneath him, and takes a calm and measured approach to every
situation. I've hardly even seen him throw a fit...
There was just one wrinkle.
But I miss the days when he used to berate and punch me and say, "Who
asked for your opinion?!" Oh, he was so wild back then... A blush crept
onto Phufun's cheeks at the thought. She was, in truth, simply an inveterate
masochist.
As Phufun was lost in her reverie, the lightning tiger Moulin stepped
into the room, leading a woman Dawkson and Phufun didn't recognize.
"Presenting the messenger from the demons to the west!"
"Cool," said Dawkson, looking up at the newcomer.
The woman followed Moulin's lead and approached. She had a younglooking face, but her bearing was proper. She didn't seem at all afraid to
stand before the Dark One. "You are the great Dark One Lord Dawkson?"
she asked, kneeling down on one knee and regarding him with an upturned
gaze.
"Yeah, that's right," Dawkson answered, not taking his eyes off the
woman. "I'm the Dark One Dawkson."
The woman smiled happily. "Excellent!" she said. "You are even more
gallant and gentlemanly than I had expected..." She seemed to blush as the
words left her mouth.
"I don't need flattery," said Dawkson. "First off, what's your name? Or
am I just supposed to call you 'messenger of the western demons'?"
"My apologies..." the woman said. "I am the daughter of the western
demons' chief. My name is Selinaphott." She met Dawkson's eyes and
continued. "I have come here as an offering, as proof of the friendship
between the western demons and the Dark Army. I am to be your bride,
Dark One Dawkson."
"Say what?" Dawkson looked utterly perplexed. Phufun, meanwhile,
was focusing every last bit of mental energy she had to spare on trying not
to let her emotions show on her face. Her face was perfectly blank.
Suddenly, Coqueshtti of the Infernal Four burst into the throne room,
clutching her oversized syringe tight as she ran. "W-W-We have a big, big,
big problem!"
"Hey, Coqueshtti..." Dawkson turned his attention to the little mad
scientist. "I'm in the middle of a meeting, you know." He didn't raise his
voice at all, but his intimidating presence alone was more than enough to
make Coqueshtti freeze up on the spot.
"I-I-I know! I'm sorry!" Coqueshtti said, extremely flustered. "ThThere's a scary woman demanding to meet you!"
"Huh? Demanding to meet me?" Dawkson furrowed his brows.
Not a second later, the woman in question made an entrance—landing a
sharp kick to the back of Coqueshtti's head. "Bawaaah?!" Coqueshtti cried,
sent flying by the sheer force of the attack so hard that her body ended up
embedded in the throne room's wall.
The new woman stepped up, filling the spot where Coqueshtti had been
standing mere seconds ago. She was tall and blessed with a very full chest.
Standing proudly before Dawkson, she said with a cocky grin, "Well, well,
well, if it isn't the Dark One Dawkson. It's been quite some time. I trust
you're well?"
Dawkson's face scrunched up visibly at the sight of the woman. "You..."
he said. "Wh-Why are you here?"
"Well, I never!" the woman said. "Is that any way to treat your old
friend and the princess of the northern dark elves, Her Highness Nerona
herself? And after I had come all this way to become your first wife. Why
are you here indeed!" Nerona stepped forward, but Selinaphott, who was
still kneeling in front of the Dark One, grabbed hold of her arm. "Oh? And
who's this girl?"
"I am Selinaphott, daughter of the western demons' chief!" she declared,
not allowing herself to be cowed by Nerona's superior disposition. "I have
come from the west to be Lord Dawkson's bride!"
"Well, now. It takes some nerve to pick a fight with the likes of me. I
think I like you! Now, are you prepared to speak with your fists?!" She
smirked, clenching her hand as if to demonstrate.
"I have been prepared for a long time." Selinaphott gave Nerona a calm
and friendly smile as she got on guard herself. "I was trained thoroughly in
the arts of war, that I may be a bride worthy of the Dark One Lord
Dawkson."
Phufun pressed her glasses up against the ridge of her nose and glanced
between the two prospective brides. "Be that as it may, I will have to ask
you to please kindly refrain." Her voice was cold as ice. "This is the throne
room of the Dark Citadel—holy ground. If you continue to cause such
disruptions, I'm afraid that both of you will have to leave."
"Oh, yeah..." said Nerona. "Come to think of it, we're not allowed to
fight here, are we?"
"My most humble apologies!" said Selinaphott. "I was simply carried
away by the moment..."
The two lowered their guard. Dawkson breathed a heavy sigh of relief.
◇Meanwhile, with Hero Gold Hair...◇
"Wh-What do you suppose that line's about?" Hero Gold-Hair's party
gawked at the line of ornately decorated carriages leading to the gates of the
Dark Citadel from their seats inside Aryun Keats's carriage form. It had
been a while since Dawkson had become the Dark One, so they had decided
to pay him a visit to see how he had been getting on.
"I wooonder..." Tsuya said. "Look, a preeetty lady!" She pointed out a
woman dressed in a white dress traveling in a roofless carriage, waving and
smiling at everyone around.
"Her outfit looks like some kind of wedding dress, doesn't it?" Valentine
observed. "It makes me want to get married myself, a little. Tee hee!" She
rested her chin on her hands, gazing raptly at the woman in the white dress.
Hero Gold-Hair folded his arms. "I wonder if that woman's Dawkson's
bride..."
The words struck a chord with Riliangiu, Valentine's former familiar. It
reminded her of something she had encountered in her own investigations.
"She may be. Ever since returning to his post as Dark One, Lord Dawkson
has become fantastically popular among demonkind. It wouldn't be at all
strange to see demon clans who had maintained their neutrality until now
sending prospective marriage candidates in the hopes of establishing
kinship ties with the current Dark One."
"Hm. I see..." Hero Gold-Hair nodded. "In that case, I suppose we
should congratulate him when we meet! Keats, pull up behind the bride
queue!"
"Right away!"
Aryun Keats joined the tail end of the line of carriages and proceeded
merrily towards the Dark Citadel alongside the rest, without a care in the
world.
◇Dark Citadel—Throne Room◇
Dawkson sat frozen in place in his spot before the throne. Before him,
Nerona was regarding Selinaphott with an expression of contempt. "Don't
tell me you seriously think a helpless damsel like yourself could possibly
become Dawkson's bride. What are you good for, apart from your looks?
I'll make you regret opening your mouth!"
Nerona wore nothing but a scant white cloth wrapped around her body,
contrasting her dark skin. It covered no more than a swimsuit, serving more
to accentuate than conceal her form.
Selinaphott didn't so much as flinch. She glared back at the dark elf
princess with an unbowed expression. "A coarse, unschooled barbarian like
you could never make a worthy bride for the Dark One Lord Dawkson! And
why are you wearing that ridiculous outfit?! You need to redo your
education from scratch before even thinking about wooing him! And next
time, don't dress like some kind of exhibitionist!"
Selinaphott was dressed in an eastern-style outfit—a kimono that must
have come from some land with a Japanesque culture. It was made from
white cloth, and lent her an aura of neat propriety that nicely complemented
her still-youthful features.
"Excuse you!" Nerona shot back. "This outfit is the traditional bridal
dress of the dark elf people! Insult it again and I'll make you regret that
too!"
"I will not allow a woman from a people with such obscene bridal wear
to become the bride of the Dark One!"
"You dare?!"
"Right back at you!"
The two women butted their heads and glared daggers. It didn't look like
either of them was about to back off any time soon. Phufun stepped up,
pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose as she interposed herself
between the feuding girls and Dawkson. "Both of you! What did I just tell
you?! This is the throne room of the Dark Citadel, and moreover, you are in
the presence of the Dark One himself! Have your catfight somewhere else!"
Suddenly, at just that moment, a group of women who seemed to be in
some kind of musical band burst onto the scene, playing a fanfare on their
trumpets.
"Wh-Who the hells is it this time?!" Dawkson balked. A woman had
appeared before his eyes in the middle of the throne room, standing behind
Phufun's back. She smiled cheerfully in her pure white wedding dress.
"What an excellent minion you have," the new woman said, looking
back over her shoulder at Phufun. "Interposing herself between the Dark
One and a potential threat...and so resolute as well! You are truly a great
lord, O Dark One, to have trained her so well."
"Hold on, you hussy!" Nerona said. "You can't just appear in front of
Dawkson out of the blue like that!" Her shoulders shook with anger as she
strode towards the woman in the white dress.
Selinaphott, who had fallen to her knees when Phufun had scolded her,
pulled herself to her feet as well. "As much as it shocks me, I am in
agreement with Princess Nerona. I won't allow a woman in such a
senselessly gaudy outfit to lay a single finger on my lord husband!" With an
air of fervent indignation, she tied up the sleeves of her kimono with a cord,
drew her long-bladed katana, and approached the woman on guard.
The woman in the wedding dress regarded the two and laughed
haughtily, elegantly covering up her mouth with the tips of her fingers. "I
pity you..." she said, scoffing. "Such fools, unable even to understand how
unworthy you are to be the Dark One Lord Dawkson's bride..." She spread
her arms wide and began an incantation. A magic circle appeared before her
outstretched arms. "But fear not. I, Snow White, princess of the fable folk,
shall show you your place!" The woman gestured dramatically towards
Nerona and Selinaphott, and a red hood appeared over her head as wolf
after wolf poured out of the magic circle. "Now, my big bad wolves, show
them what it means to face Little Red Snow White! Drive them away!"
"Hah! Bring it!" Nerona said, getting ready for a fight herself. "It'll take
more than a couple lame familiars to bring down Princess Nerona!" A
projection appeared from her body, floating over her back. It seemed to be a
manifestation of pure fighting spirit, in the shape of a powerful elven
warrior. Selinaphott, meanwhile, assumed a low, elegant stance, ready to
lash out with her sword.
Phufun once again interposed herself directly between the fighters,
adjusting her glasses as she glared the three down. "I told you!" she
insisted. "This is the throne room, and you are in the presence of the Dark
One! I will not permit you to take this shameful conduct any further!" A
whip of dark light appeared in Phufun's hands. She struck it on the floor
with a loud craaack!
Nerona, Selinaphott, and Snow White all went still. The room was now
in a four-way standoff, with Phufun in the middle. The Infernals Zanzibar
and Belianna, meanwhile, were standing by with their weapons at the ready
—Zanzibar with his longsword and Belianna with her scythe.
Everything had happened so quickly that it took Dawkson a while to
gather his wits. He stared dumbfounded at the four women in front of him.
"H-Hang on, y'all..." he said, pulling himself to his feet. "First off, let's just
calm down..."
It was as if the Dark One standing was the signal for the fight to break
out. Snow White's wolves charged forward, one group attacking Nerona,
one attacking Selinaphott, and one attacking Phufun.
"You are determined not to listen, I see..." Phufun's whip lashed through
the air, sending the wolves flying. "In that case, I shall show no mercy!"
"Fools! You'll need more than that to challenge Princess Nerona!"
Nerona slammed her fist down, and the elven warrior projection behind her
followed suit, bringing its enormous energy fist crashing to the floor and
crushing the wolves flat.
"My turn! Haaah!" Selinaphott rushed forward in a single fluid
movement, slicing the air with her sword and striking down her own share
of incoming wolves.
"My, my," Snow White said with a chuckle. "It seems you have some
ability after all. In that case..." She began another incantation. The red hood
vanished, and a bright red apple appeared in her hand. "Go forth! My seven
dwarven warriors!" As she spoke, seven dwarves wielding fierce weapons
appeared from the apple and rushed towards Phufun and the rest with
astonishing ferocity.
"Some people only learn the hard way..." Phufun sighed. "I'll have to
give you a good spanking later!"
"Such impudence!" huffed Nerona. "Do you truly think such small
fighters can defeat the likes of Princess Nerona?!"
"I will never surrender!" Selinaphott declared. "Not until I have become
the Dark One Lord Dawkson's bride!"
The three women joined the battle against the dwarves. It was safe to
say that things were completely out of hand.
"Whaddaya think you're doing?!" Dawkson bellowed. "The lot of you!"
The battle, however, only continued to intensify. Dawkson sighed. "I don't
wanna hafta hit a girl... Damn it, calm the hells down!" Dawkson raised his
arm and swung as hard as he could. The air pressure of the strike alone was
enough to send all four crashing into the nearby wall. They twitched, and
their movements gradually slowed to a halt.
◇The Following Day—Flio's House◇
Early afternoon, the children were all at school. Flio had just arrived
home in a hurry because he had received a message from Rys at the Fli-o'-
Rys General Store.
Flio went to the parlor, a short distance away from the main part of the
house, to find Phufun sitting on the sofa, her body patched up here and
there with thick bandages.
"Miss Phufun, how are your injuries?"
Phufun waved off Flio's concern. "Coqueshtti simply worries too much.
She insisted on giving me proper treatment. I have had much worse."
Tia handed Phufun a cup of her fresh-brewed tea. "Ah, Lady Tia..."
Phufun said, accepting the cup. "I am much obliged for your hospitality."
Tia had served as Calsi'im's minion when he had been the Dark Regent.
Phufun respected Calsi'im greatly for his role in Dawkson's change of
heart, and likewise had a great deal of respect for Tia, who served Calsi'im
in the same capacity Phufun served Dawkson.
Phufun drank deeply, savoring the flavor. When she finished her cup,
she pressed her glasses back up the ridge of her nose and began to speak.
"Lord Flio," she said, bowing her head. "Some time ago, you most
graciously bade me to let you know if anything were to 'come up.' I am
afraid that today I have come to take advantage of your offer."
"There's no need for all that," Flio said, smiling his usual easygoing
smile. "You've been extremely accommodating with everything, from our
partnership with Dark Mountain Pudding Pudding Park to the preopening
party at Club Outlook just the other day. If there's anything I can do, I'm
more than happy to help out."
Phufun raised her head. "Then, would you please...take me as your
partner?"
"Huh?!" Flio's eyes opened wide in shock.
Not a second later, Phufun's head came slamming down on the table.
Rys had appeared, clutching Phufun's head by the eye sockets, her
malicium aura flaring dangerously. "What was that, Phufun?!" she snarled.
"I believe I heard you say something rather unbelievable to my lord
husband just now." Rys ground Phufun's head into the table as she spoke,
her voice as cold as ice. "My lord husband has me as his partner. He has no
need for the likes of you."
The succubus, however, was not quite having the intended reaction. ThThis is different from being slugged by my master, Lord Dawkson...but the
pain is no less exquisite... Phufun's face flushed red, her breath heavy with
lust even as she lost consciousness.
She was, after all, an inveterate masochist.
◇Houghtow City—Houghtow College of Magic◇
"Today, we have a new transfer student..." Belano, the homeroom
teacher for Class A, was perched atop her signature footstool, scrawling
characters on the blackboard. "So, let's all introduce ourselves..."
At Belano's prompting, the girl standing to her side took a step forward.
"My name is Snow Little," she said, offering a polite little bow. "I
transferred to this school yesterday. I hope we can all be excellent friends."
Belano finished writing Snow Little's name on the blackboard and
carried her footstool over to the lectern. "Okay... Now, for your seat... How
about there in the back...?" Belano pointed at an open seat in the very back
of the classroom, but Snow Little was staring at another desk entirely—one
near the very middle of the class.
"But teacher... I would hate to miss the chance to sit next to him..." She
made her way to the seat adjacent to Garyl, where Salina was sitting.
"Excuse me," she said, a huge smile on her face. "Would you kindly swap
seats with me?"
Salina smiled back brightly. "Never!" she cried. "The seat next to Lord
Garyl belongs to me!"
The two girls had great big smiles on their faces as they stared each
other down. Who does this girl think she is?! Salina thought. It took me five
grueling desk swaps to get my hands on the desk next to Garyl. If she thinks
I'm going to hand it over to her, she has another thing coming!
"So you are called Lord Garyl!" Snow Little said, squeezing herself into
the same chair Garyl was sitting in. "My name is Snow Little. It's truly a
pleasure to meet you!" She beamed brightly at the boy, putting the full
power of the Charm spell behind her expression. She was good enough at
hiding her magic that neither Belano nor even Elinàsze, who was the most
sensitive to magic in the class, took any notice.
"Hold on!" Salina objected as Snow Little sidled up next to Garyl. "Just
what do you think you're doing, Snow Little?!"
Snow Little paid her no mind. Hee hee hee, she mentally giggled. While
my older sister Snow White is busy becoming the Dark One Lord Dawkson's
wife, I'll be spending my time having fun with this handsome young man. I
have to! Otherwise, I'll be so lonely...
As Snow Little was lost in her own world, Garyl picked her up by the
scruff of her neck and carried her to the desk Belano had assigned.
"What? What? What?!" Snow Little was utterly baffled. What went
wrong?! Th-There's no way my Charm spell didn't work, is there? She
whipped around to look at the boy.
"I'm Garyl. I know you're probably lonely after coming here from a
different school, but you gotta follow the rules." With that said, he returned
to his own desk.
Snow Little could only stare. Neither Garyl's behavior nor his words
showed any indication of being charmed. No way... Snow Little thought. It
really didn't work!
◇Meanwhile, with Hero Gold-Hair...◇
"We came to offer our congratulations, but..." Hero Gold-Hair started.
"Hey, Dawkson! What happened here?"
Hero Gold-Hair had come to check up on his old friend Dawkson, only
to find himself aghast at the throne room's condition. The walls were
broken. The pillars had been cut to bits. The floor was full of gaping holes,
some of which were big enough that a person could fall in and plummet to
the floor below.
"Nah, this ain't the time for congratulations at all..." Dawkson said.
"Sorry for the state of things, after you came all this way to see me..."
"I'm not judging you or anything," Hero Gold-Hair said, letting out a
slight sigh. "I suppose your new wife is rather passionate, then! Or
perhaps...aggressive?"
Dawkson grimaced. "I told you, it ain't like that. A bunch of women
burst in here out of nowhere demanding I make 'em my bride. But I ain't
the least bit interested in any of 'em. I didn't even say a word! They got into
a big screaming match with each other, and decided to have some kinda
contest a week from now to decide who's gonna marry me!" Dawkson
sighed deeply and looked up at Hero Gold-Hair. "Hey, Blondie..." he said,
staring intently at his old friend. "How do you keep all the women who
follow you around from getting into arguments? Seems like you all get
along pretty well. You got some kinda secret?"
"What do you mean?" Hero Gold-Hair said. "They're just my party
members! There's nothing romantic about it in the—"
Before Hero Gold-Hair could say another word, a smiling Tsuya took
hold of his right arm, grabbing it tightly near the shoulder. At the same
time, Riliangiu took his left arm, Valentine took his head, and Wuha
Gappoli and Aryun Keats took his right and left legs respectively. Each of
them had great big smiles on their faces.
"H-Hm?! Wait! What are you—?!" Hero Gold-Hair struggled in his
confusion, his eyes darting every which way.
"I knew it..." Dawkson muttered, nodding to himself as he watched.
"Women are scary..."
◇A Brief Synopsis of Events◇
Three women had appeared before the Dark One Dawkson at the same
time, each hoping to be his bride—Selinaphott, the daughter of the chief of
the western demons, Princess Nerona of the dark elves, Dawkson's
childhood friend, and Snow White, the princess of the fable folk. All three
had been unwilling to back down, and the scene had devolved into a brawl.
Even Phufun, Dawkson's minion, had gotten wrapped up in the chaos.
Selinaphott lashed out with her katana, releasing sharp waves of magic
power from its cutting blade. Nerona created a supernatural manifestation
of her own demonic strength and unleashed a torrent of powerful physical
attacks. Snow White fought by manifesting the fantastical powers of fairy
tale characters from all sorts of worlds. Phufun fought with a whip in each
hand, subjecting anything within her range to an unstoppable flurry of
attacks.
In the end, the women came to realize that their combat abilities were
evenly matched. And so, they decided to postpone the battle.
"If arms will not serve, then let us do battle in the arena of wifely arts,"
proposed Selinaphott. "I will settle this with my culinary prowess!"
"Oh? Well, I'm not gonna complain," said Nerona. "Bring it! I'll take
you on in any arena!"
"Goodness!" said Snow White. "You intend to face me in my strongest
field? I suppose I should thank you for the consideration!"
"I won't lose to the likes of you!" declared Phufun, who had somehow
been forcefully roped into the contest. "I take care of my Master's needs
every day of his life!"
And so, it was settled that after one week they would meet again in the
throne room of the Dark Citadel to settle things for good.
◇Houghtow City—Flio's House◇
It was still dark outside—the sun wouldn't rise for a while yet—and
Phufun the succubus, the Dark One Dawkson's minion, was in the kitchen
of Flio's house washing a pot full of rice for everything she was worth.
"Lady Phufun..." said Coqueshtti, the little mad scientist girl. "I know
you're amazing, but there's no way you can get your cooking perfect in just
a week! You have no experience! You always made me do all of your
cleaning and laundry and cooking!" Coqueshtti suddenly realized she might
have said too much and clapped a hand over her mouth, crying,
"Hawawa..."
Rys, meanwhile, was glancing at Phufun out of the corner of her eye as
she prepared the house's breakfast beside her. "Phufun, didn't you say you
take care of your master's needs every day of his life? I believe you struck a
dramatic pose and everything..."
Phufun blushed to the tips of her ears. "Please understand, Lady Rys..."
she said, pressing her glasses up the ridge of her nose. "There's a reason I
begged your husband to let me train in your house."
It was one week until the day of the housework competition. Phufun had
never seriously cooked before in her life. She had come to Flio's house in
hopes that someone there could teach her, so as to best drill the knowledge
into herself.
"When you said you wanted to be my husband's partner, I seriously did
consider killing you. But if that's what this is about, I have no
compunctions about helping you whatsoever!" Rys said, smiling brightly.
"Now, Phufun. You have trouble even with the very fundamentals of
cooking. It would be a feat worthy of legends to make you into an expert in
a single week, but I'll give it my best shot!"
Phufun nodded seriously. "This is a battle I cannot afford to lose..." she
said, still single-mindedly focused on the rice.
Byleri, who was helping out with breakfast per her usual habits, smiled
as she watched Phufun work. "So, like, wow!" she exclaimed. "Miss
Phufun, you, like, really, really wanna marry Mister Dawkson, huh!"
KA-DONG! The pot of rice tumbled to the floor, spilling its contents
everywhere.
"Wh-What are you—I'll kill you—saying, my lady, Byleri? I cannot
imagine what your words could possibly—murder death—mean!" Phufun
tried to keep a level head, but despite her best efforts, her voice sounded
unnatural and extremely shrill.
Byleri watched Phufun for a while more, pressing her index finger
against her lip in thought. "So, like...you're training because you, like, don't
want another woman to have him?"
KA-DONG! Phufun had just finished returning the pot to its place when
Byleri's words spurred her to hurl it right back on the ground. "I...I d-ddidn't s-s-say th-th-that!" Her efforts to keep calm were all in vain, her
voice every bit as shrill and unnatural as last time. It was a bit hard to
understand what she was saying.
Byleri cocked her head, puzzled. "So you don't mind if someone else,
like, marries Dawkson?"
"Never!" Phufun spat. "I won't allow it!" A beat passed. "Wait! What
did I just—" Phufun's face turned beet red as she realized what she had just
said. She clasped both hands over her mouth.
Rys gave Phufun a knowing smile. "Don't worry, Phufun. I understand.
And I'll do everything I can to help."
"L-Lady Rys..."
"We only have a single week, no?" Rys said. "Then let's not waste even
a single second."
Phufun nodded. "Please don't hold back in your training, even if it is a
maid's work," she said, her face deadly serious as she pressed her glasses
up on the ridge of her nose. "Discipline me however you wish. I would not
even object if you must give me the same treatment you did yesterday in the
parlor, when you bashed my head on the table..."
Coqueshtti looked over at Phufun, still covering her mouth to suppress
her quiet vocalizations. Hawawa... Please don't say that, Lady Phufun! You
had a fracture in your skull!
Byleri gave Phufun a smile and a cheerful wave. "Like, go for it! You'll
totally be the one to marry Mister Dawkson!"
KA-DONG! "I-I h-have n-no i-idea wh-what y-you a-are—die, die, die,
die, die—t-talking a-about!" Once again, Phufun lost her composure at
Byleri's words, hurling the large metal pot and speaking in her strange,
shrill voice.
"Hahhh..." Rys sighed with a dry smirk. "This is going to be a challenge,
isn't it...?"
◇Hours Later—Flio's Living Room◇
"This is...ugh!" The second the soup touched Elinàsze's lips, she pursed
her lips visibly.
"Ack!" Rislei gasped, covering her mouth with her hand. "What is this?"
"I hate it!" Folmina declared, screwing up her face and sticking out her
tongue as she pushed the bowl away.
Even Wyne, who had drunk her entire bowl, had a confused expression
on her face. "Wehhh..." she moaned. "That was nasty-nasty..."
"Phufun...?" Rys said, furrowing her brow and covering her mouth at the
taste of the soup. "What is this soup?"
Phufun glanced between the members of Flio's house, utterly
bewildered. Earlier this morning she had said to Rys, "I make soup all the
time, at least!"
"In that case," Rys had said, "Why don't you make soup for us this
morning?"
Phufun had been placed in charge of making a soup to go with breakfast,
but now found herself facing universal disapproval. She looked around and
helped herself to a spoonful of her handiwork. Suddenly, her eyes shot
open, and she hurriedly pressed a hand over her mouth. "H-How strange...
Why does it taste so terrible...?"
Only Flio, Garyl, Calsi'im, Ghozal, and Sleip were still eating the soup
amid the commotion. Rys gave the five of them a worried look and asked,
"Are you all right?"
Flio grimaced. "It does have a very...peculiar flavor," he said as he took
another sip. "But Phufun worked so hard making it, you know..."
Next to him, Garyl grimaced, just like his father. "I mean, it's edible," he
said, seeming determined to finish his bowl.
"Well, I can't say I've ever tasted anything like it, but little Phufun did
work ever so hard!" said Calsi'im, drinking his soup with a cheerful "Oh ho
ho!"
Ghozal laughed as he too drained his bowl dry. "Ha ha ha! That's just
how it is. You'll make something a bit tastier for us next time, won't you,
Phufun!"
"Well said!" agreed Sleip with a boisterous laugh of his own as he
followed Ghozal's suit, finishing his soup in a single gulp.
"Just you wait..." Phufun said, pressing her glasses up the ridge of her
nose as she met the gaze of the five men who had eaten her soup. "Next
time!"
◇Meanwhile—Part One◇
In a small village wedged between the borders of the Magical Kingdom
of Klyrode and the Dark Army territory, there stood the manor house where
Snow White lived with her younger sister Snow Little.
"S-Sister..." Snow Little said, shaking and pressing her hand tight
against her mouth. "Wh-What is this?"
Snow White gave her sister a cheerful smile. "Tee hee hee!" she
laughed, elegantly hiding her mouth behind her fingertips. "I've never
actually cooked before, you know, but it's actually surprisingly easy!"
"N-No, sister!" Snow Little said. "This... This isn't food at all!" She shot
up out of her seat and rushed off in the direction of the toilet.
Snow White watched Snow Little go, clearly struggling to believe her
eyes. "How rude!" she huffed. "And after I worked so hard making that
soup..." She took a sip of the soup herself. Suddenly, she shot to her feet
herself, sending her chair clattering to the side as she ran for the toilet.
H-How strange! How could a soup I made taste so foul?!
Snow White, you see, habitually ate out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
◇Meanwhile—Part Two◇
Nerona had reserved all of the second floor of an inn in the nearby Dark
Citadel Shopping Town. Right now, she was looking at the people around
her, clearly worried. "S-So...what do you think?" she asked.
Her retainers, who had tasted the soup Nerona made as a test, were all
collapsed on the floor, foaming at the mouth.
"Y-Your Highness..." one of her retainers gasped, struggling to hold on
to consciousness. "What...did you put in this...?"
Nerona frowned at her retainers. "I know it's my first time cooking, but
it's not like I put anything inedible in there..." she said, trying a taste
herself. "Wh-What is this?! How could something so vile even exist?!" She
collapsed, foaming at the mouth like her retainers.
Nerona, you see, had never done any cooking beyond grilling meat.
◇Meanwhile—Part Three◇
Selinaphott, daughter of the western demons' chief, set up camp with
her own retainers in a forest near the Dark Citadel. She had laid out a cloth
and set up a simple stone stove, which she was currently sitting in front of
with perfect form, her legs folded beneath her, focusing as she used her
Magic Hotplate to heat the contents of the pot.
The pot itself was stuffed chock full of vegetables. She hadn't cut them
at all—they were sticking out of the top of the pot like needles in a
pincushion.
"Lady Selinaphott..." said one of her retainers, wearing a shrine
maiden's ceremonial garb and sitting with the same proper form as
Selinaphott herself. Cold sweat was dripping down her brow. "If I may
ask...what is that?"
Selinaphott turned her head to look at the girl, smiling kindly. "Mother
once told me that ingredients are best served as they are, for both flavor and
health. I merely thought to put her words into practice."
"Th-Those are wise words, in moderation..." the retainer said. "But you
haven't even peeled the vegetables..."
"And I must say, I don't like the look of some of those mushrooms you
found in the forest..." said another.
"There's nothing to worry about," Selinaphott said with a smile, not
moving from her position in front of the stove. "I followed the recipe
mother gave me very precisely."
Her retainers, however, blanched and began muttering to themselves.
"L-Lady Selinaphott's mother is well-known for her utter inability in the
kitchen, is she not...?"
"She's following a recipe written by that woman...?"
Selinaphott, you see, had servants at home to cook for her. She had
never had an occasion to make an attempt herself.
◇Meanwhile, with Hero Gold-Hair...◇
Hero Gold-Hair paid another visit to the throne room that day, where he
found himself deep in conversation with the Dark One Dawkson.
"What's that? You want me to judge the cooking contest?" Hero GoldHair asked, repeating Dawkson's request.
"Yeah," Dawkson said, smiling apologetically. "If I'm the only judge,
they might go and call me biased or something. I figure we need someone
who isn't involved to be all impartial and fair and stuff."
Tsuya's smile lit up. "Yeeeah!" she said. "If yooou're judging it, you're
deeefinitely gonna pick Phufun!"
"H-Hey, come on!" Dawkson protested, clearly flustered. "It ain't like
that between us!"
Hero Gold-Hair let out a quiet sigh. "Of course. It's a contest to
determine who's going to be your bride, after all. Well, I suppose it's not
like I have anything better to do..." Hero Gold-Hair folded his arms. There
was clearly something on his mind.
"Wh-What's wrong, Blondie?" Dawkson asked. "Something up?"
Hero Gold-Hair, however, was deep in his thoughts. He had no answer
to give Dawkson. Why do I have such a bad feeling about this? These are
all candidates to be the Dark One's bride, aren't they? There's no way
they'd be bad at cooking...
◇Days Later—Dark Citadel Throne Room◇
Dawkson was sitting in his usual place in front of the throne when the
shadow demon Falmeil suddenly appeared before him, wearing an outfit
similar to a cheongsam, with a high slit to allow her legs free movement.
"Lord Dark One, I apologize for the delay."
"It's fine," Dawkson said. "So? You done looking into those three
women who wanna be my bride?"
"I have completed my investigation," she said, kneeling. "Which report
would you like first, Lord Dark One?"
"Any of them. Surprise me."
Falmeil nodded and retrieved a number of documents from her
Bottomless Bag. She handed one of them to Dawkson. "I have prepared
these materials for you," she said. "Please consult them as I give my
explanation. First, let us discuss Lady Selinaphott's father, currently serving
as the western demons' chief. The community he governs is considered
relatively weak among the demons of the west. The other powerful demons
in the area have been making moves against him by the day. It seems his
position is rather precarious, and he sent his daughter to become your bride
in the hopes of establishing an intimate relationship with you while he
rebuilds his base of power. You are seen as a promising new leader who has
the potential to reach great heights, after all. Not as great as Dark One
Gholl, perhaps, but close."
Dawkson nodded as he listened to Falmeil's report, looking over the
papers he had been given.
"Next," Falmeil continued, "we have the fable folk. Fables are
considered to be one of the rarest species of demon. They move from one
territory to another, always finding themselves subjugated by some other
group of demons. They are not a people one would expect to produce a
bride worthy of the Dark One. But it seems their leader has sent his
daughter to you, hoping that the current restructuring of the Dark Army is a
good opportunity to change their prospects. Like the western demons, it
seems they saw the current situation as an opportunity to marry off their
princess. But I believe they have another reason."
"Another reason? What's that?" Dawkson looked up from the papers he
was reading.
"Fable folk have the very unusual ability to manifest mysterious powers
from fairy tales of many different worlds. Because this ability is so rare,
fables are in danger of being abducted and enslaved. There's a certain
independent country that holds slave auctions within its borders. When
fable folk appear as merchandise, they invariably fetch a high price. Slave
hunters will follow them to the end of Klyrode hoping to earn a profit like
that. But if their own princess became the Dark One's bride, the fable folk
would be under the protection of the Dark Army."
"I see..." Dawkson mused. "Well, bride stuff aside, maybe we should
make a point of protecting these fable folk anyway? I'll talk about it with
Zanzibar and Belianna. And I don't mind taking the field myself either!
Don't wanna turn a blind eye when my fellow demons are in trouble."
Falmeil nodded. "In that case, we should take measures with all haste.
Lord Infernal Zanzibar has been wishing for more strenuous tasks. I'm sure
we can work something out."
"Sorry for all the trouble," said Dawkson, but Falmeil smiled and
lowered her head.
"I am happy to do my duty," she said. "It is only what is expected of
me."
Back when Dawkson had gone by the name Yuigarde, he had no
understanding whatsoever of the importance of this sort of information. He
left his entire strategy to pure brute force, time and time again. And as a
result, when he launched his invasion of the Magical Kingdom of Klyrode,
he found himself stymied at every turn by the Maiden Queen, who actually
listened to her councilors' advice. The Dark Army suffered a tremendous
loss, and soon found itself on the brink of annihilation. If it weren't for that
misadventure, Zanzibar's rebellion would have never formed, and Yuigarde
would have never run away from the Dark Citadel.
In his travels with Hero Gold-Hair, however, Dawkson came to
appreciate the value of information as they wandered from land to land. Not
only that, but Hero Gold-Hair also taught him all about the importance of
teamwork and the qualities that make a good leader. So, when he became
Dark One a second time, Dawkson hired Falmeil. A shadow demon's
abilities made them particularly well suited to intelligence work. He had
become a Dark One who listened to the opinions of those around him and
who never neglected to express his appreciation for their efforts.
The Dark One truly has changed... Falmeil thought as she sorted
through her paperwork. I would never want to work for Yuigarde, but I
would lay my life on the line for Lord Dawkson.
"Finally," she said, handing over the last of the documents, "we have the
dark elves. I have heard that Princess Nerona spent a great deal of time with
you when you were younger, my lord."
Dawkson covered his face with his hand and sighed deeply. "She's
always been a hell of a handful... Back then I was a weak, scrawny little
kid. She used to drag me around everywhere, bullying me all she liked. I
think I might have a bit of trauma from the whole thing, honestly..."
"My lord," Falmeil asked. "This bullying you speak of...might it perhaps
have been meant as something else?"
"I can't imagine what else all that coulda been..." Dawkson said. "She
set a dire sabretooth on me... She forced me to climb all the way to the peak
of a mountain and then pushed me off... She wrapped me in a bamboo mat
and tossed me in a muddy river... Just thinking about it gives me
goosebumps..." Indeed, the Dark One had begun hugging his own shoulders
and trembling partway through the litany of Nerona's abuse.
Falmeil gave Dawkson a serious look. "Lord Dark One..." she said.
"Forgive my rudeness, but are you familiar with the term 'tsundere'?"
"Huh?" Dawkson seemed confused. "Tsundore? What's that?"
Falmeil sighed deeply. It was as she suspected. Princess Nerona... she
thought. I believe you were perhaps too much of a tsundere for this poor
boy... "Never mind. Please forget I said anything. Now, let us return to the
topic of the dark elves." Dawkson obliged, looking over the documents
Falmeil had given him. "Unlike the previous two candidates, the dark elves
are numerous and powerful demons. After the devils, such as the Infernals
Lord Zanzibar and Lady Belianna, the dark elves are the second most
powerful single clan. When Lord Calsi'im was serving as Dark Regent,
many people speculated that the dark elves might become the new rulers of
demonkind."
Dawkson furrowed his brow and lowered his head as he read through
the report. "By the sound of it, the dark elves could take over today if the
mood struck 'em. So, why would they send their princess Nerona over to be
my bride?"
"Princess Nerona is here on her own designs," answered Falmeil.
"She is?"
"Indeed. Princess Nerona heard that the western demons and the fable
folk were sending their princesses to wed the Dark One, and immediately
announced her intention to become your bride herself. There was opposition
to the idea, of course, but in the end, she had her way."
Dawkson cocked his head, even more befuddled than before. "I don't
get it..." he said. "Why would she wanna be my bride so bad? Don't tell me
she hasn't got her fill of bullying me..." A shiver ran up his spine at the
thought.
"Lord Dawkson..." said Falmeil. "Perhaps you are beginning to
understand the meaning of the word tsundere?"
Dawkson didn't look like he understood at all. "Not in the slightest..." he
said. "Wait, is that what it's about? Is tsundere a word for bully?"
Falmeil sighed. "Well, be that as it may, Princess Nerona is here out of
her own desire to become your bride. At the very least, I hope you can
understand that." She bowed her head deeply. Princess Nerona... she
thought, sighing again. I fear your efforts are in vain...
◇Houghtow City—Flio's House◇
"And so," Falmeil concluded, "due to various political entanglements
and the expectations of his position, Lord Dawkson has little choice but to
accept a political marriage."
Phufun clicked her tongue in anger as she tossed ingredients in her
frying pan with a bit too much enthusiasm. "As my Master's minion, it is
my duty to protect him from these women who would pursue him for such a
shallow reason!" she declared. "B-But," she added, mumbling quietly, "I
suppose I do have some sympathy at least for the circumstances of the fable
folk and the western demons. After this is over, Master and I should discuss
ways we can help those people that don't involve marriage..."
A smile came to Flio's face at Phufun's words. Regardless of what she
says, Miss Phufun does have a soft side...
"Wow," said Byleri, standing next to him. "Like, political marriage... I
totally don't get that kinda complicated stuff at all. But, like, Miss
Phufun...does this mean you wanna marry Mister Dawkson after all?"
KA-DONG! The frying pan was flung out of Phufun's grasp and
smashed loudly on the floor. "L-Lady Byleri, wh-what—I'll kill you—a-are
you saying? I-I'm afraid I s-still don't understand—blood and guts!—th-the
meaning of y-your words!" Despite her best attempt to keep her composure,
Phufun's voice cracked in an unnaturally shrill tone.
Rys cocked her head curiously. "But it's strange, isn't it? Nerona, the
dark elf princess, doesn't seem like she has any reason to pursue a political
marriage at all..."
Phufun's eyes shot open as Rys's words pulled her back to reality.
"That's right! That woman is the greatest threat of all to Master Dawkson,
in a sense." She clenched her fist tight. "She's seeking my master for her
own designs. I can only surmise that she intends to reduce him to a
masochistic slave! She's perpetrated all sorts of violent acts on my master
ever since they were young! I won't forgive her! Never, ever, ever! Ohhh,
I'm so jealous—n-no! Pretend I didn't say that..." Phufun cleared her throat,
realizing a little late that she had said a bit too much.
Phufun always got excited when the subject of the Dark One came up.
Rys understood Phufun's feelings very well. "All right, all right," she
said. "Let's leave the conversation there and return to training. Now,
Phufun. Prepare fresh ingredients and begin the recipe anew!"
Phufun nodded. "As you command, my teacher!" she said, taking off at
a jog for the family's magic Evercool Icebox.
The cooking battle to claim the position of the Dark One's bride would
be held tomorrow, at the Dark Citadel.
◇Meanwhile—Part 1◇
Snow Little took a bite of her sister's food...and immediately ran off
once again in the direction of the toilet. Snow White watched her run off,
puzzled. "How strange..." she said. "I tasted it myself this time. It wasn't
that bad, was it?"
Snow White tried a bite of the unfinished stir-fry. A second passed. And
then Snow White bolted for the toilet herself, desperately covering her
mouth as she ran.
◇Meanwhile—Part 2◇
Nerona, princess of the dark elves, swallowed hard as she glanced
around the room. Her retainers had just taken a bite of the stir-fry she had
prepared. A tremor ran through their bodies.
One of the retainers stepped forward, a man who seemed to be in charge
of the others. "Your Highness, this is a tremendous improvement! At last,
you have succeeded in preparing a dish that did not render even a single one
of us unconscious!"
Tears streamed down Nerona's cheeks as a huge grin came over her
face. "I-I did it!" she cried, posing victoriously. "I finally did it!"
The captain of the retainers smiled proudly, using every last ounce of his
willpower just to hang onto consciousness.
◇Meanwhile—Part 3◇
One of the shrine maidens accompanying Selinaphott timidly
approached her mistress with a question. "Lady Selinaphott? What
is...that?"
Selinaphott smiled brightly. "It's vegetable stir-fry! I do believe I've
done quite well this time, if I may be so bold as to say so myself!"
Selinaphott had served her retainers a plate full of vegetables cut into
large, haphazard chunks. Just as always, none of the vegetables had been
peeled. It did appear that the vegetables had been stir-fried, after a fashion,
but it was plain to the naked eye that the chunks were too big to have been
cooked all the way through, and were, in fact, mostly raw.
Selinaphott regarded the alleged stir-fry proudly, her kimono sleeves tied
up with a cord so as to not get in the way of her cooking. Her retainers,
meanwhile, were standing behind her glued to the spot, faces absolutely
blanched.
◇Meanwhile, with Hero Gold-Hair...◇
"Huuuh?" Tsuya yawned. "Hero Gooold-Hair? Where are you going so
late at niiight?" Hero Gold-Hair's party had been sleeping inside Wuha
Gappoli's mansion form, when Tsuya awoke to find Hero Gold-Hair
silently sneaking away.
Hero Gold-Hair seized up mid-tiptoe at the sound of her voice.
"Don't teeell me..." Tsuya's expression darkened. "Are yooou going to
that shooop with all the laaadies who go 'ah-haaan' and 'tee-heeee'?"
"N-No!" Hero Gold-Hair frantically shook his head. "That's not it at all,
Tsuya! It's just, my...my intuition was telling me to get out of here as soon
as I can. Don't worry, I'll be back tomorrow!"
"Your intuiiition?" Tsuya asked.
"Yes!" Hero Gold-Hair tried desperately to explain. "I don't understand
exactly what it means myself. But my intuition is telling me that if I'm still
here at noon tomorrow, my very life will be in danger!"
Tsuya, however, seized hold of Gold-Hair by the collar and dragged him
back inside Wuha Gappoli. "You saaay that, but are you suuure you're not
going to that 'ah-haaan' and 'tee-heeee' lady shop? You're not allooowed,
you know! You have meee, after all!"
"I'm telling you," Hero Gold-Hair protested. "You've got it all wrong!
Even if I was thinking about visiting that shop, it would be strictly as a
place to hide from the danger!"
"Seeee! I knew it!"
"H-Hmph. Your own intuition isn't all that bad, I suppose..."
"Aaanyway!" Tsuya insisted. "Yooou have to judge Lord Dawkson's
briiidal contest tomorrow! Get to sleeeep, okay?"
Hero Gold-Hair offered little resistance as Tsuya dragged him back
inside. Perhaps he was already resigned to his fate...
◇The Following Morning—Dark Citadel Throne Room◇
The cooking battle to determine which woman was worthy of becoming
the Dark One Dawkson's bride was to be held in the throne room of the
Dark Citadel. Dawkson sat in his customary position in front of the throne,
looking around restlessly. The shadow demon Falmeil was standing to his
side, taking the place of Dawkson's minion Phufun, who was participating
in the contest herself. Four temporary kitchens had been set up with the
latest magic appliances, one for each of the four contestants.
Selinaphott, the daughter of the western demons' chief, wore a
headband, and her usual kimono with its sleeves tied back. She bowed
deeply before the Dark One, pressing her hands to the floor. "My culinary
prowess will prove which of us is worthy to wed the Dark One," she said.
"Lord Dawkson, I shall not disappoint you."
Snow White lifted up the hem of her dress in an elegant curtsy. "As
princess of the fable folk, I have the power to draw upon fairy tales of all
sorts," she said. "Perhaps this tale of me wooing the Dark One for the sake
of my people will become part of my repertoire!"
Nerona folded her arms and stood tall and proud, a bold grin on her face.
"Hah," she huffed. "I've known Dawkson since we were little kids! There's
no way I'm gonna lose to a bunch of upstarts!"
Phufun the succubus, Dawkson's minion, regarded the other contestants
coolly. She pressed her glasses up the ridge of her nose and said nothing.
Gekiduta bowed to the contestants. "Very good! I am Gekiduta, an
employee of the Fli-o'-Rys Dark Citadel Branch Store. I am to serve as
officiator for this contest, to ensure it is conducted fairly. Our judges will
taste meals prepared by the contestants, and assign each a score. The
contestant with the highest overall score will be the winner. Does anyone
have any objections?"
"No, sir," said Selinaphott. "No objections."
"No problem!" chirped Snow White.
"Nuh uh!" said Nerona. "I'm gonna kick everyone's butts!"
"Hmph." Phufun once again pushed her glasses up the ridge of her nose.
"To preserve the judges' impartiality," Gekiduta went on, "we selected
them only from people who have no relationship to the four contestants,
including especially those who assisted in their training. Now, without
further ado, please allow me to introduce our judges for this contest!"
Gekiduta waved his hand towards a set of three seats lined up beside the
Dark One. Sitting there were Peguilla, from Dark Mountain Pudding
Pudding Park, Leggy Vuitton, the proprietor of a clothing shop located next
to the Fli-o'-Rys Dark Citadel Branch Store in front of the Dark Citadel,
and, of course, Hero Gold-Hair.
Hero Gold-Hair rested his elbows on the judges' table and heaved a
heavy sigh. "I failed to escape..." he muttered. "I have a really, really bad
feeling about this..."
Gekiduta turned back to face the contestants. "All right!" he exclaimed.
"In accordance with the menu you were given, the first course will be
curry! Each contestant was responsible for acquiring ingredients and
seasonings for this dish from the Fli-o'-Rys Dark Citadel Branch Store."
Just as he said, each of the contestants had a good stockpile of ingredients
in their respective miniature kitchen. "Now..." he continued. "Let the
contest..." Selinaphott, Nerona, Snow White, and Phufun screwed up their
faces in determination. Gekiduta raised his right arm. But before he could
bring it down and officially begin the contest, he was interrupted.
"Hold on a moment!"
Gekiduta stopped short. The four contestants, too, were startled by the
interruption.
"Wh-What is the meaning of this?" asked Selinaphott.
"Wh-What's wrong?" demanded Snow White.
"Hey, come on! Don't stop now!" complained Nerona.
"Wh-What is it?" asked Phufun.
All four of them turned to face the source of the voice—Hero Gold-Hair,
who had stood up from the judge's chair and was now peering intently at
the contestants' temporary kitchens.
"There's no need to hold the contest! The winner is already obvious!"
Hero Gold-Hair declared, pointing a finger in Phufun's direction. "Other
than this one, the lot of them will fail! These women don't have what it
takes to be the Dark One's bride!"
The other three contestants bolted up to Hero Gold-Hair, fury written on
their faces.
"Bastard!" Nerona grabbed Hero Gold-Hair by his shirt collar. "And
where the devil is your proof?! Explain yourself!"
"Get off me, you nincompoop!" Hero Gold-Hair shoved Nerona away.
"This is the only fancy suit I have! What am I supposed to do if you wrinkle
it?! Do you want Tsuya to shout at me again?! Besides, you're the worst
one."
"E-Excuse me?!"
"Didn't you notice anything about the ingredients you picked out?"
Nerona glanced over at the ingredients she had prepared. Selinaphott
and Snow White hurried back to their kitchens to check on their own
ingredients as well. Hero Gold-Hair, however, strode up after them and
plucked a vegetable from each of their three kitchens.
"Listen here, you sorry lot," he said, strolling up to Dawkson himself to
show him what he had picked out. "If you want to marry the Dark One, you
should know..."
Dawkson's face went ghastly pale when he saw what Hero Gold-Hair
had plucked out of the three girls' ingredient stockpiles. "G-Ghhh..." he
managed, cold sweat running down his face.
"That the Dark One Dawkson, your husband-to-be, can't even stand the
sight of this vegetable!" Hero Gold-Hair declared, holding the cyarrots high
for all to see. "How dare you even think of using it in his meals!"
Hero Gold-Hair had learned that Dawkson couldn't bear to even look at
a cyarrot when Dawkson had taken part in an eating contest during their
travels. The vegetable had given him a great deal of trouble back then. In a
sense, they were the Dark One's greatest weakness.
"H-Hang on!" Nerona protested. "You don't expect us to believe this!"
She stomped up to the Dark One, a look of indignation on her face.
"Dawkson! You used to love cyarrots, didn't you? I remember stuffing your
mouth full of raw cyarrots straight from the soil—you had tears of joy
streaming down your face! That's why I made a point of bringing so many
cyarrots for the contest today!"
Dawkson, however, squared up his shoulders in anger. "Nerona, you
damn idiot!" he shouted. "That stunt of yours is the whole reason I can't
stand cyarrots now! I can't even look at them anymore without thinkin'
about all that trauma!" As if to demonstrate, he grabbed one of the cyarrots
out of Hero Gold-Hair's hands, and immediately went visibly pale and
collapsed, foaming at the mouth.
Nerona stared, dumbfounded. "No way..." she muttered, swaying
uneasily on her feet before finally collapsing to her knees. "I thought... I
thought he liked them..."
Selinaphott seemed nearly as distressed as Nerona. "I-I see..." she said.
"S-So the Dark One Lord Dawkson hates cyarrots..."
Snow White covered her face with her hands, looking up in despair. "I...
I had no idea..."
Phufun, meanwhile, had taken care not to bring a single cyarrot. "I
simply did as I always do," she said, pushing her glasses up the bridge of
her nose. "Nothing to it at all." Out of sight, beneath the kitchen counter,
she pumped her fist victoriously.
Hero Gold-Hair breathed a sigh of relief. I've been racking my brain this
whole time for a way to get out of this without having to eat any of their
cooking... he thought. Looks like I just made it.
◇ ◇ ◇
The three losers put away their stations and stood in a line in front of the
Dark One. "Well, that's how it goes I suppose..." Dawkson said to all three.
"But I wantcha to know I don't have anythin' against you or your peoples."
He turned to Snow White and stated her name.
"Yes, My Lord Dark One? What is it you desire?"
"I hear your people've been targeted by other clans 'cause of your rarity.
I wanna invite you to come live in the Dark Citadel castle town, where
you'll be under the full protection of the Dark Army. And come straight to
me if you need anything!"
"M-My Lord Dark One!" Snow White's face lit up like a light bulb. "Do
you speak true?" She could hardly believe her ears. Her number one reason
for wanting to become the Dark One's bride had been the safety of her
people. Tears came to her eyes as she bowed her head again and again.
"Next, Selinaphott."
"Y-Yes, Dark One Lord Dawkson? Is there something you need?"
"Just 'cause I'm not taking you as my wife doesn't mean I wanna do bad
by your people. They sent you to be my bride, and I ain't gonna disrespect
the spirit of that gesture. I promise I'll take a number of folks from your
clan to be my attendants. Just send 'em over! And if you ever come under
attack from some other clan, just lemme know, and I'll be right there."
"D-Dark One Lord Dawkson! Thank you, from the bottom of my heart!"
Selinaphott fell to her knees, tears of gratitude streaming from her eyes.
"And finally," the Dark One began, "Nerona..." Nerona kept her eyes
fixed on the ground, looking uncharacteristically awkward. Dawkson
winced. "Well, there's a lot I could say, but I don't wanna give you an earful
now, of all times. Let's just say, as your childhood friend, I hope I can count
on your support going forward." He gave her a cheerful smile.
"W-Well..." Nerona said, her cheeks flushing red. "I-If you're gonna go
and say something like that, I suppose I've gotta!" She awkwardly
scratched the tip of her nose. Even at the very end, she couldn't simply be
honest about her emotions.
His business with the three concluded, Dawkson slowly turned to look at
Phufun, who had been standing beside him. She had changed out of the
apron she had been wearing earlier, and was now dressed in her customary
scanty getup. She pressed her glasses up the ridge of her nose.
Dawkson cleared his throat. "Phufun..." he said, reaching into his
bottomless bag. "In accordance with the results of the contest, um..."
Phufun, however, cut him off. "Master Dawkson," she said, bowing
deeply. "I am satisfied simply to have prevented an unworthy woman from
becoming your bride." The others seemed to consider stepping forward to
protest, but as they had lost to Phufun, they had no right to approach.
Phufun turned her gaze to the three of them. "None of the women who took
part in the contest today were worthy to wed the Dark One. However, you
should all continue your training. And when you deem yourself to have
become a woman worthy to be Master Dawkson's bride, come challenge
me again. But make no mistake—I, too, will only continue to improve!"
She conjured a whip of dark light in her hand and struck it on the floor with
a satisfying smack.
"I will take your words to heart," Selinaphott said, bowing deeply to
Phufun. "We shall meet again."
"Next time, I, Snow White, will win my place at the Lord Dark One's
side!" said Snow White, smiling. "Don't you forget it!"
Nerona shook her head, a smile on her face. "Dawkson's got an eye for
talent, to have picked a woman like you."
Phufun bowed politely to the others, and left the throne room.
◇Dark Citadel Basement—Phufun's Laboratory◇
"Hey, Phufun..." The Dark One Dawkson stepped inside Phufun's
laboratory, closing the door behind him.
Phufun froze on the spot. "Master Dawkson..." she said. "I know I said
some rather presumptuous things earlier. But I am no more worthy to be
your bride than the other three. I must continue to grow. I will train under
Lady Rys until my cooking is good enough to delight everyone in Flio's
household." Then she took a deep breath and added in a smaller voice,
"And when I am finally worthy, I will hold my head high, and...and..."
A long second passed, and then Phufun grinned as if to say, "Well, never
mind!" She hurried past Dawkson, grabbing the handle of the door he had
just shut and opening it wide. "Now, Master," she said, back to her normal
haughty demeanor. "That's enough goofing off, I think! Shall we return to
our respective duties?"
"Honestly, that woman..." Dawkson smirked as Phufun chased him out
of the room.
Later, when the two met again in the throne room, they carried on their
business as normal, as though the cooking contest had never happened.
◇Meanwhile, with Hero Gold-Hair...◇
"Shooouldn't we say goodbye to Lord Daaawkson before we leave?"
Tsuya asked as they left the Dark Citadel, a puzzled look on her face.
"Well, you know..." said Hero Gold-Hair. "I'm sure Dawkson will be all
right. He knows what he's doing."
The group walked on towards the nearby forest where Aryun Keats, who
had transformed into a carriage, was waiting. Valentine, Riliangiu, and
Wuha Gappoli were already on board, and they waved Gold-Hair and Tsuya
over.
"My lord Hero Gold-Hair!" sang Valentine. "Shall we be off?"
"Where are we going next?" asked Riliangiu.
"How about somewhere we can take a nice long rest...?" suggested
Wuha.
"Not a bad idea," said Hero Gold-Hair. "We wrapped up this incident
with Dawkson. How about we find somewhere we can get a good meal?"
"Hmm..." Suddenly, Tsuya reached into Hero Gold-Hair's pocket.
"Ts-Tsuya! What do you think you're doing?!"
Tsuya extracted a ticket from the very flustered Hero Gold-Hair's
pocket. "Hero Gooold-Hair!" she cried. "Were you going to uuuse this allexpenses-paid tiiicket for that shooop with the laaadies who go 'ah-haaaan'
and 'tee-heeee'?" She waved the ticket in the air.
"D-Don't be ridiculous!" Gold-Hair protested. "I-I would never even
think about visiting that shop! I'll get rid of the ticket, so give it here!"
Alas, however, it was not meant to be. Tsuya ripped the ticket to pieces
before his eyes and tossed them into the air, where they scattered on the
wind. "Theeere we go! All gooone!" she chimed with a bright smile that
failed to reach her eyes. She wrapped her arms tight around Hero Gold-Hair
as they stepped into the carriage together. "Now, Hero Gooold-Hair, tell me
aaall about how you got that tiiicket..."
The bad feeling I had... Hero Gold-Hair thought as he was dragged on
board. Don't tell me it was actually about this?!