When Ryuuji thought he heard the faint creak of the guest room
door one over from his, he crawled out from under the blankets he was halfburied in. He opened the door slightly, trying not to make a sound as he did.
He got on his knees and poked his head out into the hall, where the cold felt
so dense that a layer of it seemed to have sunk to the ground.
Taiga was looking at him in the same pose. She must have been
waiting for his door to open.
"It's cold, huh? I couldn't sleep," she whispered.
"Are you using the heater? I've got a stove in here."
"I turned it on…but I'm dealing with this. I just kept feeling colder
and colder." Taiga shrugged her shoulders slightly and showed him her
long, combed-out hair. Just looking at it, Ryuuji could tell it was still damp.
It seemed she hadn't dried it properly after getting out of the bath.
"I borrowed their dryer, but my hair takes so long to dry, and I didn't
want to just keep the bathroom occupied, so I just stopped partway
through."
"You had three helpings at dinner, and now you're worried about the
small things…"
"I am. I'm a good person, deep down…"
He ignored Taiga as she grabbed her damp hair in her crossed hands
and half-closed her hollow eyes, posing like a certain saint. Ryuuji turned
his ear to the situation on the first floor. It seemed Yasuko was still with
Sonoko and Seiji in the living room. He occasionally heard fragments of
their soft voices. They sounded like pinballs bouncing in the dead of night,
and he couldn't make out the contents of their conversation.
"I wonder what they're talking about."
Taiga went into a brief silence as she also surveyed the bottom of the
stairs. "I'm sure they have tons to talk about. I mean, it has been eighteen
years."
"You saw Yasuko's face when we told her we'd go to bed early—"
"Nah ha." Unable to bear it, Taiga's nose flared as she laughed. The
corners of Ryuuji's mouth also twitched uncontrollably.
Whaaat, you're going to bed… Maybe I'll go upstairs with you… I
feel like they're going to yell at me again… Ahhh, Dad's going way
overboard with whatever he's got prepared for me… Yasuko's face had
tensed as she saw Seiji holding a five-iron. I'm going to pass judgment on
my idiot daughter with the power of my own hands and property liability
law!
This was, of course, not what Seiji was doing—he was merely
cleaning up the living room where he'd left out the golf club.
"You know, I noticed a while ago that you and Ya-chan kind of look
alike, but you're kind of like your grandfather, too. Maybe that's how you'll
look in the future? Good for you. By that, I mean his head." Looked pretty
thick, Taiga indicated at the top of her head with her finger.
"I'd like that… You think so? Also, Yasuko and I don't look anything
like each other."
"I'm saying you're unexpectedly similar. Well, except you've got that
as a foundation for your face—"
Taiga suddenly stopped talking. Her soft smile went taut, and she
peered into Ryuuji's face like she was asking whether what she just said
was allowed. It's fine, Ryuuji said with the flicker of his eyes. When he did
that, the tone of Taiga's voice started to go up as she went on, "But you still
don't know much about your dad, in the end."
"Yeah, you're right."
"Are you okay with that? Like, do you want to know about him?"
"I'm curious."
Ryuuji squatted down in the doorway in his borrowed pajamas and
hugged his knees, entrusting his back to the door joint. He was careful to
lower his voice to keep it from reaching downstairs.
"I do wonder why the two people in that picture split up after they
left this house. But…I feel like my dad not being here happened because of
Yasuko's choice… It'd be different if she still wanted to see him and were
searching for him. But she isn't."
Maybe in a few years he would be able to ask Yasuko why that
person hadn't stayed by her side this whole time. He looked over at Taiga's
toes as she sat down in the same way as him in the hallway. Ryuuji
supported his chilly chin with the backs of his crossed hands.
A toddler like himself wasn't ready to understand his father's choice
or his mother's choice. For now, all he could do was accept the present truth
in its entirety.
But in the world he imagined, Ryuuji's father was at Ryuuji's table.
He looked the same as he did eighteen years ago, just the same as when
Ryuuji lost him, but he still at least existed. Ryuuji couldn't pretend he
hadn't ever existed, so instead, he simply acknowledged the truth that he
was still alive.
Basically, acknowledging that means acknowledging myself, Ryuuji
thought. He raised his eyes and looked into Taiga's pale face. Taiga's long
hair drooped all the way to the floor, and she curled up with her cheek
pressed into her knees. An intense light shone from the large eyes she
turned towards Ryuuji.
"Can you really keep yourself from holding a grudge…against Yachan…or your dad?" Her voice was quiet, but it was clear as it reached
Ryuuji's ears. It grazed his ears softly; then the words disappeared, like they
had dissolved.
Their sighs layered over each other in the chill of the evening.
"I've been thinking it over a lot."
Ryuuji had been keeping count of the unavoidable scars he collected
on his being. He thought about the ones from dealing with money and going
to college. The ones from thinking of the future. The ones from the people
who'd been cruel to him as a child. The ones from when the eyes of the
adults looking at him turned cautious when they found out the
circumstances of Ryuuji's birth or what Yasuko's job was, and the ones
from when he realized what those adults thought of him. He thought of the
absolutely unforgivable rumors—he thought back on every scar, taking
stock of them.
Some were already healed. Some hadn't. There were some that were
still bleeding, some that were absurd, and some where there was nothing to
be done but accept them. Of course, there were some that weren't related to
his mother or father or how he was born. There were scars no one had
meant to inflict, which had only been born from misunderstood feelings.
He chose the dwelling place of his own soul, but he couldn't move
the multitude of other people's souls in this world. There were people who
intentionally wanted to hurt others and times he couldn't avoid them. That's
reality. That's how people are, he thought. And because he himself was a
person living in reality, no matter how careful he was, there might be times
when he involuntarily hurt others.
"But well…you're here with me, at least."
"Me? Really?"
He nodded and then went silent for a bit. Taiga looked at Ryuuji's
face and buried her own in her knees as she hugged them. Her eyes were
strange, like she wanted to laugh and cry, as she traced her soft, rosy lips
with her fingertip.
"You think that much of me?"
I do, Ryuuji thought to himself. He had only one thing that kept him
from becoming disheartened—one thing that kept him going, regardless of
how hard or far away it was to get to the place he was going.
There was something in the depths of Ryuuji's soul that carried his
body and mind through the harshness of reality. It was like a pair of eyes
that saw him for what he was: someone who loved and was loved. He
vowed he would never betray it. He would learn how to live in the place he
was by looking through those eyes that established his being, his actions,
and his emotions in his heart.
He believed that what he saw with those eyes was his own world.
He also believed that there existed something similar in Taiga's heart,
which only she could have established. He just wished she could see that.
As they remained sitting in the ever-chilling hallway illuminated by a
diminutive light, Taiga didn't pry any further. Her gaze dropped to the faint
shadows cast by Ryuuji's feet.
"Do you hold a grudge against that guy?" he said. "He just did as he
pleased and turned your life upside down. Then there's your birth mother,
your stepmother, and your mom's new spouse…and you're getting a new
baby sister or brother. You're the one who's got it complicated. What are
you thinking?"
"I—"
Ryuuji felt like he was praying as he watched those suddenly silent
lips. But Taiga's eyes wavered as she looked into the distance. She was
looking at something all on her own. She raised her well-defined chin, and
her eyes seemed to glitter, defying the world spread before her head-on.
What was she looking at? How vast was the vision she saw? What
stars shone in her world? What seasons graced it? What winds blew on it?
He wanted to know. Ryuuji wanted to see it. He wanted to stand in the same
place. He wanted to exist beside her.
Born into separate bodies, their two divided souls would never
become one. Regardless of that, he still wanted to know what he could do to
be as close to her as he could.
"Can we head in there? Stoves are better." As if to answer Ryuuji's
question, Taiga returned her gaze to Ryuuji. She rubbed her hands together
and breathed warm air onto them. Haah. "It's way too cold," her voice
trembled.
"Right. Go turn off the heater."
Taiga briefly vanished into the dark room. Beep. The faint sound of
the heater being turned off came to Ryuuji's ears. The chilly floorboards of
the hallway might have been too cold for bare feet. As Taiga softened her
footsteps, she kept to the tips of her toes and hop-slipped into the room
prepared for Ryuuji and Yasuko. Finally, she gently shut the door.
"Aah, this room is definitely warmer…" Her shoulders relaxed as she
exhaled. She took a breath of warm air in the room illuminated only by the
orange stove. "You better not look over here."
She clutched at the chest of her borrowed pajamas, folding them in
like she was collapsing a folding fan, curved her waist oddly, and tilted her
head. Are you somebody's chambermaid or something? Ryuuji wanted to
tease her, but instead just asked, "Why?"
"It's because this is definitely too big. The chest is baggy, and that's
bugging me."
"Ah, that's too bad, what a pity. Cheer up and dry your hair by the
stove."
"I don't know why, but you're kind of irritating, and I can't make a
big deal about it, or they'll hear downstairs. I'll let it go, but I'm not
forgetting this—I'll never forget."
Taiga glared at Ryuuji. She was still clutching tightly at her chest
with both hands as she cut through the room. She sat down cozily in front
of the stove that was separated slightly from the side-by-side bedding laid
out for Ryuuji and Yasuko. She held her hands out to the heat source that
emitted a strong orange light in the otherwise unlit room. "Ahh, I feel like
I'm coming back to life…but I still haven't forgotten!" She glared at Ryuuji
once again.
Just keep staring. Ryuuji defiantly stretched his legs out over his own
bed. He stared at his unshapely toenails for a while and exhaled all the air
and nerves in his chest. He absolutely wouldn't be able to get any closer to
her that night. Even this far apart in a room behind closed doors, he felt
terrified when they just looked at each other. That was why he was glad she
was glaring at him.
But in actuality—if he were to say how he actually felt—the sound of
her breath reaching his ears was maddening enough to scorch his mind.
That was because the girl he loved was here.
His heart felt like a roller coaster. All of his senses reacted to the girl
immediately before him—to the strands of Taiga's light, fluttering hair, her
delicate shoulders, her ever-so-pale wrist where the roundness of her bones
stood out. No matter what he did, his eyes would follow her first. She
seemed like she would be gently fragrant, and the left side of the room
where Taiga sat was warmer—probably because the stove was there.
Had he ever felt such a strong urge to touch another person before?
He just wanted to be closer to Taiga, wanted to know more about Taiga,
wanted to share more of his thoughts with her, wanted her to share hers with
him. If he had to put it into words, all it amounted to were those desires, but
he hadn't fathomed that those feelings could rage so tempestuously in his
body.
But Ryuuji also understood that if he reached out his hand, that would
be the end of the end. It was like a cliff he would tumble down to an
unknown depth if he missed his footing on even a single step. Did he really
want to be pushed off a bridge again, to plunge into icy water that would
freeze his heart?
He tried to act natural as he covered his ears. He tried to feign
ignorance as he rolled his tense neck to relax it. He averted his eyes and
tried to keep his spine from breaking out into frantic shivers. He tried to
whistle but stopped himself. They were fine before. Ryuuji just could no
longer remember how they passed the time together before. He couldn't
even really remember when "before" was.
In the corner of his vision, Taiga sat in front of the heater, long hair
falling in front of her shoulders. She slowly combed it out with her fingers,
letting it warm up. The hair brought up by her pale, slender fingers was too
soft and immediately spilled from her hands. As Ryuuji watched it, he felt
like it was melting honey. The tip of her nose, visible between her bangs
and the line of her cheek, was shining, dyed by the color of the fire.
Just below them, separated by a single layer of floorboards, his
mother, grandmother, and grandfather were gathered. On top of that, when
Ryuuji looked around the room again, he noticed that it seemed to have
been Yasuko's once. Her furniture, her school uniform still hung up on a
hook, her ordinary clothes—it was full of shadows of his mother from the
everyday life of her past.
"Hey."
"Yeah! Uh! Right!"
"You're being way too loud… Raise the temp on this. I don't know
how to do it." Taiga didn't look at Ryuuji but kept staring at the stove.
Ryuuji moved closer to the stove—and to Taiga. How do I turn it
up… I wonder if she'd just let me hold her hand? Or just hug her and
caress her back? Even friends would do that, right?
Right. It would be fine as long as he stopped there—as long as he
could get by without seeming like a stupid, presumptuous jerk. It would be
fine as long as touching her was really all he wanted. If his desire to
understand her could be fulfilled by physical contact—by only that—it
would be enough for him then.
He reached out his hand.
"This is it. I think."
Ryuuji pushed a simple button that was marked with an upward
pointing triangle. Beep, beep. It chirped the number of times he pushed, and
the glass tube glowed brighter. The warmth he felt on his skin abruptly
increased.
"Is it too strong?"
"That's fine. Yeah, it's nice and warm…"
"Make sure you don't burn your hair."
"There's no way even I would do something that clumsy…huh?"
Taiga suddenly grabbed the tips of her hair and brought them to her nose.
She gave them a sniff. "There's no way I'd do something like that."
Hmph! She was oddly confident. She puffed out her chest beside him
and brought her face closer to him.
"Don't get too close." Ryuuji scowled until his face split open to birth
an alien larva—not really. He was just trying to look menacing. As Taiga
drew closer, he bent his back away to the same degree to avoid her. He
made sure they were an exact thirty centimeters apart.
"What are you doing? Why are you doing that? Why would you say
something like that?" Taiga demanded.
Even if he touched her, it wouldn't be enough—but, of course, he
couldn't say that. He couldn't tell her it was because his mom was just
below them, either. In the end, no matter what they did, it wouldn't be
enough. He was insatiably starved of Taiga.
It wasn't enough.
No matter what happened, it just wouldn't be enough. It just wasn't.
There just wasn't enough time to know her and love her in every way.
A day was made up of merely twenty-four hours, a year of only three
hundred sixty-five days, and a lifetime was just barely eighty years long.
Even this night would only last for a few more hours. Ryuuji was just a kid.
He didn't have enough of anything. All he could do was writhe helplessly
as he yearned and starved.
"It doesn't matter what happens or how it happens, but this line is the
border between you and me." He traced the seam of the carpet exactly
between where the two of them were sitting. You better not cross! He tried
to make his face look like that of an old mountain witch.
"What happens if I cross that line?"
"There's an invisible sentinel with a gun, and it'll blast your brains
out of your head."
"That's not what I meant… What would happen?"
Taiga stared at the ends of the hair that she had combed up with her
fingertips. Her long eyelashes cast a shadow along the side of her face, and
his heart quaked as though he had been kicked hard. How are you so calm
about this? Ryuuji thought, on the verge of detesting her.
Maybe, in the end, she hadn't really understood anything. Maybe she
still felt the same as when she fell defenselessly asleep in that two-bedroom
apartment, when they had been part of adjoining lands?
"Well…it's not like I'm going to cross over anyway." Taiga said.
If that really was true, then what could he do?
"But if I really wanted to cross over," she continued. "If I made up
my mind…you wouldn't be able to get away, even if you were crying or
screaming."
"You…" …You jerk, no, you devil, no, you Palmtop Tiger!
"But you know what, having my head blown off by an invisible
sentinel would kind of be a problem. I'd feel bad making you clean up my
brains, too…right?"
"…"
He couldn't bring himself to respond. His innocent male heart was
overwhelmed, leaping under Taiga's seemingly teasing gaze. It felt like he
was being forced to tap-dance barefoot on a griddle. Ryuuji glared even
more firmly at Taiga, who was fanning the flames that heated the griddle as
she directed him to Dance! Dance!
"What? What's with that face? What do you want to say?" She sat
slovenly cross-legged, putting together the undersides of her feet. Taiga
rocked her body like she was a tumbler doll that could never be knocked
down. She opened her eyes purposefully wide and pouted. "I have no idea
what you want to say. Aren't I a terrible fee-fwee-fiancée?"
Because he couldn't achieve victory through words, Ryuuji resorted
to launching a missile. He pushed a hand to his lips in a masculine way and
blew a kiss, like a black mamba darting from the gap between his front
teeth to spray lethal, deadly poison into Taiga's eyes—though of course he
wasn't doing that. He was just trying to return the weird kisses she had
blown at him earlier.
I don't care if my mom or anybody else is downstairs, I can at least
do this! Go! Go! One kiss for five thousand yen! Ryuuji clenched his fist.
"That's all you got?! To my eyes, it looks like it's going so slow it
just stopped!" Taiga slapped the invisible kiss in midair as though crushing
a mosquito.
"Oh! Y-you're so cruel…!"
"'Oh! Y-you're sooo cruel…!'" she mimicked.
"I didn't sound like that…"
"Actually, who knew you were such a shallow guy…" Taiga
spitefully kept her jaw jutted out and spread her arms wide in exasperation.
She shook her head, clearly resigned.
"What?!"
"I can't believe you'd try to give me an air kiss. My, oh my… I can't
believe you'd do something that embarrassing…"
"Hey…you're the one! Who did it first! Well, it doesn't matter
anymore…" When he couldn't get his mouth to move the way he wanted it
to, Ryuuji turned his eyes away from Taiga's face. "I'm going to bed," he
said curtly and actually pulled the covers over his head, with his back
facing her. He closed his eyes.
"Oh dear. Now he's angry. Look at him pouting, even though I was
just teasing."
"…"
"Ryuuji. Ryuuuuuji."
"…"
"Ryuu-chan."
"Stop that."
"But you know what, didn't things go great for Ya-chan?"
"…"
"And for you…too."
Ryuuji kept his eyes stubbornly closed as he drew away from Taiga's
breathing at his feet.
"Things went great for me, too. I think I'm better off. I think so, at
least. Ya-chan even thanked me…and I'm sure, when it comes to you,
Ryuuji…" Her voice seemed to tremble faintly. The edges of it were
growing hazy. "Are you really going to just sleep?"
Ryuuji's only answer was silence.
"I guess it's fine if you do. My hair is dry, and I'm warmed up now…
so I guess it's fine."
He felt Taiga get up and then felt her step on the edge of his bedding.
He automatically followed the sound of her receding footsteps. He opened
his eyes and raised his head, his body following suit.
THUMP!
"Agh?!" Ryuuji swallowed his breath at the sudden assault.
"Sleeping people aren't supposed to move."
"Even if they're not, you… Th-that hurts…!"
"You're not allowed to talk, either."
Ryuuji flailed his arms and legs, and choked, pinned solidly under the
bedcover as he tried to grasp what was happening. Taiga had pounced right
on top of him and was holding him down with all her body weight. It was a
picture-perfect vertical four-quarter hold, and his head was buried under his
blanket to boot.
"You can't run away. Because you're sleeping," Taiga whispered in a
faint voice that could have been mistaken for a sigh.
He really couldn't move. He couldn't run away. Taiga probably only
weighed forty kilograms, but she was using all of it to hold Ryuuji down,
and she wasn't letting go. "When it comes to you, Ryuuji…I really, really,
reallyreallyreally, really—"
They had been born into separate bodies.
No matter what they did, their two souls would never become one.
"—love you."
But regardless of that, in order to be as close as they could, they
would—
She pulled down the covers that were over his face, and her soft hair
tangled and fell to Ryuuji's cheek. Their foreheads crashed into each other.
As if feeling out the roundness of their heads, their eyebrows rubbed against
each other. The tips of their noses pressed against each other, and their quiet
sighs piled onto each other. Before long, they were separated just by the
smell of shampoo as their hot lips touched. All of Taiga's weight was on
Ryuuji's lips. It was much warmer than the first time, and much slower.
Ryuuji barely got himself together before he melted from the heat of love.
He desperately opened his eyes.
I love you, too. I love you, Taiga, he repeated.
He wanted to wriggle and leap up. He wanted to run through the
lands on all four legs like a beast. He wanted to live one and the same life
as her. But all they could do was draw their separate bodies close, all they
could do was touch, and it was just too frustrating to stand.
It was precisely because they were separate and could never become
one that they were drawn so strongly to each other. Even as they clawed at
the air and cried out and suffered, they held each other firmly. They
hungered for the world they wanted to make together, and their eyes opened
wider.
Time and life were finite and too short, and their hopes were so far
removed they knew nothing but impatience.
"But you're actually going to sleep now."
But they were also rapidly growing up. Time progressed and, once
passed, would never return. "Now" was becoming the past.
Taiga's fingertips touched his eyelids. He could feel her evertrembling heart. As she trembled, she closed Ryuuji's eyes and held down
his eyelashes.
"I'm going to sleep, too. Good night."
It wasn't like he would be able to sleep.
—It wasn't like he would be able to sleep.
***
He didn't open his eyes.
It was cold—extremely cold—in what was probably the last morning
of midwinter, when it seemed even the sun couldn't rise. Ryuuji had
enclosed his feet under the covers that his body heat warmed overnight. He
lay on his side, both his hands covering his eyes. He was sure the bedding
beside him was mounded up from Yasuko being under the covers.
He could tell by the sound and the feeling of her presence that Taiga
was standing in the doorway after gently opening the door. He knew the
faint clinks were from the metal fittings of the bag she had slung across her
body.
Ryuuji, Taiga called his name in a small voice like she was scared.
Ryuuji didn't move.
Ryuuji, she called one more time. She waited just a bit and then
clearly called him again. When Ryuuji didn't move the third time she called
his name, Taiga seemed to accept it. "Well, I'm headed out for a bit."
The floorboards squeaked faintly. Quietly, she closed the door.
Slowly, she went down the stairs. She placed her shoes on the entryway tile.
She stuck her feet into them and opened the door.
She opened the gate.
Ryuuji thought to himself that it was fine this way.
This town really was quiet. For a while, he could hear the sound of
footsteps traveling under a chilly sky. At first, those footsteps seemed
bewildered, but before long, he heard them gain their usual cadence until, in
the end, they were outright running. The sound of the soles of her shoes
firmly hitting the asphalt rang out and receded into the distance.
Her footsteps faded away.
Ryuuji remained immobile in his bed. He still had his eyes closed.
"A-are you—" Yasuko was the first to fling off her covers and get up.
"Ryuu-chan! Are you actually, really fine with this…?"
This is fine—was what he wanted to say. But he couldn't. Though
Ryuuji knew it was fine this way, he couldn't open his eyes.
Taiga needed to go back to her parents.
That was because Taiga loved them.
She didn't need to run away from home.
Taiga had shown she didn't need her parents by cutting them out. If
she exposed herself to love, she would break, and because she found that
frightening, she hadn't been able to bring herself to seek it out until now.
Taiga cried because the amount of love she received was nothing compared
to the love she gave. Taiga didn't believe she was allowed to dream big. She
was bound by the fear that something would be taken from her in exchange
for the crime of wanting the love she was not allowed.
But now things were different.
Taiga's arms and legs were free. Now that she was released, she
could run anywhere she wanted.
She should understand that, no matter what she loved or whom she
loved, nothing would be taken from her. Taiga should know now, that her
heart was free to love. She could love the world she lived in with all her
heart and, more than anyone, she could love herself. She didn't need to
abandon anything or have anything taken from her.
That was why this was—
"Ryuu-chan…!"
This was fine. He really did understand it all.
Ryuuji sat up in bed so he could answer Yasuko this time. He opened
his eyes, breathed in, and raised his head. Then he saw the world.
He realized that Taiga was gone. In that winter morning, in a room
lined with nothing but objects, he realized he was sitting in the middle of
that reality. He tried to say it was fine.
"I think—"
But.
He was alone in this world.
Ryuuji was living—all alone.
Taiga wasn't there.
He didn't say anything. He didn't yell anything. He felt smashed to
pieces. He felt like he had exploded. Sparks fired on the insides of his
eyelids and absurd thoughts ran through his mind. His heart was pounding
with a terrific amount of energy. Aaah, he groaned. Everything really is
going to break. This won't work, this is…it's…it's—
"Ryuu-chan!"
When Yasuko firmly grabbed his shoulders, he looked into her face.
It was bright red, and tears dribbled down her face. Her hair was standing
on end as fragments of her broken world came down on her from all
directions, and she trembled like she was about to explode from the feelings
erupting in her—Ryuuji thought, looking at her, that this had to be what his
own face looked like.
No.
He kicked off the bedcovers and dashed outside.
Still in his pajamas, he nearly tumbled down the stairs. Still barefoot,
he jumped out of the entryway, pushing open the door Taiga had left
through. He flew through the gate into the outside world. He plunged into
his new solitude on his own.
There was no one in the street as he looked around—just himself.
Ryuuji frantically covered his mouth with his shaking hands. Unable to bear
the words he was about to say and the name he was about to call out, he bit
his lip as hard as he could. The bone-chilling wind blew against him,
tearing into his skin. The midwinter sun still hadn't risen all the way, and
the sky was heavy and oppressive as it embraced the cold.
His body started to run. His heart also started to race. His soul was
screaming at him not to go. He tried to stop his body. He couldn't stop his
heart. It was too late to stop.
He understood it, he really did, but his heart was calling madly for
Taiga. It yearned and yelled for their worlds to join. Are you really going to
leave, Taiga? Are you really going to shake free from this intense power and
run?
Was she able to keep moving because, no matter how far she ran, she
knew their worlds would come back together at some point?
Had she really found the power and the confidence to believe that?
Ryuuji wiped away the tears flowing down his face. He already knew
he wouldn't be able to catch up to her. This is fine. He told himself that, but
his feet kept moving even as his stolen heart continued to weep. Taiga was
no longer in this town. He couldn't catch up with her anymore.
He knew he should have the same power and belief she did. He knew
he should be able to accept everything in his world, and to love Taiga, and
for her to love him.
It was cold. In the early morning of that quiet town, Ryuuji's white
breath leapt into the air.
***
Ryuuji kept a slight distance from Yasuko as he passed through the
empty ticket gate. It was a Sunday.
"Kushieda…"
His chest, which had somehow settled as they made their way home,
was roused again. Minori stood behind the few people milling about the
station. She'd covered her bedhead with a knit cap and was wearing a down
coat and jeans.
"I don't understand." Once she spotted Ryuuji, that was all she said.
After she mumbled just those words, she bit her lips so hard they lost their
color.
Faced with her unmoving and wide-open eyes, Ryuuji didn't know
what to say. When he thought about explaining to Minori why Taiga left,
why he'd let her go, and why it was for the best that way, he felt himself
quail. Minori would probably understand, but he was tongue-tied and knew
his explanation would end up being clumsy.
Ami was standing a short distance from Minori, looking like she
hadn't gotten much sleep. She stuck both her hands in her coat pockets, and
her back was uncharacteristically hunched. Even her normally beautiful
face looked ashen. Further away, Kitamura was walking towards them.
Though he didn't look at all like he was blaming him, there was clear
confusion in his eyes as he looked at Ryuuji, who was the only one in his
school uniform.
The only thing Ryuuji had been able to write in the message he sent
them was that Taiga had gone back to her mother. No wonder they were
confused. Taiga had promised them she wouldn't give up on loving
everyone. She and Ryuuji had promised they would return together.
"You're all friends," Yasuko murmured softly. She knew the faces of
everyone there. She took a bunch of keys from her tracksuit pocket,
unlinked the condo key that Taiga left with her, and held it out to Ryuuji.
"You should all go and look for Taiga-chan. I need to go get Inko-chan."
"Who did you leave Inko-chan with?"
"With the landlady."
Then we're going the same way, Ryuuji started to say, but Yasuko
smiled and waved her hand at them, "Off you go." She probably understood
that Ryuuji would have to tell his friends that Taiga was no longer there.
He accepted the key and lifted his head.
At no one's prompting, he started to walk.
He walked with long strides down the familiar station road, and
before long, everyone started running like they were racing each other.
Even Ryuuji, who knew that Taiga was no longer in their town, hastened his
legs as his heart quickened. They turned the corner that led to the Takasus'
apartment, ran up the stairs, went through the condo entrance, and punched
in the PIN to open the auto-locking door. Taiga said the condo had long been
out of the hands of the Aisaka family. They might have already changed the
lock. There might already be a realtor inside.
Though Ryuuji feared the key would resist when he tried the lock, it
instead slipped smoothly all the way in and turned. Though the door was
stately, it made a surprisingly light sound as it opened.
He turned on the light at the entrance. As though they were vying
with each other to be first, they took off their shoes and came in one after
another. "Taiga! We're coming in!" Minori called out, and her voice held
the hope that Taiga was still inside. "Aisaka!" "Are you here, Taiga?!"
Kitamura and Ami also called.
"It's me! I'm here, I'm coming in! Taiga! Tai—"
When they pushed opened the glass door that led to the living room,
Ryuuji froze in place automatically. Behind him, Minori was also at a loss
for words. It was because they were familiar with the terrible spectacle that
was Taiga's room when she had lived there alone that they couldn't find
anything to say.
They were just shocked.
The large living room was terribly frigid without the heater on.
Below the now tenantless chandelier, everything had been left behind—the
one-person sofa, the small glass table, and the white cabinets. Covers had
been placed over all the furniture. There was not a single scrap of garbage
to be found anywhere—not on the kitchen island, the shag carpet, or the
cushion Taiga often held. Every nook and cranny was neat and tidy,
scrubbed until pristine.
Minori slowly stepped into the middle of the living room. Moving
like a robot under someone else's orders, she opened a cabinet and pulled
open a drawer to look inside without a second thought.
"The bag she kept all her valuables in is gone."
She raised her face.
"It was flat, with navy and pink stripes. She always kept her
bankbook and signature seal, her insurance card, and her passport in it. She
always used to tell me that it was the only thing she would grab and run if
there was ever a fire. It's gone."
Minori shut the cabinet. Walking with long strides, she opened the
sliding frosted-glass door and stepped into the north-facing bedroom. She
pulled the covers all the way up to the pillows and looked at the wrinklefree bed. There was still a closed laptop left on the desk. The cords and
cables that had always been a tangled mess and sent Ryuuji into a tizzy
were unplugged and bundled together on top of the desk with a hairband.
Opening the closet, Minori was silent for just a moment.
"Her uniform is still here."
Her back trembled.
"Tiger, how could you disappear like this?" Ami seemed in a daze as
she muttered to herself where she stood in the bedroom doorway. Her voice
echoed painfully in the large, silent room.
Minori turned around and looked up at Ryuuji's face. She took in
deep breaths for a while. Ryuuji just watched as her shoulders heaved up
and down. "B-But…are you… Takasu-kun, are you… Are you fine with
this…?!"
"I am."
"But this is no good!"
"It's fine!" It wasn't like the louder person would win, but Ryuuji
frantically raised his voice. "I think it's fine that Taiga left like this!"
"But aren't you sad?!"
Of course he was. He was so sad he couldn't bear it. "I'm not!"
"Don't give me that!"
"Kushieda, calm down," Kitamura spoke softly as he grasped
Minori's shaking shoulders from behind. "Aisaka might still be nearby. We
might still be able to make it in time."
"R-right. She might still be nearby. Maybe she's just walking around
acting like nothing happened!"
Minori turned around at Kitamura and Ami's words. "Right. She
might have been here all this time, just cleaning the place up. Maybe we
can make it in time…right! Maybe we'll make it in time! Takasu-kun!"
"…"
"Takasu-kun! Let's go!"
Minori, Ami, and Kitamura started running toward the front door.
Ryuuji followed after. They came out the entrance and ran down the street
lined by Zelkova trees, and he gasped as the cold air stung his lungs.
Maybe we'll make it in time—maybe he would make it in time to
reach her back, where her fluffy hair fluttered, maybe he would make it to
her as the hem of her dress billowed. Maybe he would be able to run up to
her with his hand outstretched, and grab her shoulders, and tell her not to
go.
"Kitamura."
If only he could be with her without letting go.
"Kawashima."
But if he couldn't let her go…
"Kushieda…Kushieda!"
"Let go of me, Takasu-kun! Let's go! Let's chase after her!"
"We can't, Kushieda! We can't! This is…fine!"
"Why?!"
He grabbed the sleeve of Minori's down jacket and used the weight
of his entire body to hold her back. Minori chaotically swung her arms
around and struggled to shake herself free from Ryuuji's grip as, with his
other hand, Ryuuji snatched at Kitamura's elbow and the end of Ami's
scarf.
"Why are you okay with this?! We don't know where Taiga went!
There's no way this is fine! Didn't you say that you loved Taiga?! Didn't
you tell me you knew where you wanted to go, Takasu-kun?! Didn't you
say you would live together?! Didn't you say that was how you'd gain
happiness… Why did it turn out this way?! Why?!"
"Taiga's not running away from home! Taiga's not going to give up
on anyone! That's why it's fine this way!"
The people coming and going on the road turned their heads at the
loud voices. Regardless, Ryuuji did not let go of Minori's wrist. He
wouldn't let her go. There were tears on Minori's cheeks. The words she
aimed at him were shaking so much he could barely make them out.
He closed his eyes and yelled so loud that it might just have reached
Taiga. "Taiga! Go! Hurry! Get out of here!"
If there was a chance they could still catch up with her, then she
needed to be moving faster. She needed to go as far as she could. Go to the
end of the world you live in. Go seize everything you deserve, go seize as
much as it's in your power to hold.
"GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Rather than cry, Ryuuji poured all his strength into squeezing out his
voice. The distant sky was dazzling.
This was fine. It really was.
Taiga was already nowhere to be seen. She had already disappeared.
This was fine.
Removing his glasses, Kitamura covered his face where he stood. He
couldn't keep a low sob from escaping his contorted lips. When she saw
that, Ami bit her lip. Her cheeks, nose, and throat were bright red. Clear
tears fell from her long eyelashes down to her chin.
In the end, Minori stopped struggling and went limp. She crouched
down in the middle of the sidewalk. "You mean…she left us behind? Taiga
left me."
"No," Ryuuji earnestly said to her back—to his friend's back. "That's
completely wrong. Taiga doesn't give up. She's not that soft. She's
definitely coming back. And when she comes home, you have to definitely
be here, too!"
"It doesn't matter how you put it… I'm still sad. I'm heartbroken
Taiga isn't here. Where am I supposed to put this sadness? Where did you
put yours?"
He couldn't deny Minori's grief. And so, he would accept it instead.
"It's sad, but it's fine."
We're sad because we're apart—that's the relationship I have with
Taiga right now. But Ryuuji's heart was filled with love. It was sad, but
things would be fine.
Reeling his memories in one by one, Ryuuji thought back on
everything that had happened.
At the end of the cherry blossom season, he'd met the hot mess that
was Taiga. That had been the start of a time more turbulent than he could
ever have foreseen. He couldn't help being drawn in, unaware that he was
tumbling towards love. He had fallen, thought he was done for, and then
somehow gotten back on his feet. Somehow, their hearts had finally met.
And after all that, in the present, Takasu Ryuuji loved Aisaka Taiga.
As long as they loved each other like this, he didn't think the bond
that connected them would ever break. Sooner or later, this love would find
its voice and come overflowing from him. Their bodies, hearts, and souls
would call to each other, and eventually, somewhere in the world, they
would collide.
Ryuuji would take the days that had come to pass, the day he was
currently living through, and the days to come, loving them in their entirety.
Taiga would do the same for her days, and so would Yasuko, Minori, Ami,
and Kitamura. They would each love what was their own to the very limits
of their abilities.
They would absolutely meet again. Their attraction to each other was
this strong, after all. They called to each other. They yearned for each other.
They persisted absolutely, unconditionally.
"I wonder if Tiger will even want to see me…" Ami muttered in a
voice so small it seemed about to vanish.
Ryuuji answered firmly, as though summoning her back. "I feel like
she wants to see you, too. Don't worry about whether Taiga needs it. If
that's what you need, then make sure you tell her. Show her with your
actions. You're the only one who can make your thoughts into reality!"
"I—" Even more tears were spilling down Ami's contorted and tearstained face. "I want to see Tiger again! I want to be here when she comes
home! I want to get to know Minori-chan better! I want to make up with
you, Takasu-kun! I don't actually want to stop being friends! I want to be
friends forever! I've enjoyed being with all of you—everything's been
better with you here. I love you all…!"
"Wh-what about me?!"
"Who cares about you, Yuusaku!"
"Ahmin…!" Minori stood up and practically jumped on Ami.
Hminohri-an! Ami yelled back, still crying as she wrapped her arms around
Minori's back. They buried their faces in each other's shoulders. Though
they were perfectly matched in stubborn pride, for the moment, they
entrusted their body weight to each other. They thought about the friend
they had lost and paid no mind to the eyes of passersby as they cried out
loud.
Kitamura also understood what was in his childhood friend's heart
and the heart of the one he'd entrusted his team to. He joined their ring.
Ryuuji put his hands around his friends and turned his face down. All four
of them came together and held each other's shoulders. They stood in the
middle of the sidewalk as they cried out loud, letting the children inside
them run free.
If they could warm each other when they were hurt like this, then it
was good they were born in separate bodies, Ryuuji thought. It was such a
rare miracle, he thought, that they could be born separately, raised apart,
meet, love each other, fight…and, like they were now, could bury their
crying faces into each other.
Even at this point, when he felt his whole heart being washed away
by sorrow, Ryuuji felt that everything he had then, everything that existed in
the world, was so precious he could barely contain it. Yell as he might, he
couldn't keep up with the love that welled up within him.
He believed that wherever she went on ahead of him, Taiga's journey
was also overflowing with love. Not all of her love would be rewarded.
There would be days when she was betrayed, hurt, and brokenhearted
again. But she would keep going. Each of them would keep going.
No matter how far apart or how far away their journeys led them,
Ryuuji would reach Taiga and Taiga, Ryuuji. They would eventually
converge again, so everything would be fine. The goal they headed towards
was the same.
As he revolved around the endless skies, the world below the clouds
was beautiful to Ryuuji. Among the vivid lives and merciless colors of the
various living things of the land, a tough beast kicked up the dust of time
and continued ever forward. With energy that warped her four limbs, she
proudly ran through the earth she lived on.
I am a tiger.
I am a dragon.
They became nothing more than life itself as they called. They
answered. Their roars traveled far and wide as could be.
Eventually, the clouds in the sky that the dragon roamed would break,
and there would be nothing separating his voice from the earth where the
tiger roared.
***
I don't care how anyone tries to blame you for this. I, your teacher,
will always have your back, Takasu-kun. I understand exactly why you did
what you did.
"Yay! You did it! Clap clap clap!"
"…"
"Yes, I've gotten exactly ten pages from you. Just look at this file and
how thick it's gotten! I'm going to make sure that these get handed out
when you graduate—right to your parent…uh. Wh-why are you looking so
distressed…"
He wasn't actually distressed.
"Oh. Are you not feeling well?"
He was feeling fine.
"Well, you must have had a pretty rough time, with everything that's
happened, um…"
He was just slightly tired.
The file the bachelorette teacher Koigakubo Yuri (age 30) held in her
hand really was incredibly thick. The label on its spine read, "Class 2-C
Takasu Ryuuji's Reflection Paper."
"Well, I suppose it's only natural it would be hard. It was hard for
everyone who had to read these, too! You had six ten-page reflection papers
due, but I told you that you just needed to do one—and then you turned in
the Monday, Wednesday, Friday reports about how your apology cleaning
was going… You've written too much, Takasu-kun! You even turned in the
fifth and sixth ones! And you haven't skipped a single one."
"Well, I got carried away. I couldn't help it."
The only reason his and Taiga's great escape hadn't earned him a
suspension was because Koigakubo Yuri had gone frantically to bat for him
with the principal, vice principal, and head teacher. Ryuuji heard about it
right from the principal in her office. In exchange for not being suspended,
he went to the lecture room alone every weekend to write ten-page
reflection papers on composition paper. He also had to clean the teachers'
bathroom by himself three times a week.
He'd worked diligently to do all of that and earned his best score yet
on the end-of-term tests just the other day. He'd even outscored Kitamura,
who prided his math abilities, and ranked at the top of his grade. When it
came to the cumulative results, he rose above ten people from the previous
tests and clawed his way into the top half of the single digit numbers. With
that, Ryuuji hoped, he'd helped Koigakubo Yuri save face.
"Actually, your apology cleaning was quite the ordeal for the other
teachers… They kept asking me how many hours you were going to keep
cleaning for. And on top of that, all your reports were about exactly how
many hairs were in the bathroom and how many cans were in the trash, and
how dirty or sloppy everything was, and you even wrote down which
teachers you thought were responsible… You were like a mother-in-law
with a never-ending devil's checklist. Everyone was trembling with fear
whenever they had to go to the bathroom."
"I thought you didn't have a mother-in-law."
"I don't… I was using my imagination. A castle in the air, if you
will…"
Ha ha ha, Koigakubo Yuri laughed vacantly as she stuck Ryuuji's
reflection paper in the file. After that, she would read over it thoroughly and
go over it with a red pen, writing things like, "I'm not really sure about
this." "Think over this more!" "Yes, it did seem that way." Writing neverending comments was her job as the teacher. Then, she would temporarily
return it to Ryuuji, and Ryuuji would write comments on the comments, and
they would be filed away.
They'd had school on Saturday, that day. It was currently after class.
The lecture room the two were in filled with silence for a while. The
voices of girl athletes echoed on the school grounds outside. It was
probably the softball club. All Ryuuji could hear were rough and effectively
menacing voices. HUER GO HUER! DEURAH! HEYUOO! He'd once
asked Minori what all of it meant, but she had replied back, "We're saying,
huer go huer! Deurah! Heyuoo!" The world was still full of mysteries.
Once the week started, they would have their third term closing
ceremony.
"Okay, you're done with writing reflection papers now, Takasu-kun.
Thanks for all the hard work."
"Not at all… I was at fault, so I had to do it. Thank you for
everything you did, Ms. Koigakubo. I'm sorry I caused you so much
trouble. I really am."
"Thanks. It's fine."
The days of their second year in high school were going by without
Taiga.
"Sensei?"
Hm? Koigakubo, who had stood up from her seat ahead of him,
turned around. He thrust a paper in front of her face. He'd been walking
around with it folded in half the whole time, and the crease went deep.
Ryuuji said his piece before she could open it. "I turned in a version
of this earlier, but could you replace it with this? I'm sorry it's so sudden,
but I had to write something down. Excuse me!"
Using the moment of distraction as Koigakubo dropped her eyes to
the paper, he quickly stood up. He opened the door and headed out into the
hallway.
"What. What?! Whaaaaaaat?!" Koigakubo exclaimed.
"I'm serious." Ryuuji turned around to his teacher, who followed him
out the door and walked backwards as he pointed with his finger. I'm
serious—seriously serious. He couldn't help but laugh out loud as he looked
at his teacher's bewildered face.
"I'm glad you're serious about it, but the future aspirations
questionnaire isn't for announcing stuff like this!" Koigakubo said. "Don't
you have a brighter, more aspirational outlook?!"
"My outlooks are bright and aspirational. Actually, you're part of the
'everyone' I'm talking about!"
"Whaaaaat… Well…th-thanks I guess…" his teacher muttered with
an uncertain expression. In the end, Ryuuji heard her burst out laughing as
he went down the stairs, "Ha ha ha!"
As he vanished from sight, his teacher's mouth softened slightly. I'm
sure you really will have a bright future, because… Then the adult in her
returned, and she stopped herself from finishing the thought.
The future aspirations Ryuuji had committed to paper were
summarized in just one phrase: For everyone to be happy!
He'd added an exclamation point on the end before turning it in.
As Ryuuji headed to the classroom where he had left his bag, he
understood his teacher's surprise. Honestly, he was still having trouble
coming to a decision on a lot of things—the college he would go to if he
could still somehow get into one, or what he would major in, or what kind
of work he might want to find instead. His future remained unclear.
But he still had a year to go, so wasn't that fine?
Maybe he was being naive. Maybe he was too optimistic and would
end up being left behind by everyone else. But Ryuuji had only just started
to understand how wide the world was and wasn't ready to decide how he
would cross it. His indecision wasn't because of financial problems, or
because he had been bound by Yasuko's words, or even because of her
reconciliation with her parents. It wasn't because his options were limited
or because he didn't like any of them.
It was because he wasn't done taking stock of his surroundings. It
was because, compared to his peers, he was finally taking his time getting
started on his path.
The future was too wide, too far, and it was frightening—but it was
also rosy and infinitely bright. Ryuuji was looking forward to thinking
about it. He thought he could do anything. He could believe that the things
he hoped for would be within reach.
If he could feel this way, then he would be fine. No matter what arms
or equipment he decided to outfit himself with as he travelled the world, he
would be fine.
Besides, once he made a decision, all that would remain was to go
through with it. That was why he wanted to just be a kid for a little while
longer. These were probably the last days of his life that he could get away
with being lost. Ryuuji wanted to enjoy wandering while he still could.
He wanted to enjoy the luxurious irresponsibility limited to this time
of his life.
"Hey! Yo! I'm hungry, wanna eat?!"
"You actually turned that in?! 'I want everyone to be happy!'"
In the classroom, Haruta and Noto stuck their hands into candy bags
as they waited for Ryuuji to come back. I really did, Ryuuji nodded as he
grabbed a potato chip and tossed it into his mouth.
"You really did do it! What did Yuri-chan say?"
"She said, 'Whaaaaaaaaat!'"
Ha ha! Noto laughed. Another group of stragglers still in the
classroom cracked up about something unrelated at just about the same
time, and the room filled with the sound of laughter.
"Well, of course she'd be like 'Whaaaaaaaaat.' That's normal. That's
a really weird thing to hear coming from someone with such good grades."
"But that's the great thing about Taka-chan! I think I'd like him to
open up a restaurant or something."
"Oh, me too. And then we could all use it as our watering hole."
"I don't think that'd be sustainable, money-wise… Actually, where
do you want to go for lunch? Is Kitamura here yet?" Ryuuji cast his eyes
around the classroom, assuming he was probably still at the student council.
"Ah. Uh. Um. Hello, the student council is conducting a mic test.
Uhh. Ngah…hey! Could you stop pressing that button! You're not even part
of the announcement!"
The sounds of a live broadcast suddenly flowed from the speakers,
and Ryuuji almost fell out of his seat at Kitamura's voice.
"Apparently they've gotten into a fight with the drama club over next
year's afternoon broadcasts. The broadcast club is staying neutral, so
Kitamura was saying they'd be having a civilized discussion," Noto
explained, but the broadcast went on.
"Uh! Whoa! I'm not giving it up…like I'll ever give it up!"
"Ahhh! Let go, you dolt!"
"Ahh, it's going to fall! Stop! Hey, there's equipment over there!"
"A civilized discussion, huh? That sounds pretty bad… Think things
are okay?"
Thump, clatter. The sounds of the racket that filtered through the
speakers made it seem like things might be getting violent.
"Hey, throw that over here…oh…whoa! Okay! Got it! N-next year,
we'll continue to bring the Patron Saint of Broken Hearts to you on
Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. I hope you precisely enjoy us cheering
on your love! Guh… I'll give it up over my dead body! Music! Hurry up and
get something playing! I hope you have a listen to…oh?! AH!"
They heard the sound of something falling and—FZT! The broadcast
ended momentarily.
Uhh… Ryuuji and the others automatically looked up at the speakers.
"Oh! I think I've heard this song on a commercial before!" Haruta
bobbed his head to the rhythm of the song that came on. Ryuuji also
recognized the music that Kitamura had probably put on to cut off the
drama club's speech and started to bob along with Haruta.
"This kind of makes me feel like going to karaoke. It's been a
while…" Noto came up with a good idea.
"Sounds good! How about we go today?"
"Yeah, let's go. How about we go to 'My Voice' behind the station?"
"That's the only option there is! Send a text to the master of love, he
can follow afta' us."
Noto immediately took out his phone as he shouldered his bag.
"'Everyone's going, so you better hurry it up!' Done."
Ryuuji left the classroom alongside Haruta, wrapping his scarf
around his neck.
"It's suuuper warm outside today, Taka-chan. Do you really need
that? It was so hot, I had to take off my parka and put it in my bag."
"Really. What…is it already spring?" He turned his eyes to the
outside of the window. Now that Haruta had mentioned it, the line of cherry
blossom trees leading to the school gate were hazy with faint pink. Though
the flowers hadn't bloomed yet, the swelling buds were already colorful.
"That's right. The season of I, Haruta Kouji, has finally arrived! As
you can see, my flowers, the Cherry Brocken Jr., are already vividly
colored, and pink rain will fall on Berlin—"
"Don't you mean cherry blossoms…?"
"Whoa! Looks like our paths have crossed with Ami-chan-sama's
party! Hee hee hee! Were you out to use the restrooms?"
Scary! Frightening! Terrifying! Ami, Maya, and Nanako, who had
come out of the girl's bathroom precisely as Haruta made his joke, all
hugged themselves in the same pose as they looked at each other.
"What? You're all still at school?"
"That's kind of ridiculous." Ryuuji pointed at the three girls' long
hair. They all had matching curls. He didn't remember them looking like
that during the end-of-day homeroom.
"We were all practicing curling our hair just now. ♥" As she sprung a
curl near her chest with her fingertips, Ami cutely opened her mouth in the
shape of a heart. She seemed in a good mood as she fluttered her long
lashes at Ryuuji. "So, what do you think? Opinions? Ha ha, these super
shiny, soft curls look scary cute on me, don't they? It's crazy, right? They're
bombastic, they're powerful, they're absolute! What do you think?! I'm
even scared of myself, ahh! It's so scandalous!"
"What're you getting all worked up about? Actually, it's 'cause of
people like you that we've got hairs in the sink. Did you clean it up? Did
you clean up all the hairs you shed from those smooth and fluffy curls?"
"How about you just go home?!" Hmph! Ami's face contorted as she
waved her hands at him, "Shoo, shoo."
Maya and Nanako wriggled with laughter at Ami's actions.
Meanwhile, Haruta looked at Nanako's hair. "I kind of think the way
Kashii's hair is curled is cute."
"Really? Thanks. Actually, I kind of messed up."
"Hmm. But you didn't curl it super tight, so it's kind of nice loose
like that."
Nanako opened her plump lips softly as Haruta praised her and then
turned a meaningful look at Noto. "Hey, Noto-kun, how curly do you like a
girl's hair to be? Do you like it wavy like this or for it to be curled back and
gorgeous like Ami's? Or do you like it like Maya's, with just the ends
curled? What's your favorite?"
"Huh?! Me?! Hair?! I—I—" Noto stared, against his better judgment,
at class 2-C's official knockout trio. "…Wanna karaoke?!"
That was unexpected.
Noto kept babbling as he headed past the girls' bathroom door,
"We're just about to go, so… Well, I guess only if you're not busy, but if
you feel like coming—or if you're like—well, see—there's a Mos Burger
across from the karaoke place, and we could buy stuff to eat there and the
drinks are free. Well, whatever, but if you are—but well, you might not be."
He turned around slightly, but he wasn't talking to anyone in
particular. "Kitamura's coming, too," he added in a quiet voice.
"What a coincidence!" Maya said, her voice so bright it seemed like
she was trying to stifle Noto's. "We were just talking about going! How
about we all go together? It's okay if they join in, right Ami-chan?
Nanako?"
"Of course! The more the merrier, right, Ami-chan?"
"Ahh, but my secret will be out if these guys hear my beautiful
voice."
They walked through the hallway as a group and changed into their
outdoor shoes at the shoe cubbies. The girls headed out first and, for some
reason, Noto whined, "You think they're going for Kitamura? Is that it?"
How should I know? Ryuuji smiled wryly and nonchalantly pushed
Noto's head toward Haruta.
Under the yet-to-bloom flowers, they formed a noisy troop as they
progressed forward. Ami looked towards the sports grounds and started to
run. Perfect timing! She approached the netted fence.
"Heeeeey! Minori-chan!"
"Huh? Oh, it's you Ahmin! Oh, hey, and you've got everybody with
you! Are you on your way home?" Minori wore her softball uniform, which
was smudged with dirt, and her fingers were taped up, but when she took
off her cap, she had her usual smile on. "Yo!" She also waved a hand at
Ryuuji.
Yo! Ryuuji waved back.
"You look ridiculous… Are you still practicing? Are you working
today?"
"I'm done after this, and I don't have work!"
"Seriously? We're going to karaoke right now. You should come after
you're done changing."
"Care-ee-oh-kee! Whoa, it's been such a long time since I've gone!
I'll definitely come! I'll subject your ears to my solo anime song!"
"Okay, okay, okay, okay, we got it, so just hurry and come over!"
"Okay! I'll hurr-over!"
Hurr-over…? As in hurry over…? Nanako and Maya cocked their
heads at each other when they spotted Kitamura, who seemed to have just
gotten their message, and was running down the stairs of the front entrance.
"HEEEEEEY!" Ryuuji waved vigorously at him. "Hurry up," he
yelled to his best friend.
Waving his hand as rigorously as Ryuuji, Kitamura smiled as he ran,
his glasses bouncing on his nose. The girls had moved slightly ahead of
them, and Minori was calling to end softball early that day like a wartime
general. ROUND UP! ROUND UP, MY YOUNG COMPATRIOTS! Noto,
Haruta, and Ryuuji waited for Kitamura to catch up to them.
Everyone's here.
Now we just need you, Ryuuji secretly told himself in his heart.
Everyone's here, so hurry up.
Hurry and come back to me.
Taiga.
I want to see you.
***
There are things in this world that not a single person has witnessed.
"Oh…oh…oh…"
"In! I—In—Innn…In…Iiiinnn!"
"It's tasty, huh? Right, right… You really are cute… Oh, hey, Inkochan, stop that. It tickles."
"Rin!"
In the morning light, the bird with the face like a bizarrely shaped
rock nibbled at the skin on his hand. Takasu Ryuuji watched as the beak
peeled off and consumed the skin around his thumbnail.
"Of joy—"
"Toy!"
"It's great…!"
Ryuuji poked his ugly parakeet's head with the tip of his finger to pet
her as she rested on his wrist. Probably because she was enjoying it, Inkochan drooled cloudy liquid. The whites of her eyes showed as she shivered.
Mm-hmm, good, good. He gave her head an absentminded kiss
without thinking about it. As far as Ryuuji was concerned, Inko was his
beloved pet, and so cute he wanted to eat her right up. Of course, he would
no longer be human if he did that, so he ended their morning
communication session there and put her back in the birdcage.
He looked at the clock, ready for a change of pace. It was 7:45.
"Oh no!"
He had thought it was still half past seven. He couldn't let himself be
late for the opening ceremony of his third year in high school!
"Wait, my head!"
Ryuuji leapt into the bathroom and looked in the mirror. "Urk!"
Today, of all days, his bedhead was terrible. The back of his hair stuck up so
intensely that it looked like he was wearing a beret—or a wig. He
desperately combed it out with a brush and wet it with his fingers.
"Th-th-this won't work…!"
He headed back to the living room in his sock-clad feet, pulled down
a small box of Yasuko's hair tools from their shelf, and looked for
something that could fix his hair. He didn't care whether the answer was a
spray, mousse, or a cream—as long as it could help him.
"You looking for something?"
"My head! I need to fix my hair! I can't go out looking like this!"
"Oh, that! The thing you're holding right now is spray meant for
fixing bedhead! Give it here, I'll fix it up for you!" Yasuko, who was
already awake, changed, and had eaten breakfast with Ryuuji, sprayed his
head several times. She brushed his damp hair and held it down firmly as
Ryuuji looked at the clock anxiously again.
"Crap, crap, crap… I might actually be late. What about you? When
are you heading out?"
"I'm fine! I just need to get to the store before ten. Okay, now you
just use a dryer on the wet parts."
Ryuuji gave her a rushed reply and headed to the bathroom again. He
pulled out the dryer in a fluster, and the plug rang out as it hit the polished
sink. Everything okay? Yasuko peeked in at him.
Ever since she had chopped her heat-damaged hair to chin length, he
thought she had started to look even more like Sonoko. Yasuko herself
didn't seem to like the haircut and declared at every opportunity she would
be growing it out again.
Ever since that day, Sonoko had come to the rental three times and
Seiji once. Ryuuji and Yasuko went back to Yasuko's parent's house once.
After such emotional reunions, it was, of course, slightly difficult to go
back to the independent, carefree rhythms of their everyday lives. The
parents and former runaway daughter, after having been separated for so
long, occasionally butted heads.
Yasuko had also retired from Bishamon Heaven at the end of March,
though not because she was concerned about how her parents saw it. It had
been the owner's idea to install the number two, Shizuyo, as the new
housemistress and to task Yasuko with opening a new store called
"Okonomiyaki and Benzaiten Heaven." She would be interviewing new
employees starting that day.
"Did it work?"
"I give up!" Ryuuji held down his hair, which still looked exactly like
a parakeet's tuft, as he glared at his own face in the mirror. He would be a
third-year high school student starting today. He scowled and decided that
this was actually fine. There were things he needed to do, and he didn't
want to be late.
He ran into his room, which still had the curtains drawn, and tore
apart the dry-cleaning bag. He reeled it in and thrust it into the trash. He put
on his pressed school jacket.
A young married couple he still hadn't gotten to know had moved
into the bedroom of the condo that stood beyond the curtain. They always
had the blinds closed, probably wanting privacy, and he almost never
opened his curtains anymore. He didn't really care. It wasn't like sunlight
would make its way into the room even if he did.
Ryuuji grabbed his phone, threw his tote bag over his shoulder, and
then ran out of the room. "I'm heading out!"
"See yoooooooou! It's fine, your hair looks greaaaaaaaat! You're
amazing, Ryuu-chan! You're the coolest guy in the woooooooooorld!"
"…"
This was what the world could call killing with kindness.
Ryuuji almost tripped under the force of his mother's torrent of
loving praise as he stuck his feet into his shining loafers. He grabbed the
cold doorknob and opened the front door, letting the blinding sunlight of
spring bathe his whole body.
The shower of light was so intense he couldn't open his eyes. There
was a warm, spring breeze, surreptitiously laced with the smell of flowers.
Standing under the bright blue sky, Ryuuji breathed in a lungful of air.
His shoes rang out as he ran down the stairs, almost giving his
landlady a heart attack as she swept the front porch with a broom. "Good
morning!"
"AH! Don't just yell at me like that!"
A new school year. A new class. A new homeroom teacher. New
friends. On this new morning, Ryuuji walked on, one step at a time. His
legs swelled with power as he took a large step forward.
"Taiga…"
He threw out his chest.
"…how will you start walking forward?"
I'm boldly facing forward. I'm facing the same direction you are, and
I know I can keep believing that this is the path that will lead me to you
again.
So, you also need to—
"Guh?!"
"Ow!"
In this world, there's something that no one has ever seen.
Something gentle and oh-so-sweet.
If anyone ever saw it, they'd surely want it for themselves.
But that's precisely why no one's ever seen it.
In order to keep it safe, the world hid it away.
But someday, someone will find it.
Only the one who was meant to have it will find it, in the end.
That's how it's meant to be.
"Ow…ouch…! Wh—"
"Wh-wh-wh-wh-!" Ryuuji's quivering tongue had gone numb. Shock
clouded his vision in an intense, halo-like white light. "Why?! Since when
have you been here?! How did you get back?!"
It seemed that the girl before his eyes had no time for that. Taiga,
who had landed on her butt from the collision, wore her usual uniform,
though it looked oddly new. She held her head, which firmly conked into
his when they ran into each other, and started to wail, unable to get back up.
"H-hey, wait…are you okay?!"
"I kind of feel dizzy… Wait! A! Sec…!"
Ryuuji saw murder fill the eyes under her two small hands as they
opened wide and pinned him with a glare. A palmtop-sized tiger was still a
tiger. She tensed her body as though she was about to pounce on him.
"I've been waiting here this whoooole morning! You're so slow!
We're going to end up late! And you didn't even notice me! And then you
came barreling into me! Why didn't you just—"
He used every ounce of strength in him to embrace the delicate body
that readily clung to him with all her weight.
"—hug me from the start like this?!"
This shamelessness, this strength, this minuteness, this weight, this
energy, this sense of lovingness—this was Taiga.
"I'm so…sorry."
Taiga was always sudden.
She would suddenly appear, suddenly knock Ryuuji off his feet,
suddenly carry off his heart. That was just how she was, and she'd always
been that way. Ryuuji knew that everything would always end up in its
proper place like this. They would hug each other and inhale deep breaths
of each other. They would yell at the top of their lungs. Welcome home.
Welcome home. I'm home. I'm home.
"Taiga. It's you, it's you, it's really you… It's you, Taiga!"
"It's you, Ryuuji. It's really you. My favorite Ryuuji."
"How did you get back?!"
"So my mom rescinded the school withdrawal the day after and sent
in an absence request instead. She wanted to make sure I would be able to
come back to school if I wanted to, but it took a while for them to approve
the request, and she didn't want me to be confused, so she kept it secret. I
didn't find out until just recently."
"What about your house?! Where are you living?! Actually…
seriously! What's with you?! Where were you up until now?! You never
told me anything!"
"Well, of course, I couldn't—" Taiga raised her slightly damp eyes
and looked at the white condo that stood beside them. She continued to
laugh at the back of her throat. "—go back there. But I'm close by. I'm
right next to you. You have to come with everyone else! I'm really
practically right next to you!"
"I definitely will."
"I'm with my mom and my new dad, and also—I've got a little
brother! He's so cute! They rented out a house nearby for my sake! Well,
actually, it was on the condition that I'd help out with taking care of my
brother while my mom's at work. And I'm pretty sure they'll move out
right after I've graduated. Seems about right, huh?"
"Yeah."
"Yup."
Ryuuji painted the picture of a dream in his mind and was sure Taiga
was picturing the same thing he was. At some point in the vast, endless
future, he would marry Taiga and they would live together. Everyone they
loved would be there. Ryuuji and Taiga would smile blissfully, their eyes
squinting with joy, because they were headed toward that future together.
"I'm sure everyone will be surprised when I come to school. I
haven't told anyone yet—not Minorin or Dimhuahua or Kitamura-kun."
"Let's give them a surprise. Let's go! We're actually going to end up
being late at this rate!"
"Yeah!"
Ryuuji easily grabbed the bag he dropped and turned around, and the
two of them ran down the sidewalk on the usual Zelkova-lined path. Both
moving at once, they grabbed each other's hands and turned their faces to
each other and smiled.
Their new days start once more from here.