"I'll be home before you even realize it, I promise I won't let anything happen to myself." Evarius said to his mother. He hadn't intended to lie, yet he could sense the distrust in his own words deep within himself.
"The nobles and their false promises, gods know how many times I have heard them." Replied Merina, Evarius' mother. She didn't want to be blunt, but then again she didn't have much confidence in her son's words, for she seemed to be convinced that she already knew his fate, his and her own…
"Do you not trust me mother?" Evarius was trying to convince his mother of something he wasn't entirely convinced of himself. He felt as if the room around him was slowly going dark and turned his eyes to look at the candles lit all across the room. They were flickering, on the verge of dying out.
"You, I trust. The old 'Teller', I trust more." Merina replied, painfully blunt this time, trying to meet his son's distracted eyes. She had never quite gotten rid of the old habits her nursemaid had taught her when she was a kid. Still believing in everything the tellers said and suggested, and trying her best to make others believe it.
Evarius, still looking at the candles, saw one candle finally die out, while the rest struggled to burn on. He turned his eyes back to his mother. "And what is it that the old teller told you this time?" He asked his mother. It wasn't the first time Evarius had heard of the teller from his mother's mouth, he had been listening to her go on and on about them since he was a child. And her faith in the tellers was as strong as it used to be.
"She said that death awaits you in the battlefield, she said you might not come back home. She warned me that if I don't stop you from going, I might never see you again." The pain behind his mother's eyes was clear. Her eyes were already wet with tears that had not yet flowed. She had already lost so much, and losing her last son would completely break her. Evarius knew that, and he couldn't bear to just leave his mother in this state…
He met his mother's eyes, which were still struggling to hold the inevitable tears back, and said with an assuring little smile, "Mother, I know you're only trying to look out for me, but I promise you, I'll be fine. I'll come back home with my brothers, victorious." He was going for a battle for the first time in his entire life, hence her mother's worry for him was nothing surprising. Even though Evarius wasn't very confident that he'd live through the battle, he was fairly courageous.
Not pleased with his son's reply, Merina stole her eyes away from his, staring at the candles as their flickering flame reflected in her eyes. She didn't say anything for a while, thinking where she had gone wrong in all of this. It was only when another light went out that she took a deep breath and chose to speak. But as she tried to look her son in the eyes again, she glimpsed upon his father's portrait that rested on the wall behind him. And just like that the tears started flowing uncontrollably, all her words and arguments that she had prepared flowing along.
Evarius' smile faded as he put his hands around her shoulders, embracing her gently, trying to console her. She hugged him tightly, as if she'd never let go. But she knew, deep in her heart that she will have to eventually.
Evarius' shirt, where his mother had rested her eyes, was soaked with her tears. She gasped for a breath and finally uttered some words. "Your father, that is what he always used to say, he always promised me that he'd return victorious. He said the same words as you before the battle at the 'Seven-gates', and ended up losing his life. And your brother, that is what he said before he marched the same road. That is what they all said to me son…" her voice broke, and her face became red from the crying. "…that is what they all said…" The tears seemed never- stopping, as she lamented her previous losses and worried for a future one.
She somewhat blamed herself for raising Evarius among her brothers and uncles. As a young princess, she had thought it her duty to raise her son a brilliant knight, and yet when the moment came, she couldn't bring herself to part from her beloved, and only son.
Evarius wanted to stay with his mother as well. He couldn't even imagine what would take over her if something did actually happen to him.
Had it not been for his mother's royal blood, he couldn't even have dreamt of such a life of comforts after his father's death. She had raised him with utmost care. She had raised him kind, she had raised him honest, and she had raised him courageous. She had never let Evarius feel his father's and his brother's absence, giving him more than he could ever be thankful for. The love and respect Evarius bore for her was immense.
But the matter of staying wasn't much of a choice for him. His pride and his honour in his duty as a white knight were the two things he could never think of laying down. He had sworn to his duty as a man, knowing very well what it could ask of him in the future, and he was more than determined to fulfil it regardless of the consequences.
Before he could say anything more to his mother, there was a knock on the door of his mother's quarter. One of the servants attended the door and came back with a message.
He knocked on the room's door and asked if he could come in.
"Yes." Merina replied, sliding away from Evarius' arms and wiping her tears. "Who was it, Desmon?" She asked the servant.
"It was Ser Collin my lady, he had a message for master Evarius." He replied, bowing to them both.
"What message did he have?" Evarius asked, gesturing to Desmon with his hand to be at ease.
"He said that Ser Britten has called for every White Knight to be present at the 'Shade of Windsmen' in an hour, for their final briefing and such."
Evarius nodded his head and Desmon took his leave, bowing to them both once again. He grabbed his white helmet lying on a table beside him and started to walk out of the room bidding a simple goodbye to his mother. Then he remembered that the army was to spend the night with the king and leave early in the morning, and this was probably the last time he was seeing his mother for a while, or worse, the last time ever.
He could observe the room's slowly-growing darkness once again as he turned back to his mother to give her one final look. Her tears had come back as she returned a look at him. They stared into each other's eyes for a while, in complete silence, not uttering a single word. As he looked at her mother, thousands of memories came to his mind, some good, some bad, and some very bad, flashing all together in a distorted mess. He was overwhelmed, 'frightened maybe?', but he rejected that notion as soon as it came to his mind.
His vision grew blurry, 'tears?' he asked himself, he couldn't help it. But he did not let them flow, 'Not here, not in front of mother. I have to be strong for the both of us…' he thought.
He looked away from Merina, trying to hide his tears from her, afraid she might see them, and looked back again after a few seconds. But To his failure and unbeknownst to him, Merina had seen his tears, but she said not a thing.
Evarius didn't know what to say, he just stood there. He opened his mouth, not sure what words he would utter, but he had to break the silence. Merina shook her head sideways before he could say anything, implying that things were better left unsaid.
He understood, and then gave her a slight nod, saying a thousand words that had been left unspoken, and she nodded back, in approval perhaps.
He looked up, then sideways, then up again, doing everything he could to prevent his tears from flowing. He turned back quickly when he realised that he couldn't hold them in anymore, and started walking away, warm streams of tears flowed from both of his eyes as he did. The flashing of the memories started fading away slowly, along with the light of the room, letting the darkness slip in. And by the time he reached the door, only one candle remained lit, flickering, but still struggling with all its might to keep burning on. He opened the door and stepped out, and just as he was about to close the door behind him, he saw the candle die out, giving in to complete darkness.
He wiped his tears and slid his helmet onto his head.
"Please light some new candles in my mother's room." He said to Desmon in a low voice as he was leaving, Desmon bowed behind him.
'Take care of my mother' he wanted to say to him but he didn't, for a reason unknown to himself. He simply walked, and in a minute, which felt like a mere second, he was out of the castle. Standing alone, beneath the grand structure that overshadowed his minuscule self.
To be continued...