Lucas' POV.
They say that every villain is a hero of their own story.
Do I agree to this statement...?
Honestly, I don't know... I am not a lawyer, neither am I wise sage, or some philosopher so sorry, no hope in this area.
Frankly, I knew nothing about Carl's life, his childhood or unfortunate experiences. However that was no reason for him to turn out the way he did. I am sure that whatever life he had lived, that was no excuse to go around humiliating and killing the innocent.
There were definitely other people out there who may have had experiences that predisposed them to become what Carl became, however, they chose to be good people...or if not good people, rational, humane people... even if, they were ... few.
Who am I kidding right?... You are probably thinking, ''You two faced guy, until a few days ago... you were persistently trying to commit suicide ... and now , you stand here trying to judge another fellow''.
Well, now that I look back, I admit that trying to take my own life was a very unwise and irresponsible thing to do.
But at least cut me some slack, no matter how hard I tried, I just could not go through with it... I had a conscience you know.... the questions I always asked myself whenever I was about to jump off a cliff, take a poison or something was this
''Would my parents have wanted this for me?...no they would not...''
''and am I too much of a coward to give up on myself... and life, even if it was so suffocating and miserable?...yes I was, but I could try not to be one...''
''Am I killing myself to make the people who humiliated me feel bad for what they did?... Would they even care?.... they definitely wouldn't ...''
So yeah, there you have it...!!.. This was the reason why in spite of all the demeaning moments I had to endure, I could never go through with ending my life... I tried taking my own life several times... but I just could not get rid of these questions popping up in my head anytime I tried to do the deed...with all the obvious answers to these questions I gave myself... How could I commit suicide?
I had a conscience, but Carl... maybe he did... but what did he choose to do with it?... he slipped down a path of no return... a path that cost innocent people their lives and dignity, and even after being thought a lesson , he drowned further in his actions. So yeah, don't lump me in with Carl...
I frankly do not know how long I would have held on if I had not awakened, but frankly... knowing myself, after trying for more than 50 times and hesitating... there was no way I was serious about dying...
What?... It was never your intention to think that Carl and I were alike?... Oh my... I am sorry for my train of thoughts ... You think I am a responsible young man?... that's nice of you, thank you...
Standing at the shores of the beach, I sighed, as I held Carl's ashes in an empty vase I had found sitting alone at the park.
At least, a proper burial was something I could give him... right?...
As I emptied the vase into the water, the cold breeze billowed, carrying the ashes out of sight...
I sat down on the sand of the shore, enjoying the cold winds...
''Winter is near, it's freaking cold'' I chuckled slightly.
''I hate to still admit it... but I killed a person today...and it did not feel good... but in this wicked world where people will not hesitate to end my life if given the chance...there is no doubt I will have to end a life, again and again... if the need be.
In this world where the strong preys on the weak, I need to become stronger''
I stood up and clutched the innards of my windbreaker's pockets, heading back to my apartment.
.....
Ughhh...
I yawned as I lay beneath the bed sheets.
Without even bothering to look at how long I had slept for, I got out of bed, and headed to the washroom to tidy up.
After freshening up, I headed to the living room to eat a sumptuous meal prepared by Anna the AI, then stole a glance of the time displayed on the holographic screen at the corner of my retina.
It was 2; 20 pm.
'' Crap, I'm late for class again''.
.....
I checked myself out in the mirror and nodded satisfyingly. I was draped in a regular white windbreaker, dark sneakers and black jeans. My hair was adjusted in the usual manner... I'm sure you already know how cool my hair is right?..
Ahem... almost got carried away... hey, I'm not a narcissist okay...
anyway..
A few moments later, I stood before the class room door.
Just because I was the Sword Blade's disciple did not mean that I could bail on classes anytime I wanted ...
Also, I knew that I would definitely be the center of attention.
However, did I have a choice?...
Even on my way to the lecture hall, various stares and conversations were directed at me. I knew it had a lot to do with the occurrences of the previous day.
However, there was one conversation I overheard that made a realization dawn on me.
Someone had posted the video of my encounter with Amanda yesterday on the student forums.
Well, not that I care about any of that..
I pushed open the door that revealed the exquisite interior of the large lecture hall
''As expected''. I sighed then grimaced inwardly ''I don't think I will ever get used to all this attention''.
From the instructor to the students , all gazes landed on me.
The atmosphere was a little bit awkward....
''Just because you have the potential to become an SSS rank hunter, does not mean that you should be late for class. The next time you are late for the Wilderness Survival class, you will fail the midterm practical assessment''. The intimidating male instructor spoke to me in a stern tone.
''I am sincerely sorry sir... '' I quickly apologized to the instructor for being late.
He simply nodded amiably, then turned to focus on the rest of the class.
I quickly managed to find a spot at the back of the class, then sat down at my usual spot.
My second class as an awakened had begun. It was time to grind.