April 8, 2017 :
Springtime. The season of rebirth and renewal. A beautiful picture of a family surrounded by daisies, the flower that represents purity. Easter. A holiday celebrated by many, for the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead. In our world, springtime means rebirth and renewal….
But what happens when the spring catches on fire?
_____
Ring, ring, ring.
My phone buzzes on the coffee table. At the moment, I am sprawled out on my couch passed out from the all nighter I pulled with the 6 other elites of Division 1. We had completed a job sent in from Nakamura to transport some funds, and followed Youngsun's lead in an attempt to de-stress.
The spirit of springtime lit our hearts as we let loose and grasped the freedom of running through the empty streets, tunnels, and bridges around LA.
I groan and sluggishly sit up.
"Eun-Hae, your parents. They're in trouble."
I rub my eyes.
"My parents? Who is this?"
"Youngsun. I'm using a pay phone."
"Leader? What are you talking about?"
"Ren and I were out checking opposing gang activity near some warehouses in our territory and we saw Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo being dragged out of a van and into a warehouse. Ren said it looked like their hands were tied up. You should see if you can find them and Ren and I will investigate here."
I drop my phone in shock.
Kwang-Sun… Hyun-Joo… warehouse? What is going on?
"Hello? Hello?" Youngsun's voice calls from the phone.
I pick it up and answer. "I'll look."
"We'll contact you if we find anything."
"Okay." I reply and hang up.
I stumble over to my front door and put on my shoes.
I'll find them. They will be somewhere safe taking and laughing with each other.
I burst out of my room and begin a frantic search.
I run to Hyun-Joo and Kwang-Sun's apartment. Not here.
Maybe they're at the bar.
I run to Division 3's bar. Not here.
Not here. Not here. Not… here… Not here!
After running around to check all the places Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo frequent, I force myself to stop in order to stabilize myself before I collapse. I bend over and place my hands on my knees. I gasp as I try to regain my breath.
Hyun-Joo… Kwang-Sun… where are you?
Bzz. Bzz. Bzz. Bzz.
My phone vibrates in my pocket. I quickly pull it out.
"Yes?"
"It's them… Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo are here. We saw a few of the higher ups here as well…"
"What's going on?" I pant.
"I think… I think they're being tortured!" Ren's voice exclaims in the background.
"Tortured? Why? What happened?"
"We don't know." Youngsun admits.
"Ah." I grunt in frustration. "Send me your location. I'll be there as soon as I can."
"You may not want to come…"
"Just send it."
Youngsun sighs. "Don't regret it."
"I won't."
I revive their location via text and hail a taxi to take me to the warehouse. As I urge the taxi to speed, the night sky sparkles peacefully with stars.
Stop it. Stop it. Stop it. Why is the sky so peaceful. It's creepy. It gives me a bad feeling.
I make it to the warehouse as quickly as I can. However, by the time I arrive, it's too late.
The higher ups of Hallyu have left the warehouse, left behind Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo to die.
I burst into the warehouse. In the middle of the concrete floor lay Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo bloodied, beat, and tortured. I stumble as I run towards the couple.
I stop about a foot away.
Blood. Blood. So much blood. How can they survive without this blood??
I extend my right arm in the direction of Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo. The trembling in my arm is too violent, so I drop my arm to my side. I feel my legs go weak and I collapse onto my knees. I cover my mouth with my hand, and violent sobs begin to pour out of my trembling body. Tears blind my eyes, my chest and shoulder heave as my lungs scream for air.
"Eun-Hae-ah…" Kwang-Sun's raspy voice calls to me.
I lift my head and wipe the tears away with the back of my arm. I lean in towards Kwang-Sun.
"I'm here." I manage to say.
"Eun-Hae-ah, I am so sorry…"
"Why, why are you sorry? you don't need to be sorry."
"It shouldn't have ended this way."
"What do you mean?" I sob, trying to understand what Kwang-Sun is saying.
"My beautiful child…" Hyun-Joo says through her labored breathing. "Kwang-Sun and I are sorry to leave you alone here…"
"Leave?" I ask, knowing full well the answer to my question.
"Our time in this world is up." Kwang-Sun smiles sadly. "There's still so much we want to do…"
"Please don't go…" I beg, clinging on to false hope. "Let me call an ambulance."
I reach into my pocket to grab my phone, but Hyun-Joo stops me. Her bloodied hand wraps around my wrist.
"It's too late now… but Eun-Hae-ah, will you do us one last favor?"
I nod my head. My throat feels too tight to even choke a word out.
"Will you place my hand in Kwang-Sun's?"
I follow through.
"Thank you, our daughter…"
"Eun-Hae… One last thing,... please remember,... we will always love you…" Kwang-Sun exhales his last breath.
"Always…" Hyun-Joo adds as she follows her husband through death's doors.
"No, no, no, no NO, NO!" I scream. "Come back! Don't leave me!"
I collapse over their bodies, forming something similar to a protective covering, and collapse from exhaustion and the overwhelming sorrow that manifested itself in my entire body.
When I came to, Ren, Youngsun, and Yoshiyuki are standing a few feet away waiting for me. I sit up and look at the corpses of my parents.
"Kwang-Sun, Hyun-Joo…I call for them in a voice that has almost disappeared from overuse.
Why was I expecting them to answer my call… I laugh hysterically. They're gone…
Suddenly the laughs turn into soft sobs. My energy is gone.
What do I do now..?
Yoshiyuki walks up to me and embraces me, as if trying to hold the broken pieces of my heart together. I can feel my body go limp in his arms. Ren comes to my side and clasps my hand in hers.
"I'm so sorry…." are the only words she is able to say.
"Yoshiyuki," Youngsun's grave voice comes from behind me. "Please take her home. Ren and I will take care of their bodies."
Their voices begin to fade out into only background noise, and the only thing I'm left with are the thoughts and voices in my head.
Where will they take them? If only I got here on time…
But, why were the higher ranked leaders here? What happened?
Why did you have to go, Kwang-Sun, Hyun-Joo… Now I am all alone again… the same as how it was before you came… who can I turn to? Even as I am surrounded by other Division 1 members, I feel so alone…
Ren and Youngsun come to carry the bodies to the crematorium.
Don't take them away! … Don't leave me...
Yoshiyuki wraps me in his jacket and picks me up to carry me to a taxi. He places me in the seat next to him.
"Driver, please take us to …" He asks the driver to take us to my apartment.
I stare out the window. The sun is coming up now. Springtime. The season of rebirth and renewal, forever stained by the blood of death and loneliness.
_____
That night :
Like shattered glass, the happiness that came from family broke into a million pieces. Was this happiness fake? After all, they weren't my real family. I walk into the bar where I had first seen Hyun-Joo and Kwang-Sun that Christmas in 2014.
"Soju please." I ask the bartender.
Is this my punishment for thinking that I could be happy with parents that were not my own? Whatever it is, I wanna forget it all. I want to run away, but where can I run?
The bartender places a bottle of soju and a shot glass in front of me.
"I don't need the shot glass," I say.
He takes it away and I take my first sip of alcohol. It tastes disgusting and it burns as it goes down. I cough and slam the bottle on the counter. I stare blankly at the rows of alcohol lined up on the shelves behind the counter.
Why did they die? What did they do wrong? Why won't anyone tell me anything? Is it my fault? Did I just not get there in time to save them? Why were the higher ups of Hallyu there?
Forget it, I just want to forget. The memory of their dying breath is ingrained in my mind and keeps playing over and over again. I hit my head with the base of my palm and take another gulp of soju. I open and close my fist, the feeling of the blood on their cold, limp bodies linger on my fingertips. My hands begin to shake involuntarily. I raise the glass bottle to my lips. The burn of the soju feels like a punishment almost, and I crave more.
I finish the bottle and shove it aside. The alcohol begins to take effect. My face feels warm and my words begin to slightly slur as I ask the bartender for another bottle.
I tilt my head back and begin to down the bottle.
Forget, forget, forget… too late, too late, too late.
"Eun-Hae-ah, we are so sorry." Their voices replay in my mind.
"We will always love you."
"NO!" I scream out loud as Hyun-Joo and Kwang-Sun's voices overwhelm my head.
I drop the unfinished bottle of soju on the floor.
"Damn it."
I drop to the ground on my knees and begin picking up the glass shards.
Suddenly, I feel a hand grab my wrist. I look up at the owner of this hand. It's Yoshiyuki, the second elite member of Division 1.
"Yoshiyuki…" I blink slowly and smile in a drunken state.
"Let go, you're gonna hurt yourself." He says in a solemn voice.
"I need to clean this up so the bartender won't kick me out." I reply.
"You've had enough to drink. I'm taking you home."
"No, leave me alone." I say snatching my arm away from him.
Yoshiyuki sighs and picks me up, putting me on his back to carry me out.
"Let go!" I say hitting him with my fists. It has no effect, as the alcohol is inhibiting my movement.
Yoshiyuki ignores me and continues to walk through the empty streets of Los Angeles. I give up.
"Yoshiyuki…" I sigh. "Is it my fault?"
"Your fault?"
"Yea… That Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo died…"
"I don't think it is."
"Then why won't anyone tell me anything…?"
"I'm not sure… but not even Yongsun was told anything…"
I go silent.
Even the streets are lonely today… mourning the loss of Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo…. I think, as I look ahead at the sparkling lights of the city that brighten the streets darkened by night. Who will I eat ramen with this Christmas? Who will give me strength when I feel weak? I never even got to say thank you… I never even got to tell them that, that I really truly love them…
My hands begin to tremble as I recall my memories of Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo. Tears well in my eyes.
"Are you okay?" Yoshiyuki's calm voice asks.
His words, as simple as they are, cause the tears to fall. They fall without stopping. His calm voice soothes the pain inside my chest.
"Yoshi... yuki.." I gasp through tears, "Am I alone? I'm not alone… right?"
Yoshiyuki stops walking and puts me down on a bus stop bench.
"You, you were never alone." he responds with a sad smile.
"Never? I was never alone?"
"Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo were there for you as the closest people in your life these past few years. But Eun-Hae, you didn't just have them.. You've had us all along. Way before you opened yourself up to Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo, you had us."
"Us?"
"Yes, all of Division 1, the Division 1 elites, our leader, and even the other Hallyu, LA divisions… We are your family. So even if you feel empty, alone, or broken these days, all of us here can help piece it back together. Even if you reject us, we will keep pursuing you. Okay? You are not alone."
I'm not alone? I- I was never alone? But…
"Shall I take you home now?"
I nod. The events of today have drained every last ounce of my strength.
"Yoshiyuki?" I ask as we enter my apartment building.
"Yes?"
"Where did they take Kwang-Sun and Hyun-Joo?"
"Ren and Youngsun took them to the crematorium. They're going to send them back to Korea, their home country."
"So, I will never see them again?"
"No, one day I'll take you there and we can visit them together."
"Thank you." I reply.
"Yoshiyuki." I call out once again, still under the influence of the soju.
"Yes?"
"Don't ever let me feel lonely. Promise?"
"I promise."
The once beautiful spring season had turned into a dark and bleak memory for me that would last for a long time. Eventually, I would wake up to forget the promise I had asked of Yoshiyuki, but he never would. He would keep his promise to me, even without me realizing it.
This day, April 8, 2017, would be the beginning of something in me that would never go away. A fire so bright, no one could put out. The beginning of the burning.