I turn around, draw my dagger and walk within arm's reach of the prisoner. "Hahah, hah- what are you doing? Stop!" he shouts out, as he immediately stops chuckling. His eyes widen again, and he once again instantly shoots up. I've already terrified him enough, no need to keep this up any longer. I picture the spot on his body that will lead to nigh-instant death if stabbed-- he suddenly kicks me, I'm staggered into the cell's bars.
"Noo! No! I don't want to die, please!" he keeps shouting, alternating his pleas from before, in many variations, rapidly. At this point, I just want the man's terror to end, more than anything else. I quickly lunge forward, focused on his heart, cocking my arm back while doing so, and finally stab to kill him instantly and without suffering; exactly as we were trained to - quickly and quietly.
Training is one thing, reality another, as I find out when in last effort of desperation, he turns his torso around suddenly. The stab, of course, is delivered straight to his chest, just not where I was aiming. I pull the blade out instantly and jump back, hoping that will be enough.
But instead of collapsing, the man lets out a high pitched, ear piercing, pained shriek that reverbs throughout the dungeon. Eventually as air in his lungs runs out, his voice trails off, he attempts to take a breath, but nearly the next instant he tries to, an almost breathless moan escapes his mouth. His breathing becomes rapid, shallow and expression on his face betrays that he's suffering immensely as he slumps over forward while still standing, hanging by his chains.
"Whyy? I'm going to die." He weakly wheezes out.
He's a sorry sight, he made a mistake moving when he should accept the inevitable. I close in to close in a proper stab, but the man suddenly kicks out and won't stop kicking, "Noooooooooo-", he manages to yelp out, but a gurgling wet noise stops him, and he coughs up a splatter of blood with sickly hacking. I try again, this time I get past his legs and stab--
But he desperately blocks my arm by shoving his in the way, our arms collide, and I only stab him with the very tip. He lets out a clenched-teeth moan, trying to vocalize something. I know what it is - more of the same. I try to change tactics. If I can't deliver one highly precise hit, I'll instead stab wherever he's not covering himself; I'm bound to hit his heart eventually.
His shirt had an off-white, earthy shade. Now, it's almost completely red. I keep delivering stabs, but it's like he's a ghost - none of them seem to affect him much, other than grunts, moans and screams of pain. If not for those, I'd be convinced I'm stabbing a scarecrow. I try to pull his arm away, he resists.
Suddenly, we both slip. I'm surprised; the dungeon didn't seem damp, so why--
I realize I have been stabbing the man so long, a pool of blood formed beneath us. It's as if a pig was slaughtered here, but the prisoner still has plenty of strength to fight back- no, at this very point, he's the strongest man I've ever fought. My tactic is clearly not working, "plrs, stwp, idhts..." the man mutters out, bloody drool flowing out of his mouth, but as he's clenching his teeth and being very quiet, I can't hear him. I only assume he's only further trying to plead on something.
He's clutching onto my free arm, then I realize something important; he's been protecting his torso only. I don't know why it occurred to me only now, perhaps because the eyes are off-limit during training, and it would be mean to stab Owl in the neck with the training dagger? Whatever the reason is,
I slash the prisoner's throat while he's busy holding onto my arm with all his might. The sudden sensation of a blade running through there seems to wake him up from his daze, as his half-open eyes suddenly widen, he lets go of my arm, and starts clutching at his massively bleeding wound instead. This time, it will be lethal, I know it; I caught both arteries.
I back off from our chaotic struggle on the ground a bit. Sound of flowing liquid and the man's gurgling fill an otherwise silent space. He looks me in the eyes with an odd expression as his arms slump and hang on the chains limply. His eyes suddenly lose focus and trail off to somewhere, he shudders for a moment, then is still, after letting out a last, gurgling breath. Only the sound of blood remains, as well as my strained breathing.
I feel sick. I've had good intentions - as good as someone planning to kill someone else can have, at least. I wanted to spare him suffering and fear, and instead I made his death a macabre spectacle. Blood is everywhere. On him, on me, on the floor, walls. After what must have been an hour or two of torturing him, it's finally over.
"He's dead, Novice Goat. You've passed the exam." Lieutenant Wolf states. A voice deeper in from the dungeon shouts out, "Was all that really fucking necessary, you fucking animals?!" I get up and start shambling out. Whoever it may be, he's right. A man doesn't do something this bestial to another man.
Slack-jawed, I stare in the eyes of whoever is speaking at the moment, Captain Bear says, "Well, there was a lot to improve on, but in spite of everything..." he pauses, lifts his head, then looks back at me, continuing "You did well not falling for his deceit." the Captain glances at the Lieutenant, "As well as Lieutenant Wolf's. Honestly, Novice, I did not expect the Lieutenant here to sabotage his favorite pupil..."
"I thought that if I lure you into a little trap, the Captain will personally understand why the instructors speak of you highly." the Lieutenant says as he looks at the Captain for a second and continues, "I'm sure you have some questions. If you can keep it short and ask what we are allowed to answer; maybe you'll get your answers."
Indeed, I have a lot of thoughts, they're swirling in my head like a maelstrom, so I instead pick an easiest one, I point to the cell and ask, "How long did this take?"
The Captain and Lieutenant look at each other, Captain Bear hummmmms aloud, he then says "After you entered, including the time you wasted listening to his tripe? Five, give or take, seven minutes. That sound about right to you, Lieutenant?"
"Yes. It does." Lieutenant Cat says in his usual tone, nodding slightly. Neither of them seem to be fazed in the slightest by what just occurred. Not to mention, seven minutes? That can't be right. I've spent about five minutes listening to him, that's right, but--
No one lied to me about anything here, not even Lieutenant Wolf earlier; I really didn't have to do this. Why would they be lying to me now? I'll just assume it's true. I ask another question.
"What was the point of this? Why did a living, breathing human had to die, just for me to finish this exam?" I ask Lieutenant Wolf, but the Captain seems to be more interested in answering this instead.
"Well, it wouldn't make much sense to train you as a killer, only to have you not kill anyone, would it?" Captain Bear's usual joyful tone is grating to me now, but I keep quiet and keep listening, "What would you do on a mission if you were told to assassinate someone, only for him to start begging for his life on his knees, all teary-eyed and calling on mercy for sake of his non-existent children? What would you do if you had to find out in the field, that most humans won't take being killed lying down?"
The Captain's explanation makes sense. I hate it, but it makes sense. Non-existent, deceit, huh? I suppose that's good. At least that's one thing I don't have to worry about. Suddenly, the Lieutenant chimes in as well.
"If it makes you feel any better, Novice; he was a rapist and a murderer. Most likely, his victims were begging him for mercy, while he was mocking them for it."
"A rapist? Murderer?"
"That's right." Captain Bear takes over, "'Just a thief?' What a load of shit. His band intentionally targeted defenseless lady merchants and magnates, a man with a weapon was too much for them. Though, what would you do if he truly was innocent, Novice? You'd back out? It doesn't matter - guilty or not, we execute orders. And you've done well; you were convinced he's not that bad, weren't you?" he nods in sickening approval.
"It's still murder. A murder of a murderer is a murder. Am I really allowed to do something like this to another man? On whose authority? Inhuman slaughter--"
"Have you murdered anyone in the broad daylight, Novice Goat?" Lieutenant Wolf asks me. The question is so bizarre, it knocks the guilt of murdering the prisoner out of me, "What? No, of course I haven't--"
The Lieutenant doesn't even allow me to finish. "Of course you haven't, Novice. We would have known if you did. Like wolves, humans are social creatures - they form packs and band for safety. Of course, wolves do not grasp the concept of robbery, murder, and they do not form kingdoms."
He continues, "Humans do. Humans aren't allowed to murder anyone; only a beast with not a shred of humanity would be so violent for so little reason to somebody. Right, Novice?" the guilt returns as he accuses me, but he suddenly asks "Why are you allowed to kill someone then, Novice?"
That's right, why am I? Why are you asking me a question I asked you?
"Do you remember what I told you, when I handed you that block of wood? You remembered Captain's words, I won't hide, if you won't remember mine, I'll feel a little insulted." he asks, forcing a small chuckle out of the Captain.
I try to remember what does he mean exactly, but he taps his mask with two fingers. "Starting to remember yet? Have you considered that maybe, you were wearing a mask of a human, and only got to wear your face around here?"
I instinctively grip at my blood-coated face. Maybe the Lieutenant is right-- no, he's definitely right. Why would he lie to me? He continues, "Well, that aside. Everything we do, every single act, is in service to the Empire and the Crown. Nothing is forbidden if you forward the Emperor's will."
As soon as the Lieutenant finishes, the Captain starts, "Beasts prey on humans at night, while they sleep. During the day, they blend in. Just like you did. Why do you think this part of the exam is at night, Novice? It's hunting hour for us."
This isn't the response I was expecting. When I thought, 'this is inhuman, no man should be allowed to do this!' I expected some form of justification. A reasoning, some explanation. I didn't expect 'that's right!' thrown back at me.
"Why me?" I ask, quite possibly my shortest question yet. The Lieutenant answers, "It's simple. Do you think we recruited you at random? We investigate each potential recruit thoroughly; Hawk and I found your past interesting, I can see why he was so adamant about you."
He looks at the dead prisoner, sighs, "You see, it's hard to predict the actions of a madman." he looks at me and keeps going, "That's why we have no madmen. That's why as Hawk wrote, you are the perfect recruit. You may have shortcomings, but you are dedicated. You may have severe reservations about killing someone, but you will still carry it out. Make no mistake, we could have found someone who fights better than you. We could have found someone who loves killing. Despite what Lieutenant Cat is saying, we could have found a better lockpicking scoundrel with a penchant for bows and climbing..."
For some reason, he looks at Captain Bear instead of me, "But finding someone with right balance of it all is extremely difficult." He sighs again.
I'm extremely tired, the fatigue of fighting the prisoner and lack of sleep is hitting hard, so I take advantage of the pause to ask another question.
"Can I leave?" to which Captain Bear immediately answers, "The fortress? No. Not until you're reassigned, that'll be shortly; don't you worry. You'll miss us yet, ha ha!" he chuckles, exchanges glances with the Lieutenant and says, "But the exam is over, you pass, so I guess that's everything for tonight as far as we're concerned. But, one important thing. Crucial, even, Novice."
His tone shifts, "Do not tell anyone who didn't attend the exam what transpired here. That's all. There will be consequences otherwise." he finishes the rest of the sentence with his regular, jolly voice.
The Lieutenant hands me a dirty-looking rag, points at a well by the entrance that I overlooked and says, "Clean yourself up first, and be quick about it."
A short moment later, I wipe away most of the blood. I don't think I'll ever clean it all out, but I'm far too sleepy to care, and this method is too crude for it to work well. Lieutenant Wolf escorts me to my room and "orders" me to get good sleep. Not even taking my gear off, I fall asleep clutching at my face for comfort.
I wake up to the sound of footsteps, a lot of them. Shit. I overslept both bells, but luckily my decision to sleep geared and the marching feet are my saviors. I squeeze myself out of my room after everyone passes by, and join the rear. Last night was absolutely terrible, I can't talk to most recruits about any of it, especially not the green or faceless ones, but I know exactly who I can talk to.
I spot Novice Owl during the morning assembly. Despite last night's experience, knowing that usually family is there for you in tough times, and Owl basically being my younger brother around here, mere thought of supporting each other through hardship, be it with humor, or simply being there, brings a pained, but eager smile to daytime mask.
After the Lieutenant is done, I do my best to slink through the crowd and follow Owl. I call out to him a few times, but he doesn't hear me. I speed up my pace to catch up as we climb the stairs to the topside. "Owl! Owl! You got woken up at night too, huh?" I ask, to which he only says "Yeah."
We walk outside and a fair bit across the fortress grounds; enough to be out of accidental earshot of some recruit meandering about. He takes a seat on the stairs leading to the battlements. "I should have known this was coming, how'd you do? I was pretty terrible-" Owl cuts me off, "I fucked up." he says. I immediately know what he means.
"Yeah. Don't worry about it, you probably saw the mess I made. Honestly, I don't think you could possibly do worse, I feel bad for that guy--" Owl once again interrupts me, "I fucked up, I'm sorry." he says, as he hangs his head. I am taken aback a bit.
"...Just how bad did you butcher yours? Seriously, in my case it was like a sla--" Owl for the third time cuts me off, shaking his head. "Goat, you don't get it. I fucked up." he inhales deeply, sighs and takes his face off.
Come to think of it, I never saw Owl with his face off, not once. I never cared; Owl is Owl. Only with his face off, I am starting to slowly understand what he meant. 'Just a kid' is right. I know he's most likely in his majority, but with his face off, he doesn't look a day over fourteen. He stares at me with a tight-lipped grimace and wet eyes, sniffles, then says "I fucked up. I couldn't do it, I'm sorry, Goat." and immediately starts looking at his feet after blinking rapidly. Wind blows, I look up; the seasonal ugly, gray sky seems to be transforming into a nice, clear blue one slowly. But.
But Owl is doomed to stay here for at least another year, he'll see the wet, muddy fortress grounds for another year. Leaves from the forest around it will eventually flood the courtyard once more, a sight he'll get to see again. The battlements will be coated with snow one day, too. Isn't this a waste? Not to mention.
That's if he stays here for only another year. I sigh, disappointed by myself. We are no brothers. It was a comfortable delusion borne out of my past. Family members can understand each other, but I once again displayed a complete lack of understanding towards Owl. I thought I was chasing him, but it turned out he was after me. I thought Owl was my rival, it turned out I was looked up to.
I look at him, wondering if me failing him could have been prevented. He stares back at me, visibly sad. He seems to shrink and lean away a little, out of nowhere he asks, "Are you mad at me, Goat?" I immediately shake my head. Why would I be mad? It's my failure for not recognizing I don't understand you, Owl. I thought the gap between us that started when you first beat me narrowed to nothing when we passed the topside exam.
Wind blows again, trees shake, and leafs rattle; gifting some noise to this otherwise almost eternally lifelessly quiet fortress. I realize now that while the gap may have been narrowed by then, it now has been irreversibly stretched, and any possibility of ever closing it destroyed.
To date, I have never been more wrong. Despite everything, Owl managed to hold onto his humanity. I sigh again. I regret he ever looked up to me. Somehow, perhaps by mistake, this boy wandered into a den of animals. The only way to out is to pretend he's one of us. I try to offer a word of advice, but it may be unwise to follow words of a manhunter as a man.
"Owl, don't let your skills dull. Do your best next year." What a tripe. Throw out your humanity, so you can return to it? I feel ashamed of myself saying something of so little substance, so I take my leave. I'm in no place to hand out advice to Owl. I'll never be able to catch up back to him again, but it's fine. I fit here with the rest just fine. I leave Owl to sit by himself on the stairs.