When Nikolai had said my quarters would be spacious I did not realize he meant that I would essentially have two rooms. One a large bedroom and the other a sizable sitting room attached to the bedroom. This seemed to be the norm in this house since I could see Anna's bedroom from the partially open door behind her when she talked. This sitting room proved a great space to pace back and forth and give everything she said a thought.
Three questions was all I got, she very politely kicked me out of the room afterwards. The answers she gave me made a bit of sense separately. If I tried to link the whole thing together my thoughts quickly fell apart. My ruminations were broken by Katarina who walked into the room with a tray of tea and sweets.
I plopped myself on the couch in a very unprincesslike manner and began eating the delivered sweets in a contemplative manner. Everything made so little sense as to be almost gibberish. I stopped eating, even if I was frustrated I would just be making myself more upset by shoving the aesthetically pleasing glop into my mouth. I got up from the couch and began my pacing anew.
"Vexed by your new sister in law," Katarina asked. Clearly I was restless enough to warrant concern from Katarina but I didn't feel any less like pacing.
Talking to Katarina about this was proving to be more of a chore than a relief. I couldn't talk to her about this world being some sort of simulation. Even beyond it being a revelation she couldn't handle, I wasn't sure I understood what Anna was talking about myself. Forget telling her about Anna's plan and proposition. Katarina may be loyal but she still had a moral compass, there was no way I could just tell her about my plan to kill three of the most powerful men in this country. That said, I couldn't say nothing. Saying nothing to Katarina about a subject like this had already shown itself to be more trouble than it was worth. I supposed there was a single thing I could talk to her about but I would have to be careful about what I shared.
"Katarina, let's say I was brought to this world for a reason. That I matched the personality of someone, who do you think that person would be?"
"Well it certainly wouldn't be because your personality matched Kitty's. But why did seeing Anna of all people prompt such a question?"
That was right, she didn't know that Anna knew things about this world. As far as she was concerned Anna was just my soon to be sister in law.
"Well seeing her just reminded me of someone I used to know. It got me thinking about the reason I, of all people, was brought here and that was one of them," I lied.
"Does it really matter? As far as I'm concerned you were brought here because this world needed a little kindness."
I didn't want to tell Katarina that most people from my world would treat her similarly if they were forced into a similar situation.
I pondered more on the question I proposed. This person, whoever they were, must have been extremely average. Everytime I tried to think of things I had accomplished in my past life, all I could come up with was a hollow feeling of inferiority. Whatever I had done, or not done in my case, it wasn't something worth feeling proud of. Such a person being involved with a widely distributed window to a parallel world seemed unlikely.
"Kitty you're ruminating again," Katarina said, snapping me out of my thoughts.
"Ah, sorry Katarina. My mind is full of so many thoughts right now. But whatever the case, Anna had nothing to do with it. She is a wonderful woman, whomever she marries will certainly be very fortunate."
"Kitty," Katarina said, absolutely scandalized.
"What," I asked, suddenly very concerned.
"You're in love with her!"
"I don't understand."
"Kitty, you wear your heart on my sleeve. Any random person could see you were clearly in pain from admitting she would marry someone else. Geez, between you and Nikolai I fear for the safety of the Rostov estate. Any half decent swindler could play the two of you like a fiddle!"
"You don't have a problem with that?"
"Of course I do! You're already betrothed to another. The poor Count also seems to fancy you, I can't stand the thought of his sad puppy eyes if he heard you were in love with his sister."
"No, I don't mean that. You don't have any problems with me being in love with another woman?"
"Why would I." Katarina asked, a puzzled look on her face.
"It's just given the time period, I thought you would be against it."
"Time period? Are you a time traveler in addition to a world traveler?"
"Ah I misspoke. It's just your church here, it's very similar to one from my world. The church there criminalized homosexuality so I was surprised you were okay with it."
"Well it's certainly rare among the nobility, most of the power being handed down to sons means heterosexual marriages are the norm. No one wants to consolidate all the power by marrying two sons or lose a bargaining chip by marrying their daughter to another woman. It's ordinary for us common folk though. Our orphanage matroness, for example, is married to the cook," Katarina explained.
"Well there goes a weight off my shoulders. Perhaps I should stop assuming things are the same here as they were there. Still, I'm not sure I want to spend too much time studying theology in my down time," I responded.
"No matter, Nikolai seems like a kind man. He will probably refrain from touching you if you ask."
"Ah, I'm not a homosexual. Well not exclusively anyways. What does the church say about sex before marriage?"
"Forbidden. Except if you're engaged and the wedding is within a month."
I raised my eyebrows at this and said,"how convenient for Nikolai."
Katarina rushed to his defense,"I'm sure he would push the wedding back longer if he could. The Tsar has been very persistent about this marriage you see."
"Oh jumping to his defense are we? Sounds like I'm not the only one with a crush around here,"I teased.
I was surprised when she didn't immediately deny it. In fact she blushed a little and started twiddling her fingers a bit.
"Wait really," I asked, a bemused smile growing on my face.
"Ah well it's," she stammered,"well you see I've more or less only ever been around women. The orphanage is girls-only and the staff in the castle was mostly female too. I had never seen a man treat a woman so kindly as the Count did last night. Thinking about the gentle look on his face when he was carrying you, it's been making me flush with excitement all day."
"You should marry him instead of me," I joked.
"Ah, I never meant to make it seem like I had any intentions of stealing away your fiance. It doesn't even have to be the Count, just any man who would look at me like that."
"Relax Katarina. I would have to truly be a homosexual to not have my heart skip a beat during the events of last night."
"So you do love the Count! Then what's all this about his sister?"
"Ah I can't explain it to someone who does not love her. If you'll allow me to be a bit indulgent in my love for a second, my encounter with the count was like finding a small gemstone on the ground. Who wouldn't take a second to pick it up and admire its beauty? However if you were to continue walking you would soon be face to face with the largest and most resplendent gem you'd ever seen before. You could not deny the small gem its inherent beauty but it simply couldn't compare to the dazzling light of the large one."
"Oh dear this is more serious than I thought, you're already waxing poetic about her," Katarina said, only slightly joking.
"Well don't worry, I know I must learn to love and respect him for his own light."
"Please do not sound so defeated and sad, you are quite literally marrying the most desirable man in this country after maybe your brother."
"Oh I pity the woman Andrei will marry, make no mistake Katarina; Nikolai is by and large the best man I have met in this world and I am more than happy that he is the one I am to be married to."
"I will pretend I did not hear you disparage your brother. Anyways, snack time is over. The head maid is requesting your help in preparation for your proposal party."
"Tell her I will be right there, in about five to ten minutes," I answered.
"I'll tell her that but I better not find you in here twenty minutes from now pacing back and forth," Katarina said as she walked out the door.
I could make no promises, mostly because the conversation, while mood lifting, had failed to elucidate anything. On further thought it had actually made my mood worse. Yes, Nikolai was certainly a good man. Could I really kill him in cold blood? Before Anna I could do anything but now that I was alone I could feel my resolve start to waver. I decided to shove this gnawing thought to the back of my mind and instead help plan a party.