The overwhelming need; no, the desire to belong somewhere else-to be someone else clawed at my chest like a caged animal, desperate to escape.
An embodiment of death, frequently visited my dreams and thoughts- filling the smallest crevices of my life.
Death loomed over me like a black cloud, its icy tendrils creeping into every corner of my mind.
Incomprehensibly and profoundly descriptive dreams, with every night conjuring a more entangled and convoluted labyrinth. My dreams were like a kaleidoscope, twisting and turning into ever more complex patterns with each passing night.
My name is Katerina Thea Petralia, but my friends call me Kat- a 20-year-old Japanese-Greek-American College girl, with a passion for photography and a weakness for chocolate chip cookies.
Lately, my nightmares have been getting worse with an intensely vivid nightmare that progresses more and more each night. I don't let my dream immobilize me, but lately, it has been harder to distinguish the difference between dreams and reality.
I dreamt of a freezing, dark wasteland. It was surreal and unquestionably more realistic than my indubitably dull existence. Every dream had that vile stench of rotting flesh - fields of enormous corpse flowers. I always had the scent in my nose even after I woke up, usually sweating and shivering.
Throughout these bigger-than-life dreams, I couldn't help but get an eerie feeling of déjà vu. A dark, deep undertone buried in the depths of my pseudo-elusive dreams.
Preserving this secret served more than one purpose, but here's the thing - keeping me out of the insane asylum. An entire year scrubbed out of existence, it was unavoidable.
Life itself was eluding me, regardless of what little social activities I planned - there was always some preexisting phenomenon that fought and prevailed. Therefore, the two could never coexist."
Mom helped me pack my bags for my trip to Ur'Dova. It was difficult for both of us to say goodbye, but it's not forever... right?
I'm leaving the train station now. It's so difficult walking down these stairs with my bags. Finally, a bench. I decided to sit down and wait for my aunt and cousin in what appeared to be the coldest and wettest weather I had ever been in. What a dread.
Being back in those dreams actually sounds more appealing. I didn't even remember to pack an umbrella - as always, I'm ill-prepared.
Like Mom says, 'You have to look at the brighter side of things, Kat - you're always so negative!'
I'm not sure which of the two is more horrifying: my recurring dream or my impersonation of Mom. Regardless of whether I'm running away from the stench of corpses, the embodiment of death itself, or even...
Aunt Jen: 'Oh, sweetheart, is that you? Come here, let me look at you.' Aunt Jen."
Did I need a fresh start, as someone else? someone less complicated- like Aunt Jen, she seemed genuinely happy. She has been raising Natalie, basically my entire lifetime- I never got to meet her late husband but she's only had good things to say.
∭✧∭Next-Morning✧∰✧∭✧
I finished my mint tea and stopped on chapter 5 of Sapphire- Noblesse Oblige, stretched my arms out as I let a yawn out. Picking out my outfit for the class was simple, I had gone shopping weeks before and separated each outfit into what days they would fit best.
To be honest, they were all different shades of the same color "purple" and if it wasn't purple it would have to be blacks or shades of grays.
Monday defines my week, so I chose dark blue jeans and a dark light purple flannel top with a black undershirt and Black converses- you know, cause; all sorts of teen magazines spend hours enforcing this..or subconsciously filling your head with altered decisions.
I had always maintained a great relationship with my aunt Jenny, she was incredibly supportive- even when I asked her, if I could come live in Ur'Dova with her.
My none phone-friendly, parents now swamp me with text messages with unlimited amounts of typos... which reminds me, I need to get an unlimited texting plan for my phone- before my phone bill looks like a house mortgage.
The hallways in this house are relatively bland and wide- everything is the same and I already want to paint them, yes I know I've been here less than a whole day. That is if Jenny gives her consent, she has become so accustomed to the empty lifeless walls.
Natalie promised that my first day would be a fruitful one, but she wasn't even awake for it- I suppose people grow apart with time. I guess I couldn't blame her, after all, it's normal.
I would sleep in every single day If it would keep me away from those dreams, but that's not happening. Anyways, her room was on the opposite end of the hallway from my room and she has an obscene fear of closing her door, maybe some sort of mental disorder-phobia?
"Wake up! he's here!" I shouted, She didn't even move an inch, that's just like me- and unlike her. In that same instance, one of those subconsciously preprogrammed decisions came into play- completely out of character.
I went through her phone seeing if I could find something that would wake her.
"Aaron?" I decided to make the ringtone for my number on her phone the same as her ringtone. "Let's see if this wakes you" I whispered with a huge grin.
I sat there on her bouncy varicolored bed, dialing her number with the anticipation eating away at me. Her favorite song starts playing with her volume set on high.
Out of nowhere, she flings up like a rubber band ricocheting.
Natalie: "Aaron?!"She yells out.
I couldn't help but laugh at her for it, this was priceless, she's always been
the one to play games on others so this was a payback- although fruitless.
"Just me" I muttered and laughed precariously. I was unsure of how she would react- although I didn't really care, not that I dislike her.
"Kat! don't do that!" she whined as she shook her head- getting up.
Natalie was a year older than me, although she didn't seem to act it or look it.
she looked just like a younger version of her mom, with long blonde hair and hazel eyes. I wondered If I looked out of place in this family, medium height skinny girl with shoulder-length raven black hair and dark brown eyes.
Natalie: "Why don't you wait for me downstairs, while I get ready" She seemed really irritated, but it's just payback- some would say she had it coming.
I left her there to continue fussing about how I managed to prank her. I had more important things to focus on like breakfast. These halls really need some fresh decor to give them personality, it's so depressing- I think some black would do it justice...
Jenny must be up, I can smell the sweet smell of blueberry waffles and spicy pepper-jack sausages. I basically sprinted down the steps as fast as I possibly could, I was starving and the smell of it all was killing me.
Aunt Jen: "Good morning Doll, breakfast?" her happiness was contagious.
"Morning, yes please-I'm famished!" Couldn't help but reply with excitement, I was eyeballing the sausages and waffles.
Jenny got my plate ready as I poured pomegranate juice for everyone, I always mixed mine with a tiny bit of kiwi. Natalie finally came down the steps and as you could expect she dressed for a runway show.
"You realize we're going to school right?" I couldn't have said that with more sarcasm if I tried.
She flashed a glance my way and looked away.
Natalie: "Really getting on my bad side today Kat" It was hard to tell if she was being serious or not.
Jenny couldn't help but look at us both puzzled.
Aunt Jen: "Enough already, both of you need to get going. Oh- and please remember I won't be home tonight so take both of your keys with you."
Good thing she remembered cause we sure didn't.
I'm hardly ever as tired as I am now, fatigued- observing the rain droplets dripping down against the glass door, reminiscing; all those stormy dreams.
Natalie: "Katerina, we're going to have to share my umbrella, until we get in the car. "
Natalie resembled an energetic-upbeat puppy.
"Okay, I'm ready, let's run for it!"
I flashed her a glimpse of my smile, reassuring her that I too was delighted to start the school year. We sprinted like Olympic finalists across the front lawn, water splashing all over our jeans- reminded me of blood splatter. I walked her to the driver's door, then rushed over to the passenger's seat- carefully closing the umbrella on my way in.
Natalie: "First day of college, well here we go Kat, I got some hip tunes for us."
She couldn't help but smile- ear to ear. The smell of rain and pine trees gave the car a refreshing mood, so I started singing along to " Diamonds For Tears by Poets of the Fall".
The Contrast between the gray sky and the song really set the vibe for the morning. Deja-vu, these surroundings, I was almost certain that I'd been here recently; pine trees as far as the eye can see.
Knowing her I would expect her to be bummed out about the rain washing all that dust she had collected on her old beetle, couldn't help but smile.
"No more dust." I muttered, she turns to look at me briefly.
Nat: "You say something?" she seemed distracted.
"No, but what is it- or who is it, that has been running laps on your mind?" I asked as sarcastically as possible. She ran her ring-filled fingers through her hair.
Nat:"It's freshmen year, I have a good feeling about it." She seemed truly hopeful.
∭✧∭Moments-Later✧∭
Ur'Dova University, parking lot was just starting to fill up-so we managed to park near the front row. The sun was finally coming through, my anticipation was overflowing.
The whole world seemed to be gearing up slowly for the start of the day, we managed to arrive early. The crows danced in the grey skies and disappeared behind the clouds.
We looked at each other, both of us holding back our nervous smiles- mine was brought on by my inability to be social. it was a new beginning and it was all ours- will I seize the day or burrow my face in a book? She seems to be texting someone, I wonder if it's Aaron.
Natalie: "Kat, why don't you go in without me." she said, without even making eye contact.
"Yeah sure, we can catch up later."
I left her there and made my way through the parking lot. There really weren't that many people here yet; there were a couple of guys sitting on the steps talking and creepily staring at me - think.
There was also a small group of girls walking towards the entrance, just a couple of feet behind me- they looked just as excited as Natalie. The entrance was small and chic, they must have had this recently added the architectural style is vibrant and new looking- unlike the rest of the school.
The entrance looked like a Vincent Van Gogh painting, someone should check the ears of the contractors who did it.
The front desk was right around the corner, didn't take much effort to find luckily. A cheerful elderly lady stood there with a thick white binder.
"Good morning, my name is Katerina Thea Petralia."I muttered cheerfully.
She looked at me, over her thick brown glasses.
Receptionist: "Good morning Katerina-that name sure is a mouthful hun." she said while shuffling papers.
Receptionist: "Here is your schedule, locker combination-have a great first-day hun."She said.
She seemed like a genuinely nice lady, now let's see what my first class is. I had Economics with Mr. Ziegler, room 125 on the left wing. The hallways here reminded me of the ones back home so bland, the only thing giving it life was the mediocre sports spirit posters and announcements scattered throughout the walls.
Looks like I am the first to show up, the great thing about being a couple of minutes early is that I get to choose where I want to sit. I chose a seat on the third row closest to the window.
Mr. Ziegler is a tall bald man, he looked pretty serious- well as serious as a tall bald man in an old brown polo that probably smells like black coffee.
Mr.Ziegler: "Morning, who might you be?"He said grinning.
Kind of took me by surprise there.
"Good morning- you must be Mr.Ziegler I assume? My name is Katerina Thea Petralia" I replied gaily.
He looked me up and down, then walked back to the chalkboard.
Mr.Ziegler: "Well it's good to have you here, Katerina."
Students began to flood the room.
All the seats around me began to fill, I can feel all of their eyes focusing on me- probably wondering "Who's this girl?" The same group of girls I saw on my way into Uni were in the classroom, on the other side of the room.
All of them were chatting about what they had done during the summer- one of them went on vacation in Florida, while another started a blog centered around topics like makeup tutorials and beautification advice and tips. Everyone seemed to fit in perfectly, I felt like an odd piece out on a board puzzle.
I decided to ignore that fact by pulling out a drawing pencil and sketching on my notepad until class started. Ever since I was a little girl, I had always had a passion for drawing- technically anything that has an emphasis on imagination.
It took my mind off of everything going on within the classroom. Mr. Ziegler started walking back and forth across the classroom shaking his head impatiently.
Mr. Ziegler: " Excuse me, class, may I have your attention- We are still missing some students so will give them a couple more minutes before we start."
He seemed really upset about the fact that will be delayed by a couple of minutes, didn't seem like a big deal to me or to anyone else for that matter.
Everyone continued conversing with each other- like best of friends.
Feeling like the odd one out once again, I went back to my drawing. It's my rendition of a wolf, large and intensely focused eyes- what a creature. I felt the vibrations from someone sitting at the desk directly behind me, whoever it was must be as large as they are careless. My pencil almost came out of my hand from the impact.