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One Punch Man Oneshots

ShutUpBaldy
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Synopsis
Join Saitama and the other side characters of OPM as they go on a spontaneous journey through the randomness of their world. This is OPM Oneshots, an ongoing collection of unique flash fiction stories that revolve around the characters and world of OPM. I will be constantly uploading new and funny oneshots to this collections. I repeat, this story will stay on "Ongoing". So feel free to come back every week or so to read a new OPM oneshot!

Table of contents

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Chapter 1 - Kakigori

1

Saitama watched TV in his new room in the Hero Association HQ. He found comedies and thrillers particularly interesting, but the fact that Genos had to interrupt him every time a new episode came on seemed to get on his nerves.

"Hey, Sensei, do you believe in shooting stars?" Genos asked, sitting upright. Saitama needed clarification on whether Genos was asking him this question as a joke or if he was for real. Saitama cleared his throat.

"Umm...no, I don't. Why did you ask me that question?"

"I just saw that there will be a stargazing event happening on the west side of City A. We could chill there. Of course, I'm not forcing anything on you. I'm just saying that it is possible to catch some stars, Master Saitama."

"Eh...I'll pass, maybe. Is there a monster on the way there? There seem to be more monsters appearing than ever before."

"According to my knowledge, more than likely. Are you mainly interested in just fighting?"

"I would like to see you fight. You just got an upgrade, and I have yet to see you in action against a monster. Although, I did hear that you went against a Dragon Level Threat, or whatever it is that they call it."

"I did, and that abomination didn't give me too much of a problem either. Well, I can show you more of my strength on our way to the location. I'm getting the blankets."

Genos got up and walked to the closet. He grabbed the blankets and stuffed them in a bag. When he got back, Saitama was putting on his flip-flops. Why doesn't Master get new attire? After all, he's got more yen now, so there shouldn't be any excuse. Maybe he's still a simple person, Genos thought.

"Ah...almost forgot, let's get some kakigori on our way there too. I'm in the mood for it."

"No problem." Genos replied. Saitama and Genos were about to leave the room, but Saitama walked back and turned off the TV. He would always remember to do it in his old apartment, but he could see himself quickly forgetting in a space this luxurious.

2

Saitama and Genos walked in the streets of City A, eating kakigori. Saitama grinned with pleasure, obviously taking more joy in eating it than Genos. As they made a right turn on another street, barely crossing over before a car attempted to run them over, a paper flew into Genos's hand. It was a newspaper. Genos looked it over and raised his eyebrows: HEROES FROM THE HERO ASSOCIATION JOIN THE NEO HEROES! WHICH ASSOCIATION IS BETTER FOR OUR WORLD?!

Saitama mindlessly thinks about eating another kakigori until Genos taps him on the shoulder.

"Master, it seems the Hero Association is starting to lose recognition. The Neo Heroes are trying to take their place. What do you think?"

"Don't know, don't care."

"But Master, this may be serious...what if..."

Genos's kakigori flies out of his hand so fast that he almost thinks Master Saitama has pushed him. It turns out that there was a monster in front of them both. Genos and Saitama leaped back and stood their ground.

DEMON LEVEL THREAT: KAKIGORI

"I DON'T GET IT! WHY DOESN'T ANYONE LOVE KAKIGORI AS I DO?! YOU, PEOPLE, ARE INSANE! YOU INCOMPETENT ANIMALS DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE ANYMORE!" Kakigori screamed.

Just like Genos had already figured out, the monster was made out of pure slushy, which meant its durability wasn't that high. Indeed, he could make quick work out of this weakling. Genos got in his battle stance.

"Watch, Master, as I exterminate the monster. This is a testament to Doctor Kuseno's work."

"Sure...go ahead," Saitama replied. Genos dashed at the monster at full speed. Kakigori didn't even notice he had moved; by the time he did, it was already too late.

Kakigori's upper body was destroyed immediately after Genos's punch connected. The impact of Genos's punch sent six cars flying in all directions. Saitama knew that Genos didn't even try to punch that monster. Genos has gotten stronger. Saitama thought.

As Genos walked away from Kakigori's corpse, he sensed another danger. "Saitama Sensei! Behind you!" Genos screamed. Saitama lifted his right hand and barely punched the slushy monster about to attack him, completely disintegrating it. Genos spotted four other slushy monsters on top of the buildings when he reached Saitama. They were multiplying at a fast rate above them.

"Master, they can multiply! We must kill as many of them as possible before it's too late!" Genos said.

"Alright, geez. Well, they're going in our direction anyway, so it's not too bad." Saitama replied.

Genos used his boosters to launch himself from building to building. Eventually, he was going at about 200 MPH. He was still amazed that Saitama Sensei was catching up to him with no problem. He was even more amazed when he realized that he lost track of all the Kakigori clones even at this speed.

Unbelievable, I let my guard down again, and now I can't find them. All the civilians have scattered, and this monster hasn't been public for over twenty minutes! That's a good thing, but...

Genos stops at one building and sees a car driving northeast. To Genos, he knows that this isn't any ordinary car—it had to have belonged to the Blizzard Group. Saitama strolled next to Genos.

"Master, I think Fubuki and her group are going after that monster."

"No way. Didn't she quit that group a while back?"

"She did?"

"Yeah, I found out from that green-haired child after she was trying to mess with me."

". . ."

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Say, if that wasn't the Blizzard Group, then..."

"Whatever it is, we can worry about it later. Maybe some other A-Class heroes will take care of that thing." Saitama replied.

"I doubt it, Master. The monster can multiply. Maybe it has similar abilities to Black Sperm. If that's the case, we can't let it combine. Who knows if it will become a Dragon Level Threat."

"Man...I wasn't expecting this to go on. Whatever, we're just going to miss the stars." Saitama replied. Saitama and Genos followed the car.

3

The car makes a left turn. Its main goal was to follow the slushy monsters, but now that they had seemingly lost all of the clones, they devised a new plan.

"I see two other heroes following us. I bet they're A-Class. Maybe we can work with them and split the pay when we capture the monster." Ting said as he tried to park.

Saitama and Genos stopped at a building. Saitama scratched his bald head.

"Looks like they've spotted us, Master."

"Oh, that explains everything." Saitama and Genos jumped off the building and landed next to the Lamborghini. Only two people got out of the vehicle. Both of them were presumably working for the Neo Heroes. They wore battle suits.

"Why are you guys driving a car when you're strong enough to travel in those suits?" Genos asked.

"We're trying to trick the monster into underestimating us. It works with many monsters we find and beat up. Oh, by the way, my name is Ting, I'm one of the Neo Heroes, and this is Hoppi. We're sort of a duo. Why are you following us?" Hoppi said.

"We originally thought that you guys were a part of the Blizzard Group, but then noticed the sign on your vehicle. You really are a part of the Neo Heroes. Are you willing to help us catch the monster?" Genos replied.

Maybe I can trick them into thinking...Genos began.

"Sure, but only if you're willing to split the payment."

Saitama frowned. Genos sighed.

"Whatever, Genos, as long as the monster's put down. That's all that matters...right?" Saitama said.

Genos froze up. He stared at the grown and gradually looked up.

"You're right, as long as the monster is put down..."

Genos dashed away from Saitama so fast that the pavement crumbled. Saitama raised his eyebrows.

"Welp, snooze, you lose," Saitama said and did the same. Both heroes ran so fast that Ting and Hoppi couldn't keep up with which direction they were going.

"Shit, they're leaving us. Don't leave the car! Follow me!" Ting said. He sprinted in their direction. If anything, he needed to kill that monster before those two heroes did. Hoppi hopped in the car and followed Ting.

4

Kakigori landed on a dumpster when he tripped and fell off a building. He cried in surprise. Had he been going too fast for comfort to escape those heroes?

No, definitely not. I did them a good deed. After all, I don't have to worry about killing them now that I have escaped. But...if I call all my clones to combine, they might have a chance of finding me. Oh, whatever. They don't look like they can contest against a Dragon Level Threat anyway.

Kakigori got up and made clicking sounds. The sounds that he made produced sound waves that only his clones could hear. Humans can't hear these waves. By the time he stopped clicking, two of his clones had already arrived in his location. I'm hoping there will be more than fifty of them by now.

Kakigori waited some more, and eventually, all the clones came to him.

In total, there were about 45 clones. Kakigori snapped his fingers together, and all the clones started coming to each other. One by one, they all combined into one powerful being that was just above a Dragon Level Threat.

DRAGON LEVEL THREAT: SUPREME KAKIGORI.

Supreme Kakigori made a battle stance next to the dumpster he had just fallen on a while ago. He grinned. Now, it's time for those heroes to meet their demise. Supreme Kakigori jumped over the face and stood in the middle of the road. He glanced to the right and saw a car coming in his direction. It was unexpectedly going pretty fast—for a car, at least.

He waited for the car to reach him. When it did, it stopped only four feet away, with its headlights beaming in his eyes. I'll swiftly consume the fluids of this human once it...

Supreme Kakigori's head screamed at him to leap sideways, so he did. He had managed to dodge the smash of another hero that came out of nowhere.

He landed on a nearby vehicle, completely caving the top of the vehicle inside the car with his two feet. His eyes lit up. Ah, I see. They aren't from the Hero Association. These are Neo Heroes. What a joke...Kakigori thought. He got back in his battle stance.

The Neo Hero who tried to kill him had almost destroyed the entire city block. Still, this was nothing to Supreme Kakigori.

"WHAT?! I didn't know you could move so fast!"

The Neo Hero screamed, leaning up.

"I know, right?" Kakigori said, standing behind the Neo Hero.

"What the..." The hero said right before Kakigori punched him through multiple buildings already on the verge of falling apart.

"HOPPI!" The other Neo Hero who got out of the Lamborghini said.

Kakigori turned in his direction and grinned. Before he could take another step forward, he felt the bottom of someone's feet graze his face. The ground around him shattered. It had been Hoppi who quickly recovered from his punch and paid it back with a full-blown kick. However, it was clearly ineffective, as Supreme Kakigori didn't move an inch.

"You're durable enough, but that's only the suit. Your strength is weak." Supreme Kakigori said.

Hoppi gave a nervous smile. "Yeah, well, how about this?!" Hoppi screamed.

He used the leg that he kicked Supreme Kakigori with to boost himself in the air and pulled out his energy swords. Blood washed down his face from his forehead.

"It looks like you barely managed to survive that punch. If you back off and run, I might spare you. Or, I could just kill you where you stand." Supreme Kakigori said.

Supreme Kakigori ripped off his arm and waited for it to regenerate. When it did, it turned into a more muscular and dense one. He could tell the Neo Heroes were now more afraid than ever.

The other Neo Hero, twenty feet behind him, standing next to the totaled car, got out his energy swords too.

Ah, I see what they're doing. They're trying to charge up their suits for a barrage attack. They can charge up all they want because I'm about to put this joint in the ground.

When Hoppi and the other Neo Hero charged at him at unimaginable speeds, Supreme Kakigori smashed the ground with the fist from his muscular arm. An enormous shockwave occurred, destroying multiple city blocks in all directions...

5

Saitama and Genos heard the explosion coming from their left side. If anything, they saw at least three sections of City A being utterly destroyed. Genos grew in concern.

"Master, I think the Neo Heroes were killed, and the Kakigori monster evolved into a Dragon Level Threat..."

"How do you know they're dead? I mean, maybe their suits withstood the blast."

"True, but I highly doubt Kakigori held back on that attack. If anything, we still need to be cautious. There's a lot of debris...Master? Hey, where are you going?"

"Sorry for my impatience. Uh...you can wait there or follow me if you want too. I'm taking this thing down before it causes damage anymore." And just like that, Saitama disappeared in the smoke, and debris stretched for miles. Genos followed.

6

Saitama found Kakigori roaming the lot of a destroyed public school. It looked like he was picking up pieces of burnt paper off the ground. When Saitama glanced at the picture, he noticed it was a picture of a slushy drink.

"You really did all this?"Saitama said casually.

Kakigori ignored him. His eyes were focused on the stick figure drawing of a teenage boy drinking a slushy. Tears flowed from his eyes. Sweet tears. Saitama was confused. Why was this monster at a public school lot?

"No one understood how much I loved slushy—kakigori." Supreme Kakigori said in a small voice. Saitama walked up to him. He guessed where this monster was standing had been the insides of a classroom. Now, everything is gone.

"Before you meet your demise, hero, can I ask you a question?"

"Sure." Saitama said.

"Do you love kakigori?"

"Yes...but I wouldn't destroy a quarter of City A just for that...that's cold—man."

"Wait, something's not right...are you an S-Class hero...no, stronger than that...just what the hell are..." Saitama flicked him.

Supreme Kakigori went flying in the opposite direction, that was, until, Genos appeared out of nowhere and slammed his slushy body into the ground.

"MACHINE GUN BLOWS!" Genos screamed. He began pounding on the monster so fast that it couldn't move its arm.

"Expansion!" Supreme Kakigori said. A slushy force field pushed Genos away. He slowly recovered on his two feet. Before Supreme Kakigori could get up and blast Genos with acidic slushy, Saitama had saved him.

"I think I got this, Genos. Stay back and observe." Saitama said. When Supreme Kakigori got ready to punch Saitama's bald head, Saitama turned around and did a normal headbutt. Supreme Kakigori's upper body vanished so fast that Genos couldn't even process it.

Master's speed is in a different league. Genos thought.

Saitama watched as Supreme Kakigori duplicated. Both clones looked at each other and laughed. Finally, they combined and became Supreme Kakigori x 2. This version of Supreme Kakigori held his heart as if he was going to have a heart attack. Genos's eyes lit up. I see! The more power he obtains, the harder it is for him to contain it! If we can give him a surge of energy all at once...Genos began.

"Master! Keep on punching!" Genos screamed.

Saitama scratched his head. He didn't get what was happening, even when he took the lead, but Genos did. So he decided to follow his instructions.

One by one, Saitama kept on punching the clones, and one by one, they multiplied. Sooner or later, about fifty of them were scattered around Saitama—trying to kill him.

"Consecutive Normal Punches," Saitama said casually. The clones were now on the verge of reaching 100. Sooner or later, the monster would combine, right? Genos was already watching from afar. He knew the clones would multiply, so he tried to get as far from the battle as possible. I don't get it, why aren't the clones combining? Does this monster know what we're up to? Genos thought.

Saitama found himself calm but annoyed. There were too many of them, and he did want to damage the environment more than the monster had already damaged it. He was growing impatient, that was, until one of the monsters stopped fighting.

Kakigori 1: "Let's combine!"

Kakigori 2: "No, you fool! That's what he wants!"

Kakigori 3: "This is boring! I want to combine! Multiplying is boring!"

Kakigori 4: "I don't care, but sure, I agree with him."

Kakigori 2: "You incompetent idiots! Let's not get ahead of ourselves!"

Kakigori: 5: "Shut up, loser and let's combine!"

Kakigori 3: "Yeah!"

Kakigori 4: "Sure."

Kakigori 1: "Yeah!"

All the others: "Yeah!!!"

Saitama watched as all of them started jumping into one another. In Genos's view, he could only see green flashing lights go up in the debris. He sat on the ground and watched as the clones rapidly decreased. He smiled. "Ahhh...I see. Guess you got the brains, Genos." Saitama said to himself.

Supreme Kakigori kneeled. "Who knew my clones could be so clueless! I bet you I won't even explode! And when I don't, you're going to die baldy! Wait...my stomach doesn't feel good...urggghhh...ahhhAHHHHHHH..." Oh snap, I should probably cover him to absorb the explosion...Saitama thought.

He dashed before the monster and held him tight like a child would hold a stuffed teddy bear. Then, a second later, the monster exploded. The impact had pushed Saitama deep underground and caused slushy to splash everywhere.

Genos heard the explosion and immediately ran back to the center of the fight. He saw a helicopter above him as he was doing so. Crap, this isn't good. I hope the Hero Associated doesn't get threatened too much. If anything, it could've gone worse. Who knows if the monster had the potential to evolve into a God Level Threat? No, I don't even want to think about it. I got to find Master first.

It took almost ten minutes for Genos to figure out that Saitama was lying in the middle of the crater, covered with slush, fast asleep. Looks like even this bored him out of his mind...Genos thought.

7

REPORTER: "After the events of two heroes from the Hero Association taking down a monster that could've evolved into a God Level Threat, the heroes claim that they couldn't find the other two Neo Heroes amid the destruction. They said this when they were brought back to the scene for answers…"

"I guess they will soon be pronounced missing or dead." One of the reporters said only hours after the event took place.

REPORTER: "It should also be noted that over 100, 000+ bystanders were killed in this catastrophic event. Even though we shouldn't be surprised that it happened in City A, where the Hero Association HQ lies, who is to say that it won't happen again? Can we even put our safety into the Hero Association, knowing that many people will still die even if they kill the monster?"

Saitama turned off the TV.

"Sorry Genos, I had enough for today, but hey, we got some yen; it wasn't a lot, though. I guess it's because of the destruction..."

"So that's it? You're done with slushy drinks now?"

"Yup, never drinking a single one again for the rest of my life..."

"I see...well, if you're done watching TV, I would like to ask you a question."

"Ugh...umm..sure, go ahead. Just keep it simple though."

"Do you think that monster could've been a human child?"

There was silence. Saitama scratched his bald head.

"Well, if I can recall, my first monster that I fought became a monster because he ate too much crab. So maybe it's the same with this guy. I hate that you asked the question, though. I wouldn't have wanted to come down to me killing a child..."

"Sorry, but I couldn't help but wonder."

A decorated envelope slides on the floor across the room. It had come from underneath the room door. Either way, Saitama and Genos didn't care who slid it. They looked at the envelope, and Saitama frowned.

"Looks like it's for you," Saitama said.

It was from Miss Blizzard. Genos opened the envelope. It was an invitation to a resort in City L. It was for all S-Class heroes, but it looks like it's being heavily postponed due to the destruction that Saitama and Genos had "caused".

"I guess we ruined their recess. Pretty funny. I wonder why they would invite you if you just made life harder for them. Out of all the S-Class Heroes, I'm not surprised Fubuki started the invitation."

"Well, you're way above S-Class, Master. Since I'm invited, I'm willing to tag you along. Oh...it's been postponed basically until next year."

"Nah, I'll pass for now. I have plenty of time to think about it. Now let's talk about those shooting starts."