Aisha's eyes snapped open suddenly, as if awakened by something. She quickly sat up, but a dizzying sensation overwhelmed her. Reluctantly, she let her head rest back on the soft layers of dark dove-coloured linen pillows. The dizziness spun faster and coalesced into painful points that pierced her temples, forehead, and the base of her neck. She closed her eyes briefly, seeking a moment of comfort as she gently massaged her head, only to realize, with a slight shiver, that her upper body was trembling.
With another sudden opening of her eyes, panic widened them, for there was indeed not a single thread covering her body as the blanket slid down slowly. Hastily, she lay back down, pulling the blanket tightly to cover herself as she heard the sound of a door opening.
Aisha clenched her jaw, still trying to process everything, and was struck with confusion when she saw Aymard appear wearing only his pajama pants. They locked eyes, and an awkwardness enveloped Aisha, who clung tightly to the edge of the blanket, attempting to submerge herself and avoid Aymard's gaze, which she couldn't decipher. By God, Aisha felt deserving of a curse this time. What might have happened, should never have happened. It could have been avoided. Now Aisha felt guilty and tainted. Though she knew she had never been as pure as Saint Mary, she couldn't face this. However, Aymard approached and knelt, looking at her. Aisha retreated further beneath the covers.
"Ai..."
"No! Not now!" Aisha almost screamed.
Aymard sighed, "Ai..."
"Please, Aymard. Please?"
Aymard gazed at Aisha wrapped in the blanket. His heart heavy but he felt the urge to say it, "I'm sorry," he whispered weakly.
"No, Ay. I'm the one who should apologize."
Slowly, Aisha lowered the blanket to her chin and looking at Aymard with slightly teary eyes. Her gaze was filled with regret. Aymard swallowed hard. If only the circumstances were different, he would have been delighted by Aisha's adorable behaviour like this. Like a girl experiencing a wild night with a man for the first time. Torn between guilt and undeniable facts, relishing in her wildness.
But this is different. Aymard knew that this incident could shatter Aisha. Even though it was driven by emotions and influenced by alcohol, Aisha would not accept it as an excuse. Aymard knew that Aisha was tough on herself. It was one aspect of Aisha's allure that both mesmerized and made Aymard deeply caring. Of course, Aymard understood that Aisha was aware of her own vulnerability. And being strong was Aisha's psychological defence mechanism. This incident could erode Aisha's resilience. This woman before him had once said that she was afraid of repeating the same mistakes when falling in love. Aymard closed his eyes, feeling an immense pain in his chest. Slowly, he cupped Aisha's face, placing his forehead against hers.
"I'm really sorry, Ai."
Aisha nodded, biting her lip, attempting to smile but failing as tears immediately burst forth.
"I'm the one who should apologize, Ay! I must have caused all of this. I seduced you! I know, I know! I'm cheap when I'm drunk! Oh God! What am I? Here I go again! Not learning from past mistakes! Falling into the same pit again!" Aisha sobbed, burying her face in Aymard's chest.
"Don't, Ai! It's not your fault," Aymard whispered painfully.
Aisha shook her head, "But I should have taken better care of myself! I'm supposed to be more mature now! Why am I so foolish? Especially when there are children who should have made me stronger to protect myself!"
"Stop, Ai! It's not your fault!"
"It's my fault, Ay!"
Aymard closed his eyes, holding Aisha's head against his chest. The pain kept cutting through his heart. He was right, Aisha was as fragile as he wondered. It wasn't surprising, considering the repeated heartbreaks she had endured. Aymard looked up, restraining himself from shedding tears. He never denied that his attraction to Aisha had turned into an irrefutable concern.
"Perhaps part of it is your fault, Ai. But it's not entirely your fault," Aymard whispered as he kissed the crown of Aisha's head.
Aisha let out a dry laugh. "I know. But I should have tried harder to avoid reaching this point."
Aymard stepped back, searching for Aisha's gaze. He looked deeply into her swollen eyes. "So, do you remember everything from last night?" he asked very softly.
Aisha snorted, pulling the blanket to cover her chest and sighing.
"I remember enough. CUE, getting drunk from too much gin. Racing with Alaric, buying vodka. Getting drunk. Falling asleep, confirming with you."
Aymard stared at Aisha sharply. "And then?"
Aisha paused, perplexed by Aymard's apparent agitation. She tilted her head, avoiding his gaze. "And then, you know it yourself. We got caught up in the moment," she said stiffly.
Aymard let out a sigh. "I'm sorry."
Aisha remained silent, bowing her head and staring blankly at the blanket. Suddenly, she tightly gripped the fabric. "Aymard, were you drunk last night?"
Aymard fell silent, his throat dry. Slowly, Aisha turned and locked her gaze with his. Aymard cleared his throat, forcing a guilt-laden smile. "Am sorry truly I."
Aisha clenched her jaw, a glint in her eyes caught by Aymard, shattering him completely. Aisha was hurt, disappointed by himself. Aymard knew that Aisha was attracted to him, admired him, and he took pride in that. But now his pride was shattered because of this incident. The catastrophe of one unexpected night for Aymard. He approached, reaching for Aisha's hand, which suddenly became stiff and unresponsive. Aymard continued to gaze at Aisha, who turned away, refusing to look at him, confirming Aymard's belief that she was truly disappointed in him. Carefully, he squeezed her unresponsive fingers, then brought her hand to his chest.
"I truly regret this, Aisha. I know I should have been sober and prevented it all from happening."
Aisha closed her eyes, which were starting to feel warm. Her chest felt heavy. As a mature woman, her behaviour last night was truly irresponsible. Immature and cheap, causing a scene. Her heart was exhausted, her emotions exploded. But Aisha knew she should have been wiser.
And now her madness led to waking up in the morning with a naked body beneath Aymard's sheets. Despite her strong attraction to Aymard, she still didn't want it to be this reckless. It was exactly like the past. Repeating her mistakes. Aisha despised herself instantly. She knew she could be alluring and had the potential to be promiscuous. Her whole life she had restrained herself from losing control, especially after her bitter divorce.
Damn it, she once again unleashed her cursed charm. This time towards Aymard, whom she believed would shine even brighter in the future. So, this time Aisha felt justified in berating herself. She knew for certain that because of Aymard, she had unconsciously become a hopeless romantic like an inexperienced teenager. Expecting a sweet love story that would go smoothly and be perfectly normal.
"Please, Aisha. Forgive me. I failed to protect you," Aymard whispered.
Aisha turned, gazing at Aymard. Her mind was full. She couldn't deny Aymard's allure. From his physical appearance to his charisma, Aymard had the potential to be a prince charming for any woman. Aisha knew that Aymard's wild lifestyle could always be tolerated because of his numerous redeeming qualities that were worth considering. She also couldn't deny her wild thoughts about Aymard. Fantasies of making this man, who was seven years younger, a mere object of desire. In reality, it would be easier for both Aisha and Aymard if they were merely interested in each other as purely sexual partners.
"This is not about forgiving each other, Aymard," Aisha said.
Aymard remained silent, looking at Aisha.
"It's about... I don't know! I feel complicated. I'm not interested in interpreting it," Aisha sighed.
Aymard stayed quiet, trying to understand Aisha deeper.
"I know I can't just consider this a mistake," Aisha muttered weakly.
Aymard was silent, expecting Aisha to say just that. Then, carefully, he spoke up,
"Ai, I don't want you to blame yourself. Don't judge yourself so harshly. You have a tendency to be normative. This time, just see it as a reality, whether you like it or not. I didn't play around with my intentions last night. What was it with you offering me to be your boytoy? The fact is, you were hurt when you realized what happened. You couldn't treat me like that, could you?"
Aisha fell into deep thought.
"It is indeed complicated. Even more complex than you imagined. Once again, don't belittle yourself just because of this incident. Because to me, you will always be valuable," Aymard asserted.
Aisha bit her lip. "Ay..."
Aymard looked at her and drawn a wistful smile on his face. In an instant, Aisha burst into tears, sobbing uncontrollably.
"Thank you, Aymard. Thank you," she said between sobs.
Aymard nodded, holding her tightly and gently stroking her hair until Aisha calmed down. Then, he kissed her forehead and whispered, asking her to rest for a while.
Shortly after, Aymard walked out and tightly closed his bedroom door. He glared at Danti, who stood by the door. He made sure that Danti wouldn't allow anyone besides himself to enter the room and wouldn't let Aisha leave the room. Danti nodded stiffly, accepting Aymard's somber orders.
Aymard's footsteps led him to the pantry. Alaric was sitting there, facing a bowl of cereal. His brother turned his head upon hearing Aymard's footsteps. Dono, pale and anxious, held out pages after pages that needed Alaric's signature. Dono gave an awkward smile to Aymard, then quickly left as soon as the last page was signed by Alaric. Dono understood that there was a situation that was better left unknown to him between his two superiors.
Aymard approached the refrigerator, trying to calm himself as he reached for an apple.
"Has she woken up?" Alaric asked.
Aymard stood frozen, his hand gripping the refrigerator door tightly, his other hand hesitating to grab the apple.
"Can I explain it to her now?" he continued.
Aymard turned around abruptly, slamming the refrigerator door shut, "No need, Alaric. I've taken care of it."
Alaric furrowed his brow. "What's going on, Mardi? Are you angry?"
Aymard clenched his jaw, "No. Listen carefully, Alaric. Never approach Aisha again. Never dare to bring up last night's incident with her."
Alaric snorted, slumping back in his chair. "Easy, Mardi. Why do you seem so angry?"
Aymard remained silent.
"I didn't have any ulterior motives. I just wanted to explain that last night, we both lost control, we were drunk. Don't take it to heart," Alaric said.
Aymard laughed sarcastically, "Aisha was drunk, but you weren't!" he replied, holding back his words.
Alaric stared at Aymard without blinking. He understood that Aymard was angry, but as usual, he was restraining himself from exploding. Alaric stood up, facing Aymard.
"I have the right, Mardi. I owe an explanation to Aisha."
Aymard shook his head, "It's not necessary anymore."
Alaric furrowed his brow, "Is that so? Have you explained it already? Thank you! But I still want to explain it to Aisha myself. I don't want her to see me as a coward, Mardi."
Aymard snorted, "Why? Why are you suddenly afraid of how Aisha perceives you?"
Alaric remained silent for a long time before murmuring, "Because I wasn't drunk when I kissed her."
Aymard clenched his jaw.
"I am not drunk when she lost control. I consciously sober when we had sex last night. We both enjoyed it, sure. But don't let emotions get involved. That's what I wanted to talk about."
Aymard grew furious, his fist swung, fueled by anger, and landed on Alaric's face, causing him to collapse onto the floor. Alaric was shocked, looking at Aymard in disbelief.
"Answer me, Alaric! Where was your brain last night?"
Alaric stared at Aymard, who sat over him, gripping his collar until he choked, still in disbelief but slowly trembling as he realized that Aymard was genuinely angry. Truly, incredibly angry.
"Wasn't it clear when I said that Aisha is my target? My woman?"
Alaric swallowed his saliva.
"And you just said that you weren't drunk, that you enjoyed it, but now you want her not to consider what happened last night?"
This was the first time Alaric encountered Aymard's cold gaze and flat tone of voice. He realized that he was truly intimidated. He had never imagined facing an enraged Aymard like this.
"You are my brother! Should know for sure that you can't mess around with my woman. Even though she's not officially mine yet, Aisha is in my territory!"
Alaric trembled upon hearing his brother's words. They hit directly to his core. Suddenly, Aymard clenched his fist, ready to strike. Alaric flinched and squeezed his eyes shut as Aymard's hand moved. Mocking laughter filled the air as a hard slap landed on his cheek.
"Mama's little boy! What can you do now without Mama around, huh?" Aymard sneered as he slowly rose to his feet.
Alaric, trembling and half-lying on the floor, was deeply shocked by Aymard's actions.
"Listen, you don't know Aisha. Everything is complicated for her. Have you ever heard that humans have thoughts and personalities, Little Brother? Oh, I'm sorry! You're too busy adorning yourself, how could you understand?"
Alaric felt humiliated, especially when Aymard pushed his chin with the tip of his toe. He swatted Aymard's foot away and stared blankly at his brother. Aymard seemed utterly alien, like a true enemy who was passing judgment on him.
But indeed, Aymard was furious now. The pent-up emotions that he had been suppressing for a long time had become overwhelming. Just once, because of Alaric's actions, he swore to himself that he would be capable of severing their brotherhood. This also included taking into account the injustices of Katarina and Magdeléne.
"What's the matter, Alaric? Want to fight me? Without Mama?" Aymard scoffed.
Alaric seethed with anger, quickly rising to his feet to lunge at Aymard, who lazily evaded his attack, causing Alaric to stumble and collide with empty air. Alaric turned around, his breath racing as he tried to contain his rage. He never liked being called Mama's boy. Now, they stood face to face. Aymard smirked cynically.
"Remember, never talk to Aisha about your actions last night. Understand?"
Alaric laughed sarcastically, "Why?"
Aymard replied coldly, "Because, as I said before, Aisha is complicated."
Alaric sneered, "Is that your clever plan, Mardi? So that she falls straight into your arms?"
Aymard shook his head.
"So that she has no choice but to accept you, right? Hmph, do you little her, Mardi? Are you believing that she would though a one night of sex is enough reason to marry? She's not an innocent virgin, Mardi!"
Aymard furrowed his brow, not understanding the meaning behind Alaric's words, which reignited his emotions.
"Of course, she would choose me if she knew how wild she went for me last night, not you!"
Aymard stared at Alaric without blinking, his face turning red, as Alaric continued to ramble about his supposed greatness, claiming that Aisha was thoroughly satisfied multiple times. Slowly, Aymard took a deep breath to extinguish his emotions, even though he found Alaric's words intolerable. Now, he gazed at Alaric with a bewildered look, feeling pity for his shallow-minded younger brother. Alaric was taken aback by the intensity in Aymard's eyes, fuelling his own resentment. He didn't like it one bit.
"You never understand that everything has layers that can't be easily understood. Save your empty words for showing off to others. But once again, never dare to tell Aisha that you were the one who slept with her last night!"
Alaric scoffed, underestimating Aymard, "I thought I was the coward. But now I'm certain it's you who's the coward. Afraid to compete with me? Afraid that Aisha would choose me because she's more satisfied with me?"
Aymard clenched his fist tightly, suppressing his anger while also feeling even more pity for Alaric's shallowness.
"You only think about yourself. You don't know Aisha. You don't even realize that she's trying hard not to repeat her past mistakes!" exclaimed Aymard.
Alaric remained motionless.
"You don't even consider the fact that what happened last night could destroy Aisha. Don't you understand that if she fails to achieve her simple aspirations, her self-esteem can crumble? Huh?!"
Alaric still stood frozen as a slowly intensifying feeling of heartache began to gnaw at him. The pain reached deep into his core.
"Aisha is a woman who easily blames herself, even for mistakes that are not purely her own doing. She tolerates no excuses. Do you understand?"
Alaric remained unmoving, listening to Aymard speak sharply with intense emotions, even though he didn't shout. Instantly, he felt weak, his body slumping as Aymard turned and left him alone.
Not long after, Alaric sank to the cold floor of the pantry, collapsing into a seated position.
The events of last night flashed through his mind. Aisha calling him Aymard. Aisha muttering and cursing herself. Aisha gazing into the distance and occasionally apologizing. Aisha repeatedly murmuring Aymard's name.
Aisha, intoxicated and unable to control her desires, while he himself was fully aware and stirred by curiosity. Aisha, who sent shivers through his entire being as they indulged in their desires.
Alaric wiped his face, knowing all along that Aisha belonged to Aymard. What had he actually done? It wasn't the matter of morality that filled Alaric with remorse. It was simply the need to condemn himself for allowing himself to lose control earlier that morning. He knew that letting himself sleep with Aisha would only lead to trouble. The simplest consequence, of course, would be Aymard's anger. But what Aymard had just said had never crossed Alaric's mind.
About Aisha, who could be shattered if she found out she had slept with Alaric, not Aymard.
Regarding matters like that, considering a woman's perspective, Alaric had completely disregarded it all this time. Perhaps now was the right time for Alaric to learn, even though he had already become entangled in the consequences of losing control.
*****