I'm so tired of love songs
Tired of love songs
Tired of love songs
Tired of love
Just wanna go home
Wanna go home
Wanna go home ohh~
I love this song, it's called "I'm so tired..." by Lauv
It's a sad song, but that's what's so beautiful about it.
I rarely cry, so hearing something made from the spirit of someone who is capable of doing so makes me feel closer to the type of senstive person I want to be.
Oh, you're probably wondering who I am.
My name is Hotaro, and I'm just an ordinary person with too much self awareness.
To summarise my life for the past 5 years:
I have felt responsibile with my freewill to figure out and gain the strength to fulfill the potential of someone who is capable of bringing about a truly normal world.
I don't like how things are in the world as they are, a constant threat of totalitarianism, biblical prophecies coming true, and having no place to call home or a life of my own that can be meaningful enough to overshadow the grand schemes that are unfolding on a global scale.
It stresses me out, and although I have hope and faith that someone will save the world one day, the greatest threat to the world is the belief that someone else will save it.
If everyone, just like me, did nothing but have hope and faith in their hearts, then the action that truly matters to move the world in an ideal direction won't come true, so, that's why I've been obsessing with fulfilling the potential of this necessary archetype who can bring about a truly normal world.
I'm... Just tired though. I'm sick of being obsessed, and I have learned many things logically in terms of all things relating to human nature and how these fundimental principles branch out into unique cultures, but I can't even seem to hold onto my own humanity in my persuit to fight for it.
So... I'm plannning for the next year to let go of my intentions, to move on, and live an ordinary life until I'm able to regain my humanity with its full intensity.
This too is a necessary requirement for one to be capable of making clear and fair judgements consistently, no matter how complex obstacles come my way. I must remain true to my truest self no matter what, but I do not even have a handle on any sense of self after having been distracted by control freak tendencies and malevolences that have possessed me these past 5 years.
That is why moving on is so important, I NEED to gain self control, and the ultimate form of self control, comes from submission.
But... how do I go about this without the intention to do so so that way my growth becomes a natural process?
Well, I guess I'll just have to observe for now and quiet my mind continuously until I notice how much better that me everything is, so I can be awe stuck and fall in love and what not.
...
My mind is on fire, my chest hurts. I can't believe how pathetic I have become, and to be so disgraceful before my first day of the new school year begins!
The moment I psychoanalysed myself in the introduction, all I feel now is my reaction to not being capable of feelings. I feel sick from not being able to feel. I want to be sad at least, how do I move on again as I was just only moments ago?
.
.
.
I'm so tired of love songs
Tired of love songs
Tired of love songs
Tired of love
Just wanna go home
Wanna go home
Wanna go home ohh~