"Stupid fucking men..." Detra mutered under her breath. She leaned agasint the back of the barn, the shade from the trees covering her as she smoked a cigarette. Watching the clouds as they rolled by.
She tilted her head back and sank down to the ground, stretching at one of her legs in front of her. Today she was wearing black knee high socks, beat up converse, high waisted jean shorts, as well as a black skull crop top, with it paired she had her thick oversized flannel.
Detra put her hound in front of her, her nails were black and sparkly, and she hadnt lost any of her rings while walking here. yay! she clapped while the ciggerate rested in between her lips. She had her waist length curly hair in a low pony tail, however her hair was so curly that strands and pieces fell out over her face. She had piercing blue eyes and pale white skin, a charming smile and an anyltical mind.
Detra rolled the ciggarette between her fingers. She had never fully known how to act around people, she could never figure out what would be the right thing to say on her own. So, to make up for lack of social skills, she learned to mimic others. Emulating their personality, it worked wonders for getting where she wanted too in life.
However...it left a hole. A hole that detra didnt want to think or feel anything for. Detra didnt know who she was, she had spent her entire life doing everything to please others, doing anything so they'd like her, crafting the perfect way to act. For each. Individual. Person.
She sighed, taking another drag of her ciggarette before putting it out on the rock ground she was sitting on, shoving the butt of it in her purse. Detra brought her knee's up to her chest and zipped her flannel around her. Turning her head upwards and watching the clouds, allowing her mind to drift off.
It was tiring, having to pretend for people. It felt as though her entire life was an act, a game that she played in her free time. Detra hated her reality, she wished she could go elsewhere, anywhere but here. That's why diluded herself.
Smoking that, taking this pill that pill, whatever was available she'd take. It didnt help that her brains reaction to emotion was to just have her space out through all of it, but spacing out so much that it feels like watching your life from a movie.
She could hear, music playing in her head constantly. Tempting her to enter her world of day dreams, mental minecraft as you could call it. Her world, her fantasys. Yes it was just a daydream, but to detra? it was so much more. To her, her daydreams were her life.
Daydreams were the life she wished she had, daydreams were the things she wished she was told, daydreams were the things she craved, but could never ever recieve. It pained her, it wasnt real, but she wished it was. So she pretended. Allowed her brain to mindlessly space out through out her life, to daydream rather than exist in the one place she hated most.
Suddenly, Detra's phone buzzed. She quickly dug it out of her purse to see that she had a message from her little sister, Alice.
'where are you? i came outside to find you but you arent here.'
'detra?'
Detra sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. Alice was 12, Detra was 17. Alice preferred to be with detra rather than at home, always clinging to her side and asking to go with her whenever she went anywhere.
It hurt slightly, She knew why alice was so attached, but she couldnt change it. When they were younger, Detra often had to step in and protect alice from physical violence. From their family at home, as well as from people frome school.
Detra and Alice had two other siblings as well, Victoria and Victor. they were twins, But when they were 14 they ran away together one night. Detra knew they were smart, but she still couldnt help but worry for them. No one has seen them in years.
Suddenly, Alice had texted again.
'???'
'why are you leaving me on read?'
Detra shook her head, ignoring her previous thoughts from before and texted back her little sister.
'hey! sorry i went outside for fresh air. be there in 10. :)'
She sighed and stood up, slinging her back over her shoulder and dusting off her legs before walking over to the path that lead back to her day job.
"Back to reality..." detra mumbled under her breath.
She hated it.