After that short heart to heart with Ricky and Beverly, Aubrey didn't know how she spent the next few days. It was like she was in a dream. A nightmare of a dream.
Aubrey was so ashamed and embarrassed that for the next two days she made excuses to avoid meeting Ricky or Beverly. She knew it wasn't their fault. They simply fell in love. And yet Aubrey couldn't even bear to see her friends. In truth, she didn't know what face to make while in front of them. So Aubrey did what she thought was best. She avoided them.
Beverly and Ricky.
Ricky and Beverly.
She knew she should be happy for them but she couldn't. Not when she's in love with her bestfriend's boyfriend.
The fact that Aubrey found them in bed together only made things worse. Why DID she have to find out when they were in bed together?! It's as if God was punishing her. There were so many less intense, less shocking ways of learning the truth, like over coffee or a lunch date or something. But definitely the two of them naked gallivanting in bed was not on the list!
Whatever the case may be, she knew one thing for certain. She needed to resolve her feelings as soon as possible. She can't continue to avoid them forever, not when she has a class with Beverly the next day. She may be an average student but she's not one to ditch class for any reason other than a grave illness.
Aubrey sighed. She felt like she was being stupid for being affected in this way. The other parties don't even have an inkling of her feelings or her worries. It's different if Ricky was aware of her romantic feelings for him. But he doesn't because she never confessed. So it was her fault. Her feelings were wrong. It's wrong to want someone else's man, especially so if that person is your best friend.
Yet she just couldn't help it, she just likes Ricky. She's liked him ever since they were kids. He may look weak and nerdy but to Aubrey, Ricky was her prince charming. He protected her when the kids made fun of her weird haircut in elementary school. He stayed with her when she had to do after school sessions. He made sure she always had someone to eat with during lunchtime. Ricky was so caring and considerate, how could she not love him?
'I should've confessed to him. If I did, I may be the person he is dating.' Aubrey thought wistfully, only to shake her head a few seconds later.
'Stop it!' She chastised herself. Shoulda, coulda, woulda. Hindsight is 20/20. Now Ricky is someone else's man. 'Get that in your head girl!'
'Stop pining for someone who is taken.' Aubrey reminded herself.
But she couldn't help it. Every spare moment, her thoughts would wander back to Ricky. Time and again she would wonder, if she confessed first, would things be different? If she had been forthright about her feelings. If she chased after him relentlessly…would she be the one by his side? If that were to happen then what of Beverly? Beverly obviously likes Ricky, otherwise she wouldn't be dating him. But to what degree did Beverly like Ricky? It couldn't be more than Aubrey does.
Aubrey knows Beverly. She knows Beverly all too well. Her friend falls in love quickly but she falls out of love just as fast. Beverly's extra long list of ex-boyfriends was proof of this. It was a list to rival that of a dictionary. In the past, Aubrey would just sigh and shake her head every time Beverly's feelings changed and she broke a poor guy's heart. But this time was different. Aubrey's gut churned at the thought of Ricky in that situation.
Yet at the same time a part of Aubrey felt elated.
'I have a chance,' was the thought that popped into her mind. However, this just left her feeling rotten and disgusted with herself. 'How can I think of such a thing?! I'm so bad!'
No. Thoughts were just thoughts. Why does she have to control them? It wasn't like she would act on them. There was no way Aubrey would do anything to break the pair's relationship. It wasn't like she CAN. Aubrey didn't have IT in her. She loves Ricky but she also loves Beverly just as much. It was just a different type of love. Aubrey is stuck in her pain and can only cheer on their love.
Either way there was no way for them to all be happy. Somebody had to be the loser. In this case, it just so happened to be her.
In the first place, how did Ricky even fall for Beverly? He seemed to be completely immune to her charms for the longest time. There was a time when Beverly even thought he was gay. He barely glanced at her in school and he always seemed to avoid being alone with her. The jocks in school even had a running bet of him being gay. How else can he remain best of friends with the most popular girl in school without jumping in her pants? That was their thought process however flawed it may be. Well now Aubrey knew for certain that wasn't the case.
Tomorrow Aubrey will have a class with Beverly. She can't let that girl know that something is amiss. Aubrey knew Beverly would never let things go. Beverly would be sure to feel bad for her if she were to realize Aubrey's feelings. Aubrey may be in love with Ricky but she didn't want Beverly feeling like she had to tread lightly around her. I don't want Beverly being careful around me. It's selfish of me but I don't want our friendship to be affected by this. I want to be able to hangout with them as usual, sometimes alone with Ricky and sometimes just with Beverly. And sometimes as a trio of best friends.
For that to happen, I have to be the one to change. I have to show that I have not been affected. It was a simple cause for embarrassment, nothing more. 'Yeah I can do this. Aubrey Lee Young, the Great Pretender.'