Chereads / The kingdom of Elda / Chapter 9 - Grief and memories

Chapter 9 - Grief and memories

The memory was as clear as the present. Her smile, her voice, her face, her beauty, her dress, her soft hands. The love shining through her eyes.

-Follow me. Her voice echoed.

She was holding his.

-Where are you leading me ?

-You will see soon enough, my love.

-Always you and your shenanigans.

-That's why you love me. She replied

He laughed and she laughed too.

Diésir could even to this day remember her clearly, the woman he so dearly loved. In front of him he had planted in th ground a bunch of pink flowers, all of them were peonies. He was looking at them with sadness in his eyes, sometimes it was replaced by nostalgia but pain remained, always. The life he had with was again flashing before his were before it finished on her dead body.

-How are you, Jayéli ? I hope you are happy where up there in the sky. I know you are. Today is the day you and i were separated, the day i failed to protect you. Once again i am sorry....

He stopped, his voice almost cracked. He managed to regain control over his emotions.

-I know, you would say that it is no my fault, i am not a god. Well sometimes that's too bad. Don't worry about me, i will still grow stronger so i would never again be powerless.

He kissed three of his fingers that he had joined and sent it towards her flower grave.

-I will see you soon.

He then heard a sound, like someone walking on grass behind him. He quickly turned back to see Luzalé arriving between two trees. The forest was not dense but he didn't even heard her coming from afar. He was surprised.

-I am sorry. Did i frightened you ?

-A little. What are you doing here ?

-I felt a great sadness coming from the woods, so i came to see if anyone needed help. I didn't think it would be you.

-I am sorry to have disturb you. It's just that today is the day i...

He didn't even wanted to finish his sentence.

-I know. I remember. Jayéli.

-Yes.

-Do you want to talk about it ? Do you want to cry ? I am here to help you and listen to you.

-I don't want to bother you with that, it is something i prefer to do alone. Replied Diésir. 

-I understand. I will leave you then, don't forget that i am here for you, as well as the other are there for you.

Then she made her way back to the campment, Diésir felt guilty, she just wanted to help him? He looked at the grave and then said.

-Wait Luzalé.

She stopped.

-Yes ?

She looked right into his eyes, hers were shining because of the sun showering it with its light. Alwas like amethyst.

-I want to ask you something.

-I am listening.

-Do you think she is in heaven ?

She walked up to him and with a soft and gentle smile responded.

-Yes, i believe so. You do not talk about her alot but from what he told us, she was filled with love and compassion, selflessness and courage.

He smiled a bit then lost it after a few second. He hesitated before asking the next question.

-Speak freely, i am here to understand you, not judge you.

-Why did it happened to her and not me ? I was the one with sins and crimes, she was innocent. His voice started to get filled with some anger but mostly confusion.

-I don't know, perhaps was it a punishment for you, perhaps evil was just the easy way for those men. However i know with all my heart to Varanita will not let a single sin unpunished, either in this life or the other. I know that you are angry at the goddess, at those men, at the world even. But do not forget all good she did, all the kindness she showed you. The world is dark but is also light. Each time she acted with love, it was far more precious and powerfull than any act of wickedness. I am truly grateful that to this day, you are helping us with Belda. 

While listening to her comforting and reassuring words, Diésir started to cry silently, not letting a single sound coming out of his mouth.

-Without Jayéli, maybe you would have been still the same man you were back then, craving violence and blood.

She took his hands between her hands and lifted it up.

-Do not beat you down, do not let anger and revenge nourish you heart, let love, kindness and hope grow. In honor of her.

His teary eyes were drowning in wave of memories and dreams. He could have done so much and could do so much more.

She hugged him, caressing gently his back.

-To act with anger is easy, to act with love is hard, to act with peace and forgiveness takes strengh and courage. I know you can do it.

-Thank you. She uttered with a knotted voice.

This moment was now marked in the mind of Diésir eternally. That was love as he remembered it.

Later, when the night fell on this blessed and cursed land, all the Varapren family was reunited around the fire. Telling stories, playing music, playing little games like riddles or or mime. For the last event, Belda, Osmadrey and Sarika were doing a puppet show.

-Oh ! No ! The bear is here. Shouted in a temparate manner Osmadrey.

-Run ! Added Sarika.

-Too late. Expressed Belda.

Then with the sock representing the bear, she ate the other two socks.

-Urgh.

They were dead. Everyone applauded. Aesta and Luzalé were the most expressive ones.

-What a show ! Yelled Aesta.

-Truly the greatest story of all time ! Added happily Luzalé.

 Crécio whistled. The three actor made a curtsy before going back to sit down ont the chairs, Belda went in the arms of Régidal this time, always near Luzalé as usual. The lady patted her head while the lord putted her on his lap. She was almost lying in his arms. 

-That reminds me of when my mother was doing puppet shows for me and the other kids in the castle.

-You have a mother ? Asked with shock the little girl.

-Yes, everyone does Belda.

-I didn't know. What a surprise. How is she ?

Aesta took a few seconds to find her words.

-She..was beautiful, smart, kind, a bit silly but strict when needed. She was a scribe, a painter, a writer and a good dancer. She was a concubine but she was loved by the lord Délaré. He was my father but i don't have lmuch memory with him, he was not really present in my life, he didn't hate me but he didn't really liked me either. I was just a child, the daughter of his favorite concubine. He offered me present but i think it was more because i was constantly with my mother rather than because he cared for me.

-Do you hate him for that ? Asked Osmadrey.

-No, not really. I just wonder sometimes what my life would have been if he had been more present for me and for my mother.

-You are talking about her in past tense. Remarked Sarika.

-That's because she...

Aesta looked at Belda, lying in the arms of Régidal and then changed her word.

-...She went to the kingdom above the sky. When was twelve, on a typical day of playing and studying, she just fell ill, apparently she was poisoned by jealous concubines with the help of the wife of my father. It was very bad, she was coughing blood, having hallucinations and nightmares when she was trying to sleep. During Two days, she was agonizing and i couldn't do nothing, they didn't let met saw her. I was so scared.

She said with a fainted laugh but her eyes were expressing something else.

-She they tried everything and saw that it was over. They let me saw her one last time. I don't know if i cried or not, my memory is blurry but i remember one thing. She told me to live my life in its fullest, free from the expectations of others, free from the shackles of any illusion of love, free from everything that lie. She wanted me to have the life she couldn't have, which means choosing my own path.

Now the the memories of her last words to her were resonating in her head, scrapping off the smile she tried to hold.

-I wonder what she would think of me today.

With that she finished telling her story.

-Did you avanged her ? Asked Crécio.

-Yes, i did. And i gained nothing from it, only ten seconds of pure bliss before an immense void settled in my heart. I was lost, didn't know what to do, i didn't know what was my purpose. When i met you and when i met our cute princess, everything made sense, i had a chance to do someting i choosed myself. And that, i do not regret.

She smiled at them all. Belda was silently crying and when Aesta remarked this, she started feeling guilty.

-Oh no, don't cry Belda, i am sorry, i didn't mean to.

-It's so sad.

Régidal caressed her head while Luzalé caressed her back.

-I want to hug you. Added Belda.

She came down from the leg of Régidal and went to give a hug to her auntie.

-Don't be sad. Said Aesta.

-Don't be sad too, Luzalé can be your mother.

Speaking of her, she too went for a hug.

-She would be proud of the amazing woman you are. She softly said.

-Thank you. Replied her friend.

Her eyes were to the edge of shedding tears but Luzalé dried them before they could roll down her face.

-All of you should be proud. Said Régidal while standing up to add a log in the fire.

Then he looked at them, serious but solemn.

-Six years ago, we were strangers to each other, today i don't think i could sleep in peace if you were not safe. When we formed this group, whe knew he would not be easy and each of us had our own pain to live with. Maybe that's what brought us together, a hope for a better world, a hope to protect others from living what we lived, a hope to help a little girl grow up safe and sound. All of you can hold your head high, you are strong and kind. I am proud to call you family.

He finished his speech, staring at them with military proudness. Luzalé was hapoy to see him like that, almost admirative. The others were touched, the simple act of acknowledging their efforts from a long time was powerfull.

The night, that night was beautiful.