Shoto had not expected the meeting to go particularly well, but he was not prepared for just how poorly it was going. They were nearing the allotted hour and still hadn't managed to make much headway on what their next plans should be thanks to constant interruptions from a certain red-headed hero. Snide comments about Shoto's lack of competence, scoffs as he explained their strategy and possible mistakes, and eye rolls directed his way had him grinding his teeth and struggling to focus.
Hawks had tried to calm the fire and ice hero down several times. Whisps of smoke floated from the young hero as he waved him away and continued to argue with Kirishima who seemed to know just how to get under his skin.
But when the conversation turned to Bakugo, who seemed almost disinterested in the whole thing, Shoto's temper had brought a rage fueled fire to life inside and he couldn't seem to stomp it out now.
The other heroes fanned themselves with their papers or tugged at their costumes as the room grew noticeably hotter. Cold blue and grey eyes glared at Kirishima who had pounded a quirked fist to the table hard enough for a crack to echo through the silent room.
His last question was enough for Endeavor to finally step in.
"Now hold on a minute," the number one hero boomed "it was my idea to bring Dynamite in, not Shoto's."
Kirishima wiped the sneer from his face as he turned his attention from Shoto to Endeavor. With eyebrows squished together he shook his head and restated his question with a honeyed tone. "All I'm saying sir, is that I don't understand why you would bring in another hero. If the number three hero thought it was too dangerous for his own team to accompany him last time, why would it be any safer for Dynamite to be there now. Isn't he at all concerned for his safety?" Sitting back with arms crossed he smiled smugly at Shoto waiting for an answer.
Somewhere in his rage fueled mind he knew Kirishima was just provoking him. The mission may not have been successful, but he knew it was well thought out. They had played to their team's strengths and had managed to capture a few of Reality Check's crew. No one had been seriously injured either. With a deep breath in and a steamy exhale out Shoto focused on cooling off himself and the room. Hearing a few small sighs of relief, he braced himself. This was not the time for his emotions to get the better of him.
"I think that the number 2 hero is more than capable of defending himself. If he thinks this is too dangerous, he is welcome to speak up, but I will take his silence as agreement and continue with the debrief" he spat back. Sparing a glance at Bakugo who kept his eyes on the table.
Wide eyes around the room darted between the two former classmates, unsure why there was such hostility between the two heroes. Hawks cleared his throat and tried to ease the tension.
"Strategically speaking it's a sound idea. Based on our previous attempts we know that we need to send our strongest after Reality Check and with number one busy it only makes sense for two and three to team up. Besides, I've seen these two work together during their work study and I can personally vouch for them. They're a force to be reckoned with together." He gave a reassuring grin to the room.
Shoto gave him a silent nod of thanks and continued with a more level tone than before. Averting his eyes from Red Riot, he instructed the pros to distribute information on her known associates to patrol groups and discussed who would be part of the team sent after her next time. There was just one final thing left to go over, and the thought had him clasping his hands together tightly under the table to hide their tremor.
"And last we need to discuss her quirk." With eyes glued to the table he sucked in a deep breath and fought to keep a quiver from his voice as he spoke quickly. Wanting to get this part over with more than anything.
"I was affected again in our last battle. It seems like she needs to be within at least ten feet of her target and from what we experienced in previous battles she can only use it on one person at a time. I'm not sure yet if she can select which memories you see, or if she can see them herself, but the memories are… bad." He hesitated. "They also feel very real. The pain. The emotions. It's like you are experiencing them all over again except with the conscious mind and knowledge of yourself at this point in time. The only way I know to stop the effects are to put some distance between yourself and her but it's nearly impossible to do so because you cannot distinguish reality from memory in that state."
He finished with flushed cheeks. A silence blanketed the room again as the other heroes absorbed his words, most unable to truly comprehend the extent of what the young hero saw under the effect of the quirk even though his families troubled past was long since made public. With his eyes still on the table, he didn't see glassy crimson eyes watching him. Eyes that belonged to one of the few people in the room who understood how terrifying this quirk was for Shoto.
The bell to signal 9am and the beginning of the next patrol broke the tense silence of the room and quiet murmurs filled the space once Endeavor dismissed himself and the other heroes. A few of them shot Shoto looks of pity as they left. This was exactly what he didn't want. Sliding down in his chair with a groan, he threw his head back and closed his eyes. That could not have gone any worse.
"Well little hero, I think you're right" Hawks mused from beside him.
Not bothering to look, Shoto hummed in question. He had shared his theories on Bakugo with Hawks before the meeting but wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the winged hero's thoughts. Biting his lip, he waited in silence for the other to continue.
"I think there is definitely something wrong between blasty and the angry red head."
Shoto's eyes shot open and he jumped out of his chair so fast it was nearly knocked backwards. "Really?" he breathed. The relief that flooded through him was short lived though as he began to pace the room thinking of what could be going on in their relationship and how he could help.
"Look" Hawks pulled him from his thoughts, knowing he would be in too deep to listen shortly. "I watched him the whole time. I don't think he had much information on the mission before he came here. The way he tensed, how he shifted away from Red Riot every time he interrupted you, the frown that kept growing… there is definitely something. But what really sold me was the genuine heartbreak."
"Heart.. break?" Shoto stopped pacing to look Hawks. Blinking in confusion.
"When you talked about how the quirk affected you, it was written all over his face." He answered softly. "Trust me Sho, the feelings are still there. Now, I have to get to my patrol but promise me something."
The fire and ice hero could only raise his brows in question. Not trusting his voice to stay steady.
"Don't give up on him. He needs you."
Hawks patted the young hero's shoulder and left the room. Shoto watched a single red feather float to the floor as his tide of happiness clashed with the grief that had welled up over the thought of his friend's struggle in his relationship.
A single word played on repeat in his mind. Heartbreak. Bringing with it a memory the young hero had tried so hard to purge. One that still caused him to absentmindedly bring a hand to his chest to try massaging the ache from his heart out while it replayed behind cloudy blue and grey eyes.
---
It was shortly after Christmas in their third year at UA. Blue and grey eyes glistened as the young hero to be took in the beauty of snow capped buildings and trees on his walk back to the dorms. He had been spending time with Hawks, getting to know his older brother Toya through the winged hero, and was walking back with a spring in his step. A small smile never leaving his face.
He had made peace with his brother's actions and had chosen to remember the good rather than dwell on the bad. The same couldn't be said for his family or the majority of society but he had never fit in before, why start now.
Pale cheeks flushed when he recalled the last thing he and Hawks had discussed. A certain blond hero in training who was at the center of his thoughts morning, noon, and night. He had been for the last two years if Shoto was being honest with himself. Having finally worked up the courage to ask the winged hero what the flutter in his heart meant every time he was with Katsuki, he knew what he needed to do now.
Confront Katsuki and confess his feelings.
It was now or never, as Hawks had put it, and Shoto was already irritated with himself for not having figured it out sooner. The loud, bash blond knew just how to calm his mind and fire up his soul. The two didn't need to speak to understand each other in battle and there was no one he trusted his life with more. It didn't matter where they were, or what they were doing, Shoto always found himself pulled to Katsuki's side and enjoying every moment, big or small. As long as they were together.
Thinking about the warmth that spread from fingertips to toes around the explosive teen. The smile that even thoughts of the blond could pull from the normally stoic Shoto. The sense of peace and safety he had around Katsuki, he knew that it was so much more than a friendship he longed for. Katsuki had become his everything. His home.
How had he not realized his feelings sooner?
To be fair he had never had an example of a healthy relationship to compare his feelings with. Hero training and school left him little time to spend with his brother and sister who seemed to have more experience there than he did, but their bond as siblings was still growing and he couldn't quite pinpoint why, but talking about their love life always felt like it would be more awkward than asking Hawks.
With a sigh he shook the thought from his head and opened the doors to the dorms. Better now than never. Determination fueled his every step towards the elevator and his explosive blond beyond. With each shaky exhale he clenched his fists and pushed the nerves aside, breathing resolve into their place.
The elevator doors opened, and a mop of green hair exited. The radiant smile adorning freckled cheeks fell as Izuku caught sight of Shoto.
That should have been his first clue.
"Shoto" he greeted with uncertainty "where are you headed?"
"To Katsuki."
"Oh… umm.. are you sure? I think we should talk first" he quietly countered.
Shoto rose a brow at the other hero to be when he stepped back on to the elevator with him, but shrugged it off as Izuku being Izuku.
"Yes, I'm sure. I have something important to discuss with him." Blue and grey eyes glowed with hope. Silence fell as the elevator rose to the third floor. From the corner of his eye Shoto could see Izuku fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt, but he figured he could ask him what was wrong later. Right now, he needed to focus on how to express his feelings.
Sure, he could take Hawks suggestion and pull the blond in to a kiss letting his actions speak for him, but that was unquestionably the most dangerous route. He could very well end up with an explosion to the face if the feelings weren't mutual and Shoto wasn't about to add another scar there.
He would need to find the right words in the moment. Hopefully he could rely on the sense of ease he always felt around Katsuki to calm his nerves enough so he could get his point across without turning in to a rambling fool. That would likely remind Katsuki of Izuku, another route for immediate rejection. With eyes focused forward, he didn't see conflicted green eyes watching him as the other teen struggled for the right words of warning.
But the warning never came.
Once the elevator doors opened the air rushed past Shoto's lips and the room spun around him when he saw Kirishima and Katsuki leaving the blond's dorm room together. One of Kirishima's arms wrapped around Katsuki's waist, pulling him closer. The air caught in his throat with each attempted breath in. Never reaching lungs that felt like they were on fire. Pressure that built in his chest, threatening to explode, was the only thing he could feel. Arms hung numb at his sides. Unresponsive.
His mind went blank as he looked from the pair to Izuku standing next to him with glassy green eyes. He watched his friend's lips move but couldn't hear what was said. Flickers of flame danced around his scar and a bead of sweat trailed slowly down his back before sizzling away. And when blue and grey eyes saw Kirishima place a kiss on Katsuki's cheek, his world shattered.
He was too late.
Wiping something warm, and wet from his face he took a clumsy step out of the elevator. Bringing a palm to his chest he began trying to rub the dull ache that was taking over away. Katsuki opened his mouth to speak but snapped it shut, a pained look overtaking his sharp features. Crimson eyes were full of confusion. Was this not how he expected his friend to respond? Was he supposed to be happy, calm, not about to go up in a raging inferno? Shoto was overwhelmed with more emotions than he knew what to do with.
So he ran.
Charred pieces of fabric and embers trailed behind him as he took the stairs two at a time making his way to the roof of the dorms, accidentally incinerating the entire door at the top instead of just the lock. Gasping for breath he clung to the railing and fell to his knees. His palm ground against his chest as he desperately tried to massage the stabbing ache away.
Tears froze to his right cheek, and sizzled from his left, never hitting the ground. A scream that began in his mind tore from his throat. He was too late. Too late.
HE WAS TOO FUCKING LATE!
The metal railing warped and melted under his left hand. Drops of liquid metal sizzled against the snow of the rooftop as he crouched there and silently wept. Furious with himself for not having figured out his feelings sooner, for thinking the feeling was mutual. They were friends and nothing more.
Unaware of how much time had passed or the fact that the left half of his uniform was reduced to charred remains, Shoto slowly regained control over his quirk while the sun set behind him. Leaning back against the railing he closed tired eyes and took a deep breath in. With each exhale the tightness in his chest lessened until only a dull ache remained. One he would carry with him for longer than he could have imagined. A feeling he wouldn't give a name to until years later.
Heartbreak.
---
The room gradually came back in to focus and Shoto wiped a stray tear from his cheek. His hand fell from his chest, and he threw his shoulders back as he left the room, ready to get through the day. Regardless of their past, of the heartache, Shoto knew without a doubt that Bakugo was still more important to him than any hero mission he had been on. There was nothing they couldn't overcome together. He just needed to remind Bakugo that he was still there for him, after all these years. And he always would be.