I frantically swiped at my head, desperately trying to rid my hair of the nasty, trashy bug. I felt it scurrying around my scalp, narrowly evading every attack I threw as if it were unable to be struck at all. Still, I thrashed around, loudly stomping and screaming throughout the hallway. As I struggled, two loud bangs reverberated through the hallway, it's source behind the walls to Lorelai's room.
"Would you kindly SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!" Lore shrieked from her room, halting our struggle. "I'M NOT 'BOUT TO KEEP WAKING UP TO THIS BULLSHIT!!!"
The roach and I lie stunned, a subconscious truce seeming to be made in that moment with my hands still gripping the grey strands of hair. However, it was short-lived, a much quieter scuffle ensuing, leaving the solemn taste of defeat in my mouth as I dragged myself into bed, sleeping through the night.
///
My mind's eye opened to the void once more, a cold, senseless nothing. The sensation of the space returned as if it were fresh, and I remembered the feeling all too well. Still, I couldn't stand feeling so empty and bare.
Without feeling, without memory, without thought, yet aware-- it made no sense whatsoever. Just being fed the same nonsense as before, as if someone was trying to tell me to make sense of it. To hell with that idea. These visions meant nothing to me, and that they would remain, a fleeting blink of a memory the second I would awake from this purgatory brought about by my own consciousness.
Eventually, the rambling noise went silent again, and I felt the bliss of sensation again, reality slowly forming before my eyes the same way they had a week ago. Once again, the space inside my mind caused me to yearn for answers-- what was happening to me? Was my mind truly trying to tell me something? Was there something wrong with my body or mind?
I slowly rose from my laying position, trying to make heads or tails of the occurrence, something I failed to do the last time. I'd ignored it then, but having had it happen again, it would be impossible to not take notice.
A repeat of that dream that left me with no sense of self altogether... there had to be some meaning behind it.
I grabbed my phone from the drawer beside my bed, my curiosity directing my search thoroughly and deliberately.
///
The humming of the truck's engine massaged my body throughout as I sat in the passenger seat of Baun's bread and butter, sitting there as we waited for Nicky to arrive. School was over, and again, I was left with a bad taste in my mouth throughout the day, Tora nowhere to be found. Obnoxious is one thing, but absent, on repeat offenses, was out of Tora's vocabulary.
Although I probably knew Tora the least out of our friend group, this was an accepted fact by most of the school, as we both received special recognition for failing to be absent for a single day for 7 YEARS counting middle school.
Her parents didn't care whether she'd flew in from a planet that had mouth herpes for air-- she was going to school. I remember seeing glimpses of her in such a state-- not herpes-- and now that I think about it, I feel bad for her, something I didn't take into account often. As the thought passed my mind, I realized how I'd very quickly started opening up to her, possibly since we'd spent so much time together already.
A week of almost nothing but seeing her, yet I still knew nothing about her.
I looked to my side, my ears finally tuning back into reality. That reality happened to be a country radio station. Baun sat silently, listening to the music without so much as a twitch. It was clear he was zoned out, but I had something to ask, testing to intrude a bit.
"Hey Baun..." I said, barely hearing myself as the radio overpowered the sound. "Baun!"
Baun jumped a bit, startled. He blinked rapidly and cut the music, looking at me with surprise littered on his face.
"W-What's up." He stammered, his breathing able to be heard from where I sat.
"Sorry, bro." I apologized. "Something's been on my mind for a minute."
Suddenly, Baun fixed himself into his seat again, readying himself to listen. He looked at me intently, with eyes ready to understand.
"Shoot. I'm all ears." He leaned against the door, facing me.
"Have you noticed anything different with Tora lately?" I mustered, thinking I knew his response.
"A little, yeah." He nodded. "Why, what's up?"
I didn't expect that answer, and I paused, thinking of my response.
"She's just been... different." I was unsure of what I was trying to say. "I used to think we'd never get along."
"Weird." Baun pondered.
"Weird?" I challenged.
"I say weird because I always thought she made an effort to talk to you all the time. She even invited you to her house all the way in Princeton once."
"Yeah, but... I don't know what I'm trying to say, but last Friday, I was going to invite her to the party, but she stormed off."
"I think I get what you mean, now. I did notice she hasn't been to school this week, but besides the absences, I wouldn't say she's too different from always. She's been talking to you a lot more lately is all I'd say."
"You think she's been avoiding me... or school?"
"Heh." He chuckled. "I think you're looking way too deep into this. She doesn't hate you or nothing, and I think she's been liking school even more lately..."
Baun pulled out his phone, touching the screen then looking at me.
"You can call her if you want, Am." Baun said. "She'd probably be happy to hear from you."
My eyebrow raised.
"I--uh... I didn't know she even had a phone." I said, confused. "Doesn't she live out in the middle of nowhere with no cell service?"
"Well, she might not have phones like ours, but she's got a phone." Baun took my phone off the dash and handed it to me. "Here, I'll give you her number."
"Oh--uh... Ok." I unlocked my phone, putting the number he showed me in my contacts.
As soon as I put the last number in, the back door flew open, and Nicky climbed in, screaming as if she were drunk.
"I don't wanna be behind this loser, baby." She yelled. "Can't you put him out back like yesterday?"
Baun couldn't help but smile, but he didn't entertain the thought, slowly backing out of the parking space. Nicky kicked at my seat repeatedly throughout the ride, forcing me to bounce back and forth as Baun brought us both home.