There's a widely common misconception that we can't always remember our dreams vividly, which mostly turns out to be true. But not this time.
Ever since I had the weirdest nightmare ever, I have constantly been haunted by it both during the day and at night. My only escape was socializing with my newfound friends, which I soon found out to be no less of a prison itself.
"Hey, Fresh blood, it's your turn," Michael said.
Ever since the Truth or Dare incident, Michael and I had become quite acquainted. That doesn't mean we had become friends, but at least we acknowledge each other's existence.
All was going well until Jeffrey thought it would be wise to open his mouth and empty his already scanty brain.
"What do guys think of that Tommyrella dude?" Jeff asked all of us.
"Who??" Michael asked curiously.
"That Instagram Influencer dude who likes dressing up as a girl and acting like he is gay."
"Oh, that idiot. I don't understand why a man would stoop so low as to dress up as a girl and act like he is gay just for fame and clout," Michael answered with anger and disgust.
"I don't think he is acting like he is gay, I think he is actually gay," Jeffrey said, expanding the conversation.
"Yeah, true, because no man with a functioning brain would want to pretend to be gay in a country like ours," Israel said.
I honestly wished he didn't. The fact that he did meant he too had a problem with homosexuality, and for some reason, it hurt me in the chest.
"True. Fresh blood, what do you think about that lunatic?" Michael asked, shifting the conversation I tried so hard not to get involved in over to me.
"Me?" I said, pointing my hand to my chest, unsure if he was referring to me.
But, of course, I was the only fresher in their midst, and Michael always called me that. At this point, I wasn't even sure if he knew my real name.
"No, I'm talking to your shadow," he answered rudely and sarcastically.
Personally, I wasn't a big fan of Tommyrella, the African Cinderella... actually, I hated him point blank. But it wasn't because he was gay; that would have been really petty and stupid of me, given that I was in the same shoes. I hated the Tommyrella dude because he was up there on Instagram without a care in the world, acting like he is gay. No one knew for sure if he really was, but personally, I don't think he is in fact, gay.
I don't think any African gay man, especially a Nigerian one, would publicly come out of the closet, not when there are laws that forbid it. And the whole dressing up in female clothing sent monday morning migraines rushing through my brain, even on a breezy Friday evening. He made it seem like African gay men loved dressing in female clothing, which we clearly don't, at least not all of us. Although I was sure I wasn't totally gay, Tommyrella painted a false image of what African gay men are like, and that's definitely worth hating him for.
"Hello, Daniel to Earth, do you copy? Please tell me you aren't going to run out of the class again," Jeff said mockingly, causing a general outburst of laughter.
"Oh yeah, you were saying?"
"Michael asked you what you thought about the Tommyrella dude, and you immediately spaced out like you had seen a ghost."
"Oh yeah, I don't like the Tommyrella dude. That guy is disgusting."
"That's what I thought. Fresh blood here is legit homophobic," Michael said in a tone that sounded like he was proud of me for being homophobic.
For some reason, I felt rotten inside of me. I had just denied my own kind. If I couldn't defend a fellow African gay man, who could?
Someday it might be my turn to need someone to stand up for me, and I could bet my left pinky that there would be no one to do so. Even I would not stand up for me. That was just the sad reality of our fate as African gay or bisexual men.
Suddenly, I felt a light tap on my shoulder. It was Sophie. After the whole Truth or Dare scenario, Sophie and I became friends. Not just the acquainted kind of friendship, but the kind where we took long walks together and spent hours talking. It was weird because we had very little in common, but somehow we made it work.
"Hey, Daniel, want to take a stroll?" Sophie asked.
Shocked and surprised, I replied, "Wait a minute, wait a damn minute. When did all this start?"
"Yes, true, and how does this Fresh blood get to hang out with the hottest girl in our set?" Michael chimed in.
"Maybe because he is not just the finest guy in our set, but also the calmest and the most sensible," Sophie replied.
"Ouch, that hurt... Come on, Danny-boy, you're not seriously going to pick her over us. What happened to 'bros before...'?" Israel knew better than to complete his statement. If he did, Sophie would most definitely unalive him in a matter of seconds.
"Besides, we are having a serious and interesting conversation. Do you really want to ditch us for a stroll with her?" Jeffrey said.
"You bet I am, without a doubt in my mind," I said.
At first, I wasn't sure if I wanted to go with Sophie. But what Jeffrey said reminded me that I would do just about anything to get out of that weird and cringe conversation.
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As Sophie and I walked around the classroom area, my mind was completely zoned out, lost in thought. This time it wasn't about the dream; it was something a bit more unsettling.
"Daniel."
"Yes?"
"Wow, so I have been talking to an empty shell for more than 10 minutes," she said with a mildly angry tone.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to..."
"I bet you didn't."
"So, what were you saying?"
"Obviously something not as important as what you were thinking about."
"Oh, it's nothing. I was just thinking about what me and the guys were talking about."
"Oh, so it was indeed an important and interesting conversation."
"No, not really."
"I don't even want to hear about it so I don't start
thinking like an old man like you."
We both laughed and continued our merry walk.
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A while later, when I got back to the class, I started packing my things, getting ready to leave. The bell had rung, and I didn't want to be late for the dining hall.
As I began to arrange my bag, I noticed a neatly folded pink paper inside it. I was sure I didn't leave it there. Out of curiosity, I opened it.
["I wish I could tell you how I feel, but I'm just afraid of what your response would be.
I want to tell you how you are the only one I think about all day and night, how I dream about us one day being together.
How I get jealous whenever I see someone flirting with you.
How when you smile, I smile. How you brighten my day when I see you.
How I notice everything you do.
How you help me see who I am, how you are the one that made me change who I used to be.
How, Daniel, I love you secretly.
Your secret admirer."]
Oh my Godzilla, it was a love letter.
But who could it be from? The possibility of who the letter was from sent fear running through my spine. Yet again, another mystery ready to unfold.