Harry's mouth tasted like a men's room floor and his head felt like it had been used as an anvil by a town full of blacksmiths.
Groaning in pain, he forced himself to stand up and immediately regretted it. Taking a few stumbling steps towards the door, Harry managed to find his way out of the building where he had awoken.
Harry spent several minutes stumbling through the streets before a cab driver took pity on him and pulled over.
"You look like you need a ride somewhere," the driver smirked.
"Yeah," Harry agreed. "Just take me anywhere that I can catch a ride to Vienna."
"Heh, you got it." The cabby watched his customer through his rear view mirror, "rough night?"
"You could say that," Harry agreed. "I just wish I remembered what happened after my tenth drink."
"We've all had nights like that," the cab driver sympathized. "Just close your eyes and I'll wake you when we get where we're going."
"Thank you." Harry nodded, taking the cab driver's advice.
Took Harry several agonizing hours to get back to his Hotel, and when he arrived he found one of two Magical Law Enforcement Agents that had escorted him to Salzburg waiting for him.
"Good day Mr. Black," the Agent smiled. "How are you today?"
"Bit tired," Harry gave a tight lipped grin. "I had a rather . . . eventful night."
"I'm sure," the Agent smiled. "I came by to give you an invitation to tour the National Headquarters for Magical Law Enforcement, can I tell my superior's that you accept."
"One second," Harry glanced down at his watch. "Can you come back in a few hours? I really need a chance to get some rest first."
"Of course," the Agent nodded. "I'll be waiting in the lobby in three hours."
Harry glanced down at his watch, "four would be better."
"Yes sir," the man agreed."I'll be back in four hours to get you."
"Fine," Harry nodded. "Good bye."
"Goodbye Mr. Black," the Agent replied before disappearing with a pop.
Harry groaned as he shambled his way towards the elevator, sleep and a handful of pain killers awaited.
IIIIIIIIII
"Is everything ready?" The Dark Lord asked in a dangerously calm tone.
"We're just waiting for the portkeys to be finished, my Lord." The death eater simpered, "as soon as it's ready then we'll be able to strike."
"Excellent," the Dark Lord purred. "Black will soon draw his last breath."
"Yes Master," the flunky agreed.
"CRUCIO, Bwahahahahahahahahaha." The Dark Lord grinned, he loved his life.
IIIIIIIIII
Harry awoke and spent several minutes staring at the ceiling before he managed to gather up the motivation required to get out of bed. Stumbling around his room, he managed to dress himself and was soon on his way to his meeting in the lobby.
"Are you ready to go Mr. Black?" The agent asked as Harry stepped off the elevator.
"Yeah," Harry nodded. "You got a portkey?"
"Right here sir." The agent nodded, holding out a piece of paper. "And it should go off in three, two, one."
"Is this the place?" Harry asked, mentally noting that hangovers made travel by portkey a lot more . . . exciting than was normally the case.
"Yes sir," the agent nodded. "We're currently in the lobby of the main headquarters building."
"Nice," Harry nodded as he examined the wards. "They look fairly comprehensive, I wouldn't want to try to get through those after they've been completed."
"After they've been completed sir?" The agent asked with a look of confusion.
"Hmm," Harry didn't bother to halt his examination. "Oh, the wards. The completed sections look like they would provide a lot of protection, the incomplete sections look like they wouldn't stop a group of determined first years. I must admit that the quick patches that you've thrown over them look fairly impressive, doubt most people would notice that they weren't more than cosmetic."
"I see sir," the agent laughed nervously. "How did you notice that the patches were ineffective?"
"Wrong color," Harry shook his head. "They stood out like a sore thumb, bet it's difficult to spot them in black and white though."
"Yes sir," the agent agreed. "Almost impossible."
"Thanks for allowing me the time to look at this," Harry motioned towards the building. "What's next on the agenda?"
"Um," the agent took a moment to reboot his thought processes. "A tour of the holding areas sir."
"Could we hold that off until I get a bit of food?" Harry glanced down at his watch, "or some coffee?"
"Of course sir," the agent nodded. "Would you be willing to eat at the on-site cantina?"
"Sure," Harry nodded. "Sorry to put you through so much trouble, but I haven't eaten anything today and I just realized how hungry I am."
"As I said before, it is not a problem sir." The agent smiled reassuringly, "right this way sir."
Harry followed the other man through a dizzying array of passages until finally they reached their destination.
"I'm afraid that we don't have much available right now," the agent frowned. "But I'm sure that we can find something."
"Anything is fine," Harry nodded. "I just gotta get something in my stomach."
"Then wait here," the agent motioned towards a table. "And I'll go talk to the cooks."
"Thank you," Harry sat down.
"It's not a problem sir." The agent nodded, before rushing off, returning a few minutes later with a sandwich and a couple cups of coffee.
"Thanks," Harry nodded, reaching for a sandwich.
"As I was saying before," the agent began. "Our holding areas are state of the art, each one comes equipped with magic dampening fields, high gravity, and one way wards."
"How do they work?" Harry asked, making polite conversation.
"The magic dampening fields are self explanatory, but we've managed to include some improvements that you might not be aware of." The agent said enthusiastically, "we've constructed them so that their drain will render all forms of magical transportation ineffective. The high gravity or HG will make it difficult for them to move and we hope that it will also have a negative effect on magic. Finally, the one way wards will allow people to enter but will prevent them from leaving. We included that so that we can lose the dampening fields and still not have to worry about a mass escape."
"Fascinating," Harry tried and failed to feign interest.
"When would you like to see the holding areas Mr. Black?" The agent asked taking a sip of coffee.
Harry looked down at his half eaten sandwich, the talk about the prison had killed his appetite. "Now is fine."
"Then let's go sir," the agent jumped up and took Harry through another maze of passages.
"Is there some reason that you chose to use traditional bars?" Harry asked with a bored expression as he stared into the cell.
"Is there another way to do things sir?" The agent asked eagerly.
"I don't know," Harry shrugged, "I suppose you could use some sort of unbreakable glass or . . ." Harry blinked in shock at the dozen death eaters that had just ported into one of the empty cells.
"DIE BLACK," a dull orange light shot out of one of the death eater's wands and dissipated only centimeters in front of Harry's nose.
"Wow, you guys are good." Harry smirked at the trapped Death Eaters, "though you might want to tell your men to take their wands before you put them into their cell next time."
"Yes sir," the agent nodded weakly.
"Don't think I don't appreciate the demonstration you decided to hold for me," Harry laughed. "Now I know why you wanted me to inspect the holding cells so badly. I love the way you had these 'death eaters' port in at just the right moment and cast a spell at me that just happened to dissipate, effectively showing how effective your new wards are."
"Yes sir," the agent nodded dumbly.
"Do you do this for all the tours?" Harry smiled, "if not then thanks for going all out and doing it for me. Gosh, this is great."
"If you say so sir," the agent nodded. "Could you wait outside for a moment?"
"Of course," Harry nodded. "Again, great show, pass my compliments to your boss."
"I will sir," the agent nodded. "I will."
Harry smiled as he left the room, getting a few Aurors to dress up like death eaters and port in at just the right moment was sheer genius. It really showed the effectiveness of the wards and it really made one feel special to think that they had gone to all that trouble just to make their tour feel special.
The Austrian Law Enforcement Agent stared dumbly for several more seconds before he pulled out his new lighter and called his boss.
"What is it?" The grumpy voice of the Head of Magical Law Enforcement asked. "I was up all night dealing with the investigation of the wards around IT, so it had better be important."
"Several Death Eaters just ported into the new holding cells sir," the agent resisted the urge to giggle nervously. "Mr. Black wanted me to send along his thanks for such a memorable demonstration of the new ward's effectiveness."
"WHAT?" The Chief's voice asked, no longer showing any fatigue. "If this is a joke . . ."
"I think it might be sir," the agent giggled nervously. "But not the part about having a group of death eaters port in, that's real."
"I see," the Chief took a deep breath. "They said that Black had an odd sense of humor, I have a team on the way. Take Black on the rest of the tour and don't let him have the satisfaction of showing any more surprise, reacting to his little pranks will only encourage him to do more of them . . . and I'm not sure if we could survive more of Black's little jokes."
"Yes sir," the agent nodded dumbly. "I'll go show Black the firing range next."
"You do that," the Chief agreed. "I'm out."
The agent carefully replaced his lighter in its hidden pocket and walked out the room to meet the still grinning Mr. Black.
"Would you like to see the firing range now sir?" The agent asked, managing to regain his professionalism.
"Sure," Harry nodded. "Let's go."
"Right this way sir," the agent started walking. "The firing range allows us to practice the more . . . destructive spells in our inventory without causing any accidental damage. The back wall is composed of several Iron sheets and nearly three feet of stone. As an added precaution, it has also been charmed for toughness and to self repair."
"Sounds interesting," Harry nodded. "How often do you practice?"
"Department policy states that field personnel must practice weekly, and in the case of our more 'elite' sections daily. While deck workers must practice monthly or bi-monthly. In practice, most people head in for an hour of practice before or after work everyday. You'd be surprised at how relaxing it is to blow large things into small chunks."
"Sounds great," Harry nodded in agreement.
"It is," the agent nodded. "And here we are, would you care to test it out?"
"I'd love to," Harry nodded. "What do I do?"
"Stand on the yellow line," the man indicated a line that bisected the large room. "And call, target. A large chunk of stone will come out of the floor, if you prefer wood then call, wood target, and if you want to test your accuracy then call out bullseye."
"That's all?" Harry asked, walking towards the line.
"That's all," The agent confirmed, "have fun."
"What spell should I use?" Harry smiled, pulling out his snub nosed wand.
"How about something powerful?" The agent suggested, wanting to see just what kind of spells Mr. Black could use. "Interesting wand."
"A friend of mine made it for me," Harry commented as he searched his mind for the right spell to start out with. "It measures .38 inches in diameter, and it's very special."
"I imagine, bit smaller than normal though." The agent nodded. "Does its size affect its pow . . ." the agent trailed off as a massive black sphere shot out of the tip of the wand and obliterated the target, and a good section of the wall behind it. "What was that?"
"Hmm?" Harry turned his head, "just a bit of Russian battle magic. What it lacks in finesse, it makes up for in sheer destruction."
"I see," the agent struggled to keep his composure. "Interesting spell, would you like to move on to the last part of the tour or would you like to get in a bit more practice?"
"Might as well move on," Harry shrugged. "Though it was great to use your firing range, I'll have to get one of my own someday."
"Quite." The agent smiled, he was starting to understand Black's sense of humor. "The last section is the memorial wall, it has the name of every agent that has lost their life while on duty."
"I see," Harry nodded, becoming solemn. "Let me go pay my respects and then we can go back to my hotel, I don't think I'll be in the mood to talk after seeing that."
"I understand," the agent nodded. "The wall is right this way."
Harry spent several minutes staring at the names and wondering if there might be something similar in Britain that he might be able to look at, "may they rest in peace."
"Absent companions," the agent agreed, handing Harry a bit of string. "It will activate when you say the word 'hotel.' It was a pleasure having you here Mr. Black."
"It was a pleasure coming," Harry nodded. "Hotel."
Harry arrived in the lobby of his hotel and immediately walked into the elevator. After pressing the button for his floor, he closed his eyes and began to wait. Moments before reaching his floor, he heard a faint sound that sounded suspiciously like 'dieeeeeeee.' Opening his eyes, he looked around the closed suspiciously and assured himself that he was still alone and it had all been his imagination.
Below him, the second group of death eaters had fallen to their death in the elevator shaft. They would not be found until the smell alerted the authorities that something was wrong.
IIIIIIIIII
"Report," the Chief of Magical Law Enforcement ordered.
"Yes sir," the agent that had escorted Harry around the building agreed. "When Black arrived, he asked about the wards and commented that there were several holes in them that would allow entry by even half trained foes. I offered to show him the prison and he declined, saying that he wanted to get something to eat first. We went to the cantina and chatted about some of the new advances that were made to the wards around the holding cells, Black checked his watch and suggested that we go see them. I might also note that Black's appetite vanished after looking at his watch and he left half of his sandwich. We went to the cells and a group of death eaters ported in, Black didn't even blink when one of them cast a spell at him."
"So it looks like he was expecting them," the Chief chuckled. "And if we asked him, I'm sure he'd note that it was such an odd coincidence that a group of half trained death eaters arrived right after he mentioned that our wards were so thin."
"Do you think he arranged to have them port in sir?" The agent asked with a look of shock.
"No," the older man shook his head. "Our questioning has shown that they were ordered to go on this mission by the Dark Tosser himself, I doubt that Black has the pull to arrange things like that. On the other hand, I find it very likely that he has spies in the ranks of the Death Eaters who told him the time that the attack was going to come."
"I understand sir," the agent nodded. "After that, we went to the firing range and Black vaporized one of the targets with an unknown spell. He mentioned that it was Russian Battle magic, but none of the identifying spells managed to get anything."
"What did they get?"
"Nothing sir," the agent shook his head. "And the forensics team that we sent in afterwards couldn't even find evidence that there had been any magic used."
"Interesting," the older man nodded. "Go on."
"After that, we visited the memorial to the fallen and Black left."
"I see," the older man nodded. "We really need to find a way to thank Black. I want a dozen teams sweeping my office and the minister's office for bugs."
"Yes sir, why sir?"
"I've been arguing with the Minister that we needed the funds to finish our wards for months," the old man snorted. "And he's been telling me that there was no need and that the temporary wards would have to do, he's also been wondering about the expense of the new cells and if we really even need them. Imagine the look on his face when I tell him that a team of Death Eaters managed to break through his 'good enough' wards and it was only the fact that Mr. Black happened to be there that they were subdued. I can't wait to add that the useless and expensive holding cells proved to be vital in the suppression and that if it weren't for them and Black, then a dozen blood thirsty dark wizards would be in the center of the Law Enforcement building with only a few clerks between them and the secure link to the Minister's office."
"You're going to tell him that they were after him?" The agent fought hard to suppress his laughter.
"I might hint that they were on an assassination mission and that Ministry policy prevented us from naming their intended target." The old man gave an evil grin, "sometimes I love my job."
IIIIIIIIII
"CRUCIO, CRUCIO, CRUCIO, CRUCIO, CRUCIOOOOOOOOO." The Dark Lord was not happy, and when the Dark Lord wasn't happy he tended to spread it around. "What do you mean the two teams we sent after Black have disappeared? CRUCIO."
"I'm sorry master," Wormtail wet himself again. "Black must have been too powerful."
"POWERFUL? I'LL SHOW HIM POWERFUL." The Dark Lord Screamed. "BELLA, take your husband and brother in law and show him what it means to anger the Dark Lord. I want him begging for death."
"Yes my Lord," the insane woman smiled. "Thy will be done."
IIIIIIIIII
Harry had about an hour lazing around his room when he decided to get something to drink. Grabbing a handful of loose change from the table next to his bed, he walked out of his room and down the hall to the drink machine.
Feeding several coins into the slot, he was rewarded with several cans of his favorite beverage. As he was walking away, he heard a terrible thumping sound from the machine behind him. Forcing himself not to turn around, Harry walked slowly back to his room and picked up his phone to call the front desk.
"Front Desk?" Harry kept his voice calm, "this is Black, I think there might be something wrong with the drink machine down the hall from my room. I heard it make a terrible sound after I got my drinks."
Hanging up the phone, Harry opened his drink and took a sip. Things were looking up, nothing strange had happened to him since he had come to Austria and the front desk had assured him that drink machines occasionally made odd noises, and that they would send someone to check on it anyway.
Down the hall, the drink machine continued to leak blood, the Lestranges were no more.
AN: IT is some nameless evil that won't affect the story thanks to the actions of Mr. Black. The idea for IT was that either some dark lord (or lady) in the past was so evil that they refused to say his name, or some sort of great Lovecraft Horror. I'm leaning towards the nameless horror. Someone mentioned that they expected to see the Law Enforcement Officers get annoyed by Black telling them how to do their jobs. Think of it this way, you're a high school athlete and an Olympic class athlete stops by your practice and gives you a couple tips. Are you annoyed that he's telling you how to do your job? If you're wondering, the coin that held the charm that allowed the death eaters to track Harry was used to buy soda. The Lestranges all ported into a small confined space, remember that the protkey was built by someone that wanted to kill Death Eaters and so it didn't have any of the safety charms that might be on a normal portkey.
Thanks go to everyone in my group for giving me a lot of ideas that are making their way into this fic.