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Philophobia-Because Of You

TiffanySafi
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Synopsis
I've enabled others in my being to interpret me. I put more significance on what they speculated about me and what I was worthy of obtaining than on what I thought about myself, not that it was of consequence. P H I L O P H O B I A I stride into the shower, the liquid running on its loftiest setting. As the scorching liquid hits my skin that's when I can finally inhale and exhale. I lower myself onto the shower bottom and nestle myself in my limbs. Simmering water scorches leaving burning trails along my skin, romping like pointed blades along my back. I let out a pained gripe. Not from the heat inevitably but from the traumas within my heart. The blistering liquid terrors my carcass, I beg for it to sting. To make me feel like humming but not even the flaming liquid can entice me because it's not my carcass that's apathetic. It's my sanity. I stride out of the shower and scour the reflector clean. I gaze at my now beet-ruddy carcass and I smile. A smile that can show you how dignified a person is of themselves. Grand of utterly not only annihilating themselves but also their sanity. P H I L O P H O B I A The first time it transpired they told me to linger and be strong, and I cried a pool of tears. The second time it transpired, they again told me to stay strong. But I couldn't, I couldn't stay strong. Not because I didn't want to but because I was tired. Tired of always being the one getting hurt in the end, tired of loving and not receiving it back, tired of always being the one to understand, tired of people controlling my life and telling me what to do, tired of always being sad, tired of being heartbroken, tired of the world. 2 am, no moan, no crack but a heavy heart, overthinking, and a lot of terror. This is how I live my life. And though every reasonable thing comes to a verge I still latch onto things as if they never will and for that, I fear my contentment always. The macrocosm coats me in bittersweet culmination and I scourge underneath my whiff for making me so vulnerable to adoring everything. My essence is made of recollections and sentiments from years ago and even if I say I've moved on, I am fibbing from my teeth. I am only made by other people, not myself. It was until then that I couldn't use slumber as an escape anymore because I kept wakening to ameliorate that same day. In another life, far from this wretched one, we are plopping in each other's arms, grinning and giggling. Replenishing the rooms with the noises of our laughter. But in this life, we are worlds apart, and the heart fails, the heartaches feel the rooms with the sound of my sobs. I then realized that it wasn't me that was tired, it was my soul. Maybe if I just closed my eyes and never woke up again. Would I still be tired? P H I L O P H O B I A It took me a man and a few others to comprehend that my probabilities don't exist on any planet. My probabilities were of embodiment and not tenderness. They only prevailed in stories, not in the real world.
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Chapter 1 - INTRODUCTION

DISCRIPTION•√

You know the saying money doesn't buy happiness? Well, that's true.

After her cleavage with her beau of five years, Areli lost interest in liaisons. Her heart was heavy yet she brandished her own. Shattered, she found vigor within anguish, she was seldom discerned wailing, and her smile hid her cracks. She was everything regaled like nothing. But she withstood, she always withstood.

🌹~ FOR ~‼💫

A beautiful girl with gorgeous eyes. A hidden world with hurt and lies.

~ Qoutes 'nd notes ~

Young woman, you will survive many near-deaths of your soul, but you must stand up, overcome your heart's wounds, rise from ashes, and go on with your life.

~Alexander vasiliu~

~•Broken girls blossom into warriors•~

•The minds journal•

You're stronger because you feel too much, love too much and you always give people the best parts of you. Even when you know they don't deserve it all.

~R.m.drake~

~Girl, you are not broken you're simply becoming~

•Beautiful mindset life•

It's not your fault sometimes brave women fall in love with cowards.

~Qoutes 'nd Notes.~

Your soul will soon bloom like a rose in the valley of flowers.

~ S.S ~

•DISCLAIMER ‼•

This story cannot be duplicated or sighted on a different site aside from WEBNOVEL without the Author's clearance. The story featured here will contain graphic violence, sexual content, and attempted suicide. DO NOT READ THIS STORY IF YOU'RE OFFENDED BY ANY OF THE ABOVE.

This story CAN NOT be revised or disseminated without the Author's prior authorization. No part of this publication may be imitated, relaid, or allotted in any form or by any means including photocopying, recording, or any other electronic or mechanical methods without the Author's prior written permission except in the case of brief citations epitomized in reviews and other non-commercial uses approved by copyright law.

~AUTHOR'S NOTE~

This is solely a work of imagination, Names, characters, places, events, locales, and incidents are either the products of the Author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any similarity to individuals existing or dead, or events is purely coincidental. Most of the places mentioned in this story are solely fictional and not real.

Please ignore all grammatical missteps as I am only human and missteps are liable to ensue.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED

©2022 by tiffanysafi