I'm a fool
only for you.
I have to let go of everything
of the past.
I have to get back up. I have to work again
Nobody can know how much you affect me, but I can't let it show
I can't let go.
I don't want to let go.
Some part of me still wants to hold on, hold on you, onto us, or at least what we once were.
I wish we would have what we once had back. That we still got the chance to get back to where we once were.
But I know we won't ever again. At least not in this lifetime. Even if I want to. Even if I try every possible method out there. We just can't work. we won't work. Not anymore. At least.
I still miss you dearly, but I can't let you destroy me like that ever again. I miss you every day, but sometimes i wish I wouldn't and could just forget you.
The memories are painful, but even then, forgetting you and the times we've spent together would have been way more painful.
When i saw you once again, not even recognising me, only everyone else but me.
I was beyond happy to see you again, but I couldn't let you see. Not like this.
You had someone else, maybe even someone better at your side now. Someone who would make you happier than you ever were and would have been with me. How could you move on so fast. When i can't?
Isn't it unfair?
Dont you misunderstand me I'm glad you live such a happy life, but what about me? What about our promises? What about the life we were supposed to live alongside each other ? Don't I deserve happiness, too? Am I doomed to live like this forever?
Am I too selfish? Do I don't deserve to be happy?
I gave you my whole love,my everything, time, and thought. I'd even would have given you my life just so that you could have a fulfilled life, just so you could be happy if you'd asked.
But you suddenly just left everything behind, you left me, you had left us rot in hell..without even thinking about it twice, you just did it. Haven't I given you enough?
You said you did it for me, for us. That we won't be happy like this. You said there may be another chance for us in the future.
Why would you do that? Why would you give me the slightest bit of Hope just to crush everything just mere seconds after. When you didn't even seem to care the smallest bit about me.
Why are you with them now? Why not me? Am I that bad? Am I that inferior to him? Was the time with me really so bad?
I want to grieve you and our time, want to cry, scream, and beg you to come back,back to me and us. I want to run to you. I want to be able to hug you again, to laugh with you again. To spend time with you again but I can't do that.
Especially not anymore. We have gone separate ways. Forever. And that should be good, but sometimes it doesn't feel that way.
The past is hard to let go. You are hard to let go of. But for the sake of my happiness and your guilt, I have to. At least try to. I mean, why would you even care, but I really hope you still do.
But then again, why are you still so nice to me when you don't seem to care? Said I could come to you whenever I need to, said you would always be there for me. Then why aren't you here now? Now, when I need you the most.
Do you even care? Do you miss me even if it's only a little bit? Did it not hurt you to leave me behind? I mean, I'm not that important, but I thought I had been at least a bit important to you.
But anyway, it doesn't matter anymore. You don't need me anymore. You finally live the life you deserve. And I?
I have to function, function as a Clan Leader, as an uncle, and as a role model and so much more. I can't show or let my feelings get the best of me. I have to control them. I have to work, if I don't what will the people who dote on me think and do?
Forgive me, Jiang Cheng. You have to be strong for yourself.
I have to be strong. I have to stay strong for A-Ling.
Brother, why did you do this? You destroyed me.
Are you happy now?
I know you are, and that's what's the most important to me. More than my own happiness.
at least we'd spent some chapters alongside each other.
I will forever miss you dearly, brother.