TW: mentions of suicide
At the hospital they sat in a room. For the first time in forever, embracing one another. Mike and Laura had barely spoken any words. They couldn't speak, they couldn't think, they hadn't even eaten and it was 6pm. The doctor explained everything to them, though it was pretty clear what had happened. They did the same with Camille's body as they did with her grandmother. She was placed in a private room in the morgue area, where parents and family could come to see her body. To grieve.
Mike and Laura had gone down. And about 30 minutes later she called Dean's mother.
Samantha answered, feeling weird that she got a call from Laura.
Laura's voice sounded hoarse.
"Hello?"
"Hi Samantha this is Laura.... is Dean home."
"Not at the moment, is everything okay." The worry inside her grew.
"No, it's not, and I don't even know how to say this, and I can't believe I'm saying this.... but.... Camille has passed."
Samantha covered her mouth.
"What."
"Camille is dead... we found her this morning.... I found her.... she hung herself.... she's gone."
Samantha sat down. She couldn't even believe what she was hearing.
"Can you please tell Dean, he deserves to know.. right away that is, and I'm so sorry for the pain this will cause him.. I'm still trying to process, but the doctors have let it be so that any family, or anyone close, can come and see her..."
Samantha nodded, tears in her eyes, her breath hitching.
"Yes I will tell him right away, and Laura I am so terribly sorry, my heart is aching right now, she wasn't mine biologically, but she became like a daughter to me... and I can only imagine my pain is an ounce of the pain you are feeling right now."
Laura said thank you and the phone was hung up.
Samantha called Dean.
Her voice nearly breaking. She knew he'd be able to hear it shaking.
"Hello mom."
Dean.... you need to come home now... I have terrible news and it cannot be said over the phone."
Dean felt his stomach twist... he didn't know what happened, but something bad happened.
When he got home he walked in, the atmosphere felt strange. His mother and his sister were both crying, the both of them sitting on the couch.
His mother got up and hugged him tightly. He hugged her back, still feeling sick, as he had no idea what happened, but it was something bad.
"Dean sit down."
He sat on the couch and she sat down next to him.
She held his hands.
"Dean... now I want you to know... I am here for you... "
"Yeah mom, always, I know, what happened...."
She held back a sob and took a deep breath.
"Camille's mother called me not too long ago... Dean... Cami passed. Laura told me they found her this morning.... she told me by the looks of it Camille took her own life... I'm so sorry baby..."
Dean sat frozen.
"What."
He whispered.
His mother hugged him once again.
"We have to go, to the hospital... we have to go."
Dean felt like a zombie. Moving slowly. No feeling.
They were led down to the room. Mike and Laura were already in there when Dean and his mother and sister entered.
As soon as he saw her laying on that metal table... it all became real, and too much for him to handle.
He whimpered.
"Aww no. no. nooo."
He began to cry.
"No baby, no."
He touched her face and caressed her hair.
And when he held her hand it was ice cold.
"No Camille! Why!"
He bent down next to her. He wanted to see her move, he wanted to see her eyes open. He hoped it was a sick joke and that they'd all start laughing and Camille would sit up and tell him sorry.
But that didn't happen. She stayed laying there cold and unmoving on that metal table. The world spun for Dean. And his chest ached so much. And he fell onto the ground losing consciousness.
When he woke up he was in a appointment room, and empty one and his mom sat in the chair to the side waiting for him to wake up. A nurse had come in not too long before and said he was okay healthwise, it was just from the shock.
Samantha took Dean home. She tried to get him to eat but he wouldn't. He had no appetite. He had no feeling. He sat dazed.
Samantha got another call.
"Dean..."
No answer.
"Dean"
"Dean!"
He snapped out of it.
"Ah, sorry mom."
"No sweetie it's okay, Camille's parents asked you to stop by, they said they have something for you."
Dean immediately ran out the door and hopped into his car. He pulled up shortly after. Laura stood outside.
She held an envelope.
"I didn't read it, but your name is on the back, so I'm guessing she left this for you...."
Dean took it. He stared at it.
"I know Camille probably told you that I wasn't the best mother... infact I wasn't a good mother at all... I let my pain blind me... and I took it out on her, and I said horrible things to her.... horrible horrible things to her... infact it's probably my fault this happened... and I" Her voice broke.
"I'd give anything to tell her I'm sorry.... so don't be too hurt... and don't feel guilty either... I can assure you that this had nothing to do with you... the adults in her life... her father and I... we are the ones responsible..."
Dean nodded and got back into his truck before pulling away.
When he got home he went up to his room, he closed his door and then sat on his bed. He opened up the envelope.
~Hi Dean, If I actually did it... if I actually went through with it... then I'm gone now... I'm sorry, I never wanted to cause you any pain... but I just couldn't take it any longer... I felt like I had no one on my side... and I know you were there for me, you were, you were and are absolutely amazing... I just didn't want to burden you with the problems I had, the trauma and the baggage I carried... but that wasn't the only reason so don't blame yourself... I know you tried so hard to make me happy, and you did, but honestly that wasn't enough. the truth is I've been miserable for a very long time now... I'm sure this would have happened even quicker if I had never met you... but please go on and continue life, don't miss me too much, don't be too hard on yourself, don't cry too much, find love again... take care of your mom the way you always do... continue making good memories... eat well, sleep well, do well in school, go to college, I know you can do it... you're valedictorian now... so congratulations... you've made me so proud... and please remember you did nothing wrong... and that I love you so much the last thing I thought was you.. you and how much I love you... so know I didn't go easily because I did this knowing it would hurt you, but it got to be too much... please always remember I love you... I love you Dean, and I always will... -Love Cami
The tears drops dropped onto the paper. and Dean quickly put it away. He sighed and put his head in his hands. It had been a rollercoaster of a day... and he couldn't believe she was gone... she was gone, and he could no longer have trivial conversations with her, he could no longer touch her, he couldn't kiss her, hug her, love her... he couldn't do any of that ever again... that is what hurt the most... she told him not to blame himself, so he was going to try... but he knew deep inside if he hadn't been so busy those past few days... if he had been spending time with her then it may have never happened.
But he couldn't change anything.
Camille's parents had called and notified the school.
Dean had been bumped up to the status of valedictorian... everyone would find out soon.
Her funeral was two days later... a lot of people attended. Dean helped carry the coffin. And he refused to make eye contact with anyone as he passed, he knew they were all pittying him.
He wanted to hug her one last time as he watched the casket be lowered into the ground.... He stayed to help bury it. She was buried right next to her grandmother.
Dean felt exhausted. His body, his mind. Everything felt tired.
He hadn't been to school in a few days. But graduation was in two days... so he had to go tomorrow and rehearse graduation.
When he walked in, it was like he could feel everyone staring at him, he put in his ear phones and connected them to his phone. He turned the music up loud enough that he couldn't hear anything around him. When they rehearsed he didn't speak to anyone.
And then bam the next day was graduation.
Dean showed up at Camille's house.
Laura answered the door.
"Hi Mrs. James... I wanted to ask if I could go up to her room.. she was writing her speech in her notebook... and I wanted to take some of her speech and put it in the last little bit of mine... I've already finished mine... it had been finished, but I revised it the day after everything happened and I wanted to add her to it... so that in a way she still got to graduate was with us..."
Laura nodded and let him in. He went into her room... it felt almost sacred.. especially knowing that's where they found her.
Dean turned his head towards the curtains... ~Thats where she was~ he thought.. a chill ran down his spine.
He found her back pack and got her notebook out. He flipped until he found her speech.
Taking the notebook with him, he thanked Laura again and then headed home.