The In-Between changed again, and we were standing in front of my old middle school. The sun wasn't out yet, and the sky was a mixture of gray and blue. A few stars were even scattered all over the horizon.
"It's… dawn?" Death looked around quizzically. "What are we doing in front of your school at this hour–"
He didn't even need to finish his sentence. Behind us, we heard a weary sigh. We both turned around to see a middle school me grasping the handle of a tote bag extremely tight. I was so visibly shaking. It was a miracle I could still walk around.
It was THE day. Valentine's Day.
'Everything must go according to plan!' I chanted repeatedly in my mind like a mad woman.
"Oh god, maybe you're right," I said to Death with a chuckle, covering my lips with my hand. "Who in their right mind would go to such lengths for a boy she only talked to once?"
"You were definitely cuckoo," Death agreed. "Who in their right mind would even commit suicide by fire when there were less excruciating ways to die?"
I rolled my eyes, and we watched as the younger me walked down the rows of lockers to find which one was Crash's.
I'd gone to school extra early that day to make sure nobody would see me, and after making sure I had the right locker, I slid a love letter inside.
It didn't look extraordinary and had the typical cliché look of a love letter: pink, vilely perfumed, and with a heart sticker on the front and back.
'I hope he reads it,' I had thought as I ran to hide.
Death and I waited and watched as the waves of middle schoolers flooded the school hallways. Numerous boys carried bouquets that cost much more than their regular lunch money, while girls excitedly held heart-shaped boxes covered in glitter wraps.
I waited impatiently, glaring at my watch as I willed Crash to arrive. It was almost first period when I saw him approach his locker, his face drained and his hair messy, like he had just been forced to leave bed and now regrets his entire life. Still, the younger me giggled at how adorable Crash was.
Beside me, Death grimaced. I only laughed out loud.
As Crash opened his locker, the love letter fell on the ground. Crash looked both confused and curious as he picked it up.
The younger me started jumping with delight; I had to hold my lips tightly to stifle the squeals of glee about to escape my mouth. It earned some curious looks from passersby, but I couldn't be bothered at the time.
Looking back at all this, though, it was odd that Crash didn't notice me jumping up and down. I was in the middle of the hallway, directly in his field of sight.
"Either he was sleepy, or his head contained only air," Death commented.
I frowned at him.
We continued watching as Crash started opening the letter. He paused for a moment, smelling the sweet-scented parchment before he read what was inside.
'Phase 2, complete!' we heard my younger self whisper aloud.
The letter wasn't as much of a confession as an invitation. I had asked Crash to meet me by the large tree in the schoolyard after our last class. I thought I did something original back then, but now it was as cliché as a middle schooler can get.
I had thought, "I'll confess to him with my chocolate, and all that's left is for him to accept!" And then I skipped like a child to my classroom, as if I was sure everything would go right.
***
I usually didn't notice the time, but that day, I obsessively took note of it. The day went by so quickly, either because I was busy daydreaming possible scenarios of how the confession would go or the classes were just so dull that everything escaped my attention.
"It could be both." Death shrugged.
"It could be both," I agreed.
The bell rang, and the students filed out of the room individually. Crash took his time to fix his bag but eventually left as well. I followed him after a minute, as I didn't want to be too obvious before he could see me at the meeting.
Death and I followed Young Evangeline to the courtyard. Crash was already standing under the large persimmon tree, holding the love letter in one hand.
He must've heard the footsteps because he quickly spun around and noticed me approaching. His face looked shocked—a bit disappointed even—and he awkwardly waved.
"Hey, Vermillion," he responded coolly. "I'm guessing it was you?"
I was probably the person he least expected to confess to him. As established, we only talked once: the day he asked for my help with that one recitation in history class.
He showed the letter to me, and I nodded shyly. I slowly walked closer to him, expensive chocolate in hand, and unceremoniously shoved it towards his face. I mustered all of my middle school courage for that moment, but god, it was so ill-thought-out.
[Phase 3 commencing now]
"Happy Valentine's, Crash!" I said in a small voice, sounding similar to a strangled rat. "Please accept this chocolate."
"Oh, wow!" But Crash didn't sound pleased at all. "Thanks, Vermillion. That's nice of you."
"Evangeline," I corrected.
"What?" He blinked.
"My name," I repeated. "You can call me Evangeline."
He laughed awkwardly before finally taking the gift from my hands. Then, my mind went as blank as a tabula rasa. A long and awkward silence followed.
He uneasily shifted his weight from one foot to another, scratching the back of his head with his free hand.
"Well, uh," he muttered. "Be seeing you, I guess."
"Huh?" The younger me exclaimed. "Oh no! Wait!" I'm not sure what came over me, but I grabbed his arm, surprising him.
"Huh? Um, is there anything else?"
"I…" I can already see the huge lump forming in my younger self's throat.
"I need to go, Ver–ah, right, Evangeline," He reasoned.
In the In-Between, I facepalmed. As an outsider, it's clear that Crash wanted a way out, but I was just too dumb to notice it.
Instead of letting him go, I took a deep breath and let everything out.
"I've liked you for a long time now. Will you please go out with me, Crash?"
Crash didn't say anything. Another wave of silence passed. From the sidelines, both Death and I were cringing badly. And I could barely even hold my head up.
Crash scratched the back of his head, probably trying his best to formulate a kind response.
"Thanks, Evangeline," he finally said. "I appreciate it."
Younger me's face paled. "There's a 'but', isn't there?" I asked tensely.
Crash nodded.
"But I'm sorry," he continued. "I already have a girlfriend."
"What?" I sounded a little louder than intended, maybe even angry.
"Yeah," he awkwardly replied.
"Oh." I was left dumbfounded and speechless.
"Well, thanks again for the chocolate." Crash turned his back and waved his hand. "Bye, Evangeline."
He then brisk-walked away, leaving me there alone and utterly gutted.
"And that was my first heartbreak."
"Tragic."
"Yeah." I ignored his sarcasm. "That time, I swore to myself, I'm never going to chase after guys anymore."
"Famous last words, Evangeline." Death laughed mirthlessly.