It all goes back about 1300 years ago, to the Asuka and Nara period in Japanese history. At that time I was the daughter of the Fujiwara family.
My father was always quite an admirable person and I had a high regard for him. So I was very excited when he told me that he was thinking of asking Princess Kaguya for her hand in marriage.
Because of the incomparable beauty of the princess, she had many suitors coming from all over Japan to ask for her hand. Many of these being princes or royalty.
Being only a child, I thought that my father had all the requirements to take her as his wife, but things were not like that....
In front of everyone, my father as well as other suitors was ridiculed by the princess for not being able to fulfill her "5 impossible requests".
I was filled with anger since then towards the moon princess and vowed revenge towards her.
I knew that I could not face her in a duel against Kaguya. Apart from belonging to a superior and powerful race, the princess was not capable of dying due to her immortality. So no matter how much damage she received, she was never going to die.
It was at that moment that I remembered that the princess had presented the emperor of Japan at that time with a sacred elixir made by the moon civilization.
But by the emperor's orders, the elixir was too dangerous to be kept on Earth, so he sent his men to burn the elixir on Mount Fuji.
On the day his men headed for the volcano, I began to follow them silently to try to steal the Elixir of the Hourai.
Being only a little girl, my body could not withstand the climb up the mountain and I fell exhausted halfway up.
That was when one of the men named Iwakasa noticed my presence and in surprise decided to take me with them so that I would not die there.
Once at the top of the volcano, the men tried to throw the elixir into the crater to finish him off. But something unexpected happened. The goddess of Mount Fuji's eruptions, Konohana-Sakurahime warned them that, if they threw the elixir, the volcano would begin a series of violent eruptions that would not end. That in return they could travel to Yatsugatake where her older sister, Iwanagahime, a goddess of immortality, was located. She told them to take the Elixir of Hourai with her and that the goddess would take care of it.
But the men did not listen and tried to burn it anyway.
What happened that night on Mount Fuji was not entirely clear to me. But the next morning all the emperor's men woke up dead. I think the goddess Sakurahime ended their lives for disobeying her orders.
Only the man who helped me up and I were left. Iwakasa took the elixir and decided to return without burning it.
This is when things turned as gray as volcano ash and my life was never the same again....
I became filled with greed and hatred. So much so that my senses were completely blinded and I did something unforgivable.
As we descended from the mountain, I took a stone and killed Iwakasa with my bare hands in order to take the elixir.
I ran to the top of the volcano again and with desperation and arrogance I drank from the Elixir of Hourai until there was not a single drop left.
The power behind the mysterious elixir was to grant immortality to the one who drank of it. Causing the soul to be bound so tightly to the body that no harm was capable of taking the victim's life.
One sip. My body begins to reject all physical change.
Two sips. I feel my body suffer in agony as I try to endure the pain.
Three sips. I lost the only thing that made me human and now I will suffer the consequences of a life full of hate and bitterness for eternity.
My eyes and nostrils began to leak blood. The pressure my body felt was unbearable. I felt the weight of guilt, hatred, revenge and the weight of chaining my soul forever to my body.
I stood up looking at the immortal smoke of the volcano with my heart covered in regret and anger.
After a while I returned to the village to my father.
He was very worried about me and I told him that I had only strayed into the forest, but that I was fine.
I lived with him for several years as a normal human, but something was out of place.
My father was getting older and older and I still looked like a child. I had not changed at all.
Years passed and my father died. I had no one to stay with, not a single family member to turn to. I was completely alone.
Since then, people in the village began to think of me as a freak. I had long snow-white hair, but my body did not age.
During my life after taking the elixir, I noticed that, if I got hurt, my wounds regenerated in a matter of seconds, so I could not die. However, I felt physical pain and fatigue.
The people in the village lynched me so that I would never return. I no longer belonged there.
That was how I spent 300 years in the outskirts living a life in complete solitude.
My immortal rage had taken control of me, to a point where I destroyed everything that crossed my path. The eternal flame of hatred that inhabited my heart began to reflect in my hands.
I developed the ability to create flames of fire so intense that they burned everything they touched. I had become a monster that roamed the woods like an urban legend. A vengeful spirit that no longer thought and lived only on revenge.
So I spent many more years traveling around Japan until I came across a very peculiar place.
Through a small, abandoned temple that was hidden among the mountains.
I had crossed a barrier through which I could not return to the outside world.
That was how I ended up in Gensokyo after hundreds of years.
I had found a place full of inhuman monsters like me, so I had no choice but to stay.
And this is where things got interesting.
While wandering around Gensokyo, I had discovered that the moon princess, Kaguya, never returned to the Lunar Capital, and instead stayed here on Earth.
My heart began to beat rapidly and my fists and hair were covered in powerful flames of fire.
It has already been over 300 years since we have been murdering each other every day without stopping. But with both of us being immortal, our bodies regenerate and everything becomes an endless loop of revenge.
I saw that no matter how many times I killed Kaguya hundreds of thousands of times, my desire was never satiated. I lost my only purpose in life and now I'm just a Hourai doll with an empty and lonely life. In which no matter how much the universe explodes, I will still be here watching my friends and acquaintances die. While I will remain the same as I was more than a thousand years ago....
I wanted to start having a more normal human life in Gensokyo, so I spent a lot of time in the Human Village helping others and guiding those who were lost in the great bamboo forest. Until I ran into you guys and things changed a bit.
"Ahhh... I think I told ya too much already. I hope I didn't bore you with my long story heh."
"Oh no no. Don't worry. I really didn't know you had gone through so much..." I replied somewhat crestfallen.
After hearing about Mokou's past, it's like I had taken a bitter dose of reality.
They say that when you think you are unlucky, there will always be someone who lived an even worse life. And I see that this is the case....
To think that I was complaining about my monotonous life makes me feel ungrateful. I have always lived only focusing on myself without giving the slightest importance to those around me, I really suck as a person.
I have spent all this time thinking only about how to get out of this place for my own benefit, but I have not thought about the wishes of those who, without asking for anything in return, are giving their best to help me...
Hina, Michu, Mokou are the real heroines, I do nothing but complicate things for them.
I think it's the first time I feel compassion and empathy for someone. And if they are giving their all so that I can return to the outside world, then I will make triple the effort to fulfill their dreams so that they don't have to worry so much about me. Unlike them I have no real ambitions in life, so... So I'm going to stop running away and not abandon my promise!
No matter how many times I get knocked down, as long as I stay alive I will face any threat that inhabits this land....
I am not special. I am a mere human with borrowed powers facing gods, but I will always look for a way to get through....
As the two of us looked forward to the bright full moon, I asked Mokou.
"What is your dream?"
Mokou is perplexed by the question. It was something she hadn't thought of in ages.
"My... dream..." she mumbled as she lowered her gaze. "I don't think it's something very interesting, but I wish I could give meaning to my absurdly long life. But don't worry haha, I don't think that will ever change." She said in a mocking tone.
"I see..."
"What about you Akumu, what's your dream?" Mokou asked curiously. "From what I understand, y'all humans in the outside world have dreams and ambitions, right?"
I took a couple of seconds to answer.
"To be honest, I never wanted to aspire to anything. I just used to live day by day and take everything for granted, as if things would never change... I didn't ask anything from life other than to finish with my studies and... I don't know, maybe form a life to keep working for the rest of my existence."
"Ever since I came to Gensokyo my only goal has been to free Michu so that she can see the outside world and so that I can return to my boring life."
"So you have a goal to get out of this place, huh?" replied Mokou. "Interesting."
"But at the same time I don't want to leave you guys behind..."
"Meh, don't worry. Monsters like us don't deserve the appreciation and company of others." Mokou said somewhat seriously.
"..."
Night had already fallen and it started to get a bit chilly.
"But oh well, I think we'd better head back now. I don't wanna catch a cold hehe." Mokou said. "And... thanks for listening to me, it's been a long time since I talked to anyone like this, and it really feels good."
"I'm glad to hear that." I replied with a smile. "It must be so sad to have so many years living and not being able to tell anyone anything."
As we walked back to Ei's temple, my mind kept wandering over a single question.
Do I really want to go back to my former life and leave all this behind?
I was not yet mentally mature enough to make these decisions from a point of view that I considered morally correct, but I couldn't help but not think about what a bad person I was.
Once he arrived at the temple, Mokou said with a yawn that she had better go to sleep. So she went to the room that Ei had prepared for us and went to bed.
I on the other hand, still didn't feel like sleeping, so I stayed in the main room looking out the window.
"My, why haven't you gone to sleep yet?" Said Ei behind me who was still awake.
"..." "To be honest, I'm still not sleepy. And I can't stop thinking about things that torment me a bit." I replied somewhat tiredly.
"It seems to me that you're overthinking things and you're seeing monsters where there aren't any." Ei said as he approached.
"..." "I don't know why I'm still alive and why it is that there are people who actually want to help me." "But despite that, I only have selfish thoughts and goals..."
Ei stops to think for a few seconds and smiles.
"If you haven't abandoned them, it's because you appreciate what they do for you." "Listen more to your heart and stop being so harsh to yourself. Enjoy the present with them and don't take their existence for granted. Today you have their company, but you don't know if tomorrow they will be there." Ei said as she rubbed my head with her hand.
"But well, better go to sleep now, tomorrow we'll start early with the training hehe."
"Okay..." I said already tired trying to resist sleep.
I headed to the room only to see that all three of them were already sound asleep. I couldn't help but let out a small smile.
I settled back on the futon and closed my eyes.
*****
The next morning, the first thing I heard first thing in the morning was a loud bell coming from outside.
The three of us jumped up in fright. Only Michu for some reason continued to sleep after such a thunderous noise.....
"Oh my, I see you guys are already awake hehe." Ei said as she opened the door to the room. "But how is it possible that she's still sleeping...."
I shook Michu a little to wake her up.
"Hey, it's already morning, we have to start with the training."
"Ah... what, it's already time for breakfast...?" She said, half-opening her eyes.
*****
After a few hours of intensive and barbaric training, Ei could conclude one thing.
And that is that none of the 4 of us are in physical condition....
"Hm... You're not doing TOO bad, but I can see they're not holding up very well..." Ei said somewhat disappointed.
"You have good danmaku mastery and know how to handle your skills decently, but that's not enough for you to win the tournament."
"I.... can't.... feel.... my..... legs...." I said exhausted as I lay down on the ground.
"Me... neither...." Michu said just as tired.
"You don't even have legs..."
"Despite my immortality... I still suffer from fatigue." Sighed Mokou.
"And I hardly ever leave the house..." Hina said lying on the floor dizzily.
Ei sighed heavily.
"This won't be an easy road. But if you really want to win, you'll have to persevere through this."
"For the time being let's go have lunch to get some rest."
At that Michu stood up suddenly.
"Is it time to eat already?" She said with sparkles in her eyes.
*****
It's been about 3 years since we arrived at Ei's temple. It hasn't been an easy road, but we've made a lot of progress compared to how we started.
The four of us have shown improvements in our physical power and overall control over our abilities.
Ei also explained to us the importance of coordinating as a team with our skills to perform better on the battlefield and not interfere with each other.
Hina has learned to resist more in combat and to control bad fortune in her favor to make very clever strategies.
Mokou now controls her fire flames better and gets less fatigued in combat.
Michu has been gaining a little more strength and control over it. So she is able to manipulate those mysterious gaps more easily.
And I've made progress too. I am now able to better control my electricity manipulation ability and I learned new moves, Spell Cards and somewhat strange skills like being able to use danmaku patterns from others. But I still don't quite understand what my power really is.
I've also grown up a bit and am now 18 years old.
I have to admit that the time here has really been something very precious to me....
Even though it hasn't been a long time, to me it feels like I've lived with them my whole life.
We even celebrated holydays such as traditional Japanese festivals and Christmas together with other residents of Gensokyo.
It's quite a lively place full of interesting people of all kinds.
I would really like to stay here....
As Michu and I have been connected for longer, he has been able to rescue some fragments of my memory over time.
But one of those memory fragments had a big impact on me.
With a lot of difficulty and effort, I finally managed to beat Michu in friendly combat. As much as her true powers are sealed, she is still way too strong for me.
She got up from the ground with a proud smile after losing the match.
"Heh... not bad."
"We haven't known each other for too long, but I can definitely tell you've improved a lot."
"Keep it up and you'll go far... Arno Winter..." Michu said smiling.
My... real... name...