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How to [Not]...

Menipoheru
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chs / week
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Synopsis
Ever wondered how modern witches cope with urban life? "How to [Not]..." is a collection of short stories that follows various witch girls as they navigate the challenges of city living, attending ordinary schools, and keeping their magical abilities a secret. Through a series of amusing accidents, these enchanting tales reveal the everyday struggles of young witches attempting to blend in with their non-magical peers.
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Chapter 1 - How to [Not] Turn Your Witchy Rivalry into a Cake-Off Disaster

— Hey, Zlata! We're short of players, get back!

— Na-a, sorry guys, I'm out. I'll leave the rest to you.

The Physical Education class was in full swing when I ditched the game, pretending tired. Though, the real reason was the opposite: I got bored. Witches are stronger and faster than humans, and I had to restrain myself to avoid unwanted attention.

I leaned against the gym wall, taking in the vibe of the bustling space. The gym was alive with the sound of squeaking sneakers and competitive chatter. Two courts, separated by a row of benches. The walls, adorned with banners showcasing the school's achievements…

My attention drifted towards the other court, where I couldn't help but notice Vlad. Every time he took a shot, it seemed like a magnetic force drew the ball toward the basket with amazing precision. His shots were fluid and effortless, as if they were magic. But if he used some spell, I'd have recognized it. And still, maybe a pro player would've been capable of such feats, but a high school student…

… And then it hit me… He was a Lost!

A Lost – a mage or magess unaware of their power.

I'd always known there was something special about Vlad. I mean, he was tall, athletic, and handsome, but this… How could I miss it?!

As I watched his deft handling of the basketball, I couldn't help but wonder how strong his magical power must've been to affect movement through raw magic alone. I myself could barely lift a feather without the aid of spells. I kept staring in disbelief, scolding myself for being so oblivious. I went to school with a magical prodigy, and it took me this long to notice.

The potential of his power sent shivers down my spine, and I knew immediately – it had to be mine. Excitement bubbled within me at the thought of harnessing Vlad's power for myself. I just had to make him fall for me, and then, with the [Soulbinding Rite] the power'd be mine. The only problem was that my witchy rival and classmate, Sofiä, had noticed him too. Darkness! Why did the only other witch in this school have to be in the same class as me?!

Sofiä's eyes were locked on Vlad, and I knew she wouldn't let this opportunity slip by either.

— He's quite a catch, isn't he? — she smirked, turning to me.

— I have no idea what you mean, — I smiled back, a cunning plan to win Vlad over already forming in my head.

In order to claim Vlad's power, I needed him to fall in love with me. Making someone fall in love is a simple task for a witch, but not when another witch is trying to achieve the same goal. I had to act fast and get close to him. Luckily, the next class was Home Economics, so all I needed to do was alter the memory of one of Vlad's group members, and voilà! Suddenly, I myself was Vlad's partner.

However, as I approached our workstation, I discovered Sofiä had beaten me to it. She was already there, skillfully flirting with Vlad, twirling a strand of her hair and laughing at his jokes. Vlad seemed perplexed by her sudden interest, but he was undeniably intrigued.

— Em-m, Zlata? — Vlad grew even more puzzled when he saw me. — Are you also in my group now?

I couldn't tamper with Vlad's memory, as he was too strong, but I could still play it off with confidence. He might just assume he had somehow missed the fact.

— Of course I am, — I replied, shooting a fierce glare at Sofiä, who simply grinned in response. — I've always been, did you forget?

— N-no, — he stammered, unsure of himself. — Of course not.

The Home Economics class began, and the room quickly filled with the sound of clattering pots and pans, along with the aroma of various culinary creations in progress.

As we worked on our assigned task of making cookies, Sofiä and I engaged in a fierce, covert battle. Both of us, as witches, were adept at cooking. Baking cookies was child's play for us; we could have done it blindfolded and handcuffed. So, instead of showing off our talents, we decided to sabotage each other's work with subtle, stealthy magic.

I cast a spell on Sofiä's measuring cup, causing it to overflow with flour.

— Sofiä, watch out! — Vlad exclaimed, as a cloud of white flour enveloped her.

— Oops, — I feigned innocence. — Her hand must have slipped.

Unwilling to yield, Sofiä responded by enchanting my cookie dough, causing it to expand uncontrollably. The dough threatened to take over the entire workstation, covering everything with its sticky mass.

Vlad couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

— You guys are hilarious! — he said, offering me his handkerchief to wipe the dough from my face.

It wasn't bad Vlad found my company amusing. However, for him to fall for me, he needed to see me as the perfect girl, a princess – not a clown. And with Sofiä around, my opportunities to show off myself were limited.

I knew I had to do something drastic to tip the scales in my favor. It stung to admit that Sofiä would never resort to such underhanded tactics; she was too good for that. But I couldn't let my pride stand in the way of victory. I was determined to win, no matter what it took.

When no one was looking, I discreetly pulled out the love potion I had with me. With a sly smile, I added a few drops to the cookies I had just finished baking. Once Vlad ate one, there would be no doubt about who had won his heart.

Feeling smug about my cunning plan, I poured myself a glass of juice to toast my imminent triumph. But as I raised the glass to my lips and took a swig…

— No! Zlata, don't!… — someone shouted with her mouth full.

I turned to see Sofiä, her eyes fixated on the juice in my hand. In her own hand, she held the remains of one of my cookies, having already taken a bite.

It took several seconds for what happened to sink in.

Sofiä put her love potion in the juice, just like I did in the cookies. But when?… I mean, why? She doesn't need it at all…

… She already looks like a goddess.

I felt my cheeks heating as I couldn't take my eyes off Sofiä. Her blond hair shone like gold. Her blue eyes sparkled with intelligence. She was beautiful and graceful.

— Your eyes… — I stammered, unable to look away. — … they're like dazzling blue diamonds.

Sofiä's cheeks blushed too.

— I wish they were emerald green, like yours, — she looked away, but kept stealing glances at me. — And your hair… shimmering like the night sky.

Vlad watched our awkward exchange, completely baffled.

— … Are you two okay?

I suddenly remembered my original goal – to win Vlad's heart. I had almost forgotten.

— Yea! — I exclaimed a little too loudly, tearing my gaze from Sofiä. — Mgm!… Y-yes, we're fine.

In a swift, secretive motion, I made the juice bottle disappear. Sofiä did the same with my cookies.

— Are we finished yet? — Vlad inquired, oblivious to our magical duel.

— Almost. But you know what? Forget those cookies! I'll make something even funnier! A 3-tier cake! With a figurine of Sofiä on top!

— Wha?!… — Sofiä blushed like a cherry. — M-mine will be 5-tier then! With Zlata on top… nude style!

Our battle started anew, but this time, Sofiä and I really worked hard. We still sneaked peeks at each other from time to time, and blushed whenever our shoulders touched accidentally. Wafts of sweet vanilla and buttery notes filled the air.

Sofiä, in her crisp white apron, adorned with colorful patterns, looked like an angel. Eventually, I could no longer look anywhere but at her. She looked at me too. As our attention drifted from baking, our utensils, all the whisks, spatulas, cups, plates, and spoons began to move on their own, measuring, whipping, and smearing, as if they suddenly were alive.

The unexpected magic show caused quite a commotion in the class. Well, either the show itself, or the sight of Sofiä and me, merged in a passionate kiss in its center.

Unable to ignore the latter, our teacher promptly kicked us out of class. All three of us – Vlad included.

Standing outside the classroom, Sofiä and I held hands, struggling to resist the love potion's influence, which urged us to embrace.

In reality, the situation was disastrous. We had failed to get Vlad's power, exposed our secret, and embarrassed ourselves in front of the classmates. If I could just bewitch Vlad, I'd resolve everything in an instant. But all I could concentrate on was the strawberry scent of Sofiä's hair. And judging by her tight grip, she was battling a similar distraction.

Vlad, clearly puzzled by what he had witnessed, was the first to break the silence.

— Those... flying plates? — he asked hesitantly. — Are you guys... espers too?

Espers? Where did that come from?

— You mean you're an esper? — Sofiä raised her eyebrows in surprise.

— Well, — Vlad scratched his head awkwardly. — I'm not as good as you two, but I can control a basketball with my mind.

He believes he's some kind of psychic? Gods! That's an urban legend; they don't even exist!

I glanced at Sofiä, and she couldn't help but chuckle. Unable to contain myself, I joined in, and we both erupted in laughter.

Vlad's expression turned into a frown, as if he thought he had said something stupid.

— Sorry, Vlad, — I managed to say, attempting to regain my composure. — It's just... we're not espers. We're witches. And you're a mage... And no, witches aren't female mages. Those are magesses.

— … W-what? — Vlad clapped his eyes at me.

— I suppose, — Sofiä chimed in, also calming down, — we owe you an explanation.

We proceeded to tell him the truth about Sofiä and me, as well as his own magical abilities. We described our attempts to harness his power and our ultimate failure to make him fall in love with either of us. Laughing at ourselves in front of him seemed fitting now, as we had given up on trying to seduce him.

Vlad's expression registered mild shock, and I couldn't tell if he believed our tale.

He fell silent for about a minute.

— … But… — he said at last. — I do love you.

It was our turn to clap our eyes at him now.

— … W-what? ×2

— I know, — he continued. — It's strange for a guy to love two girls, but I've admired you both for a long time. You're exceptional in sports and studies, yet you never brag about it. Instead, you try to conceal it to spare others' feelings.

He smiled awkwardly.

— I even used my powers to cheat in basketball, just to get your attention.

Well, you got it.

Sofiä and I exchanged glances, both considering the same thought: the [Soulbinding Rite] allows a witch to use the power of a mage that has feelings for her… But only one witch.

The first one claims it all.

Without hesitation, we rushed toward Vlad, grabbing him by his jacket and pressing him against the wall.

— Wow!… Hey!

He attempted to protest, but we didn't have time to explain. Even in our love-struck state, neither of us could let the other win. And… He said he loved us, didn't he? He can't complain.

We started chanting in unison, simultaneously drawing invisible runes on Vlad's chest and forehead. The space around us darkened, and the air trembled with the energy we had unleashed.

With the last line of our chanting, the only thing left to do was to seal the ritual with a kiss. We both clung to Vlad, standing on our tiptoes, and pressed our lips to his in an odd three-way kiss – if a teacher saw us now, they'd kick us out of school, not only class.

As our lips touched, a sudden surge of power enveloped me, and a warm, bright light filled the space. My hair stood on end, a tingling sensation coursed through my body, as energy pulsed within me like a rhythmic heartbeat…

Few minutes later, everything was settled. The classroom chaos – tidied; the witnesses' memories – erased. With Vlad's power it was… a piece of cake, I'd say.

Once finished, I asked Sofiä,

— Why did both our rituals work?

— Beats me, — she replied with a shrug. — Maybe our love potions mingled with the rites somehow?

We glanced at Vlad, who also shrugged.

— How would I know? — he smiled. — I'm just a power bank, am I not?

As we laughed, Sofiä playfully grabbed his elbow.

— Don't worry, — she said, a mischievous glint in her eyes. — I'll teach you some cool spells, and you'll be a real mage. But first… you'll have to join my club.

— What club?

— I'm starting Zlata's fan club! I've even made some merch already, — she revealed a miniature replica of me… sans clothing. — We'll peddle them in the cafeteria.

— The cafeteria?

— Of course! It's made of sugar! Lick it!

I had to intervene.

— Hey! What are you teaching him?! Give it here!

I grabbed Vlad's other elbow and confiscated the figurine. Though, I carefully stashed it away then – the craftsmanship was truly impressive.

As we walked away, Sofiä whispered to Vlad, still audible to me.

— We'll also sell Zlata-themed dreams. Want a try?

I couldn't help but roll my eyes. Life was about to become infinitely more interesting. And fun.