I miss home.
Maybe I hadn't felt the pains all along, but right now, all I could think of was going home, to mother, to Laurie, to Stratford.
Even the taunts and jaunts of Sally Carpenter would be much acceptable compared to what I had come to meet these past days.
Here I was, sat right out in the open yard of Bowers' re-thinking all the other alternatives I could have had, only if I had given that letter a reject.
Perhaps, I wouldn't be left here feeling utterly dejected.
I could be back home making brownies with Laurie, or maybe even plotting the next boy to lock lips with, and erase that tag of us both being bores.
Maybe even staying up in her room, expecting a call from Martin, inviting us to one of his numerous gatherings.
Whatever it was, just anything to rid this pain.
Oh, how much life changed.
A few weeks ago, all I wanted was to leave Stratford, on to a place where I would find my peace, and now being in a place where I felt would do it, yet, all I want is to return home.
"Anna"
I snapped to the voice behind me, gaze taking in that figure which pulled out from the dark.
The light produced by the moon was much faint, but I could make out that profile.
He advanced to where I was, gaze intent on me all the while, and at once, I wiped off the tears that had stained my cheeks, bringing myself together, but he caught onto it so well.
He only let out a sigh, eyes skimming the area, as if searching for something.
"Let me guess. This is about some guy"
My eyes remained fixed on him, face dull.
"Who could this guy be that seems worthy of your tears?" The voice of Niko poured out low, gaze still on my form.
"It's nothing really" I sniffed, getting to my feet at once, but his hands had slipped into mine in the blink of an eye, scrutiny taking in my form.
"Come on, Anna. Just mention a name, and I promise you, they'll be at your feet pleading for forgiveness"
Perhaps it was the way those words rolled out his lips that had me, pulling a step back from his figure. Tone firm, one could feel the weight in his utterance.
"Tell me who" So adamant the young man was, how pestering he remained.
"It's nothing serious, Niko. Believe me" For a second, he fell silent, gaze skimming through me, and at once, he pulled forward, taking a seat on the boulder where I just was minutes ago.
"Come on, have a seat" He called, with hands gesturing for me to settle down next to his form.
And reluctantly, I did so. Sneaking glances at him every now and then, while those low breaths which you were to sure to catch onto, were emitted from his lips.
"When I was young I used to have issues with the people around me. And that included my friends, my parents.
You would see me rotting in pain, but refused to let anyone in" He chuckled, taking a pause, eyes fixed on the sky.
"I simply felt I could tackle whatever situation which came my way"
"And did you?"
"No" His answer was abrupt, gaze shifting to mine.
"I was even more broken" He grinned.
"One never heals by keeping the pain to themselves, Anna"
I still couldn't tell when it had turned to a sermon, but his words pricked at me so much, eyes not daring to meet his.
"Will you now tell me what's going on?" He had turned to me, gaze fixed on my being.
And while those breaths which poured out his lips filled my ears, I had fallen silent, eyes fixed onwards.
"What do you call, burning in a feeling that has threatened not to let go of you. One which involves you feeling empty, useless and dumb" My words poured out one after the other, voice breaking, yet my utterance remained firm.
"I've felt stupid, disregarded and broken" The chuckle that followed was only laced with every pain.
"My diary was shown to the entire school" I finally let out, with that breath that had been clutching at my throat, having been released.
I could feel his eyes watching me the entire time, perhaps waiting to see whatever reactions I portrayed, but the only reaction to be given was that of being crestfallen.
"My friend hates me, I can't go by a single person without them giving snickers my way. I only now feel the downside of high school"
"I can't even—
"Is that what has you sad, Anna?" He cut in, eyes shifting through mine.
When no response came from me, his breaths got softer, those eyes of his still held strongly in mine.
"When I was in elementary, I was nicknamed the booger boy" He called at once, voice low, with a hint of glee filling his eyes.
"Why don't I believe you?" My words followed with a chuckle.
"I speak the truth!" He defended, voice rushed with levity.
"The kids would go mocking me all because I was caught picking my nose one fine day, and next was me dropping the content into my mouth"
My face scrunched up at his narration, but that grin still remained on his lips.
"You ate your booger?"
"Come on, we've all done that" He followed at once.
"But of course, I was the sinner, the one not to be associated with, and you can tell what came on there about—The kids ostracized me.
They made their disgust known, and the teachers influenced it"
"They would say it was my punishment for being untidied, but we all knew they all sought some form of entertainment, and decided to take a bunch of kids preying and battering on a mindless one"
"And you never spoke to your parents of it?" I questioned.
"Like I said, I felt I could tackle situations myself—but reality struck me when I no longer had anyone by me" I heard his word break, eyes soon shifting from mine.
"I knew what loneliness was all about"
"There was this kid who would always pick on me. And it went on, even after elementary, up till middle school...until I decided I could no longer bear it"
"The pain would only kill you, Anna" He called out.
"What happened to the kid?" My words were faint, with eyes staring on at him.
"Let's just say, he finally got what he deserved" He uttered.
"I've grown not to feel and care" He followed.
"So whatever comes up that involves me being shamed, I've learned not to spare any attention to"
"You don't strike me as someone who would have gone through such" I let out.
"Well looks can be deceiving" I heard the voice of Niko follow.
"And believe me, if I had let my family in on it from the start, it wouldn't have escalated to the point where I felt there was no saving me" He called.
"Whatever it is, let someone in. It wouldn't hurt a bit, Anna"
"It would if they barely cared about your problems" I followed.
"Well that's the truth of it all. No one really cares about the problems of another, cause they bear issues they look to sort out themselves" He let out a breath.
"But it would help you to share those issues with someone, at least to ease the weight off your chest"
"You can't go on wallowing in the thoughts of everyone knowing what your diary entails"
"You have no idea what secrets they themselves carry" He gave a wide grin.
"It has to do with some guy" I let out at once.
"It always has to do with some guy" He smacked his lips, soon letting out a long breath.
"What did the bastard do?"
My gaze was fixed on the murk ahead, watching the serenity that came with the environment, and how those stars rested up there, were slowly losing their beam.
"I fell for him"
The figure next to me adjusted in his position, gaze directed off my profile. He had picked up a rock, tossing it afar, a cloud of smoke being formed, at every breath he puffed out.
"You're too pretty to go on losing your sanity over some guy, who I believe isn't worth your emotions"
"Hey! I'm not losing my sanity!" I interjected, tapping him on the arm, but he only reacted with a chuckle, eyes holding onto mine so well.
"You're beautiful, Anna" His words were low, gaze shifting to my lips. "And if he truly is what you feel, then he would try to fix whatever wrong he's done"
"But if he doesn't—he sucked in a breath, tutting his lips—then he's a prat!" He let out blunt.
"And believe me, a prat doesn't deserve someone as precious as you"
I cackled at his words. Straight out cackling whereby my voice disturbed the peace of the night, with the call of nocturnal animals, crying back to me that they were very much around.
At this point, he was only toying with me. How pulling his words were, but I believe every boy you came about, was well oriented with how right to get a hold of a girl. And believe me, Niko just might be too good at that.
"You've got the words to ease the troubles of a mob" I chuckled.
"What? You don't believe me?" He called at once, gaze intent in mine.
"I don't believe your words"
"You don't believe you're beautiful?" He questioned.
"Well, I'm most surprised at how fast and open you are—I mean, we only met what? Several hours ago. Come on, now" I uttered.
"It wouldn't take a minute to make out the beauty in a girl"
Yet again, those words of his. Those words which never wavered while being emitted.
His gaze on me lingered for a moment, and right then did I realize the silence that had fallen.
That silence which brought about the thickened tensity, and for a moment, all I knew was our gazes shifting through each other's, not until there followed the break of a voice.
At once, that sigh escaped from my lips. That sigh of relief.
With me, grateful for that voice, ready to bear out my gladdened heart, but paused, when it dawned on me of the familiar voice.
"Anna?"
I spun around at once, only to be met with the questioning eyes of Audrey peering back at me.
Her gaze shifted from the form of Niko to mine, and as if waiting for an utterance from either of us, she remained stood there, eyes just watching us, and at once, Niko got to his feet, turning to me.
"I'll see you around, Anna" His words were low, eyes grinning at me, and in a second, he was out of the area, leaving me to that intent gaze belonging to my friend.
"Who's that?" She called at once, figure inching closer to mine.
"Isn't that the kid who just arrived yesterday?" Of course, not giving me a chance to speak, she went on.
"Why did it seem like you guys were just about to rub noses?" She let out immediately.
"What?" The shock filled my voice at the manner she chose to describe the occurrence.
"We were only talking, Audrey" I tried reasoning with the girl, but her eyes were only narrowed my way.
"Talking whilst being just an inch away from each other"
"Anna" She sighed, soon pulling even closer to me.
"What happened to you loving Zac?"
I was much so flabbergasted at the sudden change of subject rather than that intent gaze of hers in mine.
"What does this have to do with him?" I called at once. "And who says anything about loving anyone?"
She only fell silent, eyes searching through, and for a while, all that fell was the silence passed between us.
"You know it would only break you if you keep lying to yourself" Her words were low, tone firm, and with that, she had turned around walking away, leaving me battling with the lump of pain that had rushed to my throat.